I am my own opposition.
Why?
Honestly, Why?
...have you ever been so overwhelmed with emotion that you suddenly feel like you are two?
I want my mommy to come rock me to sleep while I'm wrapped in my baby blanket. I want a tub of frosting. I want to watch Steel Magnolias on repeat. I want someone to hold me while I cry, but not to ask why.
Even if they asked, I couldn't answer because I wouldn't know why. Is it because of that? Or the other? Or the pressure of the last two months plus both of those? Is it because I'm alone?
I think the biggest reason for my tears would be the question burning in the back of my mind. "Why don't I feel things I know I should?" Why don't I feel guilty when I know I should? Why don't I feel sad when I know I should? Why do I get angry when I know I have no reason? Why do I feel guilty for that?
Indeed, if I were crying because of that, they would be tears of joy, though they should be tears of sadness. If I were crying because of the other, it would be tears of sadness and joy because I got half of what I wanted. If I were crying because of the pressure of the last two months it could either be tears of relief or sadness. If I were crying because I'm alone, they would be tears of confusion and emptiness.
Anyway you figure it, the tears still come. Not hot and stinging, but cold and placid. Not sobs and streams, just trickles and empty eyes.
Why are my emotions in total opposition to what I know they should be?
Honestly, Why?
...have you ever been so overwhelmed with emotion that you suddenly feel like you are two?
I want my mommy to come rock me to sleep while I'm wrapped in my baby blanket. I want a tub of frosting. I want to watch Steel Magnolias on repeat. I want someone to hold me while I cry, but not to ask why.
Even if they asked, I couldn't answer because I wouldn't know why. Is it because of that? Or the other? Or the pressure of the last two months plus both of those? Is it because I'm alone?
I think the biggest reason for my tears would be the question burning in the back of my mind. "Why don't I feel things I know I should?" Why don't I feel guilty when I know I should? Why don't I feel sad when I know I should? Why do I get angry when I know I have no reason? Why do I feel guilty for that?
Indeed, if I were crying because of that, they would be tears of joy, though they should be tears of sadness. If I were crying because of the other, it would be tears of sadness and joy because I got half of what I wanted. If I were crying because of the pressure of the last two months it could either be tears of relief or sadness. If I were crying because I'm alone, they would be tears of confusion and emptiness.
Anyway you figure it, the tears still come. Not hot and stinging, but cold and placid. Not sobs and streams, just trickles and empty eyes.
Why are my emotions in total opposition to what I know they should be?