No wonder everything feels so raw and muddled - this only happened the other day!
I have a hunch you might want to hear ways to stop feeling bad and/or ways to make him get back with you... but I don't have either of those. I think what might help you is to give yourself - and him - time and space. The more you try to convince him to get back with you, (I hate to put it this way but) the more you will hurt the friendship that remains - because, and I can say this because I've been there, you'll be sending him the message that "I only want you in my life if you're my boyfriend."
Anger is OK. Sadness is OK. Loneliness is OK. They all suck, but they are normal and OK to feel. They're all part of what you're doing right now: grieving. You are a person who has had a loss happen, and you're doing what people do when they suffer a loss (of any kind): mourning the loss. So... allow yourself time to go through the feelings. Give all of your feelings permission to exist. Try to put space between yourself and this boy for a bit, as much as you can; maybe sit somewhere else in class if you don't have arranged seating, or ask your teachers about changing seating arrangements (I think teachers would help you with this if you put it in the context of having a hard time focusing on class!). Find someone else - another friend, a counselor or teacher, a family member, a total stranger on the end of a hotline - to reach out to for support and/or distraction.
Obligatory comment because I'm a person in the mental health field: If you're still feeling totally desolate with no relief after a couple of weeks, or if you're feeling like hurting yourself now, get help - start with the parent you're closest to and your school counselor.
And in time, when your feelings are less raw and more manageable, be friends with this boy. It is possible to go back to being friends after having a romantic relationship - I think you know that deep inside, but it's hard to feel positive about that right now because the breakup is still so new. And I can make that comment because, again, I've been there. Several years ago, a guy broke up with me because he just didn't want a relationship, and he made it very clear that he was extremely happy and relieved to be out of a relationship. I was pissed. And sad, and confused, and broken-hearted, and self-loathing, and self-blaming, and pissed. And I took a few weeks to just process my feelings, get support elsewhere, and not talk to him at all - because anything I would have said to him in such anger and heartbreak would have made the situation worse. And after I had dealt with the raw emotion and figured out that it really wasn't my fault and we really weren't meant to be something other than friends... I went back and talked to him, like a friend instead of like a boyfriend-I-wanted-back. And we're still close friends today.
I hope something I've said will help you get through this painful time.
I have a hunch you might want to hear ways to stop feeling bad and/or ways to make him get back with you... but I don't have either of those. I think what might help you is to give yourself - and him - time and space. The more you try to convince him to get back with you, (I hate to put it this way but) the more you will hurt the friendship that remains - because, and I can say this because I've been there, you'll be sending him the message that "I only want you in my life if you're my boyfriend."
Anger is OK. Sadness is OK. Loneliness is OK. They all suck, but they are normal and OK to feel. They're all part of what you're doing right now: grieving. You are a person who has had a loss happen, and you're doing what people do when they suffer a loss (of any kind): mourning the loss. So... allow yourself time to go through the feelings. Give all of your feelings permission to exist. Try to put space between yourself and this boy for a bit, as much as you can; maybe sit somewhere else in class if you don't have arranged seating, or ask your teachers about changing seating arrangements (I think teachers would help you with this if you put it in the context of having a hard time focusing on class!). Find someone else - another friend, a counselor or teacher, a family member, a total stranger on the end of a hotline - to reach out to for support and/or distraction.
Obligatory comment because I'm a person in the mental health field: If you're still feeling totally desolate with no relief after a couple of weeks, or if you're feeling like hurting yourself now, get help - start with the parent you're closest to and your school counselor.
And in time, when your feelings are less raw and more manageable, be friends with this boy. It is possible to go back to being friends after having a romantic relationship - I think you know that deep inside, but it's hard to feel positive about that right now because the breakup is still so new. And I can make that comment because, again, I've been there. Several years ago, a guy broke up with me because he just didn't want a relationship, and he made it very clear that he was extremely happy and relieved to be out of a relationship. I was pissed. And sad, and confused, and broken-hearted, and self-loathing, and self-blaming, and pissed. And I took a few weeks to just process my feelings, get support elsewhere, and not talk to him at all - because anything I would have said to him in such anger and heartbreak would have made the situation worse. And after I had dealt with the raw emotion and figured out that it really wasn't my fault and we really weren't meant to be something other than friends... I went back and talked to him, like a friend instead of like a boyfriend-I-wanted-back. And we're still close friends today.
I hope something I've said will help you get through this painful time.
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