A Place for Us [Chapter 12]
Title: A Place for Us
Pairing: Yama, Ninoai (side-pairing)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: They were childhood friends, and after 6 years, they finally met again. Sho thought that this time, Ohno's life was finally on the right track, but he was completely wrong. This time, he was determined to protect him; this time, he was determined to never let him go anymore.
Disclaimer: I only own the plot
A/N: I think I made a mistake on calculating how long this series would last if anything I am a failure in calculating anyway so But hmmm probably 15 chapters, I guess. This series is the longest series I've ever made, and I think I'll be a bit sad when it ends... Well, gotta look for another idea for a new series later LOL well, enjoy this one! Comments will be loved! <3
“Take me farawaay~”
Sho was grateful he asked Ohno to sing.
They’ve been on the road for more than 4 hours now; the sky was dark and after a quick dinner at the rest area, Sho was, undoubtedly, getting really sleepy. Seeing how dangerous it was for Sho if there was no distraction but the radio, Ohno has quietly asked, “Do you want me to sing?”
Sho, thinking that Ohno’d definitely messed up while singing - either with the words or the melodies - agreed whole-heartedly. He thought Ohno’d sucked so much; he nearly laughed when Ohno chose the CD of the famous idol group, Arashi, which Aiba bought for him. In the back of his mind, Sho thought it’d be impossible for Ohno to sing along to that idol group.
Sho really, honestly thought he was going to fail in singing.
But he was wrong. He was so fucking wrong.
Ohno sang like an angel; his voice was deep and strong and smooth and whenever he hit the high notes, Sho felt shivers running down his spine. He glanced at Ohno in disbelief; he never thought that Ohno was this good at singing - usually, the younger man get away with life by mumbling and muttering, but now he was singing, and he looked very different with the person that Sho used to know.
And if it was possible, he thought he was falling in love with him more.
Sho took his hands off the wheel momentarily to clap his hands as Ohno was done singing; the younger man blushed when he did, and he punched Sho’s shoulder weakly. “Put your hands back.” He mumbled shyly.
“I never thought you were this good at singing.” Sho said; he put his hands back in the wheel, but even so, he was still glancing over at Ohno, enjoying the embarrassed look in the younger’s man face. “You can actually be a singer.”
“And being on TV and stage? No thanks.” Ohno cringed at his own imagination. “I’m fine just by painting.”
“But seriously though, you can easily beat that leader of Arashi.” Sho teased. “I love your voice more.”
“Are you trying to flirt with me or -“
“Maybe I am.” Sho said; Ohno planted another punch on his arm, this time harder, but he showed no mercy at Sho even though he was whining and complaining that it was hurt. “Just drive!” He told Sho with a pout; but even with how dark it was, Sho could still see how red Ohno’s face were under the streetlight. That sight pushed him to brush Ohno’s fingers gently in his.
“You should put both hands in wheel.” Ohno complained, but even then he let Sho took Ohno’s hand in his, holding it gently as he continued on driving. “Sing again.” Sho told Ohno.
“No.”
“But I’m sleepy.” Sho protested; it was true though, he was purely awake when Ohno was singing simply because he didn’t want to miss any of his sweet voice, but now that they were getting comfortable, Sho was getting sleepy again.
“Let’s just play magical banana.” Ohno sighed as he sunk back to his seat.
“If you lose, you’ll have to sing again.”
The younger man scoffed, but he wasn’t denying it either, so Sho took it happily as a ‘yes’. Ohno started singing, “Magical Banana~” and Sho almost felt sorry for Ohno because he had every intention to crush him immediately, just so he would be able to listen to him singing again.
Which turned out to be such a hard task. Sho thought it’d be easy to beat Ohno on it, but Ohno always said a random word that got Sho thinking harder and harder; thankfully in the end, he managed to win, and even though Ohno was sulking, he started singing again, much to Sho’s delight.
After an hour of singing though, Ohno looked completely bored and sleepy; he kept on rubbing his eyes tiredly. Smiling, Sho used his thumb to caress the back of Ohno’s hand. “Just sleep if you’re tired.”
“No.” Ohno said stubbornly. “I don’t want to.”
“It’s okay, really.”
“No.” Ohno stomped his feet. “It’s dangerous - you’re sleepy too, and so am I; what if you bumped into another car when I was sleeping?”
“It won’t happen.” Sho said with a chuckle, though he must say that Ohno was making sense. “Should we find an inn then?”
“Is your parent’s home still far away?”
“Actually, I think we’ll arrive soon. Once we get out of the highway, we’ll arrive there in no time - probably in an hour from now.” Sho glanced to the clock in the car. “It’s already 9 though.”
“Is it okay - aren’t we going to disturb your parents?” Ohno asked worriedly, but Sho shook his head at his question. “As long as we’re being quiet - probably it was Shu who’s going to open the door for us.” Sho said with a growing smile at his little brother; he missed his younger brother so much.
“How about Mai?” Ohno asked about Sho’s younger sister, whose age was almost the same with Ohno at the moment.
“She’s probably home too, but I’m not sure. She’s a college student now after all.”
“And so I am.”
“Yeah, but you don’t like to party, aren’t you? Mai is at the age where she loves to go out and -”
“Jun-kun took me to a club before.” Ohno said proudly, and Sho turned to look at him incredulously. “We danced and drink all night.”
“And did you -“
“A lot of people were flirting with me.” Again, Sho could feel the swelling proudness latching on Ohno’s voice, and the younger man was smirking right now, much to his annoyance. “Boys and girls - someone even blatantly were trying to bring me to love hotel.”
“And -“
“Jun-kun beat the hell out of him.” Ohno was giggling now - Sho wasn’t sure what was so funny with Jun beating someone up, but then the rest followed. “He was actually so drunk and his punches weren’t that strong, but he was wearing a ring that was so huge, and it was actually the ring that hurt him. But even after the commotion, they still let us stay because the guards were afraid of Jun-kun’s rings, and when he was sober enough, we finally went home.” Ohno was fully laughing now, eyes turning to thin lines and his cheeks were a bit red. “But then Jun-kun said, ‘My fingers feel like they’re going to break’!’”
Sho laughed along with Ohno, but his was more to a relief. “You aren’t allowed to a club anymore.” He said after their laughter subsided. “Even though it’s with Matsumoto.”
“Yeah.” Ohno nodded. “It happened before my stepfather raped me anyway - after that I don’t think it’s wise to attract someone else with my body anymore.”
As soon as the words left Ohno’s mouth, the happy-bubbly atmosphere that they had managed to hold throughout their trip were shattered into pieces. Ohno noticed that, because his grip on Sho’s hand suddenly tightened, as if he was afraid that Sho was going to pull away from him. “Sorry for bringing that up.” Ohno mumbled as he ducked his head down.
“It’s okay.” Sho said softly as he let his thumb glided across the back of Ohno’s hand, trying to calm him. “But well, it’s good if you aren’t going to go to a club anymore, because I’ll get really jealous.” He said lightly in an attempt to bring back the happy atmosphere.
But Ohno didn’t budge. Instead he asked, “Did you tell your parents about me?”
“I won’t if you don’t want me to.”
“I don’t want you too.” Ohno said - no, if anything, it was more like a plea. “They’ll hate me.”
“They won’t.”
“They will.”
“I know my parents, Satoshi-kun. And they love you too much for that.” Sho insisted, feeling a bit frustrated with how stubborn Ohno was sometimes.
“But how do you think your parents would feel if they knew that their son is friend with someone so disgusting like me? They’ll think that I’m a bad influence for you!” Ohno said sadly, and he was balling his hand into fist under Sho’s hand. “And to think that we’re actually been living together for weeks - if they know about it…”
“Satoshi-kun, I am an adult. I know what’s right and what’s not; I am capable of making choices, and I know that my parent would respect my choices - they’ll respect you too.” Sho took a deep breathe. “And you are not disgusting.”
“But I am dirty, Sho-chan.”
Sho glared at Ohno; he could feel the anger resurfacing all of sudden, but to his surprise, Ohno looked angry too, for whatever reason he had, and Sho felt even angrier because Ohno didn’t have any reason to be. “I don’t think you’re the right person to decide whether you’re dirty or not.” He spat as he broke their gaze, focusing his sight on the road as he speed up his car. “It doesn’t matter - being raped by your father doesn’t make you dirty.”
“Oh, how do you know? Have you ever got raped?” Ohno suddenly exploded as he pulled away from Sho’s grip. “Do you have any idea how it feels when someone touched all your intimate parts even when you ask them not to, do you have any idea of how it feels to be so helpless, crying out and begging but-“The younger man suddenly shut his mouth shut as he ran his hands through his hair desperately. “You don’t know, and I don’t want you to know.” He mumbled as he closed his eyes shut, trying to fight back tears. “I don’t want you to be like me.”
Sho said nothing, but now he knew something for sure; they both were bottling up their feelings. For almost a week, they’ve managed to tiptoe around the topic, being careful not to touch it, but it was too much for them.
Sho was angry because he couldn’t put how disappointed he was into words; he still thought that it was all his faults for letting Ohno go 6 years ago. He still thought that it was his fault for not finding Ohno sooner, for not taking him away from his dysfunctional family way before his stepfather started raping him, while his mother was too oblivious to notice. And Ohno, he was angry at himself. He was angry at what he had become.
Disgusting. Dirty. Sick. Helpless. Probably those were what kept on haunting him these days; it was something that he couldn’t put in words either. He had become so accustomed in associating himself with those words; he had become so accustomed in seeing himself so lowly like that, and Sho knew that no matter how hard he was trying to convince Ohno that those words didn’t define him, it would be useless as long as Ohno was still strongly believed in it.
Which explained why Ohno was afraid to hear his confession right now; not because it’d sounded like Sho pitied him, but because Ohno would definitely think that Sho pitied him.
The disgusting, dirty, sick, and helpless Ohno Satoshi.
And that made Sho angrier; not at Ohno, but at himself. He was angry because he couldn’t erase that thought from Ohno’s head. He was angry because he couldn’t convince Ohno that everything he had done right now wasn’t because of pity - he was just helplessly in love with Ohno.
Saying it right now wouldn’t have any meaning though.
Sighing, Sho pulled his hand away too from Ohno’s seat, and he held the wheel tightly. “Just sleep.” He told Ohno finally.
Ohno rested his head against the window, but even then Sho knew that he wasn’t sleeping. But the silence was much more needed, and thanks to their little fight, Sho was fully awake now, and they finally arrived to his house safely. They both got off the car without words, and they also unloaded their luggage; Sho let Ohno taking the sight of his house from afar while he knocked on the door, stopping himself from pressing the bell in fear that he’d wake his parents up - it was already past 10 after all. As expected, it was his brother, Shu, who opened the door for them. The siblings exchanged brief hug and greetings, and that was when Ohno came quietly to them, a nervous smile etched on his face as Shu took his feature in. “Oh, Sato-nii! You haven’t grown!” The boy said happily as he, also, hugged Ohno.
Ohno still had that nervous smile on his face, but it slowly melted away as he patted Shu’s back affectionately. “I grew a few inches, you know!” He snapped jokingly as Shu pulled away. “You’re the one who grew too fast! And what’s with the muscle?”
“I’m really addicted to rugby these days, so I’m practicing every day!” Shu said as he show off his muscles proudly.
“Yeah yeah, but I’m tired, Shu.” Sho cut their conversations, because he really was. “Can you boast about your muscles tomorrow, after I got my so much needed sleep?”
“Ah, sure!” Shu said as he stepped aside to let them get inside. “Do you guys want something to drink? Or maybe a snack? I think mom bought a cake or something…”
“No, thanks.” Ohno answered for them. They both took of their shoes while Shu was locking the door, and then they started making their way to the almost dark house. Ohno looked around the familiar house, and then he whispered, “Are your parents asleep?”
“Yeah.” Shu answered as he walked them to the stairs. “Mom said she wanted to wait up for you guys, but she ended up sleeping in the sofa, so we have to move her to the bed.”
“How about Mai?” Sho asked.
“Sleepover at friend’s place. Something about working on an assignment - probably she was partying though.” The three of them started climbing the stairs quietly, and Shu stopped at the first door they found. “Well, this is my room. Sorry, Sato-nii but since all the guest rooms has become our room, you have to sleep together with Sho-nii.”
“I don’t mind. I’m used -“ Ohno cleared his throat, and then he fix his words. “I mean, well. I don’t mind.”
“Mom had set the futon inside.” Shu said while stifling his yawn. “Well, good night then. Talk to you two tomorrow.” They watched Shu retreated to his room, and after that Sho started walking to his own, the furthest room, with Ohno trailing behind him. He opened the door for Ohno to walk in first, and after that he went in and closed the door behind him while turning on the light. The small bulb did a good job in brightening Sho’s room, and Sho was immediately overflown with the feeling of nostalgia as he walked past Ohno and threw himself on the bed, smelling the scent of the whitening product his mother usually used in sheets. He turned around to his back then, just in time to see Ohno taking off his clothes, quietly changing his clothes to pajama. He let his eyes wandered on Ohno’s back, taking in the smooth, white skin, and then he whispered, “You’re not dirty at all.”
Ohno glanced at him, but his hands didn’t stop working - he was taking off his jeans now, and to be honest, Sho was a little taken aback with the way Ohno nonchalantly stripped in front of him now. Usually the man would be too embarrassed to do so - but maybe when you were angry, you didn’t really get embarrassed. “Maybe it didn’t look so to you.” Ohno said as he kicked his jeans off, and then he started putting on his pajama’s trousers. “But it feels like that to me.”
Sho got nothing to say to that, so he just watched Ohno’s putting on his pajama, and then the younger man excused himself to the restroom. Once Ohno was gone, Sho changed his clothes too, and he waited for his turn to go to the toilet; Ohno came back not so long after, and without exchanging words, Sho left to the restroom to pee and brush his teeth. When he came back, the light was already turned off and Ohno was already comfortably snuggled behind the cover in the futon; he was talking quietly with someone though, and Sho frowned as he went to his bed.
“Yes, Jun-kun. I love you too.” Ohno sighed softly. Sho reacted strongly to those words because the next moment, he found himself pulling on Ohno’s cover; Ohno gaped at him, ccompletely surprised, before his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance as he held his phone in a protective manner. “What?”
“Give it to me.” Sho demanded, but Ohno didn’t budge. Instead, he put the phone on his ear again. “Jun-kun, I have to go now.” He sighed, and he rubbed his face tiredly. “Yes Jun-kun. I love you too. Now, go back to your bed and - No, I can’t come over.”
Sho clicked his tongue in annoyance, and Ohno sent him a look that said ‘Be patient’, before he put all his attention back to the caller. “Yes. Yes, I’ll see you on Monday, okay? Sure, Jun-kun. Bye bye. Sleep tight.”
“What was that?” Sho demanded once again as Ohno finally put his phone away. The younger man sighed, and he scooted away from Sho as he snatched the blanket away from him. “It’s Jun-kun.”
“I know it’s him, but why are you -“
“He’s drunk.” Ohno deadpanned as his annoyance to Sho seemed to have shot up to the roof. Ohno was scowling at him now, and Sho decided that he didn’t like it at all. “He just called me to say how much he loves me drunkenly - his girlfriend is there with him too.”
“Oh.” Sho mumbled; he got embarrassed now that he got to know the truth, and he scratched his head in an apologetic manner. “Sorry, I thought -“
“You thought I love Jun-kun? I did, but not in that way.” Ohno sighed as he kicked Sho’s weakly. “Go sleep.”
Sho nodded; he had wanted for them to cuddle up together, but Ohno was facing his back to him now, and Sho was smart enough to understand that it wasn’t an invitation. So with a hunched shoulder, he climbed back to his bed, and he buried himself under the cover too.
“I ruined our holiday, didn’t I?” Sho whispered to the darkness. He wasn’t expecting any answer, to be honest. But when he was already half-asleep, he heard Ohno saying,
“I was the one who ruined our holiday.”
***
Sho woke up late.
The room was bright, thanks to the sunlight that found their way through the opened window; the breeze ruffled Sho’s hair, bringing in the scent of the freshly cut grass from the outside. Sho let out a big yawn as he pushed himself up into the sitting position and scanned the room with his sleepy eyes. Ohno’s futon was already folded up and it was placed neatly on the corner, along with his bag, and somehow or another the room has gotten much bigger than last night. Thinking that Ohno must be downstairs, Sho started making his way out of his room slowly, so he wouldn’t trip as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He headed straight to the kitchen, where all the commotions were. “Ohayou.”
“It’s konnichiwa for you.” A gentle voice said to him, and Sho couldn’t help but let a smile spreading on his face at the sight of his mother washing the dishes in the kitchen. “Konnichiwa.” He repeated then as he walked to the dining table; his father was seated there, and he was leisurely reading a book while having tea. Sho hopped into the chair beside him, and there he finally took a glance on the clock in the wall and saw what time it was exactly. “Oh, it’s 1 pm already…”
“Yes, and we just had lunch.” His mother teased. “Would you like to eat?”
“Please.” Sho mumbled; his mother nodded and in no time, she prepared a glass of tea and a plate of curry in front of Sho, and, unable to hold back his laughter, Sho said, “Did Satoshi-kun cook?”
“Yes, he offered himself to make it for us! It really is delicious!” His mother beamed proudly as she sat in front of Sho.
“I know. I eat it almost every day.” He chuckled as he took a spoonful of it, mumbling itadakimasu before stuffing it to his mouth.
“Almost every day?” Sho’s mother repeated in confusion.
“Ah, well…” Sho gulped the food down and then he took another spoonful of curry before answering. “He was staying at my place for a while - his college is near my apartment.”
“Ah, I see…” The beautiful lady nodded in an understanding. She brought the tea to her lips and sipped from it gracefully, but Sho could almost see that she was thinking deeply about something. “Um, where’s Satoshi-kun?”
“Oh, he was off to the supermarket with Shuu and Mai. Tonight it’ll be nabe.” His mother answered nonchalantly as she placed the tea back to the table. Sho nodded, and he focused himself on the food, when suddenly his ever so quiet father spoke.
“Did something happen?”
Sho froze. He turned to stare at his father, whose were still fixed on his book. “Why are you asking that…?”
“Satoshi-kun has the same, worried face he always had whenever his father beat him up.” His father answered as he marked the book and closed it, placing it on the table with a heavy sigh. “Only, this time, it seems to be worse.”
Sho put the spoon down, suddenly losing all his appetite. He gulped down his drink first though, aware that everyone in the room was staring at him, waiting for an explanation that Sho wasn’t ready to give. “You can tell?” He finally asked quietly.
“Did something happen with his family?” It was his mother’s turn to speak now. “Is that why he’s been staying at your place?”
“That… that is…” Sho mumbled; he wasn’t sure if he should tell his parents or not. Ohno had clearly state that he didn’t want Sho to tell anyone else after all, and they also had a fight about it last night. It was Ohno’s privacy too, and Sho couldn’t possibly -
“You looked like you’re going to cry.” His father suddenly said. “So something must have happened.”
Sho looked at his father, and before he knew it, he told them. He told them about everything; from how he meet Ohno, how he asked the younger man to move in with him, how his stepfather came to mess up with his head, how they ended up kissing one night, and how, finally, he found out about the raping and how he beat Ohno’s stepfather for it. It all flowed from his mouth naturally and unrushed; almost as if he has been reciting it over and over again in his head. He could feel his chest tightened with every words that he said, and he could feel tears pricked his eyes as he ducked down his face in shame, fists balling on his trousers as he refused to stare at his parents.
“I’m so disappointed at myself.” He said between gritted teeth. “I am so disappointed at myself. If only I didn’t let him left this house that night, maybe everything would be different.”
“But you can’t stop him from leaving with his family.” His mother spoke quietly. “You can’t.”
“Even so, then I should’ve find him sooner! I should’ve been more insistent in searching for him in the city! I should’ve taken him away before his stepfather raped him!” Sho slammed the table angrily. “If only I did those, this thing wouldn’t happen… He wouldn’t get raped…” A single tear rolled down his cheek as Sho slumped back to his chair. “He didn’t deserve this - he didn’t deserve any of this. He’s so kind. So kind.”
“It’s not your fault, Sho.” His mother said softly as she reached out to touch his hand, patting it gently as an attempt to calm him down. “It’s not. You’ve done your best. In a way, you’ve saved him.”
“But I could’ve done better!” Sho insisted as more tears forced their way out of his eyes. “I could’ve tried harder. It’s my fault!”
“What’s the use of beating yourself for it now?” His father spoke calmly. “It had happened, and you can’t do anything about it anymore. What matter is what you’re going to do right now. What are you planning to do?”
Sho couldn’t come up for an answer immediately; if anything, his mind couldn’t think for any complicated or satisfying answer, so he only settled with, “I just want to protect him.”
“Then do it. Make sure that it won’t happen anymore. Be there for him. Support him. Protect him. If you feel like what had happened is your fault, then atone for it by truly protecting him. Stop blaming yourself, because it didn’t have any use. How can you protect him when you’re not even sure of yourself?” His father’s voice was calm but stern, and it was piercing through Sho’s mind, pulling him harshly from any self-doubt and self-blaming that he had. But what was more surprising for him was when his father patted him gently on the back; Sho stared at him with wet eyes, and his father was smiling at him. “But if you want to cry, then cry all you want right now, so the next time you see Satoshi-kun, you’re ready.”
And Sho didn’t need him to say anything anymore, because the moment those words were leaving his father’s lips, Sho immediately broke into tears. He covered his face with his hands as he cried, while his father patted his back gently and his mother hugged him from the behind. “Seriously Sho… You’re always thinking about someone else, aren’t you? Such a troublesome kid.”
At any other time, he’d definitely retorted at such remark, but he could only let out a sob now. But he knew that he actually wanted this; that he actually had wanted to cry, but he had no one to turn to. Maybe that was why when his parents called, he immediately agreed on visiting them, because he knew if it was his parents, he could cry as much as he like, and not being ashamed of it at all.
On the other side, Ohno couldn’t. He couldn’t turn to his family to cry; he could only turn to Sho, who wasn’t as strong as he believed, and no matter how hard he was trying to comfort Ohno, somehow he knew that it would never be enough. Maybe, Ohno, just like him, was craving for his parent’s love too.
So in return, Sho selfishly wanted his parents to fulfill that part.
It was a selfish request of course, but he breathed in relief when both his mother and father nodded, accepting it without any arguments. His mother ruffled his hair as she walked away to the kitchen, and she started pulling out lots of cooking appliances. “Mom?” He asked.
“I want to welcome Satoshi-kun properly to this house, so I’m going to cook lots! We’ll have a party tonight, and we should surprise him too!” His mother turned at him with a wide smile. “Let’s make him feel at home, ne?”
And Sho smiled too, mirroring his mother’s as he nodded eagerly. “Let’s.”
He was glad he returned back to this home.
Chapter 11 | Chapter 13
Pairing: Yama, Ninoai (side-pairing)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Romance
Rating: PG-13
Summary: They were childhood friends, and after 6 years, they finally met again. Sho thought that this time, Ohno's life was finally on the right track, but he was completely wrong. This time, he was determined to protect him; this time, he was determined to never let him go anymore.
Disclaimer: I only own the plot
A/N: I think I made a mistake on calculating how long this series would last if anything I am a failure in calculating anyway so But hmmm probably 15 chapters, I guess. This series is the longest series I've ever made, and I think I'll be a bit sad when it ends... Well, gotta look for another idea for a new series later LOL well, enjoy this one! Comments will be loved! <3
“Take me farawaay~”
Sho was grateful he asked Ohno to sing.
They’ve been on the road for more than 4 hours now; the sky was dark and after a quick dinner at the rest area, Sho was, undoubtedly, getting really sleepy. Seeing how dangerous it was for Sho if there was no distraction but the radio, Ohno has quietly asked, “Do you want me to sing?”
Sho, thinking that Ohno’d definitely messed up while singing - either with the words or the melodies - agreed whole-heartedly. He thought Ohno’d sucked so much; he nearly laughed when Ohno chose the CD of the famous idol group, Arashi, which Aiba bought for him. In the back of his mind, Sho thought it’d be impossible for Ohno to sing along to that idol group.
Sho really, honestly thought he was going to fail in singing.
But he was wrong. He was so fucking wrong.
Ohno sang like an angel; his voice was deep and strong and smooth and whenever he hit the high notes, Sho felt shivers running down his spine. He glanced at Ohno in disbelief; he never thought that Ohno was this good at singing - usually, the younger man get away with life by mumbling and muttering, but now he was singing, and he looked very different with the person that Sho used to know.
And if it was possible, he thought he was falling in love with him more.
Sho took his hands off the wheel momentarily to clap his hands as Ohno was done singing; the younger man blushed when he did, and he punched Sho’s shoulder weakly. “Put your hands back.” He mumbled shyly.
“I never thought you were this good at singing.” Sho said; he put his hands back in the wheel, but even so, he was still glancing over at Ohno, enjoying the embarrassed look in the younger’s man face. “You can actually be a singer.”
“And being on TV and stage? No thanks.” Ohno cringed at his own imagination. “I’m fine just by painting.”
“But seriously though, you can easily beat that leader of Arashi.” Sho teased. “I love your voice more.”
“Are you trying to flirt with me or -“
“Maybe I am.” Sho said; Ohno planted another punch on his arm, this time harder, but he showed no mercy at Sho even though he was whining and complaining that it was hurt. “Just drive!” He told Sho with a pout; but even with how dark it was, Sho could still see how red Ohno’s face were under the streetlight. That sight pushed him to brush Ohno’s fingers gently in his.
“You should put both hands in wheel.” Ohno complained, but even then he let Sho took Ohno’s hand in his, holding it gently as he continued on driving. “Sing again.” Sho told Ohno.
“No.”
“But I’m sleepy.” Sho protested; it was true though, he was purely awake when Ohno was singing simply because he didn’t want to miss any of his sweet voice, but now that they were getting comfortable, Sho was getting sleepy again.
“Let’s just play magical banana.” Ohno sighed as he sunk back to his seat.
“If you lose, you’ll have to sing again.”
The younger man scoffed, but he wasn’t denying it either, so Sho took it happily as a ‘yes’. Ohno started singing, “Magical Banana~” and Sho almost felt sorry for Ohno because he had every intention to crush him immediately, just so he would be able to listen to him singing again.
Which turned out to be such a hard task. Sho thought it’d be easy to beat Ohno on it, but Ohno always said a random word that got Sho thinking harder and harder; thankfully in the end, he managed to win, and even though Ohno was sulking, he started singing again, much to Sho’s delight.
After an hour of singing though, Ohno looked completely bored and sleepy; he kept on rubbing his eyes tiredly. Smiling, Sho used his thumb to caress the back of Ohno’s hand. “Just sleep if you’re tired.”
“No.” Ohno said stubbornly. “I don’t want to.”
“It’s okay, really.”
“No.” Ohno stomped his feet. “It’s dangerous - you’re sleepy too, and so am I; what if you bumped into another car when I was sleeping?”
“It won’t happen.” Sho said with a chuckle, though he must say that Ohno was making sense. “Should we find an inn then?”
“Is your parent’s home still far away?”
“Actually, I think we’ll arrive soon. Once we get out of the highway, we’ll arrive there in no time - probably in an hour from now.” Sho glanced to the clock in the car. “It’s already 9 though.”
“Is it okay - aren’t we going to disturb your parents?” Ohno asked worriedly, but Sho shook his head at his question. “As long as we’re being quiet - probably it was Shu who’s going to open the door for us.” Sho said with a growing smile at his little brother; he missed his younger brother so much.
“How about Mai?” Ohno asked about Sho’s younger sister, whose age was almost the same with Ohno at the moment.
“She’s probably home too, but I’m not sure. She’s a college student now after all.”
“And so I am.”
“Yeah, but you don’t like to party, aren’t you? Mai is at the age where she loves to go out and -”
“Jun-kun took me to a club before.” Ohno said proudly, and Sho turned to look at him incredulously. “We danced and drink all night.”
“And did you -“
“A lot of people were flirting with me.” Again, Sho could feel the swelling proudness latching on Ohno’s voice, and the younger man was smirking right now, much to his annoyance. “Boys and girls - someone even blatantly were trying to bring me to love hotel.”
“And -“
“Jun-kun beat the hell out of him.” Ohno was giggling now - Sho wasn’t sure what was so funny with Jun beating someone up, but then the rest followed. “He was actually so drunk and his punches weren’t that strong, but he was wearing a ring that was so huge, and it was actually the ring that hurt him. But even after the commotion, they still let us stay because the guards were afraid of Jun-kun’s rings, and when he was sober enough, we finally went home.” Ohno was fully laughing now, eyes turning to thin lines and his cheeks were a bit red. “But then Jun-kun said, ‘My fingers feel like they’re going to break’!’”
Sho laughed along with Ohno, but his was more to a relief. “You aren’t allowed to a club anymore.” He said after their laughter subsided. “Even though it’s with Matsumoto.”
“Yeah.” Ohno nodded. “It happened before my stepfather raped me anyway - after that I don’t think it’s wise to attract someone else with my body anymore.”
As soon as the words left Ohno’s mouth, the happy-bubbly atmosphere that they had managed to hold throughout their trip were shattered into pieces. Ohno noticed that, because his grip on Sho’s hand suddenly tightened, as if he was afraid that Sho was going to pull away from him. “Sorry for bringing that up.” Ohno mumbled as he ducked his head down.
“It’s okay.” Sho said softly as he let his thumb glided across the back of Ohno’s hand, trying to calm him. “But well, it’s good if you aren’t going to go to a club anymore, because I’ll get really jealous.” He said lightly in an attempt to bring back the happy atmosphere.
But Ohno didn’t budge. Instead he asked, “Did you tell your parents about me?”
“I won’t if you don’t want me to.”
“I don’t want you too.” Ohno said - no, if anything, it was more like a plea. “They’ll hate me.”
“They won’t.”
“They will.”
“I know my parents, Satoshi-kun. And they love you too much for that.” Sho insisted, feeling a bit frustrated with how stubborn Ohno was sometimes.
“But how do you think your parents would feel if they knew that their son is friend with someone so disgusting like me? They’ll think that I’m a bad influence for you!” Ohno said sadly, and he was balling his hand into fist under Sho’s hand. “And to think that we’re actually been living together for weeks - if they know about it…”
“Satoshi-kun, I am an adult. I know what’s right and what’s not; I am capable of making choices, and I know that my parent would respect my choices - they’ll respect you too.” Sho took a deep breathe. “And you are not disgusting.”
“But I am dirty, Sho-chan.”
Sho glared at Ohno; he could feel the anger resurfacing all of sudden, but to his surprise, Ohno looked angry too, for whatever reason he had, and Sho felt even angrier because Ohno didn’t have any reason to be. “I don’t think you’re the right person to decide whether you’re dirty or not.” He spat as he broke their gaze, focusing his sight on the road as he speed up his car. “It doesn’t matter - being raped by your father doesn’t make you dirty.”
“Oh, how do you know? Have you ever got raped?” Ohno suddenly exploded as he pulled away from Sho’s grip. “Do you have any idea how it feels when someone touched all your intimate parts even when you ask them not to, do you have any idea of how it feels to be so helpless, crying out and begging but-“The younger man suddenly shut his mouth shut as he ran his hands through his hair desperately. “You don’t know, and I don’t want you to know.” He mumbled as he closed his eyes shut, trying to fight back tears. “I don’t want you to be like me.”
Sho said nothing, but now he knew something for sure; they both were bottling up their feelings. For almost a week, they’ve managed to tiptoe around the topic, being careful not to touch it, but it was too much for them.
Sho was angry because he couldn’t put how disappointed he was into words; he still thought that it was all his faults for letting Ohno go 6 years ago. He still thought that it was his fault for not finding Ohno sooner, for not taking him away from his dysfunctional family way before his stepfather started raping him, while his mother was too oblivious to notice. And Ohno, he was angry at himself. He was angry at what he had become.
Disgusting. Dirty. Sick. Helpless. Probably those were what kept on haunting him these days; it was something that he couldn’t put in words either. He had become so accustomed in associating himself with those words; he had become so accustomed in seeing himself so lowly like that, and Sho knew that no matter how hard he was trying to convince Ohno that those words didn’t define him, it would be useless as long as Ohno was still strongly believed in it.
Which explained why Ohno was afraid to hear his confession right now; not because it’d sounded like Sho pitied him, but because Ohno would definitely think that Sho pitied him.
The disgusting, dirty, sick, and helpless Ohno Satoshi.
And that made Sho angrier; not at Ohno, but at himself. He was angry because he couldn’t erase that thought from Ohno’s head. He was angry because he couldn’t convince Ohno that everything he had done right now wasn’t because of pity - he was just helplessly in love with Ohno.
Saying it right now wouldn’t have any meaning though.
Sighing, Sho pulled his hand away too from Ohno’s seat, and he held the wheel tightly. “Just sleep.” He told Ohno finally.
Ohno rested his head against the window, but even then Sho knew that he wasn’t sleeping. But the silence was much more needed, and thanks to their little fight, Sho was fully awake now, and they finally arrived to his house safely. They both got off the car without words, and they also unloaded their luggage; Sho let Ohno taking the sight of his house from afar while he knocked on the door, stopping himself from pressing the bell in fear that he’d wake his parents up - it was already past 10 after all. As expected, it was his brother, Shu, who opened the door for them. The siblings exchanged brief hug and greetings, and that was when Ohno came quietly to them, a nervous smile etched on his face as Shu took his feature in. “Oh, Sato-nii! You haven’t grown!” The boy said happily as he, also, hugged Ohno.
Ohno still had that nervous smile on his face, but it slowly melted away as he patted Shu’s back affectionately. “I grew a few inches, you know!” He snapped jokingly as Shu pulled away. “You’re the one who grew too fast! And what’s with the muscle?”
“I’m really addicted to rugby these days, so I’m practicing every day!” Shu said as he show off his muscles proudly.
“Yeah yeah, but I’m tired, Shu.” Sho cut their conversations, because he really was. “Can you boast about your muscles tomorrow, after I got my so much needed sleep?”
“Ah, sure!” Shu said as he stepped aside to let them get inside. “Do you guys want something to drink? Or maybe a snack? I think mom bought a cake or something…”
“No, thanks.” Ohno answered for them. They both took of their shoes while Shu was locking the door, and then they started making their way to the almost dark house. Ohno looked around the familiar house, and then he whispered, “Are your parents asleep?”
“Yeah.” Shu answered as he walked them to the stairs. “Mom said she wanted to wait up for you guys, but she ended up sleeping in the sofa, so we have to move her to the bed.”
“How about Mai?” Sho asked.
“Sleepover at friend’s place. Something about working on an assignment - probably she was partying though.” The three of them started climbing the stairs quietly, and Shu stopped at the first door they found. “Well, this is my room. Sorry, Sato-nii but since all the guest rooms has become our room, you have to sleep together with Sho-nii.”
“I don’t mind. I’m used -“ Ohno cleared his throat, and then he fix his words. “I mean, well. I don’t mind.”
“Mom had set the futon inside.” Shu said while stifling his yawn. “Well, good night then. Talk to you two tomorrow.” They watched Shu retreated to his room, and after that Sho started walking to his own, the furthest room, with Ohno trailing behind him. He opened the door for Ohno to walk in first, and after that he went in and closed the door behind him while turning on the light. The small bulb did a good job in brightening Sho’s room, and Sho was immediately overflown with the feeling of nostalgia as he walked past Ohno and threw himself on the bed, smelling the scent of the whitening product his mother usually used in sheets. He turned around to his back then, just in time to see Ohno taking off his clothes, quietly changing his clothes to pajama. He let his eyes wandered on Ohno’s back, taking in the smooth, white skin, and then he whispered, “You’re not dirty at all.”
Ohno glanced at him, but his hands didn’t stop working - he was taking off his jeans now, and to be honest, Sho was a little taken aback with the way Ohno nonchalantly stripped in front of him now. Usually the man would be too embarrassed to do so - but maybe when you were angry, you didn’t really get embarrassed. “Maybe it didn’t look so to you.” Ohno said as he kicked his jeans off, and then he started putting on his pajama’s trousers. “But it feels like that to me.”
Sho got nothing to say to that, so he just watched Ohno’s putting on his pajama, and then the younger man excused himself to the restroom. Once Ohno was gone, Sho changed his clothes too, and he waited for his turn to go to the toilet; Ohno came back not so long after, and without exchanging words, Sho left to the restroom to pee and brush his teeth. When he came back, the light was already turned off and Ohno was already comfortably snuggled behind the cover in the futon; he was talking quietly with someone though, and Sho frowned as he went to his bed.
“Yes, Jun-kun. I love you too.” Ohno sighed softly. Sho reacted strongly to those words because the next moment, he found himself pulling on Ohno’s cover; Ohno gaped at him, ccompletely surprised, before his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance as he held his phone in a protective manner. “What?”
“Give it to me.” Sho demanded, but Ohno didn’t budge. Instead, he put the phone on his ear again. “Jun-kun, I have to go now.” He sighed, and he rubbed his face tiredly. “Yes Jun-kun. I love you too. Now, go back to your bed and - No, I can’t come over.”
Sho clicked his tongue in annoyance, and Ohno sent him a look that said ‘Be patient’, before he put all his attention back to the caller. “Yes. Yes, I’ll see you on Monday, okay? Sure, Jun-kun. Bye bye. Sleep tight.”
“What was that?” Sho demanded once again as Ohno finally put his phone away. The younger man sighed, and he scooted away from Sho as he snatched the blanket away from him. “It’s Jun-kun.”
“I know it’s him, but why are you -“
“He’s drunk.” Ohno deadpanned as his annoyance to Sho seemed to have shot up to the roof. Ohno was scowling at him now, and Sho decided that he didn’t like it at all. “He just called me to say how much he loves me drunkenly - his girlfriend is there with him too.”
“Oh.” Sho mumbled; he got embarrassed now that he got to know the truth, and he scratched his head in an apologetic manner. “Sorry, I thought -“
“You thought I love Jun-kun? I did, but not in that way.” Ohno sighed as he kicked Sho’s weakly. “Go sleep.”
Sho nodded; he had wanted for them to cuddle up together, but Ohno was facing his back to him now, and Sho was smart enough to understand that it wasn’t an invitation. So with a hunched shoulder, he climbed back to his bed, and he buried himself under the cover too.
“I ruined our holiday, didn’t I?” Sho whispered to the darkness. He wasn’t expecting any answer, to be honest. But when he was already half-asleep, he heard Ohno saying,
“I was the one who ruined our holiday.”
***
Sho woke up late.
The room was bright, thanks to the sunlight that found their way through the opened window; the breeze ruffled Sho’s hair, bringing in the scent of the freshly cut grass from the outside. Sho let out a big yawn as he pushed himself up into the sitting position and scanned the room with his sleepy eyes. Ohno’s futon was already folded up and it was placed neatly on the corner, along with his bag, and somehow or another the room has gotten much bigger than last night. Thinking that Ohno must be downstairs, Sho started making his way out of his room slowly, so he wouldn’t trip as he rubbed his eyes tiredly. He headed straight to the kitchen, where all the commotions were. “Ohayou.”
“It’s konnichiwa for you.” A gentle voice said to him, and Sho couldn’t help but let a smile spreading on his face at the sight of his mother washing the dishes in the kitchen. “Konnichiwa.” He repeated then as he walked to the dining table; his father was seated there, and he was leisurely reading a book while having tea. Sho hopped into the chair beside him, and there he finally took a glance on the clock in the wall and saw what time it was exactly. “Oh, it’s 1 pm already…”
“Yes, and we just had lunch.” His mother teased. “Would you like to eat?”
“Please.” Sho mumbled; his mother nodded and in no time, she prepared a glass of tea and a plate of curry in front of Sho, and, unable to hold back his laughter, Sho said, “Did Satoshi-kun cook?”
“Yes, he offered himself to make it for us! It really is delicious!” His mother beamed proudly as she sat in front of Sho.
“I know. I eat it almost every day.” He chuckled as he took a spoonful of it, mumbling itadakimasu before stuffing it to his mouth.
“Almost every day?” Sho’s mother repeated in confusion.
“Ah, well…” Sho gulped the food down and then he took another spoonful of curry before answering. “He was staying at my place for a while - his college is near my apartment.”
“Ah, I see…” The beautiful lady nodded in an understanding. She brought the tea to her lips and sipped from it gracefully, but Sho could almost see that she was thinking deeply about something. “Um, where’s Satoshi-kun?”
“Oh, he was off to the supermarket with Shuu and Mai. Tonight it’ll be nabe.” His mother answered nonchalantly as she placed the tea back to the table. Sho nodded, and he focused himself on the food, when suddenly his ever so quiet father spoke.
“Did something happen?”
Sho froze. He turned to stare at his father, whose were still fixed on his book. “Why are you asking that…?”
“Satoshi-kun has the same, worried face he always had whenever his father beat him up.” His father answered as he marked the book and closed it, placing it on the table with a heavy sigh. “Only, this time, it seems to be worse.”
Sho put the spoon down, suddenly losing all his appetite. He gulped down his drink first though, aware that everyone in the room was staring at him, waiting for an explanation that Sho wasn’t ready to give. “You can tell?” He finally asked quietly.
“Did something happen with his family?” It was his mother’s turn to speak now. “Is that why he’s been staying at your place?”
“That… that is…” Sho mumbled; he wasn’t sure if he should tell his parents or not. Ohno had clearly state that he didn’t want Sho to tell anyone else after all, and they also had a fight about it last night. It was Ohno’s privacy too, and Sho couldn’t possibly -
“You looked like you’re going to cry.” His father suddenly said. “So something must have happened.”
Sho looked at his father, and before he knew it, he told them. He told them about everything; from how he meet Ohno, how he asked the younger man to move in with him, how his stepfather came to mess up with his head, how they ended up kissing one night, and how, finally, he found out about the raping and how he beat Ohno’s stepfather for it. It all flowed from his mouth naturally and unrushed; almost as if he has been reciting it over and over again in his head. He could feel his chest tightened with every words that he said, and he could feel tears pricked his eyes as he ducked down his face in shame, fists balling on his trousers as he refused to stare at his parents.
“I’m so disappointed at myself.” He said between gritted teeth. “I am so disappointed at myself. If only I didn’t let him left this house that night, maybe everything would be different.”
“But you can’t stop him from leaving with his family.” His mother spoke quietly. “You can’t.”
“Even so, then I should’ve find him sooner! I should’ve been more insistent in searching for him in the city! I should’ve taken him away before his stepfather raped him!” Sho slammed the table angrily. “If only I did those, this thing wouldn’t happen… He wouldn’t get raped…” A single tear rolled down his cheek as Sho slumped back to his chair. “He didn’t deserve this - he didn’t deserve any of this. He’s so kind. So kind.”
“It’s not your fault, Sho.” His mother said softly as she reached out to touch his hand, patting it gently as an attempt to calm him down. “It’s not. You’ve done your best. In a way, you’ve saved him.”
“But I could’ve done better!” Sho insisted as more tears forced their way out of his eyes. “I could’ve tried harder. It’s my fault!”
“What’s the use of beating yourself for it now?” His father spoke calmly. “It had happened, and you can’t do anything about it anymore. What matter is what you’re going to do right now. What are you planning to do?”
Sho couldn’t come up for an answer immediately; if anything, his mind couldn’t think for any complicated or satisfying answer, so he only settled with, “I just want to protect him.”
“Then do it. Make sure that it won’t happen anymore. Be there for him. Support him. Protect him. If you feel like what had happened is your fault, then atone for it by truly protecting him. Stop blaming yourself, because it didn’t have any use. How can you protect him when you’re not even sure of yourself?” His father’s voice was calm but stern, and it was piercing through Sho’s mind, pulling him harshly from any self-doubt and self-blaming that he had. But what was more surprising for him was when his father patted him gently on the back; Sho stared at him with wet eyes, and his father was smiling at him. “But if you want to cry, then cry all you want right now, so the next time you see Satoshi-kun, you’re ready.”
And Sho didn’t need him to say anything anymore, because the moment those words were leaving his father’s lips, Sho immediately broke into tears. He covered his face with his hands as he cried, while his father patted his back gently and his mother hugged him from the behind. “Seriously Sho… You’re always thinking about someone else, aren’t you? Such a troublesome kid.”
At any other time, he’d definitely retorted at such remark, but he could only let out a sob now. But he knew that he actually wanted this; that he actually had wanted to cry, but he had no one to turn to. Maybe that was why when his parents called, he immediately agreed on visiting them, because he knew if it was his parents, he could cry as much as he like, and not being ashamed of it at all.
On the other side, Ohno couldn’t. He couldn’t turn to his family to cry; he could only turn to Sho, who wasn’t as strong as he believed, and no matter how hard he was trying to comfort Ohno, somehow he knew that it would never be enough. Maybe, Ohno, just like him, was craving for his parent’s love too.
So in return, Sho selfishly wanted his parents to fulfill that part.
It was a selfish request of course, but he breathed in relief when both his mother and father nodded, accepting it without any arguments. His mother ruffled his hair as she walked away to the kitchen, and she started pulling out lots of cooking appliances. “Mom?” He asked.
“I want to welcome Satoshi-kun properly to this house, so I’m going to cook lots! We’ll have a party tonight, and we should surprise him too!” His mother turned at him with a wide smile. “Let’s make him feel at home, ne?”
And Sho smiled too, mirroring his mother’s as he nodded eagerly. “Let’s.”
He was glad he returned back to this home.
Chapter 11 | Chapter 13