no subjecto
honestly i grieve for my teenaged self.
my super early teens, 13-15.
because then , the whole world was out there for me to discover, i had just started dying my hair everything i wanted, i wore what i wanted, platforms that looked like aliens, colorful ufo pants, power puff girls tank tops, i wrote poetry, and songs, and was cooky.
and then i fell into the punk scene, and went my a prescribed set of looks, and hairstyles, and music, and everything else i enjoyed had to be kept secret, every other genre, every other style.
and i lost so much of myself, and my dreams, and started “being there” for every white “friend” i thought i had, listening ot their bullshit, and their made up dramas, and not getting anything in return.
and then i fell into gyaru , and that was way more boring than i thought it would be, and introduced me to some of the most poorly socialized women i have ever known, who made a lifestyle out of stalking and collecting japanese friends.
and whoooo, honestly, i feel like ive been through it all, life wise, and now im back to myself, like iw as when i was 13, on the verge of change. everything ahead of me now, back to wearing what i want without it being within guidelines, and honestly people ask me how i have been in and out of so many styles, and its because everything, even subcultures , because prisons to me, everything felt like an iron maiden i had to escape from.
and boy am i glad..
but still i grieve.
my super early teens, 13-15.
because then , the whole world was out there for me to discover, i had just started dying my hair everything i wanted, i wore what i wanted, platforms that looked like aliens, colorful ufo pants, power puff girls tank tops, i wrote poetry, and songs, and was cooky.
and then i fell into the punk scene, and went my a prescribed set of looks, and hairstyles, and music, and everything else i enjoyed had to be kept secret, every other genre, every other style.
and i lost so much of myself, and my dreams, and started “being there” for every white “friend” i thought i had, listening ot their bullshit, and their made up dramas, and not getting anything in return.
and then i fell into gyaru , and that was way more boring than i thought it would be, and introduced me to some of the most poorly socialized women i have ever known, who made a lifestyle out of stalking and collecting japanese friends.
and whoooo, honestly, i feel like ive been through it all, life wise, and now im back to myself, like iw as when i was 13, on the verge of change. everything ahead of me now, back to wearing what i want without it being within guidelines, and honestly people ask me how i have been in and out of so many styles, and its because everything, even subcultures , because prisons to me, everything felt like an iron maiden i had to escape from.
and boy am i glad..
but still i grieve.