3 days
3 Days...
I am beside myself with anxiety to have to face another brain surgery. I try so hard to keep it together for the most part that when I do fall apart - its bad. Its the kind of anxiety that prevents you from breathing, stops you in your tracks, and defeats you. It basically sucks. No way around it - it just does.
I thought I would feel less anxiety since this is the second time around, but its actually turning out to be the opposite. Last time my anxiety was for the procedure alone - this time its both the surgery and the god awful recovery.
Things I am not looking forward to....
1. The first sensation of bone crushing pain
2. The breathing tube
3. The Cathiter (sp)
4. Being bolted head and legs to the bed
5. The first time the PT makes me get up
6. The first night after surgery
7. The pain that is too great for the narcotic pain killers
8. The lonliness
9. The sleep deprivation
10. Not being able to shower for 3 weeks
11. The neck brace
12. The inability to move without pain
13. The wripping off of the bandage to examine wound and re-wrap
14. The battery dying in the vitals machine - igniting a serious headache
15. Not being able to sit up
16. Crying when I try to move
17. Having a bed pan
18. Getting woken up just when you were able to fall asleep
19. etc...
I'm not looking forward to alot, but I am looking forward to feeling better [crosses fingers]. I'll have a surgical scar on my leg this time around too - so that will be a new pain sensation.
I am looking forward to visitors - so come visit me!!!! FYI I'll probably fall asleep on you, but its the drugs - promise.
As you can tell, I am nervous. Say a little prayer for me - I'd appreciate it.
I love you all and thank you SO MUCH for all that you have helped me through thus far. You all make my heart smile and it is that sensation that keeps me going.
I am beside myself with anxiety to have to face another brain surgery. I try so hard to keep it together for the most part that when I do fall apart - its bad. Its the kind of anxiety that prevents you from breathing, stops you in your tracks, and defeats you. It basically sucks. No way around it - it just does.
I thought I would feel less anxiety since this is the second time around, but its actually turning out to be the opposite. Last time my anxiety was for the procedure alone - this time its both the surgery and the god awful recovery.
Things I am not looking forward to....
1. The first sensation of bone crushing pain
2. The breathing tube
3. The Cathiter (sp)
4. Being bolted head and legs to the bed
5. The first time the PT makes me get up
6. The first night after surgery
7. The pain that is too great for the narcotic pain killers
8. The lonliness
9. The sleep deprivation
10. Not being able to shower for 3 weeks
11. The neck brace
12. The inability to move without pain
13. The wripping off of the bandage to examine wound and re-wrap
14. The battery dying in the vitals machine - igniting a serious headache
15. Not being able to sit up
16. Crying when I try to move
17. Having a bed pan
18. Getting woken up just when you were able to fall asleep
19. etc...
I'm not looking forward to alot, but I am looking forward to feeling better [crosses fingers]. I'll have a surgical scar on my leg this time around too - so that will be a new pain sensation.
I am looking forward to visitors - so come visit me!!!! FYI I'll probably fall asleep on you, but its the drugs - promise.
As you can tell, I am nervous. Say a little prayer for me - I'd appreciate it.
I love you all and thank you SO MUCH for all that you have helped me through thus far. You all make my heart smile and it is that sensation that keeps me going.