Don’t Break Me Down, Brick Me Up, Fence Me In Pt. 5
Title: Don’t Break Me Down, Brick Me Up, Fence Me In
Author:
agape_eternal
Pairing: Ryan Lochte/Michael Phelps
Rating: R
Warnings: language
Summary: People just don’t understand Ryan and the way his mind works…and he’s locked in a Psych Ward because of it, though, according to him, he’s completely sane. But along comes Michael and he gets Ryan and that’s all that matters.
Author Notes: Unfortunately I don’t own the boys. This is completely AU which is abnormal for me. Style borrowed from three books I love: Skin Game, Cut, and Suicide Notes just in case you noticed. No copyright infringement intended. The descriptions of people and/or disorders is not meant to be derogatory or offensive, trust me. Also, this one is kinda personal for me, so if you’re gonna tear it apart, don’t do it in the comments ok? Thanks.
Feed Back: is ♥
Why Man and I spend the next week worth of counseling sessions rehearsing the different things that could happen.
Let me tell you, I don’t know HOW actors do the same scene over and over. By the end of each session, I’m totally exhausted.
But Michael and I make the most of our last week together.
We manage to have sex two more times, almost getting caught both times. I mean, my guardian angel must be SITTING on my ass, literally.
It’s hard for us to play it cool when we’re around everyone else, who, by this time, I’m actually talking too. I still don’t talk that much though, it’s really a me and Michael thing.
We’re both scared of leaving this place but, really, of leaving each other. It’s kinda the whole, ‘we’re a million miles away from each other, don’t forget me’ thing. But with cell phones, texting, and the internet, you can’t forget someone unless you’re TRYING too. But that doesn’t mean we’re not scared to be that far away either.
But we’re dealing with it. We’re in this mutual agreement that texting and calling everyday is a must and we don’t care of it looks like we’re totally obsessed with each other. When you’re used to being with someone every single day and then suddenly they’re gone, it’s gotta be hard. But we got this.
Day 49 is the day before I’m released.
It’s the last real day me and Michael will have together.
It’s also the day I tell my parents I’m gay.
Me and Michael both leave tomorrow since he only had 45 days.
We both lay awake all night thinking and talking because we know what we have to do tomorrow.
So the day starts normally, but for lunch they surprise us by letting out families eat with us. Michael and I just decide to combine our tables so we can still eat together.
Our families are milling around the lunchroom when I catch Michael’s eyes. He waves me over and I stand beside him. Without even thinking about it I grab his hand and he smiles at me.
“Mom, this is Ryan. Ry, this is my mom.”
I hold out my other hand to her but she hugs me instead.
“It’s lovely to finally to meet you Ryan, Michael’s been telling me a lot about you. You’re a swimmer too I hear.”
“Yeah,” I nod.
“What’re your events?”
“Oh, I’m a backstroker mostly, but I like the IM’s too.”
She nods and smiles then points to a man getting food. “That’s Michael’s coach, Bob.”
I nod and then she pulls two girls over. “These are Michael’s sisters, Whitney and Hilary. Girls, this is Michael’s friend Ryan.”
Whitney looks at our hands and then at Michael. “Hi Ryan.”
I smile and say hi back, but I don’t let his hand go.
After a few more minutes of chatting I pull him towards my family. My dad looks us over but goes back to eating and my mom smiles.
“Guys, this is Michael. Mike, this is my mom, my dad, my sisters Kristen and Megan, and my brothers Devon and Brandon.” I’m grinning like an idiot and so is he. We’re still holding hands.
My mom gets up and hugs us both.
“Ryan told us about you, it’s great to finally meet you,” she smiles. “He said he’s thinking about visiting you this summer.” Michael nods and she looks over. “Is that your mom?”
Michael nods again and she goes over, introducing herself. They stand there talking, both of them gesturing to us as they talk. Then she motions my dad over and Michael’s mom calls Bob over and all four of then stand there talking for a while. Me and Michael sit down and have lunch. It’s meatloaf day, thank god.
When they’re done, the four of them crowd around us.
“Debbie and I think it’s a great idea for two to visit each other,” my mom announces. “And your dad and Bob are in agreement as long as you stick to summer schedules.”
Me and Michael look at each other. I can see how bad he wants to kiss me right now, but we both swallow it down and grin at our parents. Then we get up and start our round of thank you’s because we really are happy.
Michael bites his lip and looks at me then says he has to go to the bathroom. I say I do too and follow him. We wait until we’re inside and hidden before we kiss. He’s hugging me tight and I’m clinging to him.
“You’re really coming,” he grins, kissing me again.
I smile into the kiss, still holding onto him. “I know…ugh, I’ve never wanted summer so bad.”
“Me either.”
We stand there holding onto each other for a little longer before we finally head back to the table, settling beside each other. Whitney looks up and smirks at us. I catch Kristen smirking too and then the two of them catch eyes. It must be secret sister speak because they both seem to understand and go back to their lunches. Michael and I look at each other then shrug and finish our food.
After lunch we do our study hall thing then head to our individual counseling sessions. Why Man is waiting with my family.
My mom and dad are bickering over something, Brandon and Devon are playing with toys, and Megan and Kristen are whispering about something when I walk in.
I sit in the cow chair and suddenly my heart is in my throat. I know what I’m gonna be telling them soon and I can’t seem to catch my breath.
Finally my mom speaks up, looking at me. “We changed the carpet in your room honey…remember how a while ago you said you wanted it blue like the deep ocean? Well that’s what color it is.”
My dad rolls his eyes. “Ike, he doesn’t give a damn about the carpet. I’m telling you we should’ve left it.”
They keep going back and forth and finally Why Man looks at me.
“Ryan, is there anything you’d like to say to your family?”
I take a deep breath, but my parents are still arguing, so I turn to my siblings.
“Hey, how’d you guys like to have a gay brother?”
My parents stop talking and turn to me.
Kristen and Megan grin and both say, “I KNEW IT!” at the same time.
Brandon doesn’t really get it so he keeps playing but Devon goes, “No shit? COOL!”
My dad blinks. I can literally see the record scratch in his head before he says, “Sweet Jesus Christ on a biscuit,” then sinks back on the couch.
My mom stares at me. “You’re too young to know if you’re gay.”
“Nuh-uh!” Kristen informs her. “My friend Jess’ younger brother is gay and he’s only sixteen. Maybe I could hook you two up…or wait, I guess you don’t need me too.” She smirks at me and I roll my eyes.
My parents are still in shock and I take a deep breath. I’ve been rehearsing what I wanna say to them, but I draw a blank so I just start talking. “Mom, dad, I know you think I’m too young or I must be confused or something, but I’m not. I know what I am. I’ve known for a little while now…and I’m okay with it. I can’t change who I am and neither can you. I’m not expecting y’all to do cartwheels or anything, but just accept me because I’m not gonna change. It took a lot for me to be happy with who I am…” I look down at my wrists, “…but I am and that’s all there is to it.”
I look up again and my mom has tears in her eyes. She gets up and hugs me. “Honey, I’m gonna love you no matter what. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, blue, green, alien or human, you’re my child and I love you.”
I smile a little and look over at my dad. He still looks like the record hasn’t started again in his head. She looks over too.
“I’ll work on him tonight.”
I nod and sink back in the cow chair. I’m exhausted now, more exhausted than I’ve been in a long time, and I sigh softly.
Why Man asks that me and my siblings go into the other room for a few minutes and we do. Brandon wants snacks so my mom gives him five bucks and makes Devon and Megan take him down to the vending machines.
That leaves me and Kristen. She smirks and nudges my shoulder.
“Michael’s your boyfriend isn’t he?”
“Why would you say that?”
“You were holding hands and you two just…look like it.”
“You won’t tell mom and dad right?” I bite my lip, looking up at her.
“Nah.”
“Thanks…I just think they might not let me go if they know.”
“You really like him huh?” I go quiet and start thinking about him and she just watches me. Then she takes a deep breath. “Whoa…”
“What?”
“You’re in love with him.”
“Shut up.”
“That’s a yes.”
“What ARE you, a mind reader?”
“I’m a girl, it’s close enough.”
I roll my eyes and smile a little. “Yeah, I’m in love with him.”
She smiles at me. “I won’t even tease you.”
“Thanks.”
I stay quiet until Brandon, Devon, and Megan come back and Why Man calls us all back in.
He gives us some general stuff about us having a phone session once a week and maybe finding a psychiatrist down in Florida just in case.
After that, my family leaves and I’m just sitting there. I’m so tired it’s crazy.
Why Man looks at me. “That was a very brave thing you did.”
“I had to. They’d have found out anyway.”
“Did they react how you expected them too?”
“No…I don’t know what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it.”
He nods then looks at the clock. “Your schedule has been done away with for the rest of the day. You look like you’ll need to sleep before dinner.”
I nod at him and get up. I’m at the door before I turn around. “Thank you,” I tell him, smiling slightly, “For everything.” Then I leave.
Michael’s waiting in our room and the first thing he does is engulf me in a hug. I smile and wrap my arms around him, thankful he’s there.
“How’d it go?” he asks as he kisses my hair.
“Okay. My brothers and sisters are happy. Kristen figured us out…”
“So did Whitney.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Me either. How’d your parents take it?”
“My mom was okay. My dad is in shock. What about you?”
“My mom was both and Bob just sighed.”
I nod and press my face into his neck, relaxing against him. “I’m really tired.”
“Me too.”
“I think we deserve a nap.”
“I do too.”
I pull away and take his hand, leading him to my bed. We cuddle up and take a nap together.
When the bell rings for dinner we go sit in the dinning room and eat. Chris and Holden are saying how much they’re gonna miss us and how it’s gonna suck around here after we’re gone. We just smile and say we’ll miss them too, but we know what we’ll really miss is each other.
We skip tv and the rest of the stuff, just going back to our room to spend time together. We end up having sex again, which I was kinda hoping for. This is the last time we’ll see each other for months and that’s a long time when you’ve been this close on a regular basis.
After we just hold onto each other. He doesn’t bother moving to his own bed because we’re leaving tomorrow anyway, so what’re they gonna do, kick us out in the middle of the night? I doubt it. We stay curled up together, kissing and cuddling until we fall asleep.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Day 50 is the day it’s over.
I wake up in Michael’s arms with him kissing me softly and I really wish this is how every morning could be. But I know it can’t, so I just close my eyes and enjoy it.
When we have to get up, we pack all of our stuff, double checking to make sure we got everything. I slip him a pair of my gym shorts and a t-shirt. He gives me a pair of his basketball shorts and his Baltimore Ravens t-shirt. We hug each other for a long time and I know I’m gonna miss him bad. He rubs my back and kisses the top of my head, telling me he loves me over and over. I hold onto him tightly and tell him I love him too.
We have pancakes for breakfast then they gather all the patients from our age unit. We all say goodbye and hug.
Then Michael and I go to our last counseling sessions.
Why Man smiles at me.
“You were very hard to work with.”
“I know.”
He nods and stands up. He actually hugs me.
“To be honest, you may be a pain-in-the-ass, but you’re a good kid.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
“Remember, we have a phone session once a week.”
“I know.”
“But if you need to speak to me before that or if you’re feeling suicidal in any way, please give me a call.”
“I will,” I nod and turn to leave. The he smirks at me.
I’m kinda confused by that.
“What?” I ask him.
“You know, this is just a tip. But, if you want to keep a relationship quiet, you should be a little less obvious. Just, you know, for future reference.”
I stare at him and he smiles.
Two points for me, one HUGE point for him.
I shake my head and leave the office, catching Michael in the hall. I bite down on my lip and take his hand, lacing our fingers.
We walk slow, like we’re being led to the gas chamber, until we get to the front of the cottage. I’m surprised to see Ruby there. She hugs both of us tight and tells us she’ll miss us, then gives us each a bag of the butterscotch candies. I tell her I’m really gonna miss her too. She smiles the leaves. I guess she stayed to say goodbye.
Michael and I take a deep breath and my eyes are burning, bad. I grind my teeth to keep from crying, just reach up and wrap my arms around his neck tightly. He holds me for a while, rocking me slightly, until they say we have to go. I sniff hard and kiss him, tell him I love him and that I’ll see him this summer.
He smiles and kisses me back, running a hand through my curls.
“I’m gonna miss you.”
“No you won’t,” he smiles. “I’m only a phone call away, remember?”
I smile even though I’m about to cry and hug him again.
We don’t actually pull away until his mom comes to get him. She smiles at us and pulls Michael along to the van outside that’s taking us to the airport. Me and Michael climb in the back and hold on for as long as we can.
Our last goodbye is in the middle of the airport. His flight leaves now, mine doesn’t for another half hour. But he holds me until his flight boards, then he kisses me one last time.
“I love you. I’ll see you this summer okay?”
I nod and kiss him again. “I love you too. Call me when you land okay?”
He nods and hugs me tight. “Bye.”
“See you later.”
He smiles and kisses my forehead. “Later gator.”
I watch him walk down the tunnel with his mom and Bob and then I walk towards my family and bypass them for the bathroom.
I already told you, I’m NOT a crier. But I can’t help it. I go into one of the stalls and sit down, then cover my face with my t-shirt. I really try not to cry because I know it’s stupid. I’m gonna see him in the summer and I know he’ll call me everyday. It doesn’t stop me from crying enough to get the hiccups though.
When I’m done I splash water on my face and come out, sinking into one of the chairs by our gate.
It’s gonna be a LONG flight and a long wait.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
It’s been almost a year since I left Club Meds.
I talk to Why Man once a week like I promised.
I talk to Michael a couple times a day.
I talked my grandparents into doing a half and half summer. I flew up to Baltimore for half of the summer break and he flew down to Florida for the other half.
I wasn’t even ashamed that I damn near cried when I saw him again. I missed him so much. You don’t realize how much talking and texting just doesn’t do it until you KNOW.
We went around to all our favorite places and introduced each other to our friends. Me and Kyle are talking again, but barely. I did introduce him to Michael though and he was nice enough.
And yeah, okay, if you’re wondering, I hit that every chance I had. He’s my boyfriend, we’re teenagers, what’d you expect? But it still feels special, it doesn’t matter how many times we do it. Shut up, I’m allowed to be sappy.
So it’s our plan every summer to split it. We’re working on doing holidays too. I wouldn’t mind spending Christmas with him or having him here to kiss on New Years Eve.
This year, I’m sitting on my floor in front of the TV watching some random count down show. But it’s different. This time I have my phone pressed to my ear, counting down. And when the ball drops, I blow a kiss into the phone.
“I love you,” Michael says and I smile.
“I love you too.”
“Hey…did I ever tell you I love your parents?”
Michael can be random, so I go with it. “No, why?”
“Because they saved you.”
I blush and say, “Shut up.”
He laughs.
And you know what, I’m glad they saved me too. If they hadn’t, I wouldn’t have this and this, I’ve come to realize, is better than anything else.
Author:
agape_eternal
Pairing: Ryan Lochte/Michael Phelps
Rating: R
Warnings: language
Summary: People just don’t understand Ryan and the way his mind works…and he’s locked in a Psych Ward because of it, though, according to him, he’s completely sane. But along comes Michael and he gets Ryan and that’s all that matters.
Author Notes: Unfortunately I don’t own the boys. This is completely AU which is abnormal for me. Style borrowed from three books I love: Skin Game, Cut, and Suicide Notes just in case you noticed. No copyright infringement intended. The descriptions of people and/or disorders is not meant to be derogatory or offensive, trust me. Also, this one is kinda personal for me, so if you’re gonna tear it apart, don’t do it in the comments ok? Thanks.
Feed Back: is ♥
Why Man and I spend the next week worth of counseling sessions rehearsing the different things that could happen.
Let me tell you, I don’t know HOW actors do the same scene over and over. By the end of each session, I’m totally exhausted.
But Michael and I make the most of our last week together.
We manage to have sex two more times, almost getting caught both times. I mean, my guardian angel must be SITTING on my ass, literally.
It’s hard for us to play it cool when we’re around everyone else, who, by this time, I’m actually talking too. I still don’t talk that much though, it’s really a me and Michael thing.
We’re both scared of leaving this place but, really, of leaving each other. It’s kinda the whole, ‘we’re a million miles away from each other, don’t forget me’ thing. But with cell phones, texting, and the internet, you can’t forget someone unless you’re TRYING too. But that doesn’t mean we’re not scared to be that far away either.
But we’re dealing with it. We’re in this mutual agreement that texting and calling everyday is a must and we don’t care of it looks like we’re totally obsessed with each other. When you’re used to being with someone every single day and then suddenly they’re gone, it’s gotta be hard. But we got this.
Day 49 is the day before I’m released.
It’s the last real day me and Michael will have together.
It’s also the day I tell my parents I’m gay.
Me and Michael both leave tomorrow since he only had 45 days.
We both lay awake all night thinking and talking because we know what we have to do tomorrow.
So the day starts normally, but for lunch they surprise us by letting out families eat with us. Michael and I just decide to combine our tables so we can still eat together.
Our families are milling around the lunchroom when I catch Michael’s eyes. He waves me over and I stand beside him. Without even thinking about it I grab his hand and he smiles at me.
“Mom, this is Ryan. Ry, this is my mom.”
I hold out my other hand to her but she hugs me instead.
“It’s lovely to finally to meet you Ryan, Michael’s been telling me a lot about you. You’re a swimmer too I hear.”
“Yeah,” I nod.
“What’re your events?”
“Oh, I’m a backstroker mostly, but I like the IM’s too.”
She nods and smiles then points to a man getting food. “That’s Michael’s coach, Bob.”
I nod and then she pulls two girls over. “These are Michael’s sisters, Whitney and Hilary. Girls, this is Michael’s friend Ryan.”
Whitney looks at our hands and then at Michael. “Hi Ryan.”
I smile and say hi back, but I don’t let his hand go.
After a few more minutes of chatting I pull him towards my family. My dad looks us over but goes back to eating and my mom smiles.
“Guys, this is Michael. Mike, this is my mom, my dad, my sisters Kristen and Megan, and my brothers Devon and Brandon.” I’m grinning like an idiot and so is he. We’re still holding hands.
My mom gets up and hugs us both.
“Ryan told us about you, it’s great to finally meet you,” she smiles. “He said he’s thinking about visiting you this summer.” Michael nods and she looks over. “Is that your mom?”
Michael nods again and she goes over, introducing herself. They stand there talking, both of them gesturing to us as they talk. Then she motions my dad over and Michael’s mom calls Bob over and all four of then stand there talking for a while. Me and Michael sit down and have lunch. It’s meatloaf day, thank god.
When they’re done, the four of them crowd around us.
“Debbie and I think it’s a great idea for two to visit each other,” my mom announces. “And your dad and Bob are in agreement as long as you stick to summer schedules.”
Me and Michael look at each other. I can see how bad he wants to kiss me right now, but we both swallow it down and grin at our parents. Then we get up and start our round of thank you’s because we really are happy.
Michael bites his lip and looks at me then says he has to go to the bathroom. I say I do too and follow him. We wait until we’re inside and hidden before we kiss. He’s hugging me tight and I’m clinging to him.
“You’re really coming,” he grins, kissing me again.
I smile into the kiss, still holding onto him. “I know…ugh, I’ve never wanted summer so bad.”
“Me either.”
We stand there holding onto each other for a little longer before we finally head back to the table, settling beside each other. Whitney looks up and smirks at us. I catch Kristen smirking too and then the two of them catch eyes. It must be secret sister speak because they both seem to understand and go back to their lunches. Michael and I look at each other then shrug and finish our food.
After lunch we do our study hall thing then head to our individual counseling sessions. Why Man is waiting with my family.
My mom and dad are bickering over something, Brandon and Devon are playing with toys, and Megan and Kristen are whispering about something when I walk in.
I sit in the cow chair and suddenly my heart is in my throat. I know what I’m gonna be telling them soon and I can’t seem to catch my breath.
Finally my mom speaks up, looking at me. “We changed the carpet in your room honey…remember how a while ago you said you wanted it blue like the deep ocean? Well that’s what color it is.”
My dad rolls his eyes. “Ike, he doesn’t give a damn about the carpet. I’m telling you we should’ve left it.”
They keep going back and forth and finally Why Man looks at me.
“Ryan, is there anything you’d like to say to your family?”
I take a deep breath, but my parents are still arguing, so I turn to my siblings.
“Hey, how’d you guys like to have a gay brother?”
My parents stop talking and turn to me.
Kristen and Megan grin and both say, “I KNEW IT!” at the same time.
Brandon doesn’t really get it so he keeps playing but Devon goes, “No shit? COOL!”
My dad blinks. I can literally see the record scratch in his head before he says, “Sweet Jesus Christ on a biscuit,” then sinks back on the couch.
My mom stares at me. “You’re too young to know if you’re gay.”
“Nuh-uh!” Kristen informs her. “My friend Jess’ younger brother is gay and he’s only sixteen. Maybe I could hook you two up…or wait, I guess you don’t need me too.” She smirks at me and I roll my eyes.
My parents are still in shock and I take a deep breath. I’ve been rehearsing what I wanna say to them, but I draw a blank so I just start talking. “Mom, dad, I know you think I’m too young or I must be confused or something, but I’m not. I know what I am. I’ve known for a little while now…and I’m okay with it. I can’t change who I am and neither can you. I’m not expecting y’all to do cartwheels or anything, but just accept me because I’m not gonna change. It took a lot for me to be happy with who I am…” I look down at my wrists, “…but I am and that’s all there is to it.”
I look up again and my mom has tears in her eyes. She gets up and hugs me. “Honey, I’m gonna love you no matter what. I don’t care if you’re gay, straight, blue, green, alien or human, you’re my child and I love you.”
I smile a little and look over at my dad. He still looks like the record hasn’t started again in his head. She looks over too.
“I’ll work on him tonight.”
I nod and sink back in the cow chair. I’m exhausted now, more exhausted than I’ve been in a long time, and I sigh softly.
Why Man asks that me and my siblings go into the other room for a few minutes and we do. Brandon wants snacks so my mom gives him five bucks and makes Devon and Megan take him down to the vending machines.
That leaves me and Kristen. She smirks and nudges my shoulder.
“Michael’s your boyfriend isn’t he?”
“Why would you say that?”
“You were holding hands and you two just…look like it.”
“You won’t tell mom and dad right?” I bite my lip, looking up at her.
“Nah.”
“Thanks…I just think they might not let me go if they know.”
“You really like him huh?” I go quiet and start thinking about him and she just watches me. Then she takes a deep breath. “Whoa…”
“What?”
“You’re in love with him.”
“Shut up.”
“That’s a yes.”
“What ARE you, a mind reader?”
“I’m a girl, it’s close enough.”
I roll my eyes and smile a little. “Yeah, I’m in love with him.”
She smiles at me. “I won’t even tease you.”
“Thanks.”
I stay quiet until Brandon, Devon, and Megan come back and Why Man calls us all back in.
He gives us some general stuff about us having a phone session once a week and maybe finding a psychiatrist down in Florida just in case.
After that, my family leaves and I’m just sitting there. I’m so tired it’s crazy.
Why Man looks at me. “That was a very brave thing you did.”
“I had to. They’d have found out anyway.”
“Did they react how you expected them too?”
“No…I don’t know what I was expecting, but that wasn’t it.”
He nods then looks at the clock. “Your schedule has been done away with for the rest of the day. You look like you’ll need to sleep before dinner.”
I nod at him and get up. I’m at the door before I turn around. “Thank you,” I tell him, smiling slightly, “For everything.” Then I leave.
Michael’s waiting in our room and the first thing he does is engulf me in a hug. I smile and wrap my arms around him, thankful he’s there.
“How’d it go?” he asks as he kisses my hair.
“Okay. My brothers and sisters are happy. Kristen figured us out…”
“So did Whitney.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Me either. How’d your parents take it?”
“My mom was okay. My dad is in shock. What about you?”
“My mom was both and Bob just sighed.”
I nod and press my face into his neck, relaxing against him. “I’m really tired.”
“Me too.”
“I think we deserve a nap.”
“I do too.”
I pull away and take his hand, leading him to my bed. We cuddle up and take a nap together.
When the bell rings for dinner we go sit in the dinning room and eat. Chris and Holden are saying how much they’re gonna miss us and how it’s gonna suck around here after we’re gone. We just smile and say we’ll miss them too, but we know what we’ll really miss is each other.
We skip tv and the rest of the stuff, just going back to our room to spend time together. We end up having sex again, which I was kinda hoping for. This is the last time we’ll see each other for months and that’s a long time when you’ve been this close on a regular basis.
After we just hold onto each other. He doesn’t bother moving to his own bed because we’re leaving tomorrow anyway, so what’re they gonna do, kick us out in the middle of the night? I doubt it. We stay curled up together, kissing and cuddling until we fall asleep.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
Day 50 is the day it’s over.
I wake up in Michael’s arms with him kissing me softly and I really wish this is how every morning could be. But I know it can’t, so I just close my eyes and enjoy it.
When we have to get up, we pack all of our stuff, double checking to make sure we got everything. I slip him a pair of my gym shorts and a t-shirt. He gives me a pair of his basketball shorts and his Baltimore Ravens t-shirt. We hug each other for a long time and I know I’m gonna miss him bad. He rubs my back and kisses the top of my head, telling me he loves me over and over. I hold onto him tightly and tell him I love him too.
We have pancakes for breakfast then they gather all the patients from our age unit. We all say goodbye and hug.
Then Michael and I go to our last counseling sessions.
Why Man smiles at me.
“You were very hard to work with.”
“I know.”
He nods and stands up. He actually hugs me.
“To be honest, you may be a pain-in-the-ass, but you’re a good kid.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
“Remember, we have a phone session once a week.”
“I know.”
“But if you need to speak to me before that or if you’re feeling suicidal in any way, please give me a call.”
“I will,” I nod and turn to leave. The he smirks at me.
I’m kinda confused by that.
“What?” I ask him.
“You know, this is just a tip. But, if you want to keep a relationship quiet, you should be a little less obvious. Just, you know, for future reference.”
I stare at him and he smiles.
Two points for me, one HUGE point for him.
I shake my head and leave the office, catching Michael in the hall. I bite down on my lip and take his hand, lacing our fingers.
We walk slow, like we’re being led to the gas chamber, until we get to the front of the cottage. I’m surprised to see Ruby there. She hugs both of us tight and tells us she’ll miss us, then gives us each a bag of the butterscotch candies. I tell her I’m really gonna miss her too. She smiles the leaves. I guess she stayed to say goodbye.
Michael and I take a deep breath and my eyes are burning, bad. I grind my teeth to keep from crying, just reach up and wrap my arms around his neck tightly. He holds me for a while, rocking me slightly, until they say we have to go. I sniff hard and kiss him, tell him I love him and that I’ll see him this summer.
He smiles and kisses me back, running a hand through my curls.
“I’m gonna miss you.”
“No you won’t,” he smiles. “I’m only a phone call away, remember?”
I smile even though I’m about to cry and hug him again.
We don’t actually pull away until his mom comes to get him. She smiles at us and pulls Michael along to the van outside that’s taking us to the airport. Me and Michael climb in the back and hold on for as long as we can.
Our last goodbye is in the middle of the airport. His flight leaves now, mine doesn’t for another half hour. But he holds me until his flight boards, then he kisses me one last time.
“I love you. I’ll see you this summer okay?”
I nod and kiss him again. “I love you too. Call me when you land okay?”
He nods and hugs me tight. “Bye.”
“See you later.”
He smiles and kisses my forehead. “Later gator.”
I watch him walk down the tunnel with his mom and Bob and then I walk towards my family and bypass them for the bathroom.
I already told you, I’m NOT a crier. But I can’t help it. I go into one of the stalls and sit down, then cover my face with my t-shirt. I really try not to cry because I know it’s stupid. I’m gonna see him in the summer and I know he’ll call me everyday. It doesn’t stop me from crying enough to get the hiccups though.
When I’m done I splash water on my face and come out, sinking into one of the chairs by our gate.
It’s gonna be a LONG flight and a long wait.
___________________________________________________________________________________________________
It’s been almost a year since I left Club Meds.
I talk to Why Man once a week like I promised.
I talk to Michael a couple times a day.
I talked my grandparents into doing a half and half summer. I flew up to Baltimore for half of the summer break and he flew down to Florida for the other half.
I wasn’t even ashamed that I damn near cried when I saw him again. I missed him so much. You don’t realize how much talking and texting just doesn’t do it until you KNOW.
We went around to all our favorite places and introduced each other to our friends. Me and Kyle are talking again, but barely. I did introduce him to Michael though and he was nice enough.
And yeah, okay, if you’re wondering, I hit that every chance I had. He’s my boyfriend, we’re teenagers, what’d you expect? But it still feels special, it doesn’t matter how many times we do it. Shut up, I’m allowed to be sappy.
So it’s our plan every summer to split it. We’re working on doing holidays too. I wouldn’t mind spending Christmas with him or having him here to kiss on New Years Eve.
This year, I’m sitting on my floor in front of the TV watching some random count down show. But it’s different. This time I have my phone pressed to my ear, counting down. And when the ball drops, I blow a kiss into the phone.
“I love you,” Michael says and I smile.
“I love you too.”
“Hey…did I ever tell you I love your parents?”
Michael can be random, so I go with it. “No, why?”
“Because they saved you.”
I blush and say, “Shut up.”
He laughs.
And you know what, I’m glad they saved me too. If they hadn’t, I wouldn’t have this and this, I’ve come to realize, is better than anything else.