O' Brother Where Art Thou?
I had a dream last night that I was about 6 or 7 months pregnant. Enough to show considerably. I'm not quite sure if this was a nightmare or a twisted creation by my subconscious to torture me. It's not that I don't like children or do not want them but I am leery of having them too soon. As in before I'm ready to properly care for them. In my opinion the biggest failure I can be at life is as a parent. You are only as good as your legacy. Naturally such a dream would put me off since I am by no means ready to be a good parent. I can barely take care of myself!
I also dreamed of my brother Jordan. He was living on his own and I went to visit him. Keep in mind Jordan is part of my father's side of the family. The one I haven't talked to in 5 years or so. When I dream of my father's family it's usually of my sister and step mother since they are the source of my discontent. When I dream of Jordan it's usually disappointing and sad but rarely infuriating like with April.
I visit his home which is a very odd two story building. It has odd architectural features. Like a showerhead in the kitchen WTF. The house is messy and cluttered with things but not uninhabitable. This is classic Jordan since he's a collector of various oddities and can never throw anything away. And of course he's doing nothing with his life. I came to visit to let him and father's family know that I was expecting a baby. His lack of interest is saddening.
I also remember walking through a cemetery and reading headstones. Many of which were in disrepair and broken. I don't remember who I was with or why I was there but it was near Jordan's house in my dream and I went there after my visit with him.
I think this is my usual dream in a new package. Disappointment at my father's family's lack of interest and my outsider position. It shouldn't bother me because I've made so much more of my life than they have but I does because I put a very strong emphasis on family. When we were children I used to admire Jordan. He and I are very close in age and would play together. He was very smart, witty and we had so much fun. But as we got older we drifted apart. I grew up and he started to smoke pot. I'm extremely disappointed in him since he had so much potential to actually do something with his life and he is squandering it.
I also dreamed of my brother Jordan. He was living on his own and I went to visit him. Keep in mind Jordan is part of my father's side of the family. The one I haven't talked to in 5 years or so. When I dream of my father's family it's usually of my sister and step mother since they are the source of my discontent. When I dream of Jordan it's usually disappointing and sad but rarely infuriating like with April.
I visit his home which is a very odd two story building. It has odd architectural features. Like a showerhead in the kitchen WTF. The house is messy and cluttered with things but not uninhabitable. This is classic Jordan since he's a collector of various oddities and can never throw anything away. And of course he's doing nothing with his life. I came to visit to let him and father's family know that I was expecting a baby. His lack of interest is saddening.
I also remember walking through a cemetery and reading headstones. Many of which were in disrepair and broken. I don't remember who I was with or why I was there but it was near Jordan's house in my dream and I went there after my visit with him.
I think this is my usual dream in a new package. Disappointment at my father's family's lack of interest and my outsider position. It shouldn't bother me because I've made so much more of my life than they have but I does because I put a very strong emphasis on family. When we were children I used to admire Jordan. He and I are very close in age and would play together. He was very smart, witty and we had so much fun. But as we got older we drifted apart. I grew up and he started to smoke pot. I'm extremely disappointed in him since he had so much potential to actually do something with his life and he is squandering it.