(no subject)
Logic loops are funny things.
I want to post something, but I don't know what. And I have been reading webcomics and stuff about life and religion and all that, and I know how easy I am to influence, soit's difficult to know if I'm writing stuff that's mine or if I'm just blending thoughts, taking different levels of cognition from differen artworks or diatribes and blending them into one coherent whole. And when I do that, it's like being the guy who mixes the "bootylicious" music with the words from "smells like teen spirit" and pretends it's new and fresh and clever. We all know it's not.
I'm trying to find my me. Sometimes it's a little difficult. I know some things about me, and there are some people who act as anchors- who know me and love me- who remind me who I am. But on my own sometimes it feels like I'm going to float away, or that maybe I'm not actually a real person at all. It can get a little upsetting, to be frank; I have to remind myself that I like comics as a medium, and that lateness really annoys me, and that I know people can do what they want. I wish people were more honest. Sometimes I wonder if they ever tell me the truth about what they think about me. I wonder who's manipulating me, and whether they feel bad about it. I wonder who I've lied to, and about what. Sometimes I can't remember.
And so, having followed this train of thought, I want to post it, and then I wonder if the idea to do so was ever mine. One of the things I read mentioned livejournal posts. Perhaps that was where it came from.
I always like to end a post on a joke.
I want to post something, but I don't know what. And I have been reading webcomics and stuff about life and religion and all that, and I know how easy I am to influence, soit's difficult to know if I'm writing stuff that's mine or if I'm just blending thoughts, taking different levels of cognition from differen artworks or diatribes and blending them into one coherent whole. And when I do that, it's like being the guy who mixes the "bootylicious" music with the words from "smells like teen spirit" and pretends it's new and fresh and clever. We all know it's not.
I'm trying to find my me. Sometimes it's a little difficult. I know some things about me, and there are some people who act as anchors- who know me and love me- who remind me who I am. But on my own sometimes it feels like I'm going to float away, or that maybe I'm not actually a real person at all. It can get a little upsetting, to be frank; I have to remind myself that I like comics as a medium, and that lateness really annoys me, and that I know people can do what they want. I wish people were more honest. Sometimes I wonder if they ever tell me the truth about what they think about me. I wonder who's manipulating me, and whether they feel bad about it. I wonder who I've lied to, and about what. Sometimes I can't remember.
And so, having followed this train of thought, I want to post it, and then I wonder if the idea to do so was ever mine. One of the things I read mentioned livejournal posts. Perhaps that was where it came from.
I always like to end a post on a joke.