Self-Analysis: Lazy, Unmotivated, And Proud Of It (sort of)
The funny thing about my job is that as long as I don't particularly think about it, I kind of like it. The pay is shit, but I don't have a lot of expenses. It's hard work, but I'm young and healthy. The days go by quickly, the people I work with are generally cool, and this is the first job I've had where I actually like the management staff. And I'm getting pretty strong just from putting in eight hours a day at this, without even bothering to exercise on the side (which is good, because I'm really bad at exercise for exercise' sake).
The problem just shows up when I try to imagine telling people about what I do. "Oh, yeah, I went to college, got more or less straight A's, graduated early with my Bachelor degree--what am I doing now? Oh, I clean rooms for $7.25 an hour."
It's embarrassing, and it pisses me off to be embarrassed because, goddamn it, I'm happy. I shouldn't have to justify what I do to anyone. I shouldn't even feel like I should have to justify it. But I do. And that's so stupid, because the only other jobs I'm really qualified for at the moment (that I could actually find in this area, anyway) are clerical positions and I'm pretty sure I'd hate that. Even waitressing is somewhat more respectable that housekeeping (although I don't really know why), but I'd hate that, too. If my job paid twenty dollars an hour, I could probably do it happily for the rest of my life. As it is, I'm going to eventually have to get a job that pays more than minimum wage, but it probably won't make my any happier.
I think the problem is that I'm smart, and I'm educated, and there's this idea that I'm "too good" to be doing this, that I'm "wasted" on it. As if I'd be any less wasted spending the next twenty years of my life toeing the line in some office somewhere as a corporate wage slave. Which I guess I am now, but I'm not really expected to be all 'rah-rah for the company', seeing as I'm on the bottom rung and don't have a lot to lose one way or another.
I'm not ambitious, and while I don't want to be, I feel on some level as though I ought to. Which is pretty stupid, really.
The problem just shows up when I try to imagine telling people about what I do. "Oh, yeah, I went to college, got more or less straight A's, graduated early with my Bachelor degree--what am I doing now? Oh, I clean rooms for $7.25 an hour."
It's embarrassing, and it pisses me off to be embarrassed because, goddamn it, I'm happy. I shouldn't have to justify what I do to anyone. I shouldn't even feel like I should have to justify it. But I do. And that's so stupid, because the only other jobs I'm really qualified for at the moment (that I could actually find in this area, anyway) are clerical positions and I'm pretty sure I'd hate that. Even waitressing is somewhat more respectable that housekeeping (although I don't really know why), but I'd hate that, too. If my job paid twenty dollars an hour, I could probably do it happily for the rest of my life. As it is, I'm going to eventually have to get a job that pays more than minimum wage, but it probably won't make my any happier.
I think the problem is that I'm smart, and I'm educated, and there's this idea that I'm "too good" to be doing this, that I'm "wasted" on it. As if I'd be any less wasted spending the next twenty years of my life toeing the line in some office somewhere as a corporate wage slave. Which I guess I am now, but I'm not really expected to be all 'rah-rah for the company', seeing as I'm on the bottom rung and don't have a lot to lose one way or another.
I'm not ambitious, and while I don't want to be, I feel on some level as though I ought to. Which is pretty stupid, really.