Confused
(Sorry this is long - i got a bit carried away and forgot how to do a cut...)
I have been with my boyfriend since June 2009.
I was unemployed for most of last year and he supported me by paying all the rent and some of the bills. Whilst I am grateful for his support, I just don't feel a strong connection with him anymore. He seems to have changed, and for the worse.
I have tried to talk to him about the things that bother me and he always promises that he will change/make more of an effort, but he seems to change only for about a month, then slide back into old habits.
He is horrendously lazy. Probably the laziest person I have ever known in my life.
He never cleans up after himself and seems quite content in living in squalor. Lately, he has lost all interest in keeping up his hygene too. Unfortunately, he smells most of the time and I usually have to remind him to brush his teeth.
We haven't been intimate in over 7 months - mainly for this reason. I have delicately told him that I don't want to be intimate with someone who doesn't bathe regularly or brush their teeth, but he doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with it. Further, he says I am the one with the problem and that I am just 'punishing him' every opportunity that I get. He has a problem with sweating and is quite overweight, so most hot days he sloths around in nothing more than a pair of shorts. If he has been sitting on the couch and gets up to get a drink, there is usually a big sweat patch on the couch where he was sitting. If i raise this with him, he tells me to stop nagging him. My problem is, that it's my couch!
He lets his shorts hang so that his hairy butt is exposed and gets very irritated if I tell him to pull them up - sometimes he goes down the street with his pants like this!!!
It really hurts me that he lives in my flat, using all of my things whenever he wants, but he never really contributes to the household. For example, he jammed a whole slab of soft drink bottles into the the fridge and one of the plastic shelves broke. Considering I have supplied everything, I didn't think I was asking too much for him to replace one of the shelves. He just looked it up on line and told me how much it was and that was the last discussion we had about it. I asked him about it just recently, and he said "well I told you where you can get them from and the cost, so go get them."
He sleeps separately from me now, because he snores and it's so loud it keeps me awake and he is really restless in bed, like thrashes around and I have copped a few accidental punches just from him rolling over. He is always moaning about how he has to lose weight, so he started seeing a personal trainer. As soon as he has done a work out, he comes straight home and jumps into bed, without even having a ahower! He still stuffs his face with greasy junk food, but then whinges that he's not losing any weight. He is absolutely depleted when he comes home from work and then even more so after a workout, so he just sloths around and makes a mess for me to clean up.
I have tried twice to break up with him, but he usually cries and begs me for another chance or that he will try harder. He will always remind me of the support he gave me while i was unemployed, so i end up feeling guilty and not breaking it off. I just feel like it's a vicious circle, but at the same time I don't want to feel unhappy all the time.
He has also started telling me how much he hates where we live, how the people are shit (even though he doesn't know anyone in the neighbourhood), he wants me to move to the country with him, but I still have about 9 months to go on my lease. He always implies that i am being selfish because i don't want to move with him, but i don't see why i should when im happy here. It's not like anything would change, I would just have more mess to clean up somewhere else!
I just don't know what to do...I want to get away from him but half of me feels like i am just giving up on him and that I should be doing some other things to help him. The other part of me says I have done all I can and it's his turn to start making an effort.
I have been with my boyfriend since June 2009.
I was unemployed for most of last year and he supported me by paying all the rent and some of the bills. Whilst I am grateful for his support, I just don't feel a strong connection with him anymore. He seems to have changed, and for the worse.
I have tried to talk to him about the things that bother me and he always promises that he will change/make more of an effort, but he seems to change only for about a month, then slide back into old habits.
He is horrendously lazy. Probably the laziest person I have ever known in my life.
He never cleans up after himself and seems quite content in living in squalor. Lately, he has lost all interest in keeping up his hygene too. Unfortunately, he smells most of the time and I usually have to remind him to brush his teeth.
We haven't been intimate in over 7 months - mainly for this reason. I have delicately told him that I don't want to be intimate with someone who doesn't bathe regularly or brush their teeth, but he doesn't seem to think there is anything wrong with it. Further, he says I am the one with the problem and that I am just 'punishing him' every opportunity that I get. He has a problem with sweating and is quite overweight, so most hot days he sloths around in nothing more than a pair of shorts. If he has been sitting on the couch and gets up to get a drink, there is usually a big sweat patch on the couch where he was sitting. If i raise this with him, he tells me to stop nagging him. My problem is, that it's my couch!
He lets his shorts hang so that his hairy butt is exposed and gets very irritated if I tell him to pull them up - sometimes he goes down the street with his pants like this!!!
It really hurts me that he lives in my flat, using all of my things whenever he wants, but he never really contributes to the household. For example, he jammed a whole slab of soft drink bottles into the the fridge and one of the plastic shelves broke. Considering I have supplied everything, I didn't think I was asking too much for him to replace one of the shelves. He just looked it up on line and told me how much it was and that was the last discussion we had about it. I asked him about it just recently, and he said "well I told you where you can get them from and the cost, so go get them."
He sleeps separately from me now, because he snores and it's so loud it keeps me awake and he is really restless in bed, like thrashes around and I have copped a few accidental punches just from him rolling over. He is always moaning about how he has to lose weight, so he started seeing a personal trainer. As soon as he has done a work out, he comes straight home and jumps into bed, without even having a ahower! He still stuffs his face with greasy junk food, but then whinges that he's not losing any weight. He is absolutely depleted when he comes home from work and then even more so after a workout, so he just sloths around and makes a mess for me to clean up.
I have tried twice to break up with him, but he usually cries and begs me for another chance or that he will try harder. He will always remind me of the support he gave me while i was unemployed, so i end up feeling guilty and not breaking it off. I just feel like it's a vicious circle, but at the same time I don't want to feel unhappy all the time.
He has also started telling me how much he hates where we live, how the people are shit (even though he doesn't know anyone in the neighbourhood), he wants me to move to the country with him, but I still have about 9 months to go on my lease. He always implies that i am being selfish because i don't want to move with him, but i don't see why i should when im happy here. It's not like anything would change, I would just have more mess to clean up somewhere else!
I just don't know what to do...I want to get away from him but half of me feels like i am just giving up on him and that I should be doing some other things to help him. The other part of me says I have done all I can and it's his turn to start making an effort.