i need so much patience!
its so funny how people think everything's okay...
SO many people think money = happiness...
don't get me wrong.. i understand how they'd think it... when i was poor, i thought it too... but realism sets in and i find myself on the opposite end of the scale i spent my first 13 years on...
6 years i've been well off financially.. not well off in the sense that I have money, but well off in the sense that i'm taken care of.
Yet there's so much more... the whole other aspect that money brings into the picture... and what money brings out in people...
I find myself so disgusted by the power of money, what it does to my family, and how it dominates people, their personas, their psyches...
My family is financially satisfied, let's say... yet am i Okay??
not in the least.
it may sound selfish, but it's not.
I get treated like shit... why? because my parents have the money, and therefore, the power.
I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have them to support me. I have no money, i've been scavenging for a job for 2 1/2 months now... I would live on the street for awhile probably, in turn compromising so much that i would have otherwise had secured.
... but the point is i'm completly depressed amongst it all... it's better that my parents are away right now... but ultimately, I'm at one of the lowest points in life i've ever been at. Leaving it at that... i feel completley lonely and worthless the whole time.
The problem... there's few that I can tell my issues to... few that can listen... want to listen... are willing to bear the rockiness of my emotional mountain... most people fade out pretty quickly... but a couple have remained. And yet i'm scared... of what? of rejection.
that's my fear... probably my biggest one... i'm ridiculously afraid of rejection.
There's people i want in my life, but I'm scared to really be active about it because I'm so afraid of them pulling waht pretty much everyone else has in my life: They think i'm cool, and once they start really getting to know me, they've had too much and they're past done... all they want to do is get out as fast as they can... and leave me in the dust. How many times has this been the case... far too many.
Meanwhile, I have no one to really talk to... I mean I do... don't get me wrong... but I feel so sensored in what I can say... why? becuase i'm afriad i'll say too much or say something to scare them, or say something they don't want to deal with... Scared i'm going to open up and trust someone or confide in them and they're gonna walk... Peace. Just like that. And so I suffer.
SO many people think money = happiness...
don't get me wrong.. i understand how they'd think it... when i was poor, i thought it too... but realism sets in and i find myself on the opposite end of the scale i spent my first 13 years on...
6 years i've been well off financially.. not well off in the sense that I have money, but well off in the sense that i'm taken care of.
Yet there's so much more... the whole other aspect that money brings into the picture... and what money brings out in people...
I find myself so disgusted by the power of money, what it does to my family, and how it dominates people, their personas, their psyches...
My family is financially satisfied, let's say... yet am i Okay??
not in the least.
it may sound selfish, but it's not.
I get treated like shit... why? because my parents have the money, and therefore, the power.
I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have them to support me. I have no money, i've been scavenging for a job for 2 1/2 months now... I would live on the street for awhile probably, in turn compromising so much that i would have otherwise had secured.
... but the point is i'm completly depressed amongst it all... it's better that my parents are away right now... but ultimately, I'm at one of the lowest points in life i've ever been at. Leaving it at that... i feel completley lonely and worthless the whole time.
The problem... there's few that I can tell my issues to... few that can listen... want to listen... are willing to bear the rockiness of my emotional mountain... most people fade out pretty quickly... but a couple have remained. And yet i'm scared... of what? of rejection.
that's my fear... probably my biggest one... i'm ridiculously afraid of rejection.
There's people i want in my life, but I'm scared to really be active about it because I'm so afraid of them pulling waht pretty much everyone else has in my life: They think i'm cool, and once they start really getting to know me, they've had too much and they're past done... all they want to do is get out as fast as they can... and leave me in the dust. How many times has this been the case... far too many.
Meanwhile, I have no one to really talk to... I mean I do... don't get me wrong... but I feel so sensored in what I can say... why? becuase i'm afriad i'll say too much or say something to scare them, or say something they don't want to deal with... Scared i'm going to open up and trust someone or confide in them and they're gonna walk... Peace. Just like that. And so I suffer.