(no subject)
Well. I had a pretty uneventful, do nothing weekend.
Friday night Mistie and I just sat around the house and watched a movie or two I believe. Saturday I went to work, then went to eat and the flea market with Amanda. We didn’t buy anything but just looked around. It was something to do. I like going.
Saturday night Mistie wanted to go to the club. But Im feeling fat and ugly so I didn’t want to go. Whether I am or not. Its just how I felt. Shut it!!!! Anyways, we had fun nonetheless. That’s all Im gonna say about that. Puff what??? Anywho, Sunday I went to her aunts house for her grandfathers birthday. Hung out with her family and stuff. While we were there we went to see the boy.
He was at work. We only stayed and chatted with him for about 30 minutes. I am really really scared. He like wouldn’t even look at me the majority of the time, and talked to Mistie and looked directly at her most of the time. Firs, that got to me. Like I wasn’t even there. I wanted to cry the whole time I was there. We did converse just a little. But nothing compared to Mistie. He got to talking about school. This is where it really hurt my heart and tore me up. He said he was going to go to Lambuth, which is in Jackson, TN. He was talking to Mistie about it, and she was saying he needed to stay here and go to MTSU. He was like no, Im going to Lambuth. I just sat there and didn’t say anything about it the whole time they were talking about it. But I was crying inside. I mean its like we never have the time to talk about things like this, and that’s what sux. It was like he was already making plans for his life without any consideration for my feelings or my life with him at all. I mean I knew nothing of this, and its like he is thinking of his future without me. He did say Ill be around, Ill be here every weekend or whatever. Well, to tell you the truth, that’s not good enough for me. Ive waited two fukn years for this love that I have for him, and Im not going to wait again and only see him when he comes into town. You don’t even know how this is tearing my heart out. I feel so scared. He said he had butterflies right before we left. Mistie herd him, I didn’t. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean either. Is it because he doesn’t want to tell me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore or is it because he gets butterflies cause hes around me. I don’t know. Mistie had to tell him to give me a kiss before we left, which I didn’t like. He should have wanted to anyways. But he could have been nervous, who knows. I mean its not like we weren’t serious before. We basically lived together for 3 months. I don’t know. I don’t know what conclusion to have. I don’t know how I should feel. I did tell Mistie she REALLY needs to talk to him before he comes back, because my heart cant handle losing him again. Shit, its been twice already. I don’t know. Im going crazy because of this. I just wish there was a way we could talk about everything. Im hurting so much. My mind has nothing to base anything at all on. So my mind wanders, I stay up ¾ of the fukn night wondering about him, wondering if Im ever going to be able to be in love with him again in person. I mean Im still in love with him now, my heart just is going crazy with emotions. I mean I don’t know anything. I mean after we left, I thought to myself the rest of the day, I kinda wished we wouldn’t have even went to visit him. I wish, I knew the answers. I wish I could talk to him. I wish I could hold him. I wish I could show him again my love for him. I mean Im tearing up at my computer at work. Mistie and I went to Taco Bell last night. I cried all the way through the Drive Thru, most of the way home, then sat in her car for like 20 mins balling my eyes out. I didn’t get any sleep last ngiht. It took me for freakin ever to get ready this morning. Im just miserable about this. Please let it just be ok. PLEASE!!!! Let all the things I think be wrong. PLEASE let him still be in love with me and want to be with me forever. I mean I actually think sometimes I don’t even want to live if I don’t have him. FUKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing else really in other news.
I miss my mom!!!!!!!
SO MUCH!!!!!
Please love me~
Friday night Mistie and I just sat around the house and watched a movie or two I believe. Saturday I went to work, then went to eat and the flea market with Amanda. We didn’t buy anything but just looked around. It was something to do. I like going.
Saturday night Mistie wanted to go to the club. But Im feeling fat and ugly so I didn’t want to go. Whether I am or not. Its just how I felt. Shut it!!!! Anyways, we had fun nonetheless. That’s all Im gonna say about that. Puff what??? Anywho, Sunday I went to her aunts house for her grandfathers birthday. Hung out with her family and stuff. While we were there we went to see the boy.
He was at work. We only stayed and chatted with him for about 30 minutes. I am really really scared. He like wouldn’t even look at me the majority of the time, and talked to Mistie and looked directly at her most of the time. Firs, that got to me. Like I wasn’t even there. I wanted to cry the whole time I was there. We did converse just a little. But nothing compared to Mistie. He got to talking about school. This is where it really hurt my heart and tore me up. He said he was going to go to Lambuth, which is in Jackson, TN. He was talking to Mistie about it, and she was saying he needed to stay here and go to MTSU. He was like no, Im going to Lambuth. I just sat there and didn’t say anything about it the whole time they were talking about it. But I was crying inside. I mean its like we never have the time to talk about things like this, and that’s what sux. It was like he was already making plans for his life without any consideration for my feelings or my life with him at all. I mean I knew nothing of this, and its like he is thinking of his future without me. He did say Ill be around, Ill be here every weekend or whatever. Well, to tell you the truth, that’s not good enough for me. Ive waited two fukn years for this love that I have for him, and Im not going to wait again and only see him when he comes into town. You don’t even know how this is tearing my heart out. I feel so scared. He said he had butterflies right before we left. Mistie herd him, I didn’t. I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean either. Is it because he doesn’t want to tell me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore or is it because he gets butterflies cause hes around me. I don’t know. Mistie had to tell him to give me a kiss before we left, which I didn’t like. He should have wanted to anyways. But he could have been nervous, who knows. I mean its not like we weren’t serious before. We basically lived together for 3 months. I don’t know. I don’t know what conclusion to have. I don’t know how I should feel. I did tell Mistie she REALLY needs to talk to him before he comes back, because my heart cant handle losing him again. Shit, its been twice already. I don’t know. Im going crazy because of this. I just wish there was a way we could talk about everything. Im hurting so much. My mind has nothing to base anything at all on. So my mind wanders, I stay up ¾ of the fukn night wondering about him, wondering if Im ever going to be able to be in love with him again in person. I mean Im still in love with him now, my heart just is going crazy with emotions. I mean I don’t know anything. I mean after we left, I thought to myself the rest of the day, I kinda wished we wouldn’t have even went to visit him. I wish, I knew the answers. I wish I could talk to him. I wish I could hold him. I wish I could show him again my love for him. I mean Im tearing up at my computer at work. Mistie and I went to Taco Bell last night. I cried all the way through the Drive Thru, most of the way home, then sat in her car for like 20 mins balling my eyes out. I didn’t get any sleep last ngiht. It took me for freakin ever to get ready this morning. Im just miserable about this. Please let it just be ok. PLEASE!!!! Let all the things I think be wrong. PLEASE let him still be in love with me and want to be with me forever. I mean I actually think sometimes I don’t even want to live if I don’t have him. FUKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing else really in other news.
I miss my mom!!!!!!!
SO MUCH!!!!!
Please love me~