I agree with gindaisy that you need to break up with this guy. You have tried as much as you can, but this relationship is clearly not working. There's nothing wrong with you having values that are important to you (such as hygiene) and if the other person can't respect those values, then you shouldn't be with them.
As far as breaking up goes, I realize that you are in a tricky situation in that your boyfriend helped you out while you were unemployed and you are stuck with the apartment. You should sit him down and let him know firmly that you don't want to be with him anymore and give him a date by which he needs to move out. Remain firm and don't let his reaction change your mind. If he sees that you can't be persuaded to change your mind, then he will probably realize that he needs to leave. Also, is the lease under your name? If so, if he still refuses to leave, then you can probably have him legally removed by the authorities. If his name is on the lease, then you should consider moving out yourself.
In terms of him helping you with your unemployment, that really depends on what you had initially agreed. Did you agree to pay him back at some point or provide other support? If not, then you don't have any obligation to him. Relationships end sometimes, helping a partner is a risk. If you did have some sort of agreement, then you should discuss with him how to fulfill your end of the agreement that does not entitle you to continuing the relationship.
Hi all, Thank you both for your replies. No, just my name is on the lease and he moved in here with me, I was already living at the flat and when he separated with his wife, he had no where to go. I let him stay with me and we got together after that. Initially, I was paying for everything for about the first 10 months he was staying here, as he needed to get back on his feet. Then I found out he was already earning a much higher salary than me. We worked that issue out, because I felt he had lead me to think he was broke, when he wasn't. He just wanted to pay off his debts quicker, without having to use any part of his pay to contribute to new expenses. So I guess he has paid me back for that time, by supporting me last year while I was unemployed. We didn't have a written agreement though, to pay each other back. I should also mention, he is nearly 38 years old. I find it even more difficult to deal with this situation, considering his age. I guess I just assumed that once you reached this age, one would be a little more mature with their actions. He keeps saying he will move out, but he never looks at other rentals saying he doesn't have the time to. I think he just likes being able to whinge about not liking where he is living, but not actually doing anything to change his circumstances.
If there wasn't any agreement about him covering your rent and bills, then don't worry about "owing him anything." I was just trying to cover bases here, but if I were in your shoes, I'd just see him helping you as a gift. Especially that you helped him out in the past, he's being really petty about expecting you to stay in the relationship because he invested so much in you.
In terms of getting him to move out, I have to admit that this sounds difficult especially if he's not listening to you. I still say that you should firmly give him a date to move out by and in the meantime, find out what legal recourse you can take if he doesn't move out. Do you know any of his friends or family members? You might also consider contacting them and telling them the situation. Perhaps they can offer him a place to stay until he finds his own place.
As far as breaking up goes, I realize that you are in a tricky situation in that your boyfriend helped you out while you were unemployed and you are stuck with the apartment. You should sit him down and let him know firmly that you don't want to be with him anymore and give him a date by which he needs to move out. Remain firm and don't let his reaction change your mind. If he sees that you can't be persuaded to change your mind, then he will probably realize that he needs to leave. Also, is the lease under your name? If so, if he still refuses to leave, then you can probably have him legally removed by the authorities. If his name is on the lease, then you should consider moving out yourself.
In terms of him helping you with your unemployment, that really depends on what you had initially agreed. Did you agree to pay him back at some point or provide other support? If not, then you don't have any obligation to him. Relationships end sometimes, helping a partner is a risk. If you did have some sort of agreement, then you should discuss with him how to fulfill your end of the agreement that does not entitle you to continuing the relationship.
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Thank you both for your replies.
No, just my name is on the lease and he moved in here with me, I was already living at the flat and when he separated with his wife, he had no where to go. I let him stay with me and we got together after that.
Initially, I was paying for everything for about the first 10 months he was staying here, as he needed to get back on his feet. Then I found out he was already earning a much higher salary than me. We worked that issue out, because I felt he had lead me to think he was broke, when he wasn't. He just wanted to pay off his debts quicker, without having to use any part of his pay to contribute to new expenses. So I guess he has paid me back for that time, by supporting me last year while I was unemployed. We didn't have a written agreement though, to pay each other back.
I should also mention, he is nearly 38 years old. I find it even more difficult to deal with this situation, considering his age. I guess I just assumed that once you reached this age, one would be a little more mature with their actions.
He keeps saying he will move out, but he never looks at other rentals saying he doesn't have the time to. I think he just likes being able to whinge about not liking where he is living, but not actually doing anything to change his circumstances.
Reply
If there wasn't any agreement about him covering your rent and bills, then don't worry about "owing him anything." I was just trying to cover bases here, but if I were in your shoes, I'd just see him helping you as a gift. Especially that you helped him out in the past, he's being really petty about expecting you to stay in the relationship because he invested so much in you.
In terms of getting him to move out, I have to admit that this sounds difficult especially if he's not listening to you. I still say that you should firmly give him a date to move out by and in the meantime, find out what legal recourse you can take if he doesn't move out. Do you know any of his friends or family members? You might also consider contacting them and telling them the situation. Perhaps they can offer him a place to stay until he finds his own place.
Reply
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