Golden sun, the sky so blue.
gesamtkunstwerk!
"We both know that I am not over you."
Or at least, I know, I am not over you yet and that is something I just want to get done and over with.
So honestly, you do know, you really bring me down. When I typed all those words that was being churned out not in a spur of anger but rather bitterness of being coldly left to deal with empty good for nothing promises you've made, I fuckingly hope you will choke to near death while reading them and then you will magically disappear from my mind. Prosopagnosia, feel free to take him away from my mind and return the other people that you have taken away from me, from my mind. The truth remains, Superwoman was spot on and I hated that, I am just not ready yet as much as I want to have a relationship. Well, no time for such things now even if I have both sexes coming up to me with decent or indecent proposals. Heh.
I have been talking to Mrs Cath. Tan lately, no idea why as well but she has been nice and all, very concerned and she has been like a friend, she pretty much shared with me some of the stuffs that she hardly does. I guess, in a way, this is to make up for the times we have not been able to see each other but be there for me by talking to me. Honestly, I think we are like on the same boat, at times, I feel that I am sick and tired of everything and I honestly feel that I have been working hard, going hard on myself and expecting a lot from myself. I need to really go easy and be kind to myself before I go berserk and die a terrible death. Seriously.
I don't think I am actually thinking a lot at the moment. Things just occur out of the blue and they trigger myself to think but not to the extend that they rob me out of my normal daily routines like eating and sleeping and of course bathing. I mean, the only time I am in deep thoughts, reflecting and sorts is when I am alone or I have nothing to do like especially during super killing boring modules like y'know A112 and A102. Sometimes, I feel so suffocated in school. There are also times that I am swept in a sea of regrets and uncertainties when I am in school or when I am alone after a whole day of slogging my ass off doing research and cramming my brains to understand the whole chunk of alien words staring right at my face from all the research materials. You know, sometimes, I wonder why did I choose to be in this Media & Communications related course. Why of all industries that I chose must be the Media and Communication industry? Why am I in this course when the areas of specialisation is may not even what I want to pursue as a career in the near future? Public Relations Executive? Heh. I am having one thousand thoughts about that because after browsing through some PR firms' websites, I realised it gets a little business-ish for me and for a person whose dictionary has never had the word 'business' exist in it, I doubt I will like it let alone survive in it. When Mel gave me a few PR firms to research on, I saw myself sinking deeper at the same time being sucked in by fear and uncertainties with the same words appearing right before me that shook me so hard, I was trembling with fear. I don't know man. Regrets just appear naturally and I cannot help it when in the first place, it is my dream to be in a Communication school, I just don't understand why it appears.
God save me. :( I guess, I am just lost right now. More lost than watching an episode of Lost. :p
I had lunch with Lixia and we brought up on the topic of me and my Prosopagnosia causing me to not be able to recognise people due to the impairment. And of course, I told her that there are some people that I am not able to recognise now and I am really not happy with it, in fact, I am very disappointed for not able to recognise some people even after doing face recognition exercise. It is like a minute ago, I can recognise you but the moment I close my eyes, you just don't appear in my mind anymore. And of course, you should know that there are just a few people that I die die wouldn't want to forget or unable to recognise but in the end, reality decide to burst my bubble and leave me unable to recognise them. It is sad, it is scary but I hope one day, I will be able to recognise them, magically or not.
School school is yawn and more yawn. Modules are getting even more and more yawn. Modules aside, some of the facilitators are really making full use of the last few weeks in school. Prem was irritatingly funny today and he got my comment for him and acted on it. He started smiling even more today and appearing more friendly which eased me a bit because he is too intimidating for me and that doesn't help when he has a body of some professional body builder. :p
I met Andy during lunch and yes, that faci has really his own ways with words. Such a sweetheart he really is. I can't wait for Culture Day tomorrow. I am so going to surprise him just like how I surprised Nyonya. Honestly speaking, I think my class loves him and of course, he loves us too. (:
Me : Andy! Ni hao ma? (Andy! How are you?)
Andy : Bu hao. :( ( I am not fine. :( )
Me : Haiyoh.. wei she me bu hao? (Why not fine?)
Andy : Ke shi, wo gan dao ni, wo jiu hao le. :) (But after seeing you, I am fine. :) )
Lol. Seriously, this facilitator is truly a sweetheart, truly lives up to his name.
Well, goodnight for now I suppose! Time for me to rest, time for me to relax after a hard day of work.
(I miss my Superwoman like crazy and it hurts that I can't remember her at all now.)