This is my story, I am the wife.
F/22/CO
Married for 3 1/2 years
Separated for 1 year
Engaged for 4 months
This is the story of my life for the past 3 1/2 years in a nutshell. There is so much more but I don't want to write a book. I would like advice. I have been told by professionals that this is/was emotional abuse. I am just not sure what to do. I love my fiance very much but I don't want to see my daughter's dad commit suicide or anything. Or am I completely wrong, should I give him another chance? I feel like a messed up pup right now. Should I try to fix my marriage? He has been pouring his heart onto me and it makes me want to work it out but I am so happy now and I am not sure I want to give that up.
A lady meets a strangely intriguing man about 13 years older than her that she works with. They start dating after a couple days, she moves in and she gets pregnant. They talk about things and decide to get married. When the baby is 5 months old the woman finds explicit pictures involving children on their computer. The woman freaks out and the cops show up when her husband comes home. The couple never really had a chance to get close and now that this has happened they continue to grow further apart. He tends to treat her like a child and is deliberately demeaning to her. She starts to build resentment towards him and cannot get past his inability to communicate with her appropriately. She wants to go to counseling and tries to make things work to the best of her ability because she knows this road cannot be going somewhere good in the current situation. She loves him but the treatment he shows drives her crazy. "What am I doing wrong for him to treat me like this? Why can't he talk to me? I feel like someone who just ran into his life at the right time that he could be with anyone and be okay." Friends and family begin to notice a change in her... she is sad and doesn't leave the house much. He gets upset when she does leave the house and makes rude comments about everyone she knows. He persists that she has no contact with her sisters and gets angry and defensive when she goes to see her parents. He tells her that her friends are all stupid and "man haters" and that her guy friends just want to "get in her pants". He plays video games all the time when he is not working and expects her to keep up on the house and clean while maintaining a full time job. She serves him dinner at the computer and it's never good enough for him... he has completely shut his family out. He keeps guns in the house and will not tell her where they are... he says heaven for him is rotting piles of flesh all around... and that he views people as walking sacks of flesh. When she cries he turns his head. A good friend of hers always lends an ear and gives her a shoulder to cry on.... eventually this leads to an affair. She suffers with guilt of this affair and fears that her husband will find out and hurt her. Even the thought of her leaving her husband makes her fear him. She has never been more scared of anyone in her life. He gets convicted of the possession of the pictures and is instructed to move out of the house. One of her best friends moves in so she is not alone with the baby. The wife has a breakdown and she admits herself to the hospital for evaluation. While in the hospital she decides that this relationship is not healthy and vows to never let him control her again. The husband and wife split up. He keeps little to no contact with her and every conversation with him is emotional trauma. Her best friend's boyfriend moves in. Her and her friend's boyfriend talk frequently and become good friends. She learns that her best friend is engaged to another man. Her boyfriend is a good man and helps out as much as he can. He watches the woman's daughter for her and she sees how great of a man he is and wonders why her best friend won't stay with him. Eventually her best friend cannot take it anymore and decides to break up with her boyfriend. The wife mentions that he is a great man and the best friend thinks it would be a good idea for her to date her boyfriend. So the best friend breaks up with him and tells him he should date her. He likes the idea and they start dating. She is so happy with him and he is very supportive of her needs and her of his. They decide to not get very serious and a couple months later decide they love eachother. They eventually decide they want to get married after her divorce. The husband makes several attempts to get her back and keeps telling her he has changed and that he wants to try things again and go to counseling but she has to give up the fiancé. She does not want to do that and reminds herself of the promise she had made not to put herself in that situation again. She tells everything to her fiancé and he knows everything about the situation very well. Her fiancé goes to basic training and she is alone with the child but strong. The husband constantly sends emails to her at work professing his unconditional love and devotion but also sends emails of depressing and volatile feelings towards her. He hints around committing suicide and says he doesn't ever want to see her or their daughter again. He blames her for everything that went wrong in the relationship. His emails inspire guilt in her that she should go back to him because he needs her but she won't let herself... "He is just being manipulative". The day grows near when they are supposed to file the divorce paperwork and she gets a call from the husband. He tells her he still wants to make it work and that if they could get through this they could get through anything. He tells her about how he has found god and how he wants to put her through school and have her in his life until he dies... how he won't give up until they are divorced. He wants her back regardless of her fiancé and regardless of the affair... he says "thats real love".
Married for 3 1/2 years
Separated for 1 year
Engaged for 4 months
This is the story of my life for the past 3 1/2 years in a nutshell. There is so much more but I don't want to write a book. I would like advice. I have been told by professionals that this is/was emotional abuse. I am just not sure what to do. I love my fiance very much but I don't want to see my daughter's dad commit suicide or anything. Or am I completely wrong, should I give him another chance? I feel like a messed up pup right now. Should I try to fix my marriage? He has been pouring his heart onto me and it makes me want to work it out but I am so happy now and I am not sure I want to give that up.
A lady meets a strangely intriguing man about 13 years older than her that she works with. They start dating after a couple days, she moves in and she gets pregnant. They talk about things and decide to get married. When the baby is 5 months old the woman finds explicit pictures involving children on their computer. The woman freaks out and the cops show up when her husband comes home. The couple never really had a chance to get close and now that this has happened they continue to grow further apart. He tends to treat her like a child and is deliberately demeaning to her. She starts to build resentment towards him and cannot get past his inability to communicate with her appropriately. She wants to go to counseling and tries to make things work to the best of her ability because she knows this road cannot be going somewhere good in the current situation. She loves him but the treatment he shows drives her crazy. "What am I doing wrong for him to treat me like this? Why can't he talk to me? I feel like someone who just ran into his life at the right time that he could be with anyone and be okay." Friends and family begin to notice a change in her... she is sad and doesn't leave the house much. He gets upset when she does leave the house and makes rude comments about everyone she knows. He persists that she has no contact with her sisters and gets angry and defensive when she goes to see her parents. He tells her that her friends are all stupid and "man haters" and that her guy friends just want to "get in her pants". He plays video games all the time when he is not working and expects her to keep up on the house and clean while maintaining a full time job. She serves him dinner at the computer and it's never good enough for him... he has completely shut his family out. He keeps guns in the house and will not tell her where they are... he says heaven for him is rotting piles of flesh all around... and that he views people as walking sacks of flesh. When she cries he turns his head. A good friend of hers always lends an ear and gives her a shoulder to cry on.... eventually this leads to an affair. She suffers with guilt of this affair and fears that her husband will find out and hurt her. Even the thought of her leaving her husband makes her fear him. She has never been more scared of anyone in her life. He gets convicted of the possession of the pictures and is instructed to move out of the house. One of her best friends moves in so she is not alone with the baby. The wife has a breakdown and she admits herself to the hospital for evaluation. While in the hospital she decides that this relationship is not healthy and vows to never let him control her again. The husband and wife split up. He keeps little to no contact with her and every conversation with him is emotional trauma. Her best friend's boyfriend moves in. Her and her friend's boyfriend talk frequently and become good friends. She learns that her best friend is engaged to another man. Her boyfriend is a good man and helps out as much as he can. He watches the woman's daughter for her and she sees how great of a man he is and wonders why her best friend won't stay with him. Eventually her best friend cannot take it anymore and decides to break up with her boyfriend. The wife mentions that he is a great man and the best friend thinks it would be a good idea for her to date her boyfriend. So the best friend breaks up with him and tells him he should date her. He likes the idea and they start dating. She is so happy with him and he is very supportive of her needs and her of his. They decide to not get very serious and a couple months later decide they love eachother. They eventually decide they want to get married after her divorce. The husband makes several attempts to get her back and keeps telling her he has changed and that he wants to try things again and go to counseling but she has to give up the fiancé. She does not want to do that and reminds herself of the promise she had made not to put herself in that situation again. She tells everything to her fiancé and he knows everything about the situation very well. Her fiancé goes to basic training and she is alone with the child but strong. The husband constantly sends emails to her at work professing his unconditional love and devotion but also sends emails of depressing and volatile feelings towards her. He hints around committing suicide and says he doesn't ever want to see her or their daughter again. He blames her for everything that went wrong in the relationship. His emails inspire guilt in her that she should go back to him because he needs her but she won't let herself... "He is just being manipulative". The day grows near when they are supposed to file the divorce paperwork and she gets a call from the husband. He tells her he still wants to make it work and that if they could get through this they could get through anything. He tells her about how he has found god and how he wants to put her through school and have her in his life until he dies... how he won't give up until they are divorced. He wants her back regardless of her fiancé and regardless of the affair... he says "thats real love".