FIC: A Different Way of Thinking 12
What it Means to Be a Hero
Part 2: A Different Way of Thinking (12)
By adliren
Barbara resolutely kept her attention focused on the plasma screen, praying desperately that Helena couldn’t hear how fast her heart was beating. The furtive sideways glances the brunette kept throwing at her were not making things easier however.
Barbara was feeling decidedly . . . different. She wasn’t sure how else to describe it. Analyzing her feelings had never been one of her talents. Computer algorithms, criminal motivations, complex metaphors of 18th century English literature - yes; her own emotional state - no.
But she did feel different . . . in a good way.
As Rhett and Scarlett raced through a burning Atlanta in front of her, Barbara swore she could feel the heat of Helena’s body soaking into her skin. Her breath became shorter, and there were tingles racing over the flesh of her upper body. With surprise, she realized she was amazingly, devastatingly aroused.
When she was Batgirl, she had often been . . . amorous after a night on the streets, and she wanted to assume this latest manifestation was simply a result of their battle with the Monk, but sitting next to Helena, tracing the lines of her neck and the concealed swell of her breasts under her sweatshirt, Barbara was forced to admit that the brunette was definitely having an effect.
An effect that apparently hadn’t gone unnoticed.
Helena had turned and was facing her, an unreadable look in her dark blue eyes. Eyes which Barbara suddenly found herself lost in.
Even as she thought it, Barbara knew she was being ridiculous. This wasn’t some dreadful romance novel, and they weren’t two women meeting for the first time, recognizing a mutual attraction. It was simply Helena looking at her, whom she had known for almost thirteen years. There was simply no reason for her to be acting this way.
Except she couldn’t deny that she was, and if she was to be honest, she didn’t really want to. It had been so long since she had responded this way to anyone, but now she was afraid to take the next step - figuratively speaking. The potential for disaster was . . . daunting.
“Helena, I think . . .”
“Barbara are you . . .”
Barbara quickly closed her mouth, more than willing to let Helena take the lead this time. She tried to make her features open and curious, and was rewarded with a small smile.
“I was just wondering if you’re really okay.” Helena was shifting nervously on the cushions and she didn’t quite meet Barbara’s eyes. “I know how hard it must have been with . . . everything . . . but, I . . . you’re acting kinda different. Not in a bad way,” the brunette quickly rushed to reassure her. “Just different.”
Helena looked unsatisfied with her own explanation, and Barbara gingerly reached out to grasp her hand, relieved when the younger woman seemed to welcome the touch.
“I think I understand, Helena. I can’t say that I have an answer, though. I think . . . I think I’m just finally starting to accept some things about myself.” Here Barbara paused, trying to work up the courage to reveal the rest. The memory of Helena’s own confession forced her to continue. “And about my feelings for you.”
She had clearly shocked the brunette. Helena’s eyes were wide, her mouth partially open in surprise, and Barbara could see her teeth - no fangs she noted with relief.
“Helena, I almost lost you tonight, but I think I was losing you even before the Monk ever came to New Gotham. That night, when you told me how you felt, I was so shocked and defensive. I didn’t know how to react, and in the end I did what I thought I should do. I thought you wanted to . . . be with me, so that’s what I offered.”
Helena’s eyes were suddenly wounded. “So you didn’t want to . . .”
“No! I did. I . . . still want to.” Barbara took a deep breath. That had been harder than she’d anticipated.
“Why?”
Green eyes blinked behind her glasses. “Why what, Hel?”
“Why do you want to sleep with me? Is it just because you want to make me happy, or because you think you should? Because no matter how much I want you . . . and I really, really do . . . I don’t think I could live with that.”
Helena was starring fixedly at the floor, and her eyes were so sad, that Barbara wanted to roll over to the nearest wall and beat her head against it. How could she have screwed things up so badly?
“Helena, please look at me.” When watery blue eyes rose to meet hers, Barbara continued. “I love you.”
Barbara waited patiently as the silence stretched between them.
“Uh, I love you too,” Helena added uncertainly after several minutes.
“I know you do, Hel, but perhaps what I meant to say is that I’m in love with you. That’s my answer.”
Barbara watched with a certain amount of satisfaction as Helena tried to absorb this.
“You love me?” Helena’s face was achingly hopeful and Barbara couldn’t help but reach over and rest her palm on a smooth cheek.
“Yes, Hel.”
Moments later, Barbara was unprepared for the laughter that seized the brunette. It left Helena doubled over and gasping for breathe while the older woman regarded her in bemusement.
Eventually, Helena managed to get herself under control. “I’m sorry Barbara. I was just expecting something else.”
Barbara felt a momentary panic. “I know it wasn’t as lengthy or as elegant as your confession Helena, but I promise you, it’s how I really feel.”
“I know Barbara, that’s why it means so much.” Helena was looking at her with love and a mischievous twinkle shining clearly in her eyes. “I was just prepared to get out the dictionary.”
Barbara laughed, feeling it echo through her entire body, even the parts she could no longer feel. “Sometimes, Helena, brief and to the point is the best way to go.”
Helena’s eyes sparked to gold, and Barbara was given a second to wonder what she’d said before satin lips were covering her own, and she was simply lost in sensation.
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Helena wasn’t exactly sure when they made it to the bedroom. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she realized that she must have picked Barbara up and carried her through the clock tower, but for the life of her she couldn’t remember when. Since she had been making an effort to be more responsible lately, she made a mental note to get the redhead’s chair at some point.
When Barbara’s fingernails raked a line on either side of her spine from the tops of her shoulders down to her hips, Helena figured she may not survive to carry out her good intentions - which left Red in an awkward position, what with having to dispose of her body without access to her wheelchair.
“Helena, are you alright?”
Barbara’s voice was loud in her ear, the redhead’s lips brushing against the sensitive organ with each syllable.
“Yeah, I’m fine . . . great.”
That was such a lie. She was overloading. Every cell in her body was humming and demanding that she simply satisfy her needs in the quickest way possible.
Helena jerked away from the arms loosely surrounding her, and tried to take a moment to think. While her brain spun in furious circles, she realized that not only had they made it to the bedroom, they had also managed to lose their clothes without her noticing.
All thought in the brunette’s head came to a screeching halt. She could only gaze at Barbara in the center of the bed, naked, lying half under her, without clothes, red hair spread out on the blue pillowcase, wearing nothing.
Helena started to move forward again, not sure what tempting bit of flesh she was aiming for, just knowing that she needed to start tasting somewhere, when two strong hands griped her biceps, halting her progress. She felt a small growl rumble through her chest and echo ominously through the bedroom.
“Helena, it’s alright. We can take our time.” Barbara’s green eyes were warm and serious.
Helena pushed experimentally against the hands holding her, finding they gave easily. Barbara wasn’t really resisting.
“If this is what you need, Hel, we’ll do it your way. Just tell me what you want me to do.”
Like always, Barbara was offering her anything she needed. Obviously the older woman still hadn’t realized that *she* was everything Helena needed. She always had been.
“Talk to me.” The words were a broken whisper forced past the arousal and fear clogging her throat.
“Hel?” Barbara’s hands were now running up and down her arms in a light caress, making it hard for the brunette to think.
“Just . . . keep talking to me. I . . . your voice.”
In her relatively short life, the brunette had had many casual sexual encounters. She’d used them as a way to keep from exploding from all the repressed feelings she had never been able to share with the one person she truly wanted. But all those times were merely physical. Few words were exchanged, and none had contained any tenderness.
Even her dreams were silent, the ones that had haunted her since she had first met and fallen in love with a certain redhead. She might cry out, and beg, and whisper her devotion, but never her dream lover.
“I’m right here, Hel. Stay with me . . . you feel so amazing.”
But this wasn’t some one night stand, or a dream sent to torture her. This was Barbara, whose voice had always guided her and kept her safe, now loving her with passion and skill.
At some point, the words themselves stopped registering. There was only a murmur threading through Helena’s ears and heart, keeping her grounded while Barbara’s hands and lips and tongue threatened to send the younger woman flying apart.
When Barbara finally settled between her legs, concentrating on the brunette with all the focus she brought to everything that mattered in her life, this time the beloved voice didn’t draw her back from the edge, it sent her plummeting over the side in ecstasy.
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“So . . .”
Barbara ran her fingertips lightly over Helena’s back, marveling at perfect skin that slid provocatively under her hands.
“So what?”
Helena was lying face-down on the bed, luxuriating under the gentle touches. For Barbara, it worked out perfectly. The brunette obviously enjoyed the attention, and she got to experience all that tan skin that Helena insisted on displaying so casually.
“So, who was right?”
The dark head lifted enough for one cerulean eye to regard her incredulously. “Are you serious?”
Barbara raised one crimson eyebrow. “Of course. I told you your meta-abilities wouldn’t be a problem. I just think we should acknowledge that I was right.”
“Has anyone ever told you that you have serious control issues?” Helena dropped her head back onto one of Barbara’s ergonomic foam pillows with a muffled thump.
The older woman’s lips curved in a completely unrepentant smile. “On several occasions.”
Helena’s response was a muffled snort. Seconds later, blue eyes were once again regarding her, and Barbara noted the mischievous gleam with a certain trepidation.
“So what about what I was right about?”
It took Barbara a moment to work through the sentence, but once she finally grasped the meaning, she was still puzzled - and slightly offended on behalf of English teachers everywhere.
“Hel?”
Barbara watched with fascination as Helena’s eyes began to shift. “You said that you wouldn’t be able to . . . and I said that you would.” The younger woman’s tone was prompting as she regarded her steadily through eyes that were more gold than blue.
Barbara felt herself blush, knowing it was ridiculous at this point. “Yes, well . . . I guess we were both wrong about certain, uh, fears.”
“Yep.” Helena was still looking at her with those amazing eyes, and Barbara could feel her blush start to migrate down to her chest. “But you know? We should probably make sure.”
“Oh.” This sounded promising. One could never do enough research.
“Yeah. I think we should do some more . . . investigating, just to make sure we didn’t miss anything.” As she finished speaking, Helena’s hands began to wander over Barbara’s stomach and sides, casually yet tenderly, mapping the scars that were so much a part of the older woman.
Barbara thought it was highly unlikely that Helena had missed any part of her body in the last several hours. Helena had been very . . . thorough, even with areas the redhead could no longer feel. Of course that hadn’t kept Barbara from feeling a hell of a lot - twice.
“Hmm.” Her hands began to move with a little more purpose over the brunette’s back, stroking from the base of her neck, down the column of her spine, over the swells of her butt, and further to the backs of her knees. A smothered purr vibrated under her hands, prevented from escaping by the pillow pressed against Helena’s face.
“Thank you Hel, for giving me a second chance.”
Helena turned over, bringing them face to face so their lips could meet in a tender kiss that before tonight, Barbara wouldn’t have expected from the younger woman. “Thanks for taking it. I know I didn’t say it very well last time, but I love you Barbara.”
“You said it just fine, Hel.”
For several charged moments, they simply looked at each other without moving. Barbara noticed Helena was staring into her eyes quite fixedly, a small furrow appearing between her eyebrows.
“Helena, is everything okay?”
Helena glanced away sheepishly. “Uh, sorry. I was just trying to figure out what that particular color means.” Her confusion must have been clear, since Helena quickly tacked on, “Your eyes.”
Barbara felt her smile stretch across her face. She pulled the other woman to her, fitting their bodies together easily, cherishing the new connection between them.
“It means I’m in love, Hel.”
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It seemed strange after the night they’d just spent to be sitting in the tower with the sun streaming in through the clock face.
Dick shook his head at his own musings. He’d thought by now he’d be used to the dichotomies that made up his life, but some days it just hit harder than others.
Of course it might have something to do with the fact that this time the enemy had been a bit . . . different. Still, the threat had been neutralized and they were all safe. In the end, that’s what was important.
Looking at the two teenagers sitting together on the couch, he was impressed with how much his family had grown since he had moved back to Gotham. He may have lost his mentor and father figure to this city, but it had given him four amazing women to even out the scales. Not that he would ever admit that, especially to Helena.
Gabby and Dinah were pressed tightly against each other, and Dick forcibly tried to keep from rolling his eyes. It was obvious they would rather be somewhere else, but this was the time Barbara had specified for the meeting. So far, however, neither she nor Helena had arrived.
Dick wasn’t concerned exactly; he just wasn’t sure what to make of Barbara’s uncharacteristic tardiness. He didn’t even bother to speculate why Helena hadn’t shown.
“Where are they, anyway?”
Dick quashed a tiny thrill of satisfaction that Gabby’s patience had run out before his own. He really was too competitive for his own good.
The opening of a door drew their attention, and they all watched, stunned, as Helena exited Barbara’s bedroom wearing nothing but bikini briefs and a tank top. The brunette shot a glance in their direction before she continued on her way past them to the kitchen. Seconds later she froze. When she turned back to face them, she looked slightly sick and her smile was obviously forced.
“So, uh . . . hey. Exactly how long have you guys been here?”
Dick found his voice first. “Not long.”
Helena waved her hands animatedly. “Good, good.”
“Don’t forget the water, Hel.”
Helena twitched as Barbara’s husky voice penetrated from the bedroom.
“Looks like things are ‘good’ for you too,” Dick couldn’t help but add, even as he cringed as the words left his mouth.
The shy smile and softly muttered “yeah” went a long way towards erasing any jealously he might have felt though. Barbara had obviously made her choice, and as long they were both happy, he would support them.
Helena looked around for anything to stop the knowing looks from Dick and the shared smiles between Gabby and Dinah. She found the perfect distraction in the form a weapon sitting in the middle of the coffee table.
She raised one eyebrow in confusion. “Is that a crossbow?”
Dinah quickly jumped in. “Yeah, isn’t it awesome. Gabby used it to take out the vampires.” More to herself she muttered, “I still can’t believe they were real vampires.”
Helena nodded her head to other blonde. “Nice. I’ve always wanted to learn how to use one of those.”
“Helena what’s going on?” Barbara’s next question came in a slightly anxious voice. “Who are you talking too?”
Helena raised her voice. “Uh, no one.” The brunette turned back to her audience. “So yeah . . . do you think you guys could come back later? Like, say, tomorrow?”
Dick thought about refusing, but the pleading look from blue eyes so similar to his mentor’s did him in. Giving a small nod, he quickly ushered the two teenagers to the elevator, leaving his friends to their privacy. Just once, their mission could wait.
Things were obviously going to be more interesting around the clock tower from now on. Strangely, he found he was looking forward to it.
Helena watched the elevator descend, and then headed into the kitchen, grabbing two bottles of water and a package of poptarts. On her way back, she hesitated, her fingers literally itching to try out the archaic weapon.
Shaking her head she continued toward the bedroom. She had something much more exciting to get back to, and a lot of wasted time to make up for.
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End Part Two: A Different Way of Thinking