Essay! Because Aaya logic needs a little asplainin'
ESSAY OF DOOM. MUSIC, RELATIONSHIPS OF IN CANON AND OUT, and me babbling a lot on how Ayame sees everyone else and why.
First priority! - Loves
See Hatori and Mine's section below! These are people who Ayame's world revolves around, absolutely and without question. He will do anything he can think of for them, he is very protective of them and will go to great lengths for them.
Second priority! - Family
Family is an odd issue with Ayame. He's not as close as most of the Sohma are. In his first appearance in the manga, Momiji's surprised to hear about him, that no one usually sees him outside of the New Years celebrations because Ayame lives "Outside." Even Shigure treats it as a rare visit... Hatori (possibly Haru through proxy) and Akito really might have been the only ones who'd heard from Ayame on any sort of semi regular basis. Most of his family Ayame sees as, more or less, general audience.
Yuki, of course, is the most well known exception. Ayame tells their background quite plainly. He barely knew he had a brother at all, Yuki was always at Akitos and Ayame was likely always out satisfying his own amusements and pleasures. He was pressed to remember his brother's name. When Yuki came to Ayame for help... Ayame walked away. Ayame tells it that at the time, he didn't actually understand fully what was going on, and what he lost in that moment (nor would have cared about losing), but thinks often on what he should have done, and should have said.
Ayame is looking for redemption for this time, and in fact much of his childhood. He is, like most Sohma, inept at interpersonal relationships and every time he opens up, the reflexive drawing back can just send them farther apart than ever. Ayame's very insecure and he overcompensates a lot. He honestly means well, just... no ability to express it like he should.
Just the smallest bit of forgiveness or kind word from Yuki does worlds for Ayame... and I really believe how much Yuki forgives him, factors greatly into how much Ayame forgives himself.
Akito's a weird one as well. Ayame is one of the four who had the dream when Akito was conceived, and every one of them has almost an incredible devotion to Akito. Shigure... is creepy, but very Shigure, Hatori's is impressive and rather professionally based... and Kureno. Well. Ayame's... is, like Ayame, very odd. Ayame only will make tea for three people, Hatori, Mine and Akito. ... By all rights, Ayame should HATE Akito. In fact, it's even in the selfish range of Ayame's personality to be inclined to. I don't think he CAN though. Personal, odd theory though.
His mother is something of a heartbreaking factor as well. We know of her pressure on Yuki to be everything she dreams of. Her... regard for Ayame is almost hatred. He appears and her first reaction is to start screaming at him. What are you doing, why are you here, how dare you sort of thing. Near the end, when Ayame's appearance gives Yuki enough strength to speak up, and Yuki does... She says she wishes she'd never given birth to either of them. This... visibly devastates Yuki... Ayame never blinks. From that, I doubt it's the first time he'd heard it.
He has never worked into her plans. He calls himself a hopeless dreamer, and smiles a little sadly when he says she'd given up on him, and shifted all her ambition onto Yuki. But he also lectured her on not taking this chance to be a real sort of family to Yuki. Look! He's letting us! Don't throw it away! She, unfortunately, doesn't really hear those words. As Ayame says to the teacher who witnesses all of this, there's no point in going after her, when she's this angry, she wont hear anything.
Camp, however, has been interesting in the fact he's really gotten a lot of interactions with his family here, and ... actually starting to feel close to them. He's taken up something of a reluctant adult role and will help with family emergencies and little issues when he does notice them. ... In classic Ayame style, but his heart is there. A lot of how he interacts with say Rin and Haru is based on what he remembers. Like him shoving Rin inna dress over the not talking to Haru... This had nothing to do with any knowledge of their current relationship, but what he remembered of them as children. This is just like him bringing peaches as a visiting gift to Yuki because that's what he remembered him liking.
So, Kisa, Rin and Haru in particular are actually out of the audience category, and inching into friends.
Third Priority! - Friends
These are playmates! These are people for one reason or another Ayame enjoys, either because they play well, or they just twitch the right way when he is playing. At some point, they've stepped out of the audience category and become a set of interactions for him. Depending on who they are, is what they get.
Shigure, is the canon playmate. They flirt rampantly, plot silliness, finish each other's sentences and slide effortlessly into routines. Shigure's also one of the only Ayame confides in with any seriousness, and Ayame can be steered by Shigure, but can't stop him quite like Hatori can. They truly seem to enjoy each other, a sort of old reliable company where everything that has been said is already done.
Akiha (See below because of complicated circumstances!),
Tsuzuki - Why is it puppy types? Heh, again, Tsuzuki and Ayame clicked almost immediately and while Ayame's not inclined to open up to Tsuzuki, he's happy to step out into any interactions. And really likes making Hisoka's parter twitch. He thinks they're an adorable couple, really.
Cagalli - He thinks of her as the adorable tomboy. He knows he frustrates and exhausts her, and will back off when things are too serious, but he really does enjoy her company, and actually listens to about a 1/4th of what she says. He's one of the few he has shown a serious side to here and there... and he honestly hopes for her happiness with Athrun. Even if it means tripping Athrun into it! Yeah, hearts in the wrong place, but it's hard to see with your head in the clouds.
Umeda - Just squeaking in, but would probably become more solid with time and interactions. The flirting war was incredibly endearing to Ayame, he had an absolute blast doing it. But it was the reaction during the whole 'lol threesome!' idea that rounded out Ayame's attention. He's not used to being taken seriously like that... even if he suspects that it had more to do with Akiha than him.
... Questionable Priority! - Audience
Everyone else fits here! They are the people he performs in front of. They are there to be shocked, to be amused, to admire, to be taken for and to be taken in. He doesn't expect them to understand, nor does he want them to. They're a wonderfully comfortable 'other people' who's reactions make Ayame feel alive and loved. Unfortunately, while he may remember the names of people who are in this category, or even have a few people who edge on common playmates, he doesn't really think of anyone once they are out of sight.
He does do a lot of beneficial actions towards other people that are sort of what he wants for himself. He's happy to step in (without knowing what the hell is going on) to couples disputes, to small squabbles, to familial spats.
There are a sub category of these that are sort of a limbo area... benefactors such as Kaylee or Ahiru fit here, where he doesn't know anything about them really, but appreciates what they had done for him without question. And there are those who he doesn't know what to think of really, like Simon and Dark Helmet. Their interactions are a time by time basis.
NOW! Onto the big complicated ones.
"Once, a long time ago, he talked to me seriously about it. I guess - to put it simply - he loves him."
Hatori
Ayame loves Hatori. Hatori loves Kana.
When we first are introduced to Ayame and Hatori, Ayame had made a rather unique entrance from... Tohru's shirt. Yes. He'd been visiting to check on Yuki, having heard that Akito had visited Yuki... but couldn't admit it outright and pretended he was here to see Tohru.
And he stays for days, stories, photos and insanity ensues. Finally Kyo and Yuki are at a breaking point, have screamed at him several times to just leave, even Shigure says there's no way Ayame will listen to what he says, even if it is his house. Hatori appears at the door and says "That's enough for today. Lets go home, Ayame." AND JUST LIKE THAT, Ayame drops everything with a "Well! BYE BYE!" And with a few whirlwind goodbyes, has simply left.
Shigure explains that Hatori is and has always been the only one Ayame listens to, because Ayame loves him. Hatori is someone he admires very dearly, and has 'something' that Ayame doesn't. I play it as if this attractive feature is a calm reason and strength.
When we get into Hatori's backstory, it's a very bittersweet tale of him falling deeply in love with a sweet, innocent and oddly wise young woman named Kana. They fall deeply in love with each other, Hatori asks Akito if they may have the head of the families blessings for their marriage. Akito. Goes. Balistic. Kana is attacked and Hatori gets in the way, losing an eye in the process. Akito convinces Kana that it's her fault... and she never really recovers and they fall apart. Hatori is eventually asked to erase her memories, so she can move on. He does.
It's worth noting that no one has ever said what Ayame's reaction was or what he was doing during this whole time. Very likely, the only one who has ANY idea is Shigure, and it isn't information that I imagine would be shared lightly with anyone. To me, this would have been a very hard time for Ayame, because after a point, it would have been hard to keep pretending Hatori would get bored, or that it wasn't what it looked like. Hatori was in love with Kana. After Akito ripped them apart by hurting them and half-blinding Hatori accidentally, Hatori loved Kana. After she asked to have her memories removed by Hatori... Hatori still loved Kana. And would never stop, no matter how much Ayame loved Hatori, he would never be able to compete with that.
I think it would have been the first time something so harsh has come into his worldview. He wasn't going to get his way, things weren't going to work out. My take is that he retreated. I'm not sure if it was in the beginning of Hatori's relationship with Kana or after it had all settled, but at some point, Ayame had moved out to start his own store and life.
Ayame will never stop loving Hatori, nor will he openly say to Hatori or anyone in his family other than Shigure, and maybe Yuki, that he DOES love Hatori. There is, to me, a very simple fear behind it that has nothing to do with Akito... if he tells Hatori that he loves him, Hatori might tell him to stop.
On the other side of things: It's unknown what Hatori's true feelings are on Ayame - whether he's a fondly regarded nuisance or truly a friend. Hatori is referred to as Ayame's babysitter, but he is very gentle with Ayame for all the twitching. He has enormous power over Ayame and the snake's entire trust, and does not abuse it at all. But, Hatori's undivided love is towards Kana. Ayame HAS realized this at some undefined point. In my personal opinion, when this realization hit, is what cause Ayame to open up his eyes and LOOK AROUND himself... to really see what he's done, what else he treasures that he may never have again. He looked back and understood what he never did before, he saw there was no one else to blame but himself... and he accepted it.
To me, this is when he decided not to blind himself again and worked on changing things first in himself, and then between himself and Yuki. This was not overnight... Sohmas change at about the same speed that iceburgs shape continents. He HAS been doing it, even though it's not easy and he's not GOOD at dealing with people too close. This does make Hatori the biggest influence in Ayame turning around into a better person, and doing it for himself.
It's an unrequited love. And Ayame would give up, or do quite a lot for a second chance. He wants to be seen again and above all else, he wants Hatori to be happy again. He wants Hatori to look away from Kana, because he doesn't feel that this is good in any way. I do think if someone else were to come in who COULD make Hatori happy again, Ayame would step aside again, with grace, but wariness.
Song I associate with Hatori and Ayame. Yes, it's more about the past than the present relationship, but I think it's an important part of where it is today.
And this one just sums it up.
Hatori figures -
Cagalli - She tends to speak up when something's wrong with his thinking and has a certain way of talking to him that's both exasperated and short, but there's hints that she cares for him at least a little. He sees her as a friend.
Sanzo - He wouldn't fit at all except in tone if it weren't for Sanzo's uncanny ability to just see right through Ayame almost every time. And very simply, dryly calls him on it. He doesn't see Sanzo as a friend yet, but he DOES see him.
Inui - KOINU-KUN! The constant analysis and no bullshit... and lets face it, Inui reacts so well and flusters under Ayame logic. He can't quite resist. He sees Inui as something of a pupil of Shigure's that he's adopted when he remembers.
"I was born to love you."
Mine
Ayame loves Mine. And she loves him.
Mine is introduced to us when Ayame invites Yuki over to his place of business. She is very much a rival to him in force of personality and even Ayame says that she simply cannot be stopped when she has an idea in her head. She sweeps Tohru aside 'under the guise' of dressing up Tohru... to allow Ayame and Yuki to have some time unobserved. (She ends up dressing Tohru anyway.)
Mine seems to truly enjoy Ayame's praises and her show of wilting when he disagrees is only that, she steps right back up and engages him, and the cheerful battle of personalities sort of ignites the air around them. They enjoy the argument entirely to the point where I very much suspect that they have picked distinct sides SIMPLY to have the fun of debate.
They share a very similar passion. While Ayame is in love with the act of creation that his tailoring allows him, Mine has a very pronounced love of the costumes themselves. They both beleive in the fantasies and masks they can provide and they blend to form a very dynamic and formidable pair.
He's not always completely open with her, from what I can tell. She didn't know he had invited Yuki over... but by the fact he was in the middle of fitting a very restrictive dress, I don't think he actually thought Yuki was going to show either and didn't want her questions or pity when he didn't.
We don't actually know a lot about her. We don't know how and when she met Ayame, whether she was someone he pulled from the house, or if she happened to be the one to answer the classified. We don't know anything about her past, AT ALL.
What I do know, is Ayame keeps her so very close and treasures her dearly. She is supportive, and arranges things in his favor without being obvious about it. She's a comforting and sympathetic ear, and probably one of the few he accepts advice from. I think Ayame would be willing to move earth and heaven for her. When he is asked by Yuki what her relationship is to him, the subject change could give a man whiplash. No matter what way he answered that, it could have drawn attention and danger to her. He DID learn from Kana.
From the point of canon that I have taken Ayame, I don't think he's ever told her that he loves her, nor has any interaction gone past the chaste. However, I do believe she knew about the curse, and probably an alarmingly large amount about the family in general.
What does this mean to the statement that Ayame loves Hatori? Absolutely nothing. Ayame will never give up on Hatori, he would think that Mine being a replacement would be the worst insult to BOTH of them. Mine holds his heart in her hands, and so does Hatori. He trusts both of them not to drop it.
Just... Ayame's mindset right there.
Perhaps the voice is a bit too strong, but man. Mine's mindset here.
Mine figures -
Saya and Yuma - There's no romantic interest there, but oh it's so fun to talk shop again!
Loving the mirror - When egotism is a good thing.
Akiha
First camp relationship complex enough to need essaying! Ayame might actually be starting to trust and really like Akiha. I say this because Ayame usually picks friends and relationships in camp based on their inner strength. He gravitates to Sanzo, to Cagalli, and to Inui even. These are people he beleives can stand up in a storm, they might be safe places to rest on, and he might, just might be able to trust them. They remind him, each in different ways of Hatori.
Akiha doesn't fit this pattern. Akiha is the first person EVER to remind Ayame of himself. Their first meeting was a happy burbling that amounted to "Doctor!" "Yes! Doctor!" ".. Mine doesn't like me back." "Mine either." "..." "..." "BFFL!" [Flirt!] [Flirt!] It was good, it was crack and it amused Ayame a lot. He really didn't think much of it though. The turn around was during the whole Moon affair.
Ayame was quite frankly trying to play it all off while being completely terrified, and there was Akiha trying to react the same way. It sort of clicked well. The right parts of the mask stayed up, and they let each other both play, and still clung to each other and retreated at the same time. I think this was the beginning of a very interesting unspoken understanding between them.
He knows the mask Akiha has as being very much like his own. It's a front guard and a nearly untouchable defense, and something has to hurt really badly deep underneath it for it to be there and as perfect and OLD as it is. Ayame will never really actively seek to pry past it, he's comfortable with Akiha as he is. On the other hand, anything he gets when it does go down, he recognizes as precious and guards as his own.
On the other hand, Akiha is attractive, definitely his type! He lavishes Ayame with attention and affection and he knows how to play the flirting game! Akiha's actually encouraged Ayame to flirt with Umeda, and Ayame would do the same were Hatori in camp. And... Akiha's a shameless, SHAMELESS mischeif maker... much like Ayame is. They have and will continue to goad each other into crazy ideas and schemes. In short, he honestly enjoys Akiha as a person.
The trouble is... Akiha's really becoming real to Ayame... and Ayame has only halfway noticed this. Akiha's resistant to Ayame's subject change no jutsu which usually just leaves most Sohma (and campers) tired and confused... and has very gently managed to slip past it and get him talking again, by offering a little more about himself plainly instead of asking again - which would have caused an emotional doorslam. Shigure and Tohru are probably the ONLY ones we know of that has ever managed to do that. I was a little amazed myself.
Akiha's probably one of the few Ayame considers a close friend at camp and .. quite simply relaxes around, if not lets down his guard willingly. Might be more? Yeah. There's a crush, and there might be more. But Akiha's outside of the family, and like him, has his eyes somewhere else, and Ayame's BEEN THERE before, and... if it worked, it would actually be wonderfully therapeutic... but it's as likely to stay where it is, deepening in friendship, than anything further unless everything clicked perfectly just that way.
What does this mean to what I've already essayed about Mine and Hatori? Absolutely nothing. They are as separate from this as they are from each other in Ayame's mind. Each of them see different sides of Ayame, relate in different ways, and give him different things. I would not change a single thing if a Mine or a Hatori was apped successfully. I would ADD their interactions, and Ayame would be happier in general.
Song I associate with Ayame and Akiha. Because right now, it IS that kind of crush.
And another! It hits their agreement more than anything else.
General Ayame songs because I have the ftp open!
Poe - Beat of my Own Drum The my mother and my father parts don't fit so much as it does to aspects of his life.
Placebo - Protege Moi Rather a serious type Shigure and Ayame song.
Aqua - Happy Girls and Boys ... Yeah.
Coldplay - Everything's Not Lost A perfect sort for him.
Couple more here as soon as I get them uploaded!
If you want to know what Ayame thinks of you in depth, whether you're listed here or not, ask! I'll play relationship meme.
First priority! - Loves
See Hatori and Mine's section below! These are people who Ayame's world revolves around, absolutely and without question. He will do anything he can think of for them, he is very protective of them and will go to great lengths for them.
Second priority! - Family
Family is an odd issue with Ayame. He's not as close as most of the Sohma are. In his first appearance in the manga, Momiji's surprised to hear about him, that no one usually sees him outside of the New Years celebrations because Ayame lives "Outside." Even Shigure treats it as a rare visit... Hatori (possibly Haru through proxy) and Akito really might have been the only ones who'd heard from Ayame on any sort of semi regular basis. Most of his family Ayame sees as, more or less, general audience.
Yuki, of course, is the most well known exception. Ayame tells their background quite plainly. He barely knew he had a brother at all, Yuki was always at Akitos and Ayame was likely always out satisfying his own amusements and pleasures. He was pressed to remember his brother's name. When Yuki came to Ayame for help... Ayame walked away. Ayame tells it that at the time, he didn't actually understand fully what was going on, and what he lost in that moment (nor would have cared about losing), but thinks often on what he should have done, and should have said.
Ayame is looking for redemption for this time, and in fact much of his childhood. He is, like most Sohma, inept at interpersonal relationships and every time he opens up, the reflexive drawing back can just send them farther apart than ever. Ayame's very insecure and he overcompensates a lot. He honestly means well, just... no ability to express it like he should.
Just the smallest bit of forgiveness or kind word from Yuki does worlds for Ayame... and I really believe how much Yuki forgives him, factors greatly into how much Ayame forgives himself.
Akito's a weird one as well. Ayame is one of the four who had the dream when Akito was conceived, and every one of them has almost an incredible devotion to Akito. Shigure... is creepy, but very Shigure, Hatori's is impressive and rather professionally based... and Kureno. Well. Ayame's... is, like Ayame, very odd. Ayame only will make tea for three people, Hatori, Mine and Akito. ... By all rights, Ayame should HATE Akito. In fact, it's even in the selfish range of Ayame's personality to be inclined to. I don't think he CAN though. Personal, odd theory though.
His mother is something of a heartbreaking factor as well. We know of her pressure on Yuki to be everything she dreams of. Her... regard for Ayame is almost hatred. He appears and her first reaction is to start screaming at him. What are you doing, why are you here, how dare you sort of thing. Near the end, when Ayame's appearance gives Yuki enough strength to speak up, and Yuki does... She says she wishes she'd never given birth to either of them. This... visibly devastates Yuki... Ayame never blinks. From that, I doubt it's the first time he'd heard it.
He has never worked into her plans. He calls himself a hopeless dreamer, and smiles a little sadly when he says she'd given up on him, and shifted all her ambition onto Yuki. But he also lectured her on not taking this chance to be a real sort of family to Yuki. Look! He's letting us! Don't throw it away! She, unfortunately, doesn't really hear those words. As Ayame says to the teacher who witnesses all of this, there's no point in going after her, when she's this angry, she wont hear anything.
Camp, however, has been interesting in the fact he's really gotten a lot of interactions with his family here, and ... actually starting to feel close to them. He's taken up something of a reluctant adult role and will help with family emergencies and little issues when he does notice them. ... In classic Ayame style, but his heart is there. A lot of how he interacts with say Rin and Haru is based on what he remembers. Like him shoving Rin inna dress over the not talking to Haru... This had nothing to do with any knowledge of their current relationship, but what he remembered of them as children. This is just like him bringing peaches as a visiting gift to Yuki because that's what he remembered him liking.
So, Kisa, Rin and Haru in particular are actually out of the audience category, and inching into friends.
Third Priority! - Friends
These are playmates! These are people for one reason or another Ayame enjoys, either because they play well, or they just twitch the right way when he is playing. At some point, they've stepped out of the audience category and become a set of interactions for him. Depending on who they are, is what they get.
Shigure, is the canon playmate. They flirt rampantly, plot silliness, finish each other's sentences and slide effortlessly into routines. Shigure's also one of the only Ayame confides in with any seriousness, and Ayame can be steered by Shigure, but can't stop him quite like Hatori can. They truly seem to enjoy each other, a sort of old reliable company where everything that has been said is already done.
Akiha (See below because of complicated circumstances!),
Tsuzuki - Why is it puppy types? Heh, again, Tsuzuki and Ayame clicked almost immediately and while Ayame's not inclined to open up to Tsuzuki, he's happy to step out into any interactions. And really likes making Hisoka's parter twitch. He thinks they're an adorable couple, really.
Cagalli - He thinks of her as the adorable tomboy. He knows he frustrates and exhausts her, and will back off when things are too serious, but he really does enjoy her company, and actually listens to about a 1/4th of what she says. He's one of the few he has shown a serious side to here and there... and he honestly hopes for her happiness with Athrun. Even if it means tripping Athrun into it! Yeah, hearts in the wrong place, but it's hard to see with your head in the clouds.
Umeda - Just squeaking in, but would probably become more solid with time and interactions. The flirting war was incredibly endearing to Ayame, he had an absolute blast doing it. But it was the reaction during the whole 'lol threesome!' idea that rounded out Ayame's attention. He's not used to being taken seriously like that... even if he suspects that it had more to do with Akiha than him.
... Questionable Priority! - Audience
Everyone else fits here! They are the people he performs in front of. They are there to be shocked, to be amused, to admire, to be taken for and to be taken in. He doesn't expect them to understand, nor does he want them to. They're a wonderfully comfortable 'other people' who's reactions make Ayame feel alive and loved. Unfortunately, while he may remember the names of people who are in this category, or even have a few people who edge on common playmates, he doesn't really think of anyone once they are out of sight.
He does do a lot of beneficial actions towards other people that are sort of what he wants for himself. He's happy to step in (without knowing what the hell is going on) to couples disputes, to small squabbles, to familial spats.
There are a sub category of these that are sort of a limbo area... benefactors such as Kaylee or Ahiru fit here, where he doesn't know anything about them really, but appreciates what they had done for him without question. And there are those who he doesn't know what to think of really, like Simon and Dark Helmet. Their interactions are a time by time basis.
NOW! Onto the big complicated ones.
"Once, a long time ago, he talked to me seriously about it. I guess - to put it simply - he loves him."
Hatori
Ayame loves Hatori. Hatori loves Kana.
When we first are introduced to Ayame and Hatori, Ayame had made a rather unique entrance from... Tohru's shirt. Yes. He'd been visiting to check on Yuki, having heard that Akito had visited Yuki... but couldn't admit it outright and pretended he was here to see Tohru.
And he stays for days, stories, photos and insanity ensues. Finally Kyo and Yuki are at a breaking point, have screamed at him several times to just leave, even Shigure says there's no way Ayame will listen to what he says, even if it is his house. Hatori appears at the door and says "That's enough for today. Lets go home, Ayame." AND JUST LIKE THAT, Ayame drops everything with a "Well! BYE BYE!" And with a few whirlwind goodbyes, has simply left.
Shigure explains that Hatori is and has always been the only one Ayame listens to, because Ayame loves him. Hatori is someone he admires very dearly, and has 'something' that Ayame doesn't. I play it as if this attractive feature is a calm reason and strength.
When we get into Hatori's backstory, it's a very bittersweet tale of him falling deeply in love with a sweet, innocent and oddly wise young woman named Kana. They fall deeply in love with each other, Hatori asks Akito if they may have the head of the families blessings for their marriage. Akito. Goes. Balistic. Kana is attacked and Hatori gets in the way, losing an eye in the process. Akito convinces Kana that it's her fault... and she never really recovers and they fall apart. Hatori is eventually asked to erase her memories, so she can move on. He does.
It's worth noting that no one has ever said what Ayame's reaction was or what he was doing during this whole time. Very likely, the only one who has ANY idea is Shigure, and it isn't information that I imagine would be shared lightly with anyone. To me, this would have been a very hard time for Ayame, because after a point, it would have been hard to keep pretending Hatori would get bored, or that it wasn't what it looked like. Hatori was in love with Kana. After Akito ripped them apart by hurting them and half-blinding Hatori accidentally, Hatori loved Kana. After she asked to have her memories removed by Hatori... Hatori still loved Kana. And would never stop, no matter how much Ayame loved Hatori, he would never be able to compete with that.
I think it would have been the first time something so harsh has come into his worldview. He wasn't going to get his way, things weren't going to work out. My take is that he retreated. I'm not sure if it was in the beginning of Hatori's relationship with Kana or after it had all settled, but at some point, Ayame had moved out to start his own store and life.
Ayame will never stop loving Hatori, nor will he openly say to Hatori or anyone in his family other than Shigure, and maybe Yuki, that he DOES love Hatori. There is, to me, a very simple fear behind it that has nothing to do with Akito... if he tells Hatori that he loves him, Hatori might tell him to stop.
On the other side of things: It's unknown what Hatori's true feelings are on Ayame - whether he's a fondly regarded nuisance or truly a friend. Hatori is referred to as Ayame's babysitter, but he is very gentle with Ayame for all the twitching. He has enormous power over Ayame and the snake's entire trust, and does not abuse it at all. But, Hatori's undivided love is towards Kana. Ayame HAS realized this at some undefined point. In my personal opinion, when this realization hit, is what cause Ayame to open up his eyes and LOOK AROUND himself... to really see what he's done, what else he treasures that he may never have again. He looked back and understood what he never did before, he saw there was no one else to blame but himself... and he accepted it.
To me, this is when he decided not to blind himself again and worked on changing things first in himself, and then between himself and Yuki. This was not overnight... Sohmas change at about the same speed that iceburgs shape continents. He HAS been doing it, even though it's not easy and he's not GOOD at dealing with people too close. This does make Hatori the biggest influence in Ayame turning around into a better person, and doing it for himself.
It's an unrequited love. And Ayame would give up, or do quite a lot for a second chance. He wants to be seen again and above all else, he wants Hatori to be happy again. He wants Hatori to look away from Kana, because he doesn't feel that this is good in any way. I do think if someone else were to come in who COULD make Hatori happy again, Ayame would step aside again, with grace, but wariness.
Song I associate with Hatori and Ayame. Yes, it's more about the past than the present relationship, but I think it's an important part of where it is today.
And this one just sums it up.
Hatori figures -
Cagalli - She tends to speak up when something's wrong with his thinking and has a certain way of talking to him that's both exasperated and short, but there's hints that she cares for him at least a little. He sees her as a friend.
Sanzo - He wouldn't fit at all except in tone if it weren't for Sanzo's uncanny ability to just see right through Ayame almost every time. And very simply, dryly calls him on it. He doesn't see Sanzo as a friend yet, but he DOES see him.
Inui - KOINU-KUN! The constant analysis and no bullshit... and lets face it, Inui reacts so well and flusters under Ayame logic. He can't quite resist. He sees Inui as something of a pupil of Shigure's that he's adopted when he remembers.
"I was born to love you."
Mine
Ayame loves Mine. And she loves him.
Mine is introduced to us when Ayame invites Yuki over to his place of business. She is very much a rival to him in force of personality and even Ayame says that she simply cannot be stopped when she has an idea in her head. She sweeps Tohru aside 'under the guise' of dressing up Tohru... to allow Ayame and Yuki to have some time unobserved. (She ends up dressing Tohru anyway.)
Mine seems to truly enjoy Ayame's praises and her show of wilting when he disagrees is only that, she steps right back up and engages him, and the cheerful battle of personalities sort of ignites the air around them. They enjoy the argument entirely to the point where I very much suspect that they have picked distinct sides SIMPLY to have the fun of debate.
They share a very similar passion. While Ayame is in love with the act of creation that his tailoring allows him, Mine has a very pronounced love of the costumes themselves. They both beleive in the fantasies and masks they can provide and they blend to form a very dynamic and formidable pair.
He's not always completely open with her, from what I can tell. She didn't know he had invited Yuki over... but by the fact he was in the middle of fitting a very restrictive dress, I don't think he actually thought Yuki was going to show either and didn't want her questions or pity when he didn't.
We don't actually know a lot about her. We don't know how and when she met Ayame, whether she was someone he pulled from the house, or if she happened to be the one to answer the classified. We don't know anything about her past, AT ALL.
What I do know, is Ayame keeps her so very close and treasures her dearly. She is supportive, and arranges things in his favor without being obvious about it. She's a comforting and sympathetic ear, and probably one of the few he accepts advice from. I think Ayame would be willing to move earth and heaven for her. When he is asked by Yuki what her relationship is to him, the subject change could give a man whiplash. No matter what way he answered that, it could have drawn attention and danger to her. He DID learn from Kana.
From the point of canon that I have taken Ayame, I don't think he's ever told her that he loves her, nor has any interaction gone past the chaste. However, I do believe she knew about the curse, and probably an alarmingly large amount about the family in general.
What does this mean to the statement that Ayame loves Hatori? Absolutely nothing. Ayame will never give up on Hatori, he would think that Mine being a replacement would be the worst insult to BOTH of them. Mine holds his heart in her hands, and so does Hatori. He trusts both of them not to drop it.
Just... Ayame's mindset right there.
Perhaps the voice is a bit too strong, but man. Mine's mindset here.
Mine figures -
Saya and Yuma - There's no romantic interest there, but oh it's so fun to talk shop again!
Loving the mirror - When egotism is a good thing.
Akiha
First camp relationship complex enough to need essaying! Ayame might actually be starting to trust and really like Akiha. I say this because Ayame usually picks friends and relationships in camp based on their inner strength. He gravitates to Sanzo, to Cagalli, and to Inui even. These are people he beleives can stand up in a storm, they might be safe places to rest on, and he might, just might be able to trust them. They remind him, each in different ways of Hatori.
Akiha doesn't fit this pattern. Akiha is the first person EVER to remind Ayame of himself. Their first meeting was a happy burbling that amounted to "Doctor!" "Yes! Doctor!" ".. Mine doesn't like me back." "Mine either." "..." "..." "BFFL!" [Flirt!] [Flirt!] It was good, it was crack and it amused Ayame a lot. He really didn't think much of it though. The turn around was during the whole Moon affair.
Ayame was quite frankly trying to play it all off while being completely terrified, and there was Akiha trying to react the same way. It sort of clicked well. The right parts of the mask stayed up, and they let each other both play, and still clung to each other and retreated at the same time. I think this was the beginning of a very interesting unspoken understanding between them.
He knows the mask Akiha has as being very much like his own. It's a front guard and a nearly untouchable defense, and something has to hurt really badly deep underneath it for it to be there and as perfect and OLD as it is. Ayame will never really actively seek to pry past it, he's comfortable with Akiha as he is. On the other hand, anything he gets when it does go down, he recognizes as precious and guards as his own.
On the other hand, Akiha is attractive, definitely his type! He lavishes Ayame with attention and affection and he knows how to play the flirting game! Akiha's actually encouraged Ayame to flirt with Umeda, and Ayame would do the same were Hatori in camp. And... Akiha's a shameless, SHAMELESS mischeif maker... much like Ayame is. They have and will continue to goad each other into crazy ideas and schemes. In short, he honestly enjoys Akiha as a person.
The trouble is... Akiha's really becoming real to Ayame... and Ayame has only halfway noticed this. Akiha's resistant to Ayame's subject change no jutsu which usually just leaves most Sohma (and campers) tired and confused... and has very gently managed to slip past it and get him talking again, by offering a little more about himself plainly instead of asking again - which would have caused an emotional doorslam. Shigure and Tohru are probably the ONLY ones we know of that has ever managed to do that. I was a little amazed myself.
Akiha's probably one of the few Ayame considers a close friend at camp and .. quite simply relaxes around, if not lets down his guard willingly. Might be more? Yeah. There's a crush, and there might be more. But Akiha's outside of the family, and like him, has his eyes somewhere else, and Ayame's BEEN THERE before, and... if it worked, it would actually be wonderfully therapeutic... but it's as likely to stay where it is, deepening in friendship, than anything further unless everything clicked perfectly just that way.
What does this mean to what I've already essayed about Mine and Hatori? Absolutely nothing. They are as separate from this as they are from each other in Ayame's mind. Each of them see different sides of Ayame, relate in different ways, and give him different things. I would not change a single thing if a Mine or a Hatori was apped successfully. I would ADD their interactions, and Ayame would be happier in general.
Song I associate with Ayame and Akiha. Because right now, it IS that kind of crush.
And another! It hits their agreement more than anything else.
General Ayame songs because I have the ftp open!
Poe - Beat of my Own Drum The my mother and my father parts don't fit so much as it does to aspects of his life.
Placebo - Protege Moi Rather a serious type Shigure and Ayame song.
Aqua - Happy Girls and Boys ... Yeah.
Coldplay - Everything's Not Lost A perfect sort for him.
Couple more here as soon as I get them uploaded!
If you want to know what Ayame thinks of you in depth, whether you're listed here or not, ask! I'll play relationship meme.