[Log] Making up...
Characters: Heero Yuy, Quatre Winner
When: The night after this conversation
Where: In the pilots' apartment
Rating: G
Summary: Heero and Quatre are both upset after a confrontation in Quatre's journal, so they need to talk over sandwiches.
Heero was hungry. He hadn't had any dinner and woke up needing something to eat. He pulled on some pants and went out to the kitchen to rummage in the fridge to perhaps make a sandwich or something.
Dressed in a pair of sweats and a tank top, Quatre went out into the kitchen. He looked horrible. His eyes where still red and puffy from crying and he had bags under his eyes from a lack of sleep. The blonde sighed as walked in, head hanging low. He didn't notice Heero...
Heero straightened up with some bread and meat. It took him a moment to see that Quatre had entered the kitchen, head hanging, looking miserable. He dropped the stuff onto the counter in silence. He wasn't sure he had anything to say.
Still not really seeing Heero, he moved to make himself a cup of tea. The little blonde just looked generally like the world was coming to an end.
Heero sighed and returned to the fridge for some condiments, throwing Quatre a sharp glance.
Quatre moved slowly. He was shaking a bit as he took out a cup. "Heero..." he whispered softly, but had no idea that the pilot was actually in the kitchen.
"Hmm?" Heero set the jar on the counter rather sharply.
He jumped and spun around. His eyes widened widely as he dropped the cup. It fell to the ground, shattering.
Heero turned then too. "What's wrong?" he asked a bit gruffly, looking at the shattered pieces of cup. He looked around for a broom or something.
"I'm sorry..." He managed to choke out before fleeing from the kitchen. Quatre only got as far as the hallway towards his room before he fell to his knees, crying.
Heero started to pick up the broken pieces, then sighed and changed his mind, tossing them down and heading after Quatre. He found him crying in the hall. He paused and crouched down behind him. "What's wrong with you, Quatre?" he asked quietly.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... It's all my fault." He sobbed, "It's my fault."
"What is your fault?"
"You left because of our fight and you... You died."
"Did I?" Heero asked dryly. "I wasn't informed."
He shuddered and seemed to curl up on himself.
"Quatre..."
"It's all my fault."
"I don't know what you're talking about, so I can't tell you if it is or not," Heero told him.
"Nightmare..."
"That's just a dream. I have them too sometimes," Heero said quietly.
"It was so real... I... I'm sorry."
"You have no reason to be sorry," Heero told him.
"I can't do this anymore..." he whispered as he just sagged.
"Do what?" Heero asked quietly.
"Be strong."
"Who's strong?" Heero sighed. "Sometimes we just do what we can."
"I should be strong! There's people to protect!"
"Yeah," Heero stood up then. "And you think you're the only one who cares."
Quatre didn't reply as he forced himself to stand up. He was shaking.
"You think you're the only one who can do anything," Heero continued. "Of course you can't do it forever."
"I don't think that!"
"That's what you're implying. I can't believe you don't think we care."
"I don't know what to think! I can't even believe in myself anymore! I'm just useless..."
"You aren't," sighed Heero. "Quatre, you know you're not."
"I'm sorry, Heero."
"Don't apologize. I just don't know what brought this on. Come on," he sighed, heading back towards the kitchen.
Quatre didn't move at first. Then slowly he turned and shuffled back into the kitchen.
Heero went to gather up the pieces of the cup first, gathering them all and dumping them out before returned his attention to his sandwich. "Do you want something to eat?" he asked.
"Sure."
Heero nodded and pulled out a couple more slices of bread. "Hope a sandwich is all right. I'm not much of a cook."
"It's alright." Quatre whispered softly.
Heero looked thoughtful as he worked. "You were the one who showed me how to make a sandwich, weren't you?"
"You remembered..."
"Of course I do. I hadn't buttered toast before I met you."
Quatre smiled. "Heero... I'm sorry I didn't believe in you. I just... I don't know what came over me."
"I think...this place makes us feel helpless. I don't know, maybe we became too dependant on the gundams." He shook his head. "Some of those things out there...there's nothing we can do. That madman, some of those monsters, these weird...events..." he shrugged.
"When it was just Duo and I... There was this creature. I don't know if it was human or what. It would come out at night and..." Quatre shuddered violently, "It would rip the skin off of still living people and... Heero, Duo shot it again and again and it kept coming."
Heero nodded. "Duo told me about that," he said. "It really shook him."
"I have nightmares about it still."
Heero nodded. Sounded reasonable to him. He reached for a knife. "I'm sure I would too," he replied.
Quatre watched Heero and then walked over, hugging him tightly.
Heero shifted to put an arm around him.
"When you first arrived, you wouldn't have hugged me back."
"I guess not," Heero said quietly.
"I'm glad that you are, though."
"Yeah..."
Quatre pulled away and smiled up at Heero.
Heero smiled a little himself.
"I'm glad that we're here together, all of us, and safe."
Heero sighed a bit. "I would rather we were together and safe back home..." he paused. They wouldn't be together then, would they? He had gone out his hospital window and crept out into the night. He looked away a bit guiltily.
"Heero, what did you do back home?"
"I survived," he said quietly.
"Heero!"
Heero shook his head. "I'm not sure what you're asking."
"You're guilty about something."
"No," he protested, just a bit petulantly. "I was just thinking...if we were back home we probably wouldn't be together. That's all."
"I like being together."
"In this situation, it's prudent," Heero replied.
Quatre nodded.
"Back on Earth..." Heero shrugged. "Things were different."
"They were..." Quatre looked down.
"I thought I would bring trouble if I stayed close," Heero murmured, reaching for the sandwiches.
"You don't bring trouble!"
"I was a terrorist," Heero said quietly.
"We all were." the blonde reminded him.
Heero shook his head. "But that's all I ever was. You were more than that."
"You're not a terrorist! You're not a weapon!" Quatre said firmly.
Heero poked his sandwich. "Then what I?" he asked quietly.
"Human."
His smile was a bit ironic. "I guess."
"You're human and don't you ever forget it."
"Yeah," said Heero. "But it's what kind of human."
"Feeling, breathing, caring human."
Heero sighed a bit.
Quatre put his hands on Heero's face and smiled. "I know you can care. It's obvious."
Heero dropped his eyes, unused to Quatre's touch. "Yeah. I know."
"Heero..."
"Yeah?"
He leaned up and kissed his forehead. "We'll be okay."
That made Heero look up at Quatre in surprise.
Quatre smiled softly.
"I don't know if we will or not, but...I guess it is good for us to be together now," Heero sighed. "But...Quatre...are you all right?" he asked earnestly.
"I will be, Heero." He said with a smile that seemed... Fake. "I am always alright."
Heero shook his head, not entirely sure he believed him. "You can trust us," he told Quatre. "We'll stand by you. I will, and I know the others will too."
At Heero's words, the mask slipped away. Quatre's eyes darkened a bit and his smile faded. "I haven't been alright for months now." He leaned against the other pilot.
"What's wrong?" Heero asked quietly.
"It's everything... For months, I wanted to die. Just to escape the pain and return home."
Heero nodded, understanding, putting an arm around him again.
"It was... It was too much. I thought that maybe having Trowa here would help. It did a little. But, the feelings never went away." Quatre sighed.
Heero nodded. "I know those feelings," he murmured. "But...we have to survive them."
"Sometimes Heero... I don't know if I can survive."
"Me neither. But...what else can we do? I had to get used to people wanting me to live. And I know people want you to live. I want you to live."
He looked up at Heero. "I know I want you to survive."
"Well, then death is out," he sighed. "For both of us."
"Promise?"
"If you do," he replied.
"I do promise."
"Me too," said Heero. "We'll be all right. You're not alone."
"One of my nightmares... I always think I'm going to end up alone."
"I've always believed I would end up alone," Heero replied. "I always was before."
"You're not going to be alone anymore Heero. You have us."
"I guess so," he sighed.
"No guessing about it. You do." The blonde said, poking Heero's side.
"Sure," chuckled Heero.
"I'm serious. "
"I know you are," Heero replied. "But you have us, too. And we do care, even if you don't believe it. I don't know why you wouldn't."
"I'm scared this is a dream and that I'll wake up alone."
"I've sort of hoped this is a dream," Heero replied quietly. "But Quatre, what can we...what can I do to help you?"
"Just assure me that I'm not alone... That I don't need to keep everything inside..."
"You're not. You don't," Heero told him.
Quatre nodded, a faint smile on his face.
Heero nodded and reached for the sandwiches. "Why don't we eat something, hmm?"
"Alright." He said pulling away.
Heero nodded as he set them on the table.
The blonde walked over to the table and sat down, after getting two glasses of iced tea.
"Thanks, Quatre," Heero said quietly.
"You're welcome Heero." He said with a smile.
When: The night after this conversation
Where: In the pilots' apartment
Rating: G
Summary: Heero and Quatre are both upset after a confrontation in Quatre's journal, so they need to talk over sandwiches.
Heero was hungry. He hadn't had any dinner and woke up needing something to eat. He pulled on some pants and went out to the kitchen to rummage in the fridge to perhaps make a sandwich or something.
Dressed in a pair of sweats and a tank top, Quatre went out into the kitchen. He looked horrible. His eyes where still red and puffy from crying and he had bags under his eyes from a lack of sleep. The blonde sighed as walked in, head hanging low. He didn't notice Heero...
Heero straightened up with some bread and meat. It took him a moment to see that Quatre had entered the kitchen, head hanging, looking miserable. He dropped the stuff onto the counter in silence. He wasn't sure he had anything to say.
Still not really seeing Heero, he moved to make himself a cup of tea. The little blonde just looked generally like the world was coming to an end.
Heero sighed and returned to the fridge for some condiments, throwing Quatre a sharp glance.
Quatre moved slowly. He was shaking a bit as he took out a cup. "Heero..." he whispered softly, but had no idea that the pilot was actually in the kitchen.
"Hmm?" Heero set the jar on the counter rather sharply.
He jumped and spun around. His eyes widened widely as he dropped the cup. It fell to the ground, shattering.
Heero turned then too. "What's wrong?" he asked a bit gruffly, looking at the shattered pieces of cup. He looked around for a broom or something.
"I'm sorry..." He managed to choke out before fleeing from the kitchen. Quatre only got as far as the hallway towards his room before he fell to his knees, crying.
Heero started to pick up the broken pieces, then sighed and changed his mind, tossing them down and heading after Quatre. He found him crying in the hall. He paused and crouched down behind him. "What's wrong with you, Quatre?" he asked quietly.
"I'm sorry... I'm so sorry... It's all my fault." He sobbed, "It's my fault."
"What is your fault?"
"You left because of our fight and you... You died."
"Did I?" Heero asked dryly. "I wasn't informed."
He shuddered and seemed to curl up on himself.
"Quatre..."
"It's all my fault."
"I don't know what you're talking about, so I can't tell you if it is or not," Heero told him.
"Nightmare..."
"That's just a dream. I have them too sometimes," Heero said quietly.
"It was so real... I... I'm sorry."
"You have no reason to be sorry," Heero told him.
"I can't do this anymore..." he whispered as he just sagged.
"Do what?" Heero asked quietly.
"Be strong."
"Who's strong?" Heero sighed. "Sometimes we just do what we can."
"I should be strong! There's people to protect!"
"Yeah," Heero stood up then. "And you think you're the only one who cares."
Quatre didn't reply as he forced himself to stand up. He was shaking.
"You think you're the only one who can do anything," Heero continued. "Of course you can't do it forever."
"I don't think that!"
"That's what you're implying. I can't believe you don't think we care."
"I don't know what to think! I can't even believe in myself anymore! I'm just useless..."
"You aren't," sighed Heero. "Quatre, you know you're not."
"I'm sorry, Heero."
"Don't apologize. I just don't know what brought this on. Come on," he sighed, heading back towards the kitchen.
Quatre didn't move at first. Then slowly he turned and shuffled back into the kitchen.
Heero went to gather up the pieces of the cup first, gathering them all and dumping them out before returned his attention to his sandwich. "Do you want something to eat?" he asked.
"Sure."
Heero nodded and pulled out a couple more slices of bread. "Hope a sandwich is all right. I'm not much of a cook."
"It's alright." Quatre whispered softly.
Heero looked thoughtful as he worked. "You were the one who showed me how to make a sandwich, weren't you?"
"You remembered..."
"Of course I do. I hadn't buttered toast before I met you."
Quatre smiled. "Heero... I'm sorry I didn't believe in you. I just... I don't know what came over me."
"I think...this place makes us feel helpless. I don't know, maybe we became too dependant on the gundams." He shook his head. "Some of those things out there...there's nothing we can do. That madman, some of those monsters, these weird...events..." he shrugged.
"When it was just Duo and I... There was this creature. I don't know if it was human or what. It would come out at night and..." Quatre shuddered violently, "It would rip the skin off of still living people and... Heero, Duo shot it again and again and it kept coming."
Heero nodded. "Duo told me about that," he said. "It really shook him."
"I have nightmares about it still."
Heero nodded. Sounded reasonable to him. He reached for a knife. "I'm sure I would too," he replied.
Quatre watched Heero and then walked over, hugging him tightly.
Heero shifted to put an arm around him.
"When you first arrived, you wouldn't have hugged me back."
"I guess not," Heero said quietly.
"I'm glad that you are, though."
"Yeah..."
Quatre pulled away and smiled up at Heero.
Heero smiled a little himself.
"I'm glad that we're here together, all of us, and safe."
Heero sighed a bit. "I would rather we were together and safe back home..." he paused. They wouldn't be together then, would they? He had gone out his hospital window and crept out into the night. He looked away a bit guiltily.
"Heero, what did you do back home?"
"I survived," he said quietly.
"Heero!"
Heero shook his head. "I'm not sure what you're asking."
"You're guilty about something."
"No," he protested, just a bit petulantly. "I was just thinking...if we were back home we probably wouldn't be together. That's all."
"I like being together."
"In this situation, it's prudent," Heero replied.
Quatre nodded.
"Back on Earth..." Heero shrugged. "Things were different."
"They were..." Quatre looked down.
"I thought I would bring trouble if I stayed close," Heero murmured, reaching for the sandwiches.
"You don't bring trouble!"
"I was a terrorist," Heero said quietly.
"We all were." the blonde reminded him.
Heero shook his head. "But that's all I ever was. You were more than that."
"You're not a terrorist! You're not a weapon!" Quatre said firmly.
Heero poked his sandwich. "Then what I?" he asked quietly.
"Human."
His smile was a bit ironic. "I guess."
"You're human and don't you ever forget it."
"Yeah," said Heero. "But it's what kind of human."
"Feeling, breathing, caring human."
Heero sighed a bit.
Quatre put his hands on Heero's face and smiled. "I know you can care. It's obvious."
Heero dropped his eyes, unused to Quatre's touch. "Yeah. I know."
"Heero..."
"Yeah?"
He leaned up and kissed his forehead. "We'll be okay."
That made Heero look up at Quatre in surprise.
Quatre smiled softly.
"I don't know if we will or not, but...I guess it is good for us to be together now," Heero sighed. "But...Quatre...are you all right?" he asked earnestly.
"I will be, Heero." He said with a smile that seemed... Fake. "I am always alright."
Heero shook his head, not entirely sure he believed him. "You can trust us," he told Quatre. "We'll stand by you. I will, and I know the others will too."
At Heero's words, the mask slipped away. Quatre's eyes darkened a bit and his smile faded. "I haven't been alright for months now." He leaned against the other pilot.
"What's wrong?" Heero asked quietly.
"It's everything... For months, I wanted to die. Just to escape the pain and return home."
Heero nodded, understanding, putting an arm around him again.
"It was... It was too much. I thought that maybe having Trowa here would help. It did a little. But, the feelings never went away." Quatre sighed.
Heero nodded. "I know those feelings," he murmured. "But...we have to survive them."
"Sometimes Heero... I don't know if I can survive."
"Me neither. But...what else can we do? I had to get used to people wanting me to live. And I know people want you to live. I want you to live."
He looked up at Heero. "I know I want you to survive."
"Well, then death is out," he sighed. "For both of us."
"Promise?"
"If you do," he replied.
"I do promise."
"Me too," said Heero. "We'll be all right. You're not alone."
"One of my nightmares... I always think I'm going to end up alone."
"I've always believed I would end up alone," Heero replied. "I always was before."
"You're not going to be alone anymore Heero. You have us."
"I guess so," he sighed.
"No guessing about it. You do." The blonde said, poking Heero's side.
"Sure," chuckled Heero.
"I'm serious. "
"I know you are," Heero replied. "But you have us, too. And we do care, even if you don't believe it. I don't know why you wouldn't."
"I'm scared this is a dream and that I'll wake up alone."
"I've sort of hoped this is a dream," Heero replied quietly. "But Quatre, what can we...what can I do to help you?"
"Just assure me that I'm not alone... That I don't need to keep everything inside..."
"You're not. You don't," Heero told him.
Quatre nodded, a faint smile on his face.
Heero nodded and reached for the sandwiches. "Why don't we eat something, hmm?"
"Alright." He said pulling away.
Heero nodded as he set them on the table.
The blonde walked over to the table and sat down, after getting two glasses of iced tea.
"Thanks, Quatre," Heero said quietly.
"You're welcome Heero." He said with a smile.