(no subject)
When did getting together with my best friend become something I dread??
Ah. Nothing like being depressed and remembering that there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I knew before I came home that coming home wouldn't make me happy, and I knew it wouldn't solve all my problems. So why does it suck so bad to be right? I just called Kacie and it was awkward and painful. I love her dearly, but I do not want to see her. I'm already feeling SO fat and SO gross because of the food. I tried to tell my mom yesterday that I just want to do what I always do so that I can be comfortable. I'm already stressed about being home and having all this work to do before Monday, and I really thought she understood. But no. I had to eat three times today, and now OF COURSE I feel like shit.
We tried to rent Devil's Advocate tonight because my mom thought I would really like it. I was enjoying it until 2/3 of the way through, at which point the DVD screwed up. We tried everything. Buggers before us scratched it up so I couldn't finish the rest. By then it was 10, and who wants to start a brand new movie then? So now I'm just sitting around in my empty room with nothing to do and thinking about how much I don't want to see Kacie tomorrow. I should probably explain that it's because she's doing shitty and lost a bunch of weight and it's already triggering the hell out of me when she's in California and I'm in South Carolina. I'm usually not like that, but eating disorders are always in competition. Of course there's the little therapy cliche that the winner of the eating disorder game is the first one to die. I've been doing it longer, so we can hope this is the one thing I'll do right.
I'm homesick and I'm sitting right here in the house I've lived in for nine years.
Ah. Nothing like being depressed and remembering that there's not a damn thing I can do about it. I knew before I came home that coming home wouldn't make me happy, and I knew it wouldn't solve all my problems. So why does it suck so bad to be right? I just called Kacie and it was awkward and painful. I love her dearly, but I do not want to see her. I'm already feeling SO fat and SO gross because of the food. I tried to tell my mom yesterday that I just want to do what I always do so that I can be comfortable. I'm already stressed about being home and having all this work to do before Monday, and I really thought she understood. But no. I had to eat three times today, and now OF COURSE I feel like shit.
We tried to rent Devil's Advocate tonight because my mom thought I would really like it. I was enjoying it until 2/3 of the way through, at which point the DVD screwed up. We tried everything. Buggers before us scratched it up so I couldn't finish the rest. By then it was 10, and who wants to start a brand new movie then? So now I'm just sitting around in my empty room with nothing to do and thinking about how much I don't want to see Kacie tomorrow. I should probably explain that it's because she's doing shitty and lost a bunch of weight and it's already triggering the hell out of me when she's in California and I'm in South Carolina. I'm usually not like that, but eating disorders are always in competition. Of course there's the little therapy cliche that the winner of the eating disorder game is the first one to die. I've been doing it longer, so we can hope this is the one thing I'll do right.
I'm homesick and I'm sitting right here in the house I've lived in for nine years.