Rest In Peace Shiloh
Shiloh
1993-2008
From the time you were born I have known you. You were born in a filthy burn pile in the country. Maggy helped deliver you because she was small enough to crawl into the burn pile with your mother, an old golden retriever named Goldy. Momma Shawn tried to get down there too but she got stuck and the fire department had to come retrieve her, Maggy, Goldy, your siblings and you from the burn pile. You didn't have a great start in life, your mother had bad nutrition and you and your siblings were sick. You ate what you could find on the farm including things like leaves and pine needles. It was very sad to see you this way. Then mom and I decided to take you home to live with us and you have been with me ever since.
For the last 15 years you have been with me
From the time you were a tiny puppy and I was just a 10 year old child.
On my first day home with you I took you swimming at the river. Then that night my mom and I went skinny dipping in our pool. You were pacing on the deck. You climbed up on the rim of the pool and fell in. Mom and I had a good laugh.
I slept in the laundry room hallway for weeks while you were being paper trained so I could be with you at night. Once you were potty trained you never had accidents unless you truly could not help it.
Your constant companionship helped cure my childhood fear of the dark.
You were such a good puppy. You didn't chew up my shoes or my toys but knew the difference between your stuff and mine.
I would have my toys meticulously set up around my room and you took great care to not knock them down. Grandma always said it was a fire hazard to set up my toys that way.
I took you to puppy kindergarten where I learned puppy training techniques. Then as you advanced I took you to formal training classes where we flew through to advanced training.
Because of you, I learned valuable dog training skills which have helped me become a professional dog trainer now.
After training I taught you help me take care of my mom. When mom asked for something I would hand it to you and tell you to bring it to her and you always would.
You helped mom walk without her walker because when she walked with you, you would put just enough tension on the leash to keep her moving along. You were so smart and so willing to help. Praise and love were your number one motivators.
One day while I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom, you came in to be next to me. I noticed that you purposely pushed the door closed so you could lay down behind me. Your intelligence was amazing. I began to reinforce you closing the door and within a day you had learned to close any door I wanted on command. This really helped mom as well.
I tried to train you to turn off the lights which you did, but you scratched the paint on the wall in the process which made grandma mad at us so we didn't do that very often.
I made up Christmas plays and trained you routines to act in them, then we would preform in front of the family on Christmas eve to everyones delight.
I used to dress you up and paint your nails. You didn't mind being dressed up but you hated the smell of nail polish and would try to hide from me whenever I got it out. I would paint your nails anyway and you held still for me even though you would pull your head as far away from the polish as possible.
You were great at hide and seek. I would tell you to stay at the bottom of the stairs and run up to hide. Then I would call for you and you would search frantically until you found me, under the bed, behind a door, in the bathtub or where ever I was. We even did search and rescue training in the park. I would have mom or who ever I was with hold on to you and I would take off and hide somewhere. You would search the park until you found me and you never failed.
You were very protective and could attack on command... “kill.” You were such a good dog, people had a hard time believing you would actually bite if I asked you to, but you would. Maggy got the brunt of your attacks most of the time because I would convince her to help me practice this training with you. Cory didn't believe it because you knew him so well and he thought you didn't have it in you so I challenged him to hit me and run one day and sure enough as soon as I said “kill” you chased him down and got him to his great surprise.
Once when you were not even a year old, before I even trained you to do this, Rocky who you had never met at the time was messing with mom and her dog Jessie. You and I were walking back to camp and we could see that mom was sitting in a lawn chair with Jessie at her feet. Rocky started stomping his feet and jumping toward mom which made Jessie go crazy trying to protect her. You took of running and before I could do anything you ran up behind Rocky and bit him right in the butt. He turned and kicked you but you tried to bite his leg. I got there and pulled you back. He was pretty pissed off at first but later he apologized for kicking you and told me you were a damn good dog to be that protective of mom at such a young age. Since you didn't know him, to you, he was just some stranger attacking mom and Jessie. You had good discretion in these situations however, and after I trained you to attack on command, you always waited for my directions before you acted.
You were amazingly fast. Mom and I started to take you to McGiver park to let you run next to the car. You could hit speeds of 35mph and run for hours. You never wanted to stop even when we knew you were exhausted. Some unfortunate squirrels would find themselves in your path when you were at top speed and many of them didn't make it... That is how you got that scar on your face, one squirrel bit back and I didn't realize it until I was giving you a bath at home to wash the blood off. No matter how much I scrubbed your face it stayed wet with blood. Then I saw the little wound and felt bad for scrubbing it so hard. Even though you were a squirrel murderer, you knew the difference between animals it was ok to attack and animals it was not ok to attack. I had pet rats and other small furies over the years which I could put right on your head and you would never hurt them. Even wild or loose animals were safe from you if I told you to “leave it.” One day, you helped me round up the neighbors rabbits when they got out. You worked as a team with me to corner and catch the helpless bunnies but you never put your mouth on them. One time, Squirk the squirrel I was rehabilitating got out of his cage. I had to act fast to get the other dogs out of the room but I knew you would not hurt him despite your squirrel killing past because you knew he was one of “mamma's babies” as I would call live things you were not allowed to hurt or eat. Rather, you helped me heard him back to his cage, never hurting a hair on him even though you could have swallowed him up in one gulp before I had a chance to stop you if you had wanted to.
As mom's dog Jessie got old and could no longer play rough with you, you modified your play with her and would stand and let her playfully bark in your face and you would bark at her. To get some good exercise I would put Jessie inside the tennis court and you outside of it and the two of you would chase each other round and round with her cutting all the corners because she couldn't keep up.
People loved to watch you jump the nets in the tennis court too. I trained you to pay attention by leaving a door open in the tennis court, putting you inside and walking along the outside to the other end with you following me. At the end I would continue to walk away and at first you freaked out trying to follow me but then you figured out you had to run back to the entrance and around to get to me. I loved how well you solved problems like that.
You went everywhere with me when I was a child. I would always take you when I went outside to play with the neighbor kids. You made me feel safe when I was out wandering. You and I spent hours playing soccer too. You were great at this game and made a wonderful goalie. Once when we were camping at Metzler park, all the kids in camp started a soccer game. Within a few minutes everyone was fighting over what team you and I got to be on because they all wanted you on their team.
One night you, Shawna and I were walking home from her moms house in the dark. We tried to turn down the short cut by the woods and for some reason you refused to go that way. You yanked and pulled me and even though you were well trained, nothing I could do would make you stop. We gave up and went the long way around. I always wondered if there was some danger lurking down by the woods that night that you were protecting me from.
I spent an entire summer calling you not by your name, Shiloh but renamed you “Sea Dog” while playing a fantasy game with two friends, Amy and Sarah.
When ever it snowed you would pull me down the street on my sled and everyone who saw thought it was so neat. The last time we did that was about 4 years ago when I took you sledding with Zoe to show her how fun it was to have you pull. I knew I shouldn't have done that, you were older and it probably hurt but you did it anyway with all your might, because I asked you too.
One year I got Rollerblades for my birthday and I was just learning how to skate on them. You and I took off and went around and around the block for hours. You wanted to go a lot faster then I could comfortably let you. As time past we became pros at roller blading and you took me to speeds I could never reach on my own. This is when I started to teach you not to go on the curbs because it was disastrous for me when you did. My friends all wanted rides with you, so I would let them take turns holding the leash when you ran, pulling them down the street on their skates.
When you were about a year old we took you to Anthony lakes for the first time. You discovered there were fish in the creek and chased them up and down the stream for hours in the meadow. One day a man saw you fishing and offered me and mom a thousand dollars to buy you because he thought you were such a special dog. I refused, I would never have sold you for any amount.
Several times Grandma and Grandpa tried to give you away and I always fought furiously to keep you. I would have done anything to keep you safe with me.
One time, Ted Baden shot a gun at you and tried to kill you. I ran out in front of him, getting myself between you and him and screamed at him that if he wanted to kill you, he would have to shoot me too. Momma Shawn came out and threw rocks at Ted until he put the gun away. It's a good thing he was a terrible shot. I cried so hard after that because I almost lost you.
Since then, I have had dreams over the years where people have tried to harm or kill you and I have fought viscously to save you.
Josh always teased me because I told him long ago that I would choose you over him if it came down to it. Other friends have witnessed my defensiveness of you as well.
However, through all this, nothing I could do would match your unwavering loyalty to me.
When I was a child and through my life you were my best friend. Through all the social turmoils, loneliness and friends that came and went, you were always there. When I would cry you would cuddle up with me and kiss the tears away. When ever I as sick you would lay with me contently until I felt better again.
When I was a teenager I went through some rough times at home and took off for long periods of time. There were many times that I would come home just to see you. Sometimes I would pack up your little red doggy backpack with dog food and take you with me on my teenage adventures. I could take you on the bus by saying you were a service dog in training. You played the part well and behaved yourself.
After I calmed down a bit from my teenage wildness, you and I grew ever closer. We added Rontue to the family and Joe and James moved in too. We took you and Rontue for walks all the time.
When we had to put mom's dog, Jessie to sleep, you laid on her blanket with her as she passed away. When we buried her, you sat with us at her grave and comforted us while we cried.
When Joe and James were gone and Mom moved to an assisted living home it was just me, you and Rontue. The three of us were so close, my two beautiful, sweet companions. I taught the two of you to run on either side of me while I rode my bike and gave you the sled dog commands “gee” and “ha” for left and right so you wouldn't interfere with my bike turning and make me fall. You were also very good at stopping on command.
One year at Anthony lakes, Rocky's lab, Arrow joined us in our bike ridding and hiking. The three of you were so good, you would heal next to my bike when ever I asked and everyone complimented me on how well trained the three of you were. When we would go hiking in the wilderness, I called you and Arrow my scouts and Rontue my protector. The three of you seemed to work together, you and Arrow would run in large circles around me to scout the area and Rontue always stayed by my side to make sure nothing got me. There was that one day that I took you three way off trail into the mountains above Black lake. The further I went, the more uneasy you became. I realized at some point that something was very wrong because you and the other dogs kept growling and perking up as if there was something stalking us. I got freaked out and we headed back. For miles you stayed on alert and even though it was scary, I knew the three of you would keep me safe.
When Josh and I got together you became his dog too. He loved you and Rontue and we added Sircle to the family. We had many good years together in this dynamic. When Josh and I would fight, you and Rontue would always crowd around me and even jump in my lap together. If I chose to leave the house during fights I always brought you with me. One night you, Rontue and I spent the night in the book loft at Reed College because of a fight with Josh. On a different night after a fight, I brought you with me when I left and you and I ended up spending the night at Stephanie's house on her couch. I never had to be alone because you were always there when I needed you. I can't fathom how many of my tear drops have been absorbed by your soft coat.
You were a very loyal dog and could be trusted to do as you were supposed to. I could put a plate of food in front of you on the floor and tell you to “leave it” and then I could walk away for any amount of time and come back and the food would still be there untouched. You would guard my food from the other dogs too. This was less true in your old age however. *Smiles*
I used to have to tie Rontue and Sircle up in the yard to keep them from taking themselves on an unsanctioned walk around the neighborhood, but you would never leave the perimeter of the yard and I could leave you outside completely unattended without worry. There was that one time that Josh and I went to Canada for three days to pick up Scott. My grandparents took care of you and the other dogs. The day we were to return Grandma had tied up Sircle and Rontue in the yard and left you unattended like I always did. Since I was not there you actually left the yard for once in your life and went looking for me. I came home a few hours later and grandma was very distraught that you were gone. I immediately got back in the car to go look for you. I found you trotting down the street on your way home from the grade school. You jumped in the car and gave me lots of love. I knew why you went to the grade school too- When I was a child, Mom would take you there to meet me after school and we would always take you for walks there. You must have thought that is where I went whenever I was gone so you went to look for me there. Your memory was fantastic.
When Rontue unexpectedly died four years ago, you were very sad with me. When ever I cried you comforted me. When we buried him, you were right there with me. You always stayed by my side in times like this. It makes me miss you all the more because I need your comfort now more then ever.
A year ago when I had my very painful ovarian cyst, I had to lay on the couch for a month. I could barely walk and I was in so much pain. You laid with me the whole time and comforted me. I was so thankful that you were there to keep me company on those long painful days alone.
When mom was in a comma and really sick a few months ago, they let me bring you with me to stay the night in her room. That night, Mom woke up for the first time in days and you put your paws on her bed and kissed her hands. She was delighted to see you there when she woke up. You brought a smile to everyone's face there. You were such a loving, sensitive dog, you always knew how to make people who needed you feel better.
There were times in your old age when I had to take extra care of you too. You had that tumor on your leg that seemed to suck the life out of you. I had to find a way to get the money to get it removed and once it was gone you got a lot better. Uncle Joe helped make that happen for you.
Sometimes your skin would get bad and I had to get special shampoo for you at the vet. You were allergic to fleas so you had to have advantage, even when we couldn't afford to give it to the other dogs, we always made sure to have it for you. You would get ear infections often and I always had to clean out your ears which you hated, but you put up with it because you knew I was just trying to make it better. I gave you lots of supplements over the years to keep you healthy, glucosamine, Omega fatty fish oil pills, echenasia, brewers yeast... I always had aspirin and remadyl on hand for days when your arthritis seemed to be acting up.
Sometimes you would loose your apatite for dry dog food so I would make you eggs in the morning and give you a can of wet puppy food at night. You loved your puppy food and it always seemed to give you energy and make you feel better. I always wanted you to be comfortable and happy and did everything I could to support you in your old age because I knew you would not be with me forever and for all the love and loyalty you showed me over the years I owed it to you to try to take care of you the best I could.
One time you got an inner ear infection and I didn't realize it. You woke up one morning and you suddenly couldn't keep your balance. I thought you had a stroke or something terrible like that. I had to carry you back and forth from outside and bring you small dishes of food and water since you could not reach them on your own. I thought you were dying and I was devastated. I was going to put you to sleep but then Maggy told me she thought it could be an inner ear infection so I treated your ears and you got better! You were so resilient and your will to live and pull through the hard times was amazing. When ever you had a down time like that I worked hard to help you pull through and you always did.
This experience with you helped me save another dog too. My grandparents neighbor's dog started to act the way you did when you had an inner ear infection. Their vet didn't know what was wrong and suggested putting the dog down. My grandparents gave them my phone number to see if there was anything I could do. I suggested they try cleaning their dogs ears with apple cider vinegar and using baytril drops. Their dog got better and they were so happy and thankful.
This last summer that I spent with you, you got to go camping a few times. We took you hiking up the road and you got to play in the creek. Every night you got extra special treats in your food including one of your favorites, bacon grease.
You were willful and strong to the day you died. You always followed me from room to room as you had your whole life. Even in your old age when you were clumsy and arthritic, you watched me like a hawk and always wanted to be in the same room with me. Just that morning you had been up and following me around, doing your daily things. You were going outside, cleaning up the floor after the kid's meals and hanging out with me while I babysat. I always gave you the best of the left overs and saved you my last bites from my meals. That day I gave you a leftover piece of pizza and you ate it enthusiastically. Nothing seemed different then any other recent day.
That night I left to go to Stephanie's birthday party and I had no idea this was your last evening alive. While I was gone, Maggy said you slipped on the linoleum in the kitchen and when she tried to help you up, your legs were stiff and you could not walk. She made a bed for you in the living room and called me home because you were not breathing well. I came home as soon as I heard. I immediately went to you, pet you and gave you kisses. You seemed relieved that I was there.
I laid down on the floor next to you and cuddled with you as you always did for me when I didn't feel good. You were breathing hard, your paws were cold, your eyes were wide and your gums were pale. I could have tried to rush you to the vet but I knew it would just confuse and distress you to be moved in that state. I wish I could have fixed you like I always had in the past but it was your time to go and I knew the only thing I could do was keep you comfortable and let you know I was there with you. I knew you were dying and I wanted your last moments to be peaceful and calm so I just stayed cuddled up with you and reassured you. Within 20 minutes, you were gone. As your last act in life, you were waiting loyally for me to come be with you before you died You died in my arms with me kissing your face and letting my tears fall on you. I told you what a good dog you were and how much I loved you. I pet you continuously even after the end. I witnessed your last breath and felt your body tense up and then relax in your last moments.
That night I could not bear to leave your side or move you. I slept on the couch next to you for a few hours before the sun came up. In the morning, we took you to my grandparents house and buried you with Rontue and Jessie. Sircle came with us and she wined and cried for you along with us. After we finished burying you we took Sircle for a walk at your favorite park nearby and remembered all the good times we had with you. I cried a lot that day and I continue to cry for you.
Now I miss you with all my heart. I hear the other dogs tags jingling, and think it's you. I always look around and expect to see you. Since you have been by my side for 15 years it is hard to realize you are not there. I find myself forgetting you are gone. I go to take the dogs out and expect to see you charging out the back door with them. I still habitually save my last bite of food for you, but you are not there to eat it. I wonder why there are cracker crumbs or cheerios on the kitchen floor and realize it's because you were not there to eat them as they fell while the kids were eating. I see your shampoo and your bath mats in the bathroom when I ever I go in there. I have your medication in my medicine cabinet and your special wet food in my cupboard. I have your food dish, dog beds and your collar... All empty... like my life feels right now without you here.
Nothing can ever replace you sweet Shy. You were there through my development from a child to an adult. You were there for me in the times when no one else was. My bond with you was stronger then my bond with any other living thing on this planet. I know you lived a good long life and it was your time to go. You stayed with me as long as nature and your body would permit you too. We spent more then half my life, and all of yours, together. Right up to the end you followed me and stayed as close to me as you could possibly be at all times. I will love you always and your long presence in my life will last forever. Rest in peace my dear, sweet, Shiloh.
1993-2008
From the time you were born I have known you. You were born in a filthy burn pile in the country. Maggy helped deliver you because she was small enough to crawl into the burn pile with your mother, an old golden retriever named Goldy. Momma Shawn tried to get down there too but she got stuck and the fire department had to come retrieve her, Maggy, Goldy, your siblings and you from the burn pile. You didn't have a great start in life, your mother had bad nutrition and you and your siblings were sick. You ate what you could find on the farm including things like leaves and pine needles. It was very sad to see you this way. Then mom and I decided to take you home to live with us and you have been with me ever since.
For the last 15 years you have been with me
From the time you were a tiny puppy and I was just a 10 year old child.
On my first day home with you I took you swimming at the river. Then that night my mom and I went skinny dipping in our pool. You were pacing on the deck. You climbed up on the rim of the pool and fell in. Mom and I had a good laugh.
I slept in the laundry room hallway for weeks while you were being paper trained so I could be with you at night. Once you were potty trained you never had accidents unless you truly could not help it.
Your constant companionship helped cure my childhood fear of the dark.
You were such a good puppy. You didn't chew up my shoes or my toys but knew the difference between your stuff and mine.
I would have my toys meticulously set up around my room and you took great care to not knock them down. Grandma always said it was a fire hazard to set up my toys that way.
I took you to puppy kindergarten where I learned puppy training techniques. Then as you advanced I took you to formal training classes where we flew through to advanced training.
Because of you, I learned valuable dog training skills which have helped me become a professional dog trainer now.
After training I taught you help me take care of my mom. When mom asked for something I would hand it to you and tell you to bring it to her and you always would.
You helped mom walk without her walker because when she walked with you, you would put just enough tension on the leash to keep her moving along. You were so smart and so willing to help. Praise and love were your number one motivators.
One day while I was brushing my teeth in the bathroom, you came in to be next to me. I noticed that you purposely pushed the door closed so you could lay down behind me. Your intelligence was amazing. I began to reinforce you closing the door and within a day you had learned to close any door I wanted on command. This really helped mom as well.
I tried to train you to turn off the lights which you did, but you scratched the paint on the wall in the process which made grandma mad at us so we didn't do that very often.
I made up Christmas plays and trained you routines to act in them, then we would preform in front of the family on Christmas eve to everyones delight.
I used to dress you up and paint your nails. You didn't mind being dressed up but you hated the smell of nail polish and would try to hide from me whenever I got it out. I would paint your nails anyway and you held still for me even though you would pull your head as far away from the polish as possible.
You were great at hide and seek. I would tell you to stay at the bottom of the stairs and run up to hide. Then I would call for you and you would search frantically until you found me, under the bed, behind a door, in the bathtub or where ever I was. We even did search and rescue training in the park. I would have mom or who ever I was with hold on to you and I would take off and hide somewhere. You would search the park until you found me and you never failed.
You were very protective and could attack on command... “kill.” You were such a good dog, people had a hard time believing you would actually bite if I asked you to, but you would. Maggy got the brunt of your attacks most of the time because I would convince her to help me practice this training with you. Cory didn't believe it because you knew him so well and he thought you didn't have it in you so I challenged him to hit me and run one day and sure enough as soon as I said “kill” you chased him down and got him to his great surprise.
Once when you were not even a year old, before I even trained you to do this, Rocky who you had never met at the time was messing with mom and her dog Jessie. You and I were walking back to camp and we could see that mom was sitting in a lawn chair with Jessie at her feet. Rocky started stomping his feet and jumping toward mom which made Jessie go crazy trying to protect her. You took of running and before I could do anything you ran up behind Rocky and bit him right in the butt. He turned and kicked you but you tried to bite his leg. I got there and pulled you back. He was pretty pissed off at first but later he apologized for kicking you and told me you were a damn good dog to be that protective of mom at such a young age. Since you didn't know him, to you, he was just some stranger attacking mom and Jessie. You had good discretion in these situations however, and after I trained you to attack on command, you always waited for my directions before you acted.
You were amazingly fast. Mom and I started to take you to McGiver park to let you run next to the car. You could hit speeds of 35mph and run for hours. You never wanted to stop even when we knew you were exhausted. Some unfortunate squirrels would find themselves in your path when you were at top speed and many of them didn't make it... That is how you got that scar on your face, one squirrel bit back and I didn't realize it until I was giving you a bath at home to wash the blood off. No matter how much I scrubbed your face it stayed wet with blood. Then I saw the little wound and felt bad for scrubbing it so hard. Even though you were a squirrel murderer, you knew the difference between animals it was ok to attack and animals it was not ok to attack. I had pet rats and other small furies over the years which I could put right on your head and you would never hurt them. Even wild or loose animals were safe from you if I told you to “leave it.” One day, you helped me round up the neighbors rabbits when they got out. You worked as a team with me to corner and catch the helpless bunnies but you never put your mouth on them. One time, Squirk the squirrel I was rehabilitating got out of his cage. I had to act fast to get the other dogs out of the room but I knew you would not hurt him despite your squirrel killing past because you knew he was one of “mamma's babies” as I would call live things you were not allowed to hurt or eat. Rather, you helped me heard him back to his cage, never hurting a hair on him even though you could have swallowed him up in one gulp before I had a chance to stop you if you had wanted to.
As mom's dog Jessie got old and could no longer play rough with you, you modified your play with her and would stand and let her playfully bark in your face and you would bark at her. To get some good exercise I would put Jessie inside the tennis court and you outside of it and the two of you would chase each other round and round with her cutting all the corners because she couldn't keep up.
People loved to watch you jump the nets in the tennis court too. I trained you to pay attention by leaving a door open in the tennis court, putting you inside and walking along the outside to the other end with you following me. At the end I would continue to walk away and at first you freaked out trying to follow me but then you figured out you had to run back to the entrance and around to get to me. I loved how well you solved problems like that.
You went everywhere with me when I was a child. I would always take you when I went outside to play with the neighbor kids. You made me feel safe when I was out wandering. You and I spent hours playing soccer too. You were great at this game and made a wonderful goalie. Once when we were camping at Metzler park, all the kids in camp started a soccer game. Within a few minutes everyone was fighting over what team you and I got to be on because they all wanted you on their team.
One night you, Shawna and I were walking home from her moms house in the dark. We tried to turn down the short cut by the woods and for some reason you refused to go that way. You yanked and pulled me and even though you were well trained, nothing I could do would make you stop. We gave up and went the long way around. I always wondered if there was some danger lurking down by the woods that night that you were protecting me from.
I spent an entire summer calling you not by your name, Shiloh but renamed you “Sea Dog” while playing a fantasy game with two friends, Amy and Sarah.
When ever it snowed you would pull me down the street on my sled and everyone who saw thought it was so neat. The last time we did that was about 4 years ago when I took you sledding with Zoe to show her how fun it was to have you pull. I knew I shouldn't have done that, you were older and it probably hurt but you did it anyway with all your might, because I asked you too.
One year I got Rollerblades for my birthday and I was just learning how to skate on them. You and I took off and went around and around the block for hours. You wanted to go a lot faster then I could comfortably let you. As time past we became pros at roller blading and you took me to speeds I could never reach on my own. This is when I started to teach you not to go on the curbs because it was disastrous for me when you did. My friends all wanted rides with you, so I would let them take turns holding the leash when you ran, pulling them down the street on their skates.
When you were about a year old we took you to Anthony lakes for the first time. You discovered there were fish in the creek and chased them up and down the stream for hours in the meadow. One day a man saw you fishing and offered me and mom a thousand dollars to buy you because he thought you were such a special dog. I refused, I would never have sold you for any amount.
Several times Grandma and Grandpa tried to give you away and I always fought furiously to keep you. I would have done anything to keep you safe with me.
One time, Ted Baden shot a gun at you and tried to kill you. I ran out in front of him, getting myself between you and him and screamed at him that if he wanted to kill you, he would have to shoot me too. Momma Shawn came out and threw rocks at Ted until he put the gun away. It's a good thing he was a terrible shot. I cried so hard after that because I almost lost you.
Since then, I have had dreams over the years where people have tried to harm or kill you and I have fought viscously to save you.
Josh always teased me because I told him long ago that I would choose you over him if it came down to it. Other friends have witnessed my defensiveness of you as well.
However, through all this, nothing I could do would match your unwavering loyalty to me.
When I was a child and through my life you were my best friend. Through all the social turmoils, loneliness and friends that came and went, you were always there. When I would cry you would cuddle up with me and kiss the tears away. When ever I as sick you would lay with me contently until I felt better again.
When I was a teenager I went through some rough times at home and took off for long periods of time. There were many times that I would come home just to see you. Sometimes I would pack up your little red doggy backpack with dog food and take you with me on my teenage adventures. I could take you on the bus by saying you were a service dog in training. You played the part well and behaved yourself.
After I calmed down a bit from my teenage wildness, you and I grew ever closer. We added Rontue to the family and Joe and James moved in too. We took you and Rontue for walks all the time.
When we had to put mom's dog, Jessie to sleep, you laid on her blanket with her as she passed away. When we buried her, you sat with us at her grave and comforted us while we cried.
When Joe and James were gone and Mom moved to an assisted living home it was just me, you and Rontue. The three of us were so close, my two beautiful, sweet companions. I taught the two of you to run on either side of me while I rode my bike and gave you the sled dog commands “gee” and “ha” for left and right so you wouldn't interfere with my bike turning and make me fall. You were also very good at stopping on command.
One year at Anthony lakes, Rocky's lab, Arrow joined us in our bike ridding and hiking. The three of you were so good, you would heal next to my bike when ever I asked and everyone complimented me on how well trained the three of you were. When we would go hiking in the wilderness, I called you and Arrow my scouts and Rontue my protector. The three of you seemed to work together, you and Arrow would run in large circles around me to scout the area and Rontue always stayed by my side to make sure nothing got me. There was that one day that I took you three way off trail into the mountains above Black lake. The further I went, the more uneasy you became. I realized at some point that something was very wrong because you and the other dogs kept growling and perking up as if there was something stalking us. I got freaked out and we headed back. For miles you stayed on alert and even though it was scary, I knew the three of you would keep me safe.
When Josh and I got together you became his dog too. He loved you and Rontue and we added Sircle to the family. We had many good years together in this dynamic. When Josh and I would fight, you and Rontue would always crowd around me and even jump in my lap together. If I chose to leave the house during fights I always brought you with me. One night you, Rontue and I spent the night in the book loft at Reed College because of a fight with Josh. On a different night after a fight, I brought you with me when I left and you and I ended up spending the night at Stephanie's house on her couch. I never had to be alone because you were always there when I needed you. I can't fathom how many of my tear drops have been absorbed by your soft coat.
You were a very loyal dog and could be trusted to do as you were supposed to. I could put a plate of food in front of you on the floor and tell you to “leave it” and then I could walk away for any amount of time and come back and the food would still be there untouched. You would guard my food from the other dogs too. This was less true in your old age however. *Smiles*
I used to have to tie Rontue and Sircle up in the yard to keep them from taking themselves on an unsanctioned walk around the neighborhood, but you would never leave the perimeter of the yard and I could leave you outside completely unattended without worry. There was that one time that Josh and I went to Canada for three days to pick up Scott. My grandparents took care of you and the other dogs. The day we were to return Grandma had tied up Sircle and Rontue in the yard and left you unattended like I always did. Since I was not there you actually left the yard for once in your life and went looking for me. I came home a few hours later and grandma was very distraught that you were gone. I immediately got back in the car to go look for you. I found you trotting down the street on your way home from the grade school. You jumped in the car and gave me lots of love. I knew why you went to the grade school too- When I was a child, Mom would take you there to meet me after school and we would always take you for walks there. You must have thought that is where I went whenever I was gone so you went to look for me there. Your memory was fantastic.
When Rontue unexpectedly died four years ago, you were very sad with me. When ever I cried you comforted me. When we buried him, you were right there with me. You always stayed by my side in times like this. It makes me miss you all the more because I need your comfort now more then ever.
A year ago when I had my very painful ovarian cyst, I had to lay on the couch for a month. I could barely walk and I was in so much pain. You laid with me the whole time and comforted me. I was so thankful that you were there to keep me company on those long painful days alone.
When mom was in a comma and really sick a few months ago, they let me bring you with me to stay the night in her room. That night, Mom woke up for the first time in days and you put your paws on her bed and kissed her hands. She was delighted to see you there when she woke up. You brought a smile to everyone's face there. You were such a loving, sensitive dog, you always knew how to make people who needed you feel better.
There were times in your old age when I had to take extra care of you too. You had that tumor on your leg that seemed to suck the life out of you. I had to find a way to get the money to get it removed and once it was gone you got a lot better. Uncle Joe helped make that happen for you.
Sometimes your skin would get bad and I had to get special shampoo for you at the vet. You were allergic to fleas so you had to have advantage, even when we couldn't afford to give it to the other dogs, we always made sure to have it for you. You would get ear infections often and I always had to clean out your ears which you hated, but you put up with it because you knew I was just trying to make it better. I gave you lots of supplements over the years to keep you healthy, glucosamine, Omega fatty fish oil pills, echenasia, brewers yeast... I always had aspirin and remadyl on hand for days when your arthritis seemed to be acting up.
Sometimes you would loose your apatite for dry dog food so I would make you eggs in the morning and give you a can of wet puppy food at night. You loved your puppy food and it always seemed to give you energy and make you feel better. I always wanted you to be comfortable and happy and did everything I could to support you in your old age because I knew you would not be with me forever and for all the love and loyalty you showed me over the years I owed it to you to try to take care of you the best I could.
One time you got an inner ear infection and I didn't realize it. You woke up one morning and you suddenly couldn't keep your balance. I thought you had a stroke or something terrible like that. I had to carry you back and forth from outside and bring you small dishes of food and water since you could not reach them on your own. I thought you were dying and I was devastated. I was going to put you to sleep but then Maggy told me she thought it could be an inner ear infection so I treated your ears and you got better! You were so resilient and your will to live and pull through the hard times was amazing. When ever you had a down time like that I worked hard to help you pull through and you always did.
This experience with you helped me save another dog too. My grandparents neighbor's dog started to act the way you did when you had an inner ear infection. Their vet didn't know what was wrong and suggested putting the dog down. My grandparents gave them my phone number to see if there was anything I could do. I suggested they try cleaning their dogs ears with apple cider vinegar and using baytril drops. Their dog got better and they were so happy and thankful.
This last summer that I spent with you, you got to go camping a few times. We took you hiking up the road and you got to play in the creek. Every night you got extra special treats in your food including one of your favorites, bacon grease.
You were willful and strong to the day you died. You always followed me from room to room as you had your whole life. Even in your old age when you were clumsy and arthritic, you watched me like a hawk and always wanted to be in the same room with me. Just that morning you had been up and following me around, doing your daily things. You were going outside, cleaning up the floor after the kid's meals and hanging out with me while I babysat. I always gave you the best of the left overs and saved you my last bites from my meals. That day I gave you a leftover piece of pizza and you ate it enthusiastically. Nothing seemed different then any other recent day.
That night I left to go to Stephanie's birthday party and I had no idea this was your last evening alive. While I was gone, Maggy said you slipped on the linoleum in the kitchen and when she tried to help you up, your legs were stiff and you could not walk. She made a bed for you in the living room and called me home because you were not breathing well. I came home as soon as I heard. I immediately went to you, pet you and gave you kisses. You seemed relieved that I was there.
I laid down on the floor next to you and cuddled with you as you always did for me when I didn't feel good. You were breathing hard, your paws were cold, your eyes were wide and your gums were pale. I could have tried to rush you to the vet but I knew it would just confuse and distress you to be moved in that state. I wish I could have fixed you like I always had in the past but it was your time to go and I knew the only thing I could do was keep you comfortable and let you know I was there with you. I knew you were dying and I wanted your last moments to be peaceful and calm so I just stayed cuddled up with you and reassured you. Within 20 minutes, you were gone. As your last act in life, you were waiting loyally for me to come be with you before you died You died in my arms with me kissing your face and letting my tears fall on you. I told you what a good dog you were and how much I loved you. I pet you continuously even after the end. I witnessed your last breath and felt your body tense up and then relax in your last moments.
That night I could not bear to leave your side or move you. I slept on the couch next to you for a few hours before the sun came up. In the morning, we took you to my grandparents house and buried you with Rontue and Jessie. Sircle came with us and she wined and cried for you along with us. After we finished burying you we took Sircle for a walk at your favorite park nearby and remembered all the good times we had with you. I cried a lot that day and I continue to cry for you.
Now I miss you with all my heart. I hear the other dogs tags jingling, and think it's you. I always look around and expect to see you. Since you have been by my side for 15 years it is hard to realize you are not there. I find myself forgetting you are gone. I go to take the dogs out and expect to see you charging out the back door with them. I still habitually save my last bite of food for you, but you are not there to eat it. I wonder why there are cracker crumbs or cheerios on the kitchen floor and realize it's because you were not there to eat them as they fell while the kids were eating. I see your shampoo and your bath mats in the bathroom when I ever I go in there. I have your medication in my medicine cabinet and your special wet food in my cupboard. I have your food dish, dog beds and your collar... All empty... like my life feels right now without you here.
Nothing can ever replace you sweet Shy. You were there through my development from a child to an adult. You were there for me in the times when no one else was. My bond with you was stronger then my bond with any other living thing on this planet. I know you lived a good long life and it was your time to go. You stayed with me as long as nature and your body would permit you too. We spent more then half my life, and all of yours, together. Right up to the end you followed me and stayed as close to me as you could possibly be at all times. I will love you always and your long presence in my life will last forever. Rest in peace my dear, sweet, Shiloh.