new awakenings and whiskey free nights
before i grumbled out of bed this morning i had loads of ideas. i dont remember what they were but they were uplifting and inspiring to have a good day.
and i did
i found that i do have a passion about something. and even though im not sure what the best way to go about this is, its still a passion of mine and life is trial and error and its OK to error.
I was online all morning and found this place called Earthlands. in Petersham MA
its a sustainable living community as well as an educational facility. Up my alley? I think so!
I feel quite awful that I haven't been to class in 2 weeks. Well, I paid for that, I already put a lot of effort into it, but for what?
I dont care about it. I dont care about the people I'm there with and they surely dont care about me.
I'm detatched and alienated and not sure why I'm there and frankly, don't want to be there. I support the means but the goal is something to be desired.
My goal is not to get a sociology degree. If it was, I would have started with that 6 years ago! I can't put my heart and soul into these classes when I simply have run out of conjured pointless motivation. I can, but to deprive myself of most things that make me happy in order to do something that doesn't make me happy... is.. fucked.
I'm not happy with my life.
I'm happy with SOME aspects of it, but not the way its being conducted at the moment.
I love my job, but I hate having to put on this facade of happiness.
That is my job and I like being happy and making people happy via my happy joyus attitude, but when its bullshit, it makes me feel worse for being a fraud.
Driving 45 min each way to class and to work and having no time to persue things that make me happy and see my friends and my parents and my neighbors and my grandma, is not good.
I am unhappy to be polluting so much with my car every day.
I am unhappy that I don't have the time to live the way that I know I should.
So I said fuck it.
I think I may finish off one class, or half ass through all three, I havent exactly decided, I'm way far behind by now...
but anways, after this semester I'm doing it one class at a time.
and I'm looking into this earthlands place.
I think it would be an amazing experience and a very helpful way for me to have to live the way that I know I should. Putting myself around people that care about the same things that I do, Instead of surrounding myself with a bunch of assholes!
So tonight, for the first night since before thanksgiving, im NOT going to the bar.
I'm going to go home and go to bed and wake up tomorrow and take my dog out in the snow.
I'm going to go to the library and pick up some books I WANT to read.
I'm picking myself up out of this slump and be able to get out of bed in the morning and not be self destructive.
yessssss.
and i did
i found that i do have a passion about something. and even though im not sure what the best way to go about this is, its still a passion of mine and life is trial and error and its OK to error.
I was online all morning and found this place called Earthlands. in Petersham MA
its a sustainable living community as well as an educational facility. Up my alley? I think so!
I feel quite awful that I haven't been to class in 2 weeks. Well, I paid for that, I already put a lot of effort into it, but for what?
I dont care about it. I dont care about the people I'm there with and they surely dont care about me.
I'm detatched and alienated and not sure why I'm there and frankly, don't want to be there. I support the means but the goal is something to be desired.
My goal is not to get a sociology degree. If it was, I would have started with that 6 years ago! I can't put my heart and soul into these classes when I simply have run out of conjured pointless motivation. I can, but to deprive myself of most things that make me happy in order to do something that doesn't make me happy... is.. fucked.
I'm not happy with my life.
I'm happy with SOME aspects of it, but not the way its being conducted at the moment.
I love my job, but I hate having to put on this facade of happiness.
That is my job and I like being happy and making people happy via my happy joyus attitude, but when its bullshit, it makes me feel worse for being a fraud.
Driving 45 min each way to class and to work and having no time to persue things that make me happy and see my friends and my parents and my neighbors and my grandma, is not good.
I am unhappy to be polluting so much with my car every day.
I am unhappy that I don't have the time to live the way that I know I should.
So I said fuck it.
I think I may finish off one class, or half ass through all three, I havent exactly decided, I'm way far behind by now...
but anways, after this semester I'm doing it one class at a time.
and I'm looking into this earthlands place.
I think it would be an amazing experience and a very helpful way for me to have to live the way that I know I should. Putting myself around people that care about the same things that I do, Instead of surrounding myself with a bunch of assholes!
So tonight, for the first night since before thanksgiving, im NOT going to the bar.
I'm going to go home and go to bed and wake up tomorrow and take my dog out in the snow.
I'm going to go to the library and pick up some books I WANT to read.
I'm picking myself up out of this slump and be able to get out of bed in the morning and not be self destructive.
yessssss.