i hate it when
I hate it when I get down on myself like I am right now. I hate the fact that someone offered me a great opportunity and I cant live up to the expectations. I sometimes hate coming home to an empty house with no one to great me. I hate the fact that I have so many people that live in BG and none of them really call me. I hate that I cant see my parents. I hate that I let bad days at work get me down. I hate that I had what I thought was a good incentive program and it doesnt seem to be working. I hate that I dont drive. I hate that I dont have any ambition to put my things away in my apt. I hate that my work life is inconsistant...I want to be like other managers and always run an A-level shift...hopefully this comes with time and knowing what to do. I hate that I want to sit here and cry right now and there is no one to hold me. I sometimes hate that I dont have a boyfriend to call and just smile when I talk to him. I hate that I am broke. I hate that I just dont feel good about myself right now. I hate that I have used the word hate so many times. I hate that the kids at work do not give me any respect half of the time...I try so hard. I hate that people at work feel like they need to lie to me even when they are crew trainers and are supposed to be setting examples for all those around them. Ugh...I am just so frustrated with today, and the walk home only led to me thinking of all these things that I am not so happy with right now. I am just aggrivated with myself for the way things went today. I was doing so well and I was happy...and then it all went down hill from there. I feel like things went ok for me while I had a bus and that people worked really well for me, but when it was all over, things went back to chaos. I tried so hard to get things in order, and I expected for people to take the initiative on other things that I wasnt seeing, but I suppose that would have been asking too much from them. I am glad that people were staying postive and ready to do anything when others were just being jerks and not caring at all. It is the people that stay postive and will be right there for me that make me go to work each and every day. No matter what job one has, there will be jerks, and there will be awesome people. You always have to take the good with the bad. I feel as though this has been a good enough reflection over today and some other events that have been going on that I am going to go and make myself some dinner. Later kids. Love, Jess