Worries, Coming This Fall
Pete starts kindergarten in the fall. And while part of me is really excited, another part of me is scared to death. Because I'm not sure how he's going to handle school.
I didn't have the fears with Teddy. With Teddy, it was more fears that he'd be bored because he was too smart. I was a little worried about teasing because of his weight, but I knew that he could make friends easily. When he was in PDO, he had several "best friends" that he played with every day. So the worries about how he'd handle school weren't as great.
Peter's a different kettle of fish all together. He doesn't have the desire to learn like Teddy does, but he's definitely got brains. He just chooses to use them when he wants to use them and no other time. Up until he was 3, I didn't worry about him. He'd been doing well in PDO, excited to go, loving to do artwork every day he was there, playing around the kids but that was the age. But when he came back just before he turned four, PDO became a different story all together.
Some of it, I think, was because it wasn't a good fit for him. He loved the art projects, and the teachers in his room were more focused on getting them ready for school, so there were a lot less of those. And he and his teachers just didn't get along. Pete would throw major temper tantrums when he was told to do something that he didn't want to do. He constantly had his hands in his mouth or down his pants, and he hated to wash them. For sanitary's sake, he needed to, but it was a really rough time trying to get him to. And the director told me that I needed to see about having him tested or going through the Regional Intervention Program because he was so far behind where he should be at his age. That, and none of the other kids really wanted to be around him because he was a bit weird. That broke my heart, even if Pete didn't seem to care.
By the end of the year, I was told that they thought he may fit in another program. They did let him graduate with his class, but even I could see the difference. Most of the kids up there stood (relatively) still while doing their graduation program. Pete twirled in circles, played his blow-up saxophone upside down instead of the way it was supposed to, and just generally acted closer to turning three than turning 5. We'd just started the RIP Program, right before PDO was out, so I hoped that it would clear up Pete's issues.
It helped some, but it helped me more than it did Pete. I was able to figure out ways to guide him without the threat of constant punishment. I was able to find things that worked to keep things on a bit more of an even keel. And I was able to find ways to bring my own stress levels down. But make Pete be ready for school? Be ready to sit in a classroom 8 hours a day? He could barely handle it for the two hours that we were there, and we moved between tasks every 15 to 30 minutes.
I was lucky to get him into another Parents' Day Out program, and this one was a much better fit for him. It wasn't just focusing on schoolwork. Oh, they definitely worked on writing their names, and learning their letters, and things they should have a handle on by the time they hit kindergarten. But they also did art projects every day, went outside to play daily (weather permitting) and didn't have to take naps. Naps had always been Pete's biggest problem at his previous PDO because he just refused to lay still and be quiet.
But just because it was a better fit doesn't mean it was a perfect one. The tantrums weren't as numerous, but he still had problems keeping his hands out of his mouth or out of his pants. And he would occasionally throw raging tantrums. He liked to run around and spin on tables, heedless of what was happening around him. And when I'd get there to pick him up, about half the time, he'd run off to the door of the church while I was trying to talk to his teacher. He couldn't sit still.
This winter, we had him tested for occupational therapy. His pediatrician was concerned about the way he was holding his pencil, gripping it in his fist instead of holding it between finger and thumb. It took us awhile to get him in for the eval, but the eval confirmed that yes, Pete did have a problem. He has something called "Sensory Perception Disorder - Sensory Seeker". Basically, he neurologically can't help want to seek out new sensations. He just needs more, more, more. And it explains a lot of the issues that he's had these last few years.
You'd think it would make me feel better, right? At least I know what's wrong, and he's going to therapy weekly to help him find ways to cope with it. But it makes me worry all the more. Because I'm not sure he'll be ready when August roles around to start kindergarten. He still has a hard time standing still - I was talking with his teacher today (they're graduating in two weeks and they were practicing for graduation) and she told me that he's at the end of the row and they worry about him falling because he gets so fidgety. And we can try to find ways to help keep him from fidgeting, but I'm not sure what will work best. Therapy has been suggesting crunchy foods like pretzels or hard candy, but Pete doesn't care for those. So we're still working it out.
I worry that we won't have it worked out by the time he starts school. I've requested that he have the same teacher Teddy did - I know her and I know her teaching style and it's a lot like the teachers he has this year at PDO. It will be a good fit for him. But kindergarten is also going to push him a lot more than PDO did. He'll need to sit for longer periods of time, he'll have less time to run around. How will he handle it? At his therapist's suggestion, we're starting the year off without the IEP because we want to see what he can do. But will that make it harder for him in the classroom. Will these classmates also steer clear of him because he's too "weird"? Am I setting him up for failure?
I know I'm probably worrying over nothing. There's three months before he starts school and a lot can change in that time. And he could surprise me. But he's my baby. My youngest. And I want him to be successful in school. I want him to be well liked and not a "problem child" that the each successive teacher is going to be dreading. I don't want him bullied or teased or made fun of. I want him to be happy. And I'm so scared that he won't be.