[ JongKey ] Four Letter Words (1/1)
Title: Four Letter Words (1/1)
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~3,200
Pairing: Jonghyun x Key
Genre: Drama, romance
Warnings: Cursing, lots of explicit sex
Summary: Jonghyun and Kibum alternate between two words.
Notes: Some anon at kpopficwangst 7.0 (for the brief time I was there) prompted a Jongkey ‘friends with benefits’ thing, and this just sort of…came out afterward. Thanks for the prompt~
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Four Letter Words
---
Jonghyun didn’t quite know how they ended up this way. Kissing this way, tongues sliding against tongues, hips pressed up together, grinding, grinding-quickly, because the others would be here soon and this was kind of supposed to be a secret.
He didn’t know when was the first time that he’d looked at Kibum and thought, I want to fuck him, but fucking was precisely what they were going to do, once Jonghyun could ease down those impossibly tight skinny pants. Because it wasn’t like Jonghyun fucked boys often, or really at all; he’d always thought himself to be a lover of women. Or at least he did until one day when he and Kibum were backstage alone in some isolated corner and touches went too far and the next thing Jonghyun knew, he had Kibum on his back the minute they got back to the dorms, pushing himself in to the hilt as he watched Kibum grimace with desire.
And they’d told each other that this was nothing serious, because they were best friends, right? And they didn’t want to mess that up, god no. This was just a little stress relief, and Jonghyun reassured himself in that fact. This was just because they were too busy to woo others whenever they wanted some, and really, what were friends for, if not for being there for each other?
So Jonghyun familiarized himself with Kibum’s body; with the way that he gasped when his collarbones were bit, the sound he made when Jonghyun entered him rough and merciless like Kibum had tempted him to with gritted teeth, only a second before. He’s surrounded by tightness and warmth and Kibum’s body is slippery, glimmering salaciously in the dim lighting, covered in sweat. Kibum bucks against his hips, impatient and wanting.
“Fuck me,” he whines.
“Do it yourself,” Jonghyun dares, and this is why he loves having sex with Kibum, because a second later their positions are switched and Kibum doesn’t waste a second before lifting himself up and slamming down on Jonghyun’s cock. Jonghyun watches the way he arches his back as he moans and he reaches over and slides his arms up and down his sides, thrusting up into him. And really, Kibum is too good at this, Jonghyun thinks as he watches himself enter Kibum over and over and over again. Kibum whispers dirty words, dirty phrases into his ear, and he comes at last when Jonghyun reaches over and palms Kibum’s cock in his hand, gripping firmly and running his thumb over the tip. Kibum collapses on top of him, satisfied, but Jonghyun isn’t done with him yet. He flips him onto his back and fucks him till he comes inside, finally pulling out and laying beside him.
Jonghyun closes his eyes and he hears Kibum’s breathing beside him, slow, steady, soft. He feels the bed shift when Kibum gets up to go clean up and put his clothes on.
“The others will be back soon,” Kibum chides, as if scolding Jonghyun for spilling food on the table.
“Mm,” Jonghyun says noncommittally. He looks at Kibum’s face as he straightens the bed sheets, lazy. He only moves when Kibum swats his leg.
“I’m going to shower first,” Kibum announces, before heading toward the bathroom.
“What-no!” Jonghyun whines, “you always use up all the hot water. Not to mention you’re in there for like forty minutes at a time. Sometimes I’ve thought that you died in there.”
“Too bad, I called it first,” Kibum says unapologetically.
“Kibum-ah,” Jonghyun sounds positively pitiful, though he smiles in a way that he perceives to be cute when Kibum turns around to look at him. Their gazes lock for a second before Kibum smirks in a way that makes Jonghyun perk up.
“I guess there’s always room for the both of us in there,” Kibum suggests casually.
Jonghyun’s already pulling him into the bathroom by the time Kibum can take a moment to laugh.
---
The whole thing was supposed to be so uncomplicated, really, but Jonghyun learns quickly that fucking your best friend isn’t quite as easy as it sounded in theory.
And it’s completely Kibum’s fault, Jonghyun thinks, as he sits awkwardly in the SHINee van on the way back to the dorms. He’s sitting by the window, and Taemin is right next to him, being the only thing separating himself from Kibum, who is sitting on the other side, looking resolutely at a book he has in his hands with unmoving eyes.
It all started when Jonghyun decided to ask out a stylist noona; a really pretty one with short-cropped hair and thin lips that had just graduated from her fashion design school. She and Jonghyun had always flirted a lot, but Jonghyun had decided to man up that day and ask her out to lunch one day. She was thrilled of course, and Jonghyun felt a little rush as she smiled at him. He immediately hurried over to tell Taemin, who was doing homework on the couch.
As it so happened, Kibum must have heard him tell their maknae, because Jonghyun was pretty sure that the other boy was going out of his way to ignore him after that. When Jonghyun touched his shoulder, he shrugged his hand off. When Jonghyun started telling a joke, he turned his attention to Minho instead. And Jonghyun knew Kibum well enough to understand that he was angry. But he didn’t understand why until much later, when they were back in the dressing room and removing their make-up. Jonghyun was talking to her again and he caught Kibum looking at him with an unreadable expression. When their eyes met, Kibum diverted his gaze.
Kibum comes to him that night, instead of the other way around. Jonghyun is in the computer room, browsing through his bookmarked sites when he hears the door open. He looks over; Kibum is surprisingly casual, wearing only a plain white tee shirt and some worn jeans. Jonghyun smiles at him when he comes in, hoping that he’s calmed down from earlier that day.
“Hey, check out these earrings. They’re on sale too,” Jonghyun says, turning his eyes back to the computer screen.
But Kibum doesn’t say a word and the next thing Jonghyun feels are Kibum’s pretty lips tracing around the shell of his ear, and Jonghyun shudders, his grip on the mouse tightening.
“Hey-are you… Did you-now?” Jonghyun tries to speak, having second thoughts. Hadn’t he just asked a girl on a date earlier today? “The others are in the next room,” Jonghyun says lamely, but he stops when Kibum looks at him with those honest eyes, and Jonghyun thinks he sees some kind of vulnerability in there that he can’t really put his finger upon. He thinks of his date the next week, and her bright, smiling eyes that had caught his attention.
But Kibum always gets what he wants and Jonghyun wonders how it is that, despite his reprehensions earlier, he’s fucking Kibum on the desk while Kibum bites down on his shoulder to keep his voice down. He fucks him until they’re both spent, and pulls out of him slowly, looking at Kibum with half-closed eyes as he gets dressed again. His hair is sticking to his forehead and his lips are slightly parted as he breathes, and Jonghyun shamelessly watches.
“You’re pretty, Kibum,” Jonghyun says to him. It comes out before he can think about it, but he doesn’t want to take it back.
Kibum stops what he’s doing and straightens, looking at Jonghyun honestly. He clearly isn’t as pleased with the compliment as Jonghyun thought he might be.
“Let’s stop this,” Kibum tells him suddenly, and Jonghyun blinks. Kibum’s eyes avoid his. Jonghyun wonders why he’s behaving this way. It’s probably because of the noona he’s been dating, but then what was that just now? Hadn’t they just fucked, right before this? Kibum is uncharacteristically enigmatic, and Jonghyun is puzzled.
A minute later, while he watches him leave the room, it crosses his mind that maybe Kibum has fallen in love with him.
---
“Let’s stop this,” Jonghyun says to Kibum two weeks later, through fervent, staccato kisses.
Earlier that day, he’d told that noona he’d been dating that they should stop seeing one another. He’d chalked it up to image and bad publicity but the honest truth of the matter was that he hadn’t been able to get Kibum’s unguarded eyes out of his damn head.
“Let’s stop this,” Jonghyun says again but Kibum ignores him, pushing him back against the couch as he continues to kiss him. The others had gone to get some food, leaving them alone. “I thought… I thought you said-”
“I take it back,” Kibum replies smoothly-too smoothly. Jonghyun frowns and peels Kibum’s lips off his, looking at him searchingly. Kibum remains unreadable.
And Jonghyun selfishly wants to know what kinds of feelings are running through Kibum’s heart; he wants to hear Kibum say the words that Jonghyun knows. His own feelings are muddled up in a haze of lust and platonic love, but he slips his fingers up Kibum’s back slowly, his fingers teasing against his hot skin. Jonghyun’s eyes darken when Kibum shudders.
This should have stopped a long time ago, Jonghyun thinks, as he pushes Kibum’s head down wantonly, thoughtlessly. Kibum doesn’t waste a second before unzipping Jonghyun’s jeans and when they’re pushed off, Jonghyun moans softly as he feels a practiced tongue tease along his length. This should have stopped a long time ago, but maybe this could be the last time. This is just-this is just one more time.
And each time they did it Jonghyun would tell himself this because he knows he’s playing around with Kibum’s feelings, even if Kibum would never admit it to him. But Jonghyun just can’t cleanse himself of Kibum’s eyes and lips and tongue and hands and it doesn’t stop.
“What’s going on between you and Kibum?” Jinki asks one day. “I, um. Saw you two. You should try closing the door fully next time.”
“We’re just friends,” Jonghyun says abashedly, and Jinki looks like he doesn’t believe him. Jonghyun wonders if he’s just told a lie.
Maybe this really did have to end.
---
It’s too late at night to bother, because Kibum is stretched out on the couch and his shirt rides up and exposes his smooth, white stomach. Not that Jonghyun is watching in particular because oh, he’s just kind of in the kitchen getting himself a midnight snack and not looking at the way Kibum’s hair splays across his forehead when he tips his head back, rubbing pretty fingers against his tired neck. His throat is remarkably dry as he grabs a glass of water, telling himself don’t look, don’t look.
But Kibum is just that good, that practiced at making Jonghyun weak in the knees, because when he lets out a small, quiet, erotic sigh, Jonghyun can’t help but look over and he sees the other’s catty eyes smiling at him from the living room. Jonghyun gulps.
“Hungry?” Kibum asks, and his voice is low and husky and Jonghyun wonders if he’s really talking about food. “It’s really late.”
“Um,” Jonghyun replies.
Kibum laughs and motions him to come over to the couch. Jonghyun obeys despite himself. He sits down at a distance from the other. Had it been any other time before this, they would have probably been fucking already, but Jonghyun’s mind was heavy with uncertainty. He ignores Kibum’s confused expression.
“What’s wrong?” He frowns lazily.
Jonghyun’s mouth opens before he can stop himself. “Do you love me?” He asks.
Kibum’s flexible limbs are frozen in place, stiff and breakable as ice. Jonghyun’s head pounds painfully as he waits for an answer.
“Do you know?” Kibum asks, slowly.
Jonghyun can’t quite make sense of this answer, but he doesn’t have time to because Kibum gets up at that moment and leaves, heading for the bedroom. Jonghyun watches his back as he slips past the door and he wonders what was that nervous flutter he had just felt.
---
They’re awkward after that, unbearably so. They laugh nervously when around one another and they can barely hold each other’s gazes. It drives the other three absolutely crazy, but Jonghyun is too embarrassed to say anything to Kibum, to talk to him, to be alone with him because the very idea makes his heart pound like mad. And Kibum goes out with his other friends more lately anyway-he’s always out with Nicole or Seunghyun or other idols that Jonghyun hasn’t even met (where does he make these connections anyway?) and so he’s always left at home with the others.
But this afternoon, they’re alone in the dorms again because Minho has a full schedule and Onew and Taemin have gone to get lunch together. Jonghyun is honestly surprised that Kibum hasn’t left already to go hang out with Jinwoon or whoever else was available by now, because the very idea of being alone with Kibum again is making his body ache with nervousness.
And Jonghyun thinks that this is just getting downright ridiculous, because why is he so nervous to go talk to the person he used to call his best friend? This isn’t good for either, of them, right? He fidgets around the dorm for a whole of thirty minutes, trying to pep-talk himself into speaking with Kibum again. When those thirty minutes are over, he feels kind of stupid, and decides to quit overanalyzing it and just do it. So he goes into the bedroom where Kibum is lazing about in Onew’s bed, playing on his PSP. When the door opens, he looks up at him.
“Hi,” Jonghyun says. It sounds pathetic.
“Jonghyun?”
Kibum seems a little surprised, but Jonghyun has missed the way he says his name. He looks at him. Their eyes meet.
Fifteen minutes later, Kibum says his name again. “Jonghyun,” he mewls, but that’s because Jonghyun has Kibum pressed up against the bed, letting his tongue graze along his white neck. Kibum lets out a little gasp, sliding his hands up Jonghyun’s arms, and Jonghyun grins into his shoulder.
Because he thinks he’s missed this-sort of, because there’s really no space for thinking in his brain when he and Kibum are fucking. Kibum is panting as Jonghyun fucks him slower than usual, but hard and precise. Jonghyun’s eyes are fixed on Kibum’s pretty face while his hands claw at the blankets below him as he orders Jonghyun to go faster, but Jonghyun doesn’t appease him. He takes his time, savoring every hot, tight inch as he pushes in and pulls out, and he loves the wanton affection ghosting past Kibum’s eyes every time.
“Kibum,” Jonghyun breathes his name and butterflies flutter in his heart when Kibum’s lips part, his eyes squeezed shut. He can tell that he’s close to finishing.
“Jonghyun,” Kibum says through gasping breaths, “Answer-oh god-to answer, your question-” Kibum starts to say, and Jonghyun’s heart goes cold because not ready to hear it. He covers Kibum’s mouth with his own to quiet him, and grips his hips with his hands, thrusting deliberately against Kibum just hard enough to push him over the edge, his hot come spilling between their bodies. He keeps his mouth near Kibum’s as he reaches his own climax, and only pulls away shortly afterward, looking at the way his elegant eyes flicker open in the afterglow.
Jonghyun finds himself staring and when Kibum notices, he smiles at him, lips pressed together perfectly. Jonghyun blushes and gets off him, rolling to the side, his heart thumping wildly against his ribcage. Before Kibum can say anything else, he gets up and leaves, murmuring something to him about needing to shower. As he leaves, he thinks he hears Kibum chuckle at him but he doesn’t quite understand why.
---
They’re speaking again-much to the other members’ relief-but it doesn’t mean that things are less awkward. But it’s a different kind of awkward; it’s the kind of awkward that leaves Jonghyun with sweaty palms and erratic heartbeats, confused thoughts and a strange desire to hold Kibum’s hand.
“What are you playing?” Kibum leans over Jonghyun, peering at the racing game on his PSP. Jonghyun jumps before looking at the other. They’re at the studio, alone, waiting for their van to pick them up. Onew and Taemin left fifteen minutes ago for another schedule, and Minho hadn’t been there all day.
“I don’t know, Minho gave it to me a while ago. Some Gundam thing.” Jonghyun replies.
“Looks boring,” Kibum decides.
Jonghyun laughs a little. “It’s alright,” he says, looking at Kibum with a small smile.
Kibum looks over at him with clear eyes and pink lips, and Jonghyun inhales sharply. In an instant, he hates Kibum and loves him too, because Jonghyun wants nothing more than to press him against the wall and kiss him in the dim light. Kibum probably realizes this because he gives Jonghyun that suggestive look that he’d seen many times before, right before they’d fuck.
And Jonghyun thinks it’ll be like it always used to be; crass and fast on the hard wooden floor, but when their lips touch, Jonghyun is anything but rough. He takes a moment to really feel Kibum’s lips-the way they fit snugly against Jonghyun’s, and the way they pursed naturally when they pressed up against his bottom lip-and when Kibum tries to speed things up as per usual, letting a hand up against Jonghyun’s hip, slipping a finger into his jeans, Jonghyun stops and pulls away. Kibum looks at him bewilderedly, clearly wanting an explanation.
“No-um. Can we. Can we just,” Jonghyun says brokenly, and communicating this idea of kissing without having sex is really awkward and alien. His eyes can’t quite meet Kibum’s while he speaks.
There’s a long pause. Finally, Kibum laughs a little-a sweet little chortle, and Jonghyun looks up. His heart beats fast when Kibum smiles at him and it’s stupid, really stupid, he thinks, because it’s almost like he’s in love. Jonghyun’s mind is betrayed by the idea but his cheeks warm considerably when Kibum reaches over and takes his hand, lacing their fingers together before leaning in. Jonghyun sighs against Kibum’s mouth and they kiss until Jonghyun’s head feels too light to continue.
“Want to watch a movie together some time?” Kibum asks casually as they break apart, but Jonghyun hears a barely-noticeable nervous edge to his voice.
“Yeah,” Jonghyun says, “as long as it’s not a girl movie,” and Kibum rolls his eyes, but Jonghyun’s heart warms when he sees a coy smile on the other’s face.
“Fine,” Kibum acquiesces and Jonghyun thinks that maybe falling in love isn’t that stupid at all.
---
Cross-posted to shinee_replay and jongkey .
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: ~3,200
Pairing: Jonghyun x Key
Genre: Drama, romance
Warnings: Cursing, lots of explicit sex
Summary: Jonghyun and Kibum alternate between two words.
Notes: Some anon at kpopficwangst 7.0 (for the brief time I was there) prompted a Jongkey ‘friends with benefits’ thing, and this just sort of…came out afterward. Thanks for the prompt~
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Four Letter Words
---
Jonghyun didn’t quite know how they ended up this way. Kissing this way, tongues sliding against tongues, hips pressed up together, grinding, grinding-quickly, because the others would be here soon and this was kind of supposed to be a secret.
He didn’t know when was the first time that he’d looked at Kibum and thought, I want to fuck him, but fucking was precisely what they were going to do, once Jonghyun could ease down those impossibly tight skinny pants. Because it wasn’t like Jonghyun fucked boys often, or really at all; he’d always thought himself to be a lover of women. Or at least he did until one day when he and Kibum were backstage alone in some isolated corner and touches went too far and the next thing Jonghyun knew, he had Kibum on his back the minute they got back to the dorms, pushing himself in to the hilt as he watched Kibum grimace with desire.
And they’d told each other that this was nothing serious, because they were best friends, right? And they didn’t want to mess that up, god no. This was just a little stress relief, and Jonghyun reassured himself in that fact. This was just because they were too busy to woo others whenever they wanted some, and really, what were friends for, if not for being there for each other?
So Jonghyun familiarized himself with Kibum’s body; with the way that he gasped when his collarbones were bit, the sound he made when Jonghyun entered him rough and merciless like Kibum had tempted him to with gritted teeth, only a second before. He’s surrounded by tightness and warmth and Kibum’s body is slippery, glimmering salaciously in the dim lighting, covered in sweat. Kibum bucks against his hips, impatient and wanting.
“Fuck me,” he whines.
“Do it yourself,” Jonghyun dares, and this is why he loves having sex with Kibum, because a second later their positions are switched and Kibum doesn’t waste a second before lifting himself up and slamming down on Jonghyun’s cock. Jonghyun watches the way he arches his back as he moans and he reaches over and slides his arms up and down his sides, thrusting up into him. And really, Kibum is too good at this, Jonghyun thinks as he watches himself enter Kibum over and over and over again. Kibum whispers dirty words, dirty phrases into his ear, and he comes at last when Jonghyun reaches over and palms Kibum’s cock in his hand, gripping firmly and running his thumb over the tip. Kibum collapses on top of him, satisfied, but Jonghyun isn’t done with him yet. He flips him onto his back and fucks him till he comes inside, finally pulling out and laying beside him.
Jonghyun closes his eyes and he hears Kibum’s breathing beside him, slow, steady, soft. He feels the bed shift when Kibum gets up to go clean up and put his clothes on.
“The others will be back soon,” Kibum chides, as if scolding Jonghyun for spilling food on the table.
“Mm,” Jonghyun says noncommittally. He looks at Kibum’s face as he straightens the bed sheets, lazy. He only moves when Kibum swats his leg.
“I’m going to shower first,” Kibum announces, before heading toward the bathroom.
“What-no!” Jonghyun whines, “you always use up all the hot water. Not to mention you’re in there for like forty minutes at a time. Sometimes I’ve thought that you died in there.”
“Too bad, I called it first,” Kibum says unapologetically.
“Kibum-ah,” Jonghyun sounds positively pitiful, though he smiles in a way that he perceives to be cute when Kibum turns around to look at him. Their gazes lock for a second before Kibum smirks in a way that makes Jonghyun perk up.
“I guess there’s always room for the both of us in there,” Kibum suggests casually.
Jonghyun’s already pulling him into the bathroom by the time Kibum can take a moment to laugh.
---
The whole thing was supposed to be so uncomplicated, really, but Jonghyun learns quickly that fucking your best friend isn’t quite as easy as it sounded in theory.
And it’s completely Kibum’s fault, Jonghyun thinks, as he sits awkwardly in the SHINee van on the way back to the dorms. He’s sitting by the window, and Taemin is right next to him, being the only thing separating himself from Kibum, who is sitting on the other side, looking resolutely at a book he has in his hands with unmoving eyes.
It all started when Jonghyun decided to ask out a stylist noona; a really pretty one with short-cropped hair and thin lips that had just graduated from her fashion design school. She and Jonghyun had always flirted a lot, but Jonghyun had decided to man up that day and ask her out to lunch one day. She was thrilled of course, and Jonghyun felt a little rush as she smiled at him. He immediately hurried over to tell Taemin, who was doing homework on the couch.
As it so happened, Kibum must have heard him tell their maknae, because Jonghyun was pretty sure that the other boy was going out of his way to ignore him after that. When Jonghyun touched his shoulder, he shrugged his hand off. When Jonghyun started telling a joke, he turned his attention to Minho instead. And Jonghyun knew Kibum well enough to understand that he was angry. But he didn’t understand why until much later, when they were back in the dressing room and removing their make-up. Jonghyun was talking to her again and he caught Kibum looking at him with an unreadable expression. When their eyes met, Kibum diverted his gaze.
Kibum comes to him that night, instead of the other way around. Jonghyun is in the computer room, browsing through his bookmarked sites when he hears the door open. He looks over; Kibum is surprisingly casual, wearing only a plain white tee shirt and some worn jeans. Jonghyun smiles at him when he comes in, hoping that he’s calmed down from earlier that day.
“Hey, check out these earrings. They’re on sale too,” Jonghyun says, turning his eyes back to the computer screen.
But Kibum doesn’t say a word and the next thing Jonghyun feels are Kibum’s pretty lips tracing around the shell of his ear, and Jonghyun shudders, his grip on the mouse tightening.
“Hey-are you… Did you-now?” Jonghyun tries to speak, having second thoughts. Hadn’t he just asked a girl on a date earlier today? “The others are in the next room,” Jonghyun says lamely, but he stops when Kibum looks at him with those honest eyes, and Jonghyun thinks he sees some kind of vulnerability in there that he can’t really put his finger upon. He thinks of his date the next week, and her bright, smiling eyes that had caught his attention.
But Kibum always gets what he wants and Jonghyun wonders how it is that, despite his reprehensions earlier, he’s fucking Kibum on the desk while Kibum bites down on his shoulder to keep his voice down. He fucks him until they’re both spent, and pulls out of him slowly, looking at Kibum with half-closed eyes as he gets dressed again. His hair is sticking to his forehead and his lips are slightly parted as he breathes, and Jonghyun shamelessly watches.
“You’re pretty, Kibum,” Jonghyun says to him. It comes out before he can think about it, but he doesn’t want to take it back.
Kibum stops what he’s doing and straightens, looking at Jonghyun honestly. He clearly isn’t as pleased with the compliment as Jonghyun thought he might be.
“Let’s stop this,” Kibum tells him suddenly, and Jonghyun blinks. Kibum’s eyes avoid his. Jonghyun wonders why he’s behaving this way. It’s probably because of the noona he’s been dating, but then what was that just now? Hadn’t they just fucked, right before this? Kibum is uncharacteristically enigmatic, and Jonghyun is puzzled.
A minute later, while he watches him leave the room, it crosses his mind that maybe Kibum has fallen in love with him.
---
“Let’s stop this,” Jonghyun says to Kibum two weeks later, through fervent, staccato kisses.
Earlier that day, he’d told that noona he’d been dating that they should stop seeing one another. He’d chalked it up to image and bad publicity but the honest truth of the matter was that he hadn’t been able to get Kibum’s unguarded eyes out of his damn head.
“Let’s stop this,” Jonghyun says again but Kibum ignores him, pushing him back against the couch as he continues to kiss him. The others had gone to get some food, leaving them alone. “I thought… I thought you said-”
“I take it back,” Kibum replies smoothly-too smoothly. Jonghyun frowns and peels Kibum’s lips off his, looking at him searchingly. Kibum remains unreadable.
And Jonghyun selfishly wants to know what kinds of feelings are running through Kibum’s heart; he wants to hear Kibum say the words that Jonghyun knows. His own feelings are muddled up in a haze of lust and platonic love, but he slips his fingers up Kibum’s back slowly, his fingers teasing against his hot skin. Jonghyun’s eyes darken when Kibum shudders.
This should have stopped a long time ago, Jonghyun thinks, as he pushes Kibum’s head down wantonly, thoughtlessly. Kibum doesn’t waste a second before unzipping Jonghyun’s jeans and when they’re pushed off, Jonghyun moans softly as he feels a practiced tongue tease along his length. This should have stopped a long time ago, but maybe this could be the last time. This is just-this is just one more time.
And each time they did it Jonghyun would tell himself this because he knows he’s playing around with Kibum’s feelings, even if Kibum would never admit it to him. But Jonghyun just can’t cleanse himself of Kibum’s eyes and lips and tongue and hands and it doesn’t stop.
“What’s going on between you and Kibum?” Jinki asks one day. “I, um. Saw you two. You should try closing the door fully next time.”
“We’re just friends,” Jonghyun says abashedly, and Jinki looks like he doesn’t believe him. Jonghyun wonders if he’s just told a lie.
Maybe this really did have to end.
---
It’s too late at night to bother, because Kibum is stretched out on the couch and his shirt rides up and exposes his smooth, white stomach. Not that Jonghyun is watching in particular because oh, he’s just kind of in the kitchen getting himself a midnight snack and not looking at the way Kibum’s hair splays across his forehead when he tips his head back, rubbing pretty fingers against his tired neck. His throat is remarkably dry as he grabs a glass of water, telling himself don’t look, don’t look.
But Kibum is just that good, that practiced at making Jonghyun weak in the knees, because when he lets out a small, quiet, erotic sigh, Jonghyun can’t help but look over and he sees the other’s catty eyes smiling at him from the living room. Jonghyun gulps.
“Hungry?” Kibum asks, and his voice is low and husky and Jonghyun wonders if he’s really talking about food. “It’s really late.”
“Um,” Jonghyun replies.
Kibum laughs and motions him to come over to the couch. Jonghyun obeys despite himself. He sits down at a distance from the other. Had it been any other time before this, they would have probably been fucking already, but Jonghyun’s mind was heavy with uncertainty. He ignores Kibum’s confused expression.
“What’s wrong?” He frowns lazily.
Jonghyun’s mouth opens before he can stop himself. “Do you love me?” He asks.
Kibum’s flexible limbs are frozen in place, stiff and breakable as ice. Jonghyun’s head pounds painfully as he waits for an answer.
“Do you know?” Kibum asks, slowly.
Jonghyun can’t quite make sense of this answer, but he doesn’t have time to because Kibum gets up at that moment and leaves, heading for the bedroom. Jonghyun watches his back as he slips past the door and he wonders what was that nervous flutter he had just felt.
---
They’re awkward after that, unbearably so. They laugh nervously when around one another and they can barely hold each other’s gazes. It drives the other three absolutely crazy, but Jonghyun is too embarrassed to say anything to Kibum, to talk to him, to be alone with him because the very idea makes his heart pound like mad. And Kibum goes out with his other friends more lately anyway-he’s always out with Nicole or Seunghyun or other idols that Jonghyun hasn’t even met (where does he make these connections anyway?) and so he’s always left at home with the others.
But this afternoon, they’re alone in the dorms again because Minho has a full schedule and Onew and Taemin have gone to get lunch together. Jonghyun is honestly surprised that Kibum hasn’t left already to go hang out with Jinwoon or whoever else was available by now, because the very idea of being alone with Kibum again is making his body ache with nervousness.
And Jonghyun thinks that this is just getting downright ridiculous, because why is he so nervous to go talk to the person he used to call his best friend? This isn’t good for either, of them, right? He fidgets around the dorm for a whole of thirty minutes, trying to pep-talk himself into speaking with Kibum again. When those thirty minutes are over, he feels kind of stupid, and decides to quit overanalyzing it and just do it. So he goes into the bedroom where Kibum is lazing about in Onew’s bed, playing on his PSP. When the door opens, he looks up at him.
“Hi,” Jonghyun says. It sounds pathetic.
“Jonghyun?”
Kibum seems a little surprised, but Jonghyun has missed the way he says his name. He looks at him. Their eyes meet.
Fifteen minutes later, Kibum says his name again. “Jonghyun,” he mewls, but that’s because Jonghyun has Kibum pressed up against the bed, letting his tongue graze along his white neck. Kibum lets out a little gasp, sliding his hands up Jonghyun’s arms, and Jonghyun grins into his shoulder.
Because he thinks he’s missed this-sort of, because there’s really no space for thinking in his brain when he and Kibum are fucking. Kibum is panting as Jonghyun fucks him slower than usual, but hard and precise. Jonghyun’s eyes are fixed on Kibum’s pretty face while his hands claw at the blankets below him as he orders Jonghyun to go faster, but Jonghyun doesn’t appease him. He takes his time, savoring every hot, tight inch as he pushes in and pulls out, and he loves the wanton affection ghosting past Kibum’s eyes every time.
“Kibum,” Jonghyun breathes his name and butterflies flutter in his heart when Kibum’s lips part, his eyes squeezed shut. He can tell that he’s close to finishing.
“Jonghyun,” Kibum says through gasping breaths, “Answer-oh god-to answer, your question-” Kibum starts to say, and Jonghyun’s heart goes cold because not ready to hear it. He covers Kibum’s mouth with his own to quiet him, and grips his hips with his hands, thrusting deliberately against Kibum just hard enough to push him over the edge, his hot come spilling between their bodies. He keeps his mouth near Kibum’s as he reaches his own climax, and only pulls away shortly afterward, looking at the way his elegant eyes flicker open in the afterglow.
Jonghyun finds himself staring and when Kibum notices, he smiles at him, lips pressed together perfectly. Jonghyun blushes and gets off him, rolling to the side, his heart thumping wildly against his ribcage. Before Kibum can say anything else, he gets up and leaves, murmuring something to him about needing to shower. As he leaves, he thinks he hears Kibum chuckle at him but he doesn’t quite understand why.
---
They’re speaking again-much to the other members’ relief-but it doesn’t mean that things are less awkward. But it’s a different kind of awkward; it’s the kind of awkward that leaves Jonghyun with sweaty palms and erratic heartbeats, confused thoughts and a strange desire to hold Kibum’s hand.
“What are you playing?” Kibum leans over Jonghyun, peering at the racing game on his PSP. Jonghyun jumps before looking at the other. They’re at the studio, alone, waiting for their van to pick them up. Onew and Taemin left fifteen minutes ago for another schedule, and Minho hadn’t been there all day.
“I don’t know, Minho gave it to me a while ago. Some Gundam thing.” Jonghyun replies.
“Looks boring,” Kibum decides.
Jonghyun laughs a little. “It’s alright,” he says, looking at Kibum with a small smile.
Kibum looks over at him with clear eyes and pink lips, and Jonghyun inhales sharply. In an instant, he hates Kibum and loves him too, because Jonghyun wants nothing more than to press him against the wall and kiss him in the dim light. Kibum probably realizes this because he gives Jonghyun that suggestive look that he’d seen many times before, right before they’d fuck.
And Jonghyun thinks it’ll be like it always used to be; crass and fast on the hard wooden floor, but when their lips touch, Jonghyun is anything but rough. He takes a moment to really feel Kibum’s lips-the way they fit snugly against Jonghyun’s, and the way they pursed naturally when they pressed up against his bottom lip-and when Kibum tries to speed things up as per usual, letting a hand up against Jonghyun’s hip, slipping a finger into his jeans, Jonghyun stops and pulls away. Kibum looks at him bewilderedly, clearly wanting an explanation.
“No-um. Can we. Can we just,” Jonghyun says brokenly, and communicating this idea of kissing without having sex is really awkward and alien. His eyes can’t quite meet Kibum’s while he speaks.
There’s a long pause. Finally, Kibum laughs a little-a sweet little chortle, and Jonghyun looks up. His heart beats fast when Kibum smiles at him and it’s stupid, really stupid, he thinks, because it’s almost like he’s in love. Jonghyun’s mind is betrayed by the idea but his cheeks warm considerably when Kibum reaches over and takes his hand, lacing their fingers together before leaning in. Jonghyun sighs against Kibum’s mouth and they kiss until Jonghyun’s head feels too light to continue.
“Want to watch a movie together some time?” Kibum asks casually as they break apart, but Jonghyun hears a barely-noticeable nervous edge to his voice.
“Yeah,” Jonghyun says, “as long as it’s not a girl movie,” and Kibum rolls his eyes, but Jonghyun’s heart warms when he sees a coy smile on the other’s face.
“Fine,” Kibum acquiesces and Jonghyun thinks that maybe falling in love isn’t that stupid at all.
---
Cross-posted to shinee_replay and jongkey .