Irreversible

[aendimnida]

(1/2)
Pairing: KyuMin
Author:  aendimnida
Genre: Angst, historical!au
Rating: R
Warning: mpreg, character death, smut, unbeta-ed
Summary: Emperor Kyuhyun was willing to throw away everything for his lover, including the one that he didn't know he always needed.
Author's note: Super belated birthday fic for Daisy, KyuMin, and Myself



Their limbs were entangled, naked, worn-out bodies covered with the finest blanket you could ever find in the palace. Emperor Kyuhyun was the first to wake up, and he pulled his lover closer to give him a kiss on the forehead.

“Good morning…” He whispered lovingly to the other man’s sleeping figure. He hummed as he inhaled the distinct scent of musk and pine on the crook of his lover’s neck. He just couldn’t get enough.

Then, he leaned against headboard and reached for the bottle of wine on the bedside table. He let the liquid linger inside his mouth first before chugging it down.”Hmm…” It was sweet, citrusy and smooth with a slight tinge of rose. He sighed before he succumbed to a memory of the distant past. Seven years ago, to be exact.

Rose wine.

They met in the secret garden of the palace one fine summer afternoon. Sungmin was twenty then, and he, eighteen. His family had arrived from a long overseas trip, so they invited the elites for a banquet.

Little by little their guests left after lunch, while the others decided to stay a little longer to drink some wine and dance. The whole time he was into flirting and finding someone who can feed his carnal cravings.

There was this lady in a sophisticated blue and white robe, and as far as he could remember, her name was Haneul. The next thing he remembered was they were already kissing on one of the benches in the garden, and his hand had found its way into her robe, squeezing her breast. Her face and the words they had exchanged that day aren’t vivid in his memory anymore.

Suddenly they heard someone play a bamboo flute from nearby, making both of them jolt in surprise. He stood to locate the source of the music, taking his goblet of wine in one hand, and saw a pair of shoes alongside a huge marble gargoyle.

“Who’s there?” He advanced the said statue, annoyed. The music stopped in an instant. “Don’t you know that this place is exclusive for the royal family, and the ‘selected’ guests they want to bring in here?”

The unwanted guest came into view, bowing apologetically, then recovered his poise and brushed the fringe of his jet-black hair sideward, his almond eyes penetrating into his, albeit shyly. The person had the most luscious lips and the most perfect nose he had ever seen. He was in awe. For awhile he wasn’t sure if the person standing in front of him was a woman wearing a man’s robe, or a man with a face of a woman. The person spoke, making him realize it was the latter. “Sorry, the gate was left opened. I was trying to compose a piece, but then I dozed off. I didn’t hear you coming. I’m sorry if you were disturbed.”

He opened his mouth, only to close it again. He just couldn’t find the right words to say. If he’d continue to act like he was still irritated, the man might not buy it. Because the moment he saw him, all the irritation he felt had subsided. He was totally captivated by the man’s beauty, and he knew it showed, because the man was now blushing and covering his mouth with the back of his fist.“W-why is your hair tied back?” He remembered wanting to mentally slap himself that time for blurting out such a silly question before he could even stop himself. So much for trying to change the topic.

“Oh,” He coyly touched his little ponytail, “It’s hot during the summer, but I don’t want to cut my hair. I’m Sungmin, by the way- Lee Sungmin. We live from out of town. I’m always busy helping my father, who is a merchant, so I’m not really familiar with the members of the royal family…” And Sungmin kept blabbering about things which he didn’t pay much attention about, because he was busy watching the movements of the man’s mouth. He just loved the way Sungmin’s gums would show everytime he grins and his lips form into a pout when he was thinking deeply.

After a couple of minutes or so, the man finally decided to ask for his name.

“Cho Kyuhyun’s the name. You can call me Kyuhyun in private, but it would be very much appreciated if you address me as ‘Your Majesty’ when people are around.” He said, and he almost laughed at the look of utter shock on the man’s face.

“Oh my God, you are the Crown Prince!” The man just kept bowing, and he had to grab Sungmin by the shoulder to hold him still. “I’m really, really sorry. How could I sound so casual in front of the Crown Prince?! That’s so rude of me. I’m sorry, Your Majes-”

“It’s Kyuhyun. For now, I want you to call me by my name.”

The man innocently tilted his head to the side, as if trying to make out if he was serious or not. He smiled, and Sungmin almost panicked when he reached out a hand to pinch his cheek. But it felt good. “K-Kyuhyun…” Soon, Sungmin eased into his touch and smiled back.

He never really believed in love at first sight. Well, not until that very moment. It was as if all the gods conspired for them to be at the same place and at the same time. And when they finally met, the feeling was like heaven and earth combined.

The woman named Haneul impatiently cleared her throat then, but he paid no heed. That moment was all about him and the living god right before his very eyes. In an instant, the lady was completely forgotten.

He took a sip from his goblet, and noticed Sungmin gulp and clench his jaw at the sight. He tipped towards the man’s lips and offered, “Would you like to taste?”

The man’s brown orbs widened, and he slightly pushed the goblet away from his face. “From a royalty’s goblet? I’m sorry Your Majesty, but I don’t want to people think that I am a flirt and I am abusing your goodness.”

“Is it really hard to forget that I am royalty, just for once?” He saw Sungmin clamp his mouth shut, realizing how he wanted to be called. The man was about to call him by his name then to correct himself, but he cut him off, “You mentioned that people might see you as a flirt…”

“And?”

“You said that to me, a male. By any chance, do you think that I am gay?”

“I would be lying if I tell you that I don’t…” Sungmin confessed, suddenly looking disheartened upon hearing the question. It was like he really wanted to believe that he was right all along. “I am gay myself, and if I may have been too open about it, then I apologize. That is, if you are not what I think you are. I just hope that you have nothing against, well,” He fidgeted, “people like me.” There was complete silence. Sungmin started to twiddle with his fingers, feeling uneasy.

“People, really. They love to complicate things when the answer is already made apparent.” He couldn’t hide his laughter anymore. He took a sip from his goblet once more and said, “The whole time I thought you already knew that I am into you. That’s why we are talking like this. That’s why I am doing this.”

Sungmin sighed in relief and chuckled. He didn’t hesitate to take his offer this time, but as soon as the wine was introduced to his taste buds, the man let out a chortle, almost spilling the liquid from his mouth, “I didn’t know royalties also fancy cheap wine.”

He shrugged, “Rose wines are ideal for the summer, and they taste good. But who says this is cheap? We ordered this from France, and we paid extra for the manufacturer to put a lot of real rose essence in every bottle.”

“What I meant is that rose wines are far from classy, but they’re not always affordable. If I’m not mistaken, it’s Jaboulet Côtes du Rhône Parallèle 45 Rosé from the Rhône region. That brand is really expensive. May I?”

“I’m… impressed…” He lent his goblet to Sungmin and allowed the latter to drink more from the goblet. He watched as Sungmin closed his eyes and took another sip with much flair. For the second time that day, he fell in love… with the same person, of course.

“Hmmm… It’s a mixture of cherries, citrus, strawberries and raspberries, and there’s a kick of spice. The taste of this rose wine really stays longer in your mouth even after you swallow it. I didn’t know mixing real rose essence is the secret to make it smell and taste better. It’s good.” The man swirled the goblet a little and put its rim closer to his nose, “I would have thought this an unfamiliar brand, a classier one, if you didn’t mention that you had it personalized a bit.”

“You study wine, don’t you?”

“Oh I do. If I have the money, I’d travel the whole world and taste all kinds of wine!”

“You don’t have to. I enjoy drinking wine too, and father regularly orders different kinds from all over the world. That is, if he’s too busy to travel and buy them himself. So you could either visit me here whenever you feel like, or I’d go to your house and bring some new ones to try in each visit. Well, if your parents would allow.”

Sungmin gasped, both out of surprise and delight. He still remembered how childlike the man looked that brief instant. “I’d love to visit the palace more often, really. But I couldn’t neglect our business, and I have to compose-“

“So it’s the latter, then?”

“Wait, what? But our house is an hour away from here, Your- I mean- Kyuhyun!”

“I’m okay with that, as long as you promise to come here whenever you are free. I’d be more than willing to take you to the wine room or here in the secret garden, where you can compose as many songs as you want, and without any distractions.” He remembered crossing his fingers that time, hoping that Sungmin would like the offer. The man smiled, only smiled, and he knew the answer right away. That was one of the best moments of his life. “It’s a deal, then.”

And that’s how it all started.

Three years later, they got married.

A knock on the door interrupted his train of thoughts. Immediately, he got up, picked his robe from the floor, and draped it around his naked self as he softly said, “Come in.” careful not to wake his lover up. The door opened, and his Royal Secretary emerged, reminding him of the endeavor he was going to face.

“Your Majesty,” The officer bowed and kneeled on one knee, “I was informed that I have to be here first thing in the morning. What is it that you need?”

Acknowledging his presence, the emperor nonchalantly gestured the other man to stand up. “Shindong, go to the Ministry of Justice and tell them that I am declaring my marriage with my spouse null and void, and I want to sign the documents before the day ends. Also, tell them to prepare for my spouse’s execution the next day. When you’re done, you go to his office to personally deliver the news.”

“B-but” Shindong’s eyes widened, visibly appalled. “For what charges?” He spared the man on the bed a glance before he went on, “The Royal Concubine, he must be very important to you, but Emperor Sungmin has shown so much kindness to your people. He had done so much for the improvement of this empire. He is loved by everyone! Why would you exchange your five years of marriage for a newfound affair?”

“Raise your voice at me again, and I swear you’d be included in the execution! I guess I was wrong that I considered you my most trusted officer!”

“You know I’ve always been loyal to you, Your Majesty. I always do as you please. But this is, by far, the most difficult task I am ever going to make. Even if this is against my will, I have no choice but to do as you say. The only thing I can do right now is to, in a way, try to make you change your mind.” Shindong replied firmly, unfazed by the emperor’s threat. “What makes you want this all of a sudden?”

“That man, he loves meddling on my affairs too much. He thinks he could do everything he wants just because he is my legal spouse. I never expected that he would go this far. He took advantage of my absence. He had my concubines beheaded while I was away!” The emperor huffed, clenching and unclenching his fists in outrage, “Now it’s time that we give him a dose of his own medicine. He made false accusations about my lovers to make sure their punishments would be carried out immediately, so we are going to do the same to him. He took away the lives of Heechul, Siwon, Kibum, and Victoria, who was about to give me an heir. That heartless emperor didn’t even forgive his own brother, Donghae, so why would he spare the life of Zhoumi, who’s not his own flesh and blood? I know he’s plotting something against my concubine by now, officer, and I couldn’t just sit here and wait for his plans to happen.”

“Until now, you still believe in your deceased concubines more than…” Shindong huffed, feeling that it was useless to bring up the topic once again, “So, what am I going to tell them? I am sure they’re not going to execute such orders without any valid reason.”

“To avenge for my five concubines, tell them that he also has extramarital relationships with five men. We all know that only I can legally have as many lovers as I please. Put the blame on those five men who had been close to him within the empire: his favorite brother- Hyukjae, his loyal Chinese educators- Hankyung and Henli, Deputy-Minister Yesung, and one of his personal assistants- Kangin. Torture them if you must so that they will be forced to speak of the truth. Pay some people who can act as witnesses…”

“You really want to see him suffering, don’t you? Are you really sure about this, Your Majesty? Does that mean you do not have even the slightest feeling of affection for him anymore?”

Emperor Kyuhyun pondered for a moment. Affection? He sniggered, “When you are emperor, you are privileged to have everything that you would ever need, and maybe even more… including love. It’s just a matter of who you want to pick. This time, I’m choosing Zhoumi. He’s pregnant with our child, and I’ll make sure I’m not to lose any offspring again.”

“Zhoumi? He is a man! How can that be possible?”

“You ask too many questions, officer.” The emperor shot him a glare. “Time is running. You have to go now. And I prefer that you don’t speak about the Royal Concubine’s pregnancy yet. I’ll be the one to make the announcement. And,” He stretched out the bottle in his hand, telling Shindong to take it. “Please drop by the kitchen and tell them to bring in another bottle of wine. I don’t want this one anymore. Any red wine will do.”

“Of course, Your Majesty.”

When the officer had gone, Emperor Kyuhyun turned back to his lover, and saw that the latter was already wide awake, smiling at him. He smiled back, “You must have heard.” The lanky concubine nodded, and the emperor went to lie down beside him and sighed, “I thought about what you said, that you want to be the legal other-half. I realized it won’t be possible until Emperor Sungmin dies. If we’re just going to sit back and wait, it’s going to take forever.”

“I’m glad that you chose me…” He said, although he was certain that Emperor Kyuhyun wasn’t only doing this to protect him and their unborn child. Maybe he really valued his concubines so much that what Emperor Sungmin had done to them enraged him, but he was certain that the bond between the two emperors was strong, so strong that it would take more than a lifetime to break it.

“Now that I’m going to have an heir with you, I don’t see any more reason why he would still be the one rightful to have control over this empire and to receive my utmost attention.”

The Royal Concubine nuzzled into his lover’s arms as he laughed to himself. The ever so pompous emperor was either blinded by fury, or he was denying to himself the fact that love cannot be bought by prestige or money, it simply works in mysterious ways. He had clearly found love in Emperor Sungmin. But either way, Zhoumi was going to take advantage of it, though it would’ve been better if they just let Emperor Sungmin live, so he’d live miserably for the rest of his life, knowing that the things that were once his would never be given back to him again, but they are just before his very eyes.

No, Emperor Sungmin had never really done him any bad, but that’s just what love does to people. We human beings are innately possessive when it comes to matters of the heart, since we have been taught to be monogamous from the very beginning. We all have this thinking that a person can desire for as many people as he can, but at the very depths of his heart, there’s this one person he would want to be with for the rest of his live. That’s where competition occurs…

And Zhoumi enjoys flashing his prize to the one who lost the game. “You will never regret your decision. I’ll make sure of that.” He sighed and kissed the emperor on the lips, before he smiled playfully and went his way downwards, down to the most sensitive flesh.

Emperor Kyuhyun moaned when his concubine did something magical with his tongue. “Oh God, what you do to me…” He clutched the sheets as his eyes closed shut in pleasure, although he couldn’t fully concentrate. For Zhoumi had unknowingly made him ponder about one thing that slightly intrigued him: regret.

--

The witty Emperor Sungmin was normally calm and composed, but when the news about his spouse’s decision was passed on to him, he couldn’t help but disregard his dignity and show a side of him that he had never shown before.

So there he was, kneeling on the floor, his face beet red, wavy hair disheveled , crown lying on the floor and hanbok stained with red wine which was among those that he had thrown all over the place due to his outburst. He was supposed to be discussing about a certain Japan-Korea treaty with his special advisors to weigh out if signing it would benefit their empire, but all the books and pieces of paper were now soaking wet with all the drinks that they would have merrily shared if he hadn’t lopsided the table.

He shot daggers at the Royal Secretary as if the latter was responsible for his displeasure. “I did not do anything when he made the Royal Concubine move in to our room and replace me. I have never demanded that I deserve more than just a cold, plain room, only a few doors away from theirs. I never once told them to keep their voices down at night. And I swear to God, officer, I am not plotting something against the current concubine!” He huffed and buried his face in his hands before he went on, “When he came back from China, he had never touched me, not even once. Instead, he’d always start a fight with me, as if I always have something against that China man! And now he wants me dead along with those innocent men?! Insane!”

Shindong looked down, remorseful. “He said you won’t leave the Royal Concubine alone, Your Majesty, like what you did to the others while he was away.”

“It’s been two months since he had come back, but he never spoke of their deaths. I had always tried to explain to him, to clear my name, but he said he wouldn’t want to talk about that anymore!” The emperor started to weep. “Oh God, why now?”

“I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I am not in the position to disclose so many details. If you really want to know, I would suggest that you approach him now while there is still much time. Only you can change his mind.”

“No!” He shook his head, seemingly incredulous. “No… You know he always gets what he wants.”

“But we can’t stand seeing you getting humiliated, beheaded… we just can’t! Sadly, there isn’t anything I can do to stop Emperor Kyuhyun. Only you can save yourself, and those who the emperor had wrongly accused. If only you would just plead-”

“Plead?” The emperor’s bloodshot eyes widened in disbelief, “And what, give them, especially that concubine, the satisfaction of seeing me on my knees, begging for my own life? No amount of pleading will ever change his mind, officer. If this is his way of tormenting me, then he’s very much mistaken. I’m not afraid to die. The only thing I have ever been afraid of is the thought of not seeing him again, of him drifting away from me. I guess it’s happening now, isn’t it? I don’t see any point of preventing my execution from happening.”

“What about us, Your Majesty? What about the whole empire?” His servant, Ryeowook, spoke.

“Oh Ryeowook, I’ve done my duties with the best of my abilities, but there’s always an end to everything. After all, even if I live, he would still treat me the same. I do not deserve this punishment, but I don’t deserve living that way either. Now, Shindong, I want you go back to that stubborn emperor of yours and tell him that I am ready to face my ordeal, but I have certain conditions for him.”

Shindong frowned. “And what are those, Your Majesty?”

“One, I want him to spare the lives of those innocent men, or at least my brother’s. Two, he has to be there during my execution. I need to see how much he really wanted this. That way, I’d die without feeling sorry about anything. Third, I want to die with my body still intact, no blood, no mess.  I want to stay presentable inside my deathbed!” The emperor laughed suddenly. He was the only one who did. “Hang me, or give me the best poison there is… Ah, no, I prefer the first one...”

Ryeowook covered his mouth, scandalized. “Your Majesty, how could you plan for your own execution?!”

Emperor Sungmin, who was now acting too calmly to their liking, ignored the servant’s question, “And lastly, Officer Shindong, I will live my last hours as a commoner. I want to talk to my Unlce Teuk, the seer. Tell the emperor that I will just be at my family’s residence, just in case he still wishes to see me before the execution. Our front door will be open the entire time I’m with them, as a sign that I’m just inside… and without any plans of fleeing.”

“I’m so sorry, Your Majesty.” Royal Secretary bowed one last time, looking at the emperor sympathetically before he left.

Emperor Sungmin took Ryeowook to his arms to console the latter. He shushed the whimpering servant by patting his head. “Hush now, servant. I’ll make sure that your lover, Yesung, would remain unscathed. You know we’re not what Emperor Kyuhyun assumes we are.”

“But you, Your Majesty, you wouldn’t survive for sure…”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ve lived my days well. Just pray with me, Ryeowook, that my next life would not be as bitter as this. But before that,” He broke away from the embrace and raised his arms sideward, “I want you to remove all these regal objects on my body. Exchange them with a plain white robe.  Emperor Kyuhyun must have thought that I am only greedy for fame, and the reason why I wanted to stay married to him was because of the lavish things that I can get from being a royalty such as these. In truth, I am not ashamed to go back to who I was. I was born a commoner, and my heart will always be that of a commoner. Now do it, Ryeowook, and we shall visit the altar before I leave the palace.”

Everything was silent as Ryeowook undid the first few pieces of his beloved emperor’s attire. Then the latter sighed and asked, “Am I really that bad, servant?”

The servant’s lips quivered again, feeling a lump forming in his throat. When he was sure that he already had full control over his emotions, he said, “I always believed that you have a good heart, Emperor Sungmin. The only mistake that you made is that you gave your love to someone who doesn’t bother to reciprocate it. You gave everything that you didn’t leave something for yourself.”

--

Emperor Kyuhyun smirked upon hearing his spouse’s message. “That’s so him, always the proud one. He wants things done his way.” Then, he rose from his throne and looked his Royal Secretary in the eye. Beside his throne, the Royal Concubine sat, already assuming Emperor Sungmin’s position.

“Do you wish to see him, Your Majesty? He hasn’t left the palace yet.” With that, Shindong saw Zhoumi scowl at him in distaste, but that didn’t intimidate him the slightest. “Or maybe you want to do it later. I can have the carriage prepared. You know where to find him.”

“Ah, no need, officer. That’s just a waste of time.” He chuckled, “Let him do what he wants. I’ll just sign the annulment papers, and have them sent to his residence before tomorrow.”

“A waste of time?” Shindong tilted his head in feign thought, “Is that your only reason, or is there something else?”

“What exactly are you trying to imply, Shindong?”

“That you might change your mind once you see him.”

The people around them were already surprised with Shindong’s valor to say such statement, but what surprised them more was when the emperor came down from his throne and slapped the Royal Secretary’s face. His ever so treasured companion. “You discourteous son of a bitch! How could you say that in front of my lover!?”

“Just this once, Your Majesty, allow me speak in his defense.” The Royal Secretary looked down and sighed before he whispered, “I think you shouldn’t only be blaming him for the loss of your concubines. That would be unfair. Blame also those who gave him the consent to decide on their fate… including I.”

“Tell me, what’s with that man that makes you willing to die for him?” Emperor Kyuhyun hissed.

“Emperor Sungmin’s departure would be a big loss to all of us. He is much better than you are in handling the empire. Even you had said it many times. And that Chinaman of yours, no matter how much you love each other, he still came from a rival country! I really don’t know what lies ahead of us now. I would rather die than witness my place of origin fall down. Besides, Emperor Sungmin is inno-”

“It’s just like you’re saying that I am not capable of handling my position alone, officer.” His jaw clenched, and it took him a lot of willpower to stop himself from hitting the Royal Secretary once again. “I guess you should leave, before I decide on something that would make you regret what you said.” When the latter didn’t budge, he roared, pushing the other man away, “I said leave!”

Everyone’s gaze followed Shindong’s retreating figure, but he kept his stance despite the awkward attention. The moment he had gone out of sight, a group of five royal maidservants entered the throne hall. Each of the two pairs was carrying a large, colorful, wooden casket, and the other one was with what seems to be a big jewelry box. They stood in front of the emperor, put down their luggage, and curtsied.

The emperor, who had not yet ascended to his throne, crossed his arms and eyed the cases. “What are those?”

“These are all Emperor Sungmin’s possessions, Your Majesty.” The servant with the jewelry box answered, “We are here to ask for your permission, since we are leaving now to accompany him on his way home.”

“Are you sure?” He arched his brows in skepticism, “I don’t think those cases are enough to carry all his belongings. Where are the others?”

“But I’m telling the truth, Your Majesty. He left his crown, royal robes, jewelries and the rest of his extravagant goods inside his room.”

“Is that so?” Then there was a niggling feeling inside him that he couldn’t quite grasp. But he ignored it, anyway. “Well then, you may go. Have a safe journey.”

The servant smiled, and got the wooden box from the floor again. The others followed. “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

“Wait” He said as soon as they were on their backs. “That is a jewelry box, isn’t it?” He asked, referring to the smallest box.

The servant shook her head, “This contains his manuscripts, Your Majesty.”

“On second thought, servant,” He pointed at the box and went on, “You give that to me. You’re staying. The rest may go.”

The servant watched her colleagues leave, before she gave the box to the emperor. “But why, Your Majesty?”

“Because I said so.”

“Emperor Sungmin will be displeased.”

As if he didn’t hear her, he said, “Why don’t you go and prepare some snacks for me and the Royal Concubine? Hmm… Get us a bowl of biscuits, orange marmalade, and two cups of tea…”

“Ah, I know!” The servant raised and index finger, as if an idea came to her, “Your favorite: tea with milk and honey. Am I right, Your Majesty?”

The emperor just stood there in astonishment, his fingers travelling the contours of the box, as another memory hit him.

Milk and honey.

“Where are you going?”

He was checking himself on the mirror then, and he looked through it to stare at the bed, where the owner of the voice lay. Emperor Sungmin.

He shrugged, checking each hem of his attire for any flaws. He smiled. There wasn’t any. “I’m heading to China.” He said as he turned to face the other man.

Emperor Sungmin was lethargic at first, and then panicky the next, his slippers lying forgotten on the floor as he hastily approached his spouse. “China? For how long? Why didn’t you tell me beforehand?”

“Why do I have to tell you everything, emperor?”

“Give some respect, at least! We are married!” He was pacing back and forth in front of him, pinching the bridge of his nose in anxiety, “You didn’t intend to tell me, did you? If I hadn’t woken up, you’d just leave me here and let me find out for myself? God, emperor, if I knew you’d turn out this way, I wouldn’t have married you five years ago!”

“But you’re awake now, aren’t you? And it was I who told you about it. And don’t you express your regret now. It’s too late to do so.” He plainly answered, smirking, “This day is fine for me, emperor, and I don’t want anyone, especially you, to ruin it. I’m warning you, emperor, don’t be so harsh on my concubines while I’m away. Don’t make Victoria overwork-”

“I’ll do whatever I want with all your concubines. Now, go.”

He clenched his fists as he glared at his spouse, “Well then, goodbye.”

Before he could even open the door, he heard Emperor Sungmin mumble a soft ‘I love you’. He turned his torso to look at him, and the first thing he saw was the man’s hopeful doe eyes, as if waiting for his statement of affection to be returned.

“Okay” He remembered saying that before he made his way out of the room. He could just imagine the look of disappointment in Emperor Sungmin’s face.

Several guards were already waiting outside. They bowed. The Royal Secretary Shindong asked him if he was ready to leave. He nodded his head, and off they marched.

He remembered taking a quick glance by a window, and seeing all his five concubines having a picnic in the garden. He couldn’t help but admire the sight. They all looked so happy. Siwon had an arm draped around Victoria’s shoulders, while the other guys were giggling. He was at it again. Although Siwon was a guy, he was the flirtiest among them.

That was the last time he saw them. Together. Alive.

Actually, that wasn’t the most significant thing that happened to him. It was Emperor Sungmin’s voice, which still lingered in his ears even when they were already about to leave…

‘I love you’

“Your Majesty, where are you going?” He heard Shindong call out when, suddenly, he alighted from the carriage and ran back into the palace. “emperor!”

Without turning back, he instructed, “Wait for me here!”

The moment he entered the room- a bit exhausted and flushed- his spouse was already in bed once again, in his usual sleeping form: curled upon his side, a hand under his cheek, their mink blanket covering up to his chin. More often than not, they would wake up with their faces only inches away from each other. But this time Emperor Sungmin was facing away from the empty side of the bed.

He knelt in front of the sleeping man, secretly marveling at how lovely he looked as his face got slightly illuminated by the newly risen sun. He ran his fingers along Emperor Sungmin’s brows, cheekbones, nose, before he kissed him softly on the forehead.

It’s been awhile since he had last looked at him that way. Maybe it’s because they were both busy to even notice each other. Maybe that’s how marriage works. As time goes by, you get so comfortable, so used to the thought that the other half is just there to stay. Then everything changes, including the both of you.

“I thought you’re leaving?” Emperor Sungmin uttered, his eyes still closed.

“O-oh. That can wait.” He immediately distanced himself a little, embarrassed that he just got caught doing his little deed. ”And you, I thought you were sleeping.”

Emperor Sungmin opened his eyes then, and sighed, “I was trying to. I was hoping that everything that happened awhile ago was all just a dream, and things will be back to normal when I wake up. But I couldn’t fool myself. This is what’s real. You are leaving, and I would have to spend so many days and nights once again without you. You even got upset with me before you left this room…”

He smiled as he wiped the lone tear that escaped from his lover’s eye. He took him in his arms, laying the other man’s head against his chest. “Relax. I’ll be back, alright? Before you know it, I’m already back.”

“Relax? How can I relax when the last time you went to China, you came back with another concubine, a lady by the name of Victoria?!”

“Hush now. Don’t think too much. I will only be gone for awhile, my love. Okay, let’s just say… a couple of months. I just have to settle this deal with Zhou Empire.” He was about to kiss him on the mouth, but Emperor Sungmin covered his lips with the back of his palm.

“D-don’t. You already bathed and perfumed, while I… I just woke up.”

“There’s no need to be shy. You have no idea how tempting you are.” He held Emperor Sungmin’s wrist away, and nestled his face into the crook of his lover’s neck. “Your scent, it always makes me think of this mythical land called Canaan- the land of milk and honey.”

Upon hearing that, Emperor Sungmin sat up and hit him on the chest in feign annoyance, “Oh you-- Are you telling me that I smell like earth?”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” He chuckled. He kissed the man’s shoulder, “What I meant was that you smell,” and this time he successfully took Emperor Sungmin’s plump, heart shaped lips in his own, “and taste, like milk and honey.”

“Kyuhyun…”

“Oh, how lovely it is to hear you say my name…” He kissed him again, and parted Emperor Sungmin’s legs so he could bring their bodies closer. He grazed his fingers along the latter’s thighs, and worked his way he reached that sensitive flesh. He was already hard, shuddering in ecstasy, eager to be taken. His milk and honey. “And my name alone.”

“Kyuhyun… your guards… y-your trip…” Emperor Sungmin sounded a bit concerned, but the way he clung onto his hair, the way his nails dug onto his skin, he knew that the man didn’t want him to stop.

“They can wait.”

He didn’t bother that they were still in their robes, for he’d rather take him with leisure than waste his time removing every piece of fabric around their body. He’d thrust, deep and hard, and their bodies would rise a little, before they’d descend ever so slowly as he’d partially withdraw his length from Emperor Sungmin’s body. He’d repeat the action without daring to increase the tempo as much as he wanted to. The latter whimpered in protest against his ear and tried to buck his hips repeatedly, but he just couldn’t do so much with the way he was positioned.

“There’s no need to rush, my love…” He chuckled and looked at Emperor Sungmin’s face. His brows were creased, his eyes tightly shut, and his mouth voicing out incoherent words. The man’s robe slipped along his shoulder. He kissed and licked the expanse of exposed skin, and stopped to suck on that sensitive part of his neck, making Emperor Sungmin gasp for air. ”It would take long before we can do this again.” He breathed and caressed the emperor’s long locks as his other hand remained on Emperor Sungmin’s back, restraining the man from moving. “I want us to savor this, to feel every moment of it.” He made sure he wouldn’t go any faster. That was the longest… and the most perfect.

They came together, and his lover screamed shamelessly, his head thrown back.

He let Emperor Sungmin bury his face into his shoulders as the latter sobbed. Extreme rush of emotions, he supposed. When he stood up to tuck his lover back into bed, he realized that his knees had gone weak and sore because of too much contact with the hard, wooden floor. But it didn’t matter because it was with Emperor Sungmin.

With so much love and longing, he embraced the emperor and kissed him again and again until the latter succumbed to sleep.

Everything was good when he left.

But couple of months later, he still hadn’t gone home yet…

“Your Majesty?” Emperor Kyuhyun snapped back to reality as the servant waved a hand in front of his face.

“Come again?”

“As I was asking, Your Majesty, shall I put milk and honey in your tea?”

“Ah, no. No more milk and honey, please.” He shook his head, “From now on, I’d prefer it with just a little sugar. Now, go.”

“Alright” The servant bowed, smiling childishly as she left.

“Why did you command her to lend that thing to you?” Zhoumi half-shouted from his seat as he eyed Emperor Sungmin’s possession in the emperor’s hands.

He rubbed his nape, feeling lightheaded all of a sudden. “My curiosity told me to.” And as he looked by the window, a man draped simply in a dirty-white robe walked towards the carriage waiting outside the main entrance of the palace together with the servants who were carrying his luggage awhile ago. Although the man didn’t look back, Emperor Kyuhyun knew that it was his spouse, and he was surprised to see the person dressed so inadequately.

That night, when Zhoumi was already in a deep slumber, the emperor browsed the contents of Emperor Sungmin’s box. It contained several books of the musical pieces he had composed, a long list of the wines that he loved, his diary, and a number of letters. Emperor Kyuhyun decided to read some of the writings out of leisure.

After what seemed like ages of reading, he heard muffled voices from outside the palace. Cries and sounds of heads being chopped off followed soon after. He felt tormented inside. What’s worse was that he couldn’t seem to put himself to sleep anymore after that.

The sight of that kind of execution wouldn’t have made him feel nauseated anymore after years of watching more or less a million of people, enemies and citizens alike, being punished that way. But this time he couldn’t even look out the window to witness Emperor Sungmin’s alleged lovers being beheaded, because even those terrible sounds were enough to make him dash to the lavatory to throw up, and feel something that’s more than just nausea…

For the first time, the merciless emperor felt a sense of intense guilt rising at the pit of his stomach…
~



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