(no subject)

[adsxi]

i spend my days paying the price
the heavy expense of my opinion
and the lofty cost of my transgression
and in the mean time i don't increase these debts
that is to say i keep quiet
and i back down and listen up
in my anxiety and exhaustion i've spoken out
but i never get the point across
and in light of everything
i laugh softer and smile less
but i am happy and i am a success
problem is i don't understand who i am
and andrew doesn't mean the same thing anymore
it's just natural progression i suppose
but it's weird and unfamiliar and scary to boot
i'm more alone yet steady as well
put together and dressed up but in ill-health
who i am and what i am for is a mystery now
whereas sometime ago i new it all
there are beautiful days that pass
and happy feelings that seem not to last
i can't be all and be everything like i want
and if i'm missing out or oblivious to some
i pray for forgiveness and your understanding
what i want more then all is a week of stability
where i can direct myself and lead on to new horizons
or is it actually just time to give up total control
and flee past whatever these feelings are
however something inside me says no
so i'll accept these confusions and optical illusions
and continue this life until i grasp it's new meaning