It's been a long time...
I don't even know where to begin.
My freshmen year of college was a very rude awakening. I learned so much about myself and others it is absolutely unreal. There are so many ways I have grown as a person, I really can't even explain. I feel like this entry is mainly going to be me rambling - My thoughts are so scattered right now.
I am in love with someone, and it doesn't look so good for us. Things have always been hard between us, every fight, all the jealousy, etc. But now things really don't look good. It's not that we're drifting or someone cheated... I adore her. It's just the fact that sometimes, when you really think about it... you aren't being treated entirely the way you deserve. So much for wishing people could change huh? I feel like I should be more mature, break it off because there are so many other people out there that would be able to treat me like a top priority. But this is way different. She's my best friend and my home. We have our share of issues, like any couple, but she gets me. All my stupid jokes, weird remarks and silly faces. She's just as weird. Not only that but when things are good with her, I feel on top of the world. I've never felt so full of emotion in my whole life. She makes it all real. Every time I think about my future, I see her in it. That's what really scares me.
I've had tough relationships in the past. I'd say I'm the most vulnerable lover out there. I act all cool and chill on the outside but I'm pretty much a baby. I have the worst jealousy and can't even help it. I try to, but I'm so protective. Not only that but ever since I got to college I have the worst self confidence. Everyone around me is finding their place, working hard to build this future for themselves but I don't even know what I want. I am so lost. I wish someone could help me find my place, basically direct me where to go, but that would only make it all so much worse.
I know I have to figure this all out on my own. But it's so hard. How are you supposed to know what to do? Let my heart or mind lead? What do I even want to do when I'm older?
These questions surround me and quite frankly, they scare me.
My freshmen year of college was a very rude awakening. I learned so much about myself and others it is absolutely unreal. There are so many ways I have grown as a person, I really can't even explain. I feel like this entry is mainly going to be me rambling - My thoughts are so scattered right now.
I am in love with someone, and it doesn't look so good for us. Things have always been hard between us, every fight, all the jealousy, etc. But now things really don't look good. It's not that we're drifting or someone cheated... I adore her. It's just the fact that sometimes, when you really think about it... you aren't being treated entirely the way you deserve. So much for wishing people could change huh? I feel like I should be more mature, break it off because there are so many other people out there that would be able to treat me like a top priority. But this is way different. She's my best friend and my home. We have our share of issues, like any couple, but she gets me. All my stupid jokes, weird remarks and silly faces. She's just as weird. Not only that but when things are good with her, I feel on top of the world. I've never felt so full of emotion in my whole life. She makes it all real. Every time I think about my future, I see her in it. That's what really scares me.
I've had tough relationships in the past. I'd say I'm the most vulnerable lover out there. I act all cool and chill on the outside but I'm pretty much a baby. I have the worst jealousy and can't even help it. I try to, but I'm so protective. Not only that but ever since I got to college I have the worst self confidence. Everyone around me is finding their place, working hard to build this future for themselves but I don't even know what I want. I am so lost. I wish someone could help me find my place, basically direct me where to go, but that would only make it all so much worse.
I know I have to figure this all out on my own. But it's so hard. How are you supposed to know what to do? Let my heart or mind lead? What do I even want to do when I'm older?
These questions surround me and quite frankly, they scare me.