It should say something that John expected this. Knew the moment that Allison couldn't tell Cal that she was or wasn't a machine that this was going to happen. So he stayed awake. He pretended to sleep and at some point he even tried but he's wide awake before the screaming starts.
Holding her, holding her close, upright. Not down. Trying to get the sound muffled by contact. Shushing her, rocking her. "Allison, Allison, you're here, I'm here, it's okay. It's okay."
This is the first time in a while since they started this whole thing that she felt like maybe she's getting worse and not better. She certainly doesn't feel better. She certainly can't stop screaming, can feel herself crying. Yet she feels disconnected from it.
She grips his shoulders, holds him tighter. But she doesn't feel right.
Disconnected is scary, in any and all scenarios that John can think of. But he doesn't know that. All he knows is that some incredibly nosy British idiot started this house of cards falling down and he wants to fix it. Wants to make it better. Wants her to stop crying.
"I love you, okay? You're safe. Everything's fine." She can grip as hard as she wants. "Please don't cry."
Really, that only makes it worse, makes her cry more. She can't stop shaking. Crying. Screaming. At least it's muffled, by his shoulder. By him. At least the neighbor's won't have much to complain about, right?
"You have to fix it, you have to fix me. I can't. I can't..."
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Holding her, holding her close, upright. Not down. Trying to get the sound muffled by contact. Shushing her, rocking her. "Allison, Allison, you're here, I'm here, it's okay. It's okay."
It's never fucking okay.
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She grips his shoulders, holds him tighter. But she doesn't feel right.
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"I love you, okay? You're safe. Everything's fine." She can grip as hard as she wants. "Please don't cry."
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"You have to fix it, you have to fix me. I can't. I can't..."
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