Touch The Breath [Chapter 6]
Title : Touch The Breath
Pairing : Juntoshi, Sakuraiba, Maotsujun, Ohmiya (friendship)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Angst, Drama, Romance
Disclaimer : Arashi...please be mine!
Sumarry : All this time, Ohno has been holding back his feelings, and before he knew it, he was already too late. Jun had made a decision, and there was nothing Ohno could do to change his mind, or so he thought. But was it really too late?
A/N : I'M SO SORRY FOR THE LATE LATE POST! I've got homeworks for every single day for last week and that made me unable to touch this fic at all. And, to make things worse, the big event that I was in charge for was starting in another two weeks so...yeah you know what I mean ;___; and i left this chapter in a cliffhanger yes I'm evil like that Well, in any case, I'll try to go back as soon as I can once the event is finished! I might made some drabbles or one-shot here and there though, hopefully! Well, pls enjoy this chapter! Comments will be loved! p.s : did anyone here have watched juntoshi date on anishi? XD tell me what you think about it!
If Ohno could’ve run away, he would’ve done so.
But sadly, he couldn’t. He found himself dragging his feet all the way to the agency on the next morning, ready to have a long, day full of rehearsal and meetings about their upcoming concert; his responsibility as an Arashi leader easily defeated his whining self that begged for him to just stay at home, safe from Jun, safe from everyone else.
But he was able to surprise himself; he walked to the green room, and when he saw Jun, he managed to return the soft smile that Jun directed at him. He managed to do what he was supposed to do; listening to the meeting and stating his opinions once in a while, and then after that working his body like crazy to their songs with short breaks in between. It was easier to get busy like that, really, because at that moment Ohno stopped thinking; his whole body - his mind, especially - was focusing on getting the work done, and there was no room for anything else.
So really, even though Jun was in the same room with him almost the whole day, and even though the taste of Jun was still there, burning on his lips, Ohno managed to get through the day.
It was late at night, maybe past 11 when the rehearsal, along with all the details of the concert that they’ve went through over and over again; that was when Jun finally came up to him, waiting until everyone left before he walked over, silently waiting for Ohno, who was busy putting back his stuffs into his bag. “Satoshi.” He called.
“No honorifics?” Ohno teased, though he wouldn’t deny the fact that his heart skipped a beat when Jun called him that. Jun smiled; the warm, kind of naughty smile before he said, “Satocchi.”
“Ugh.” The older man let out a chuckle then, and it surprised him how easy it was to be with Jun, to tease each other like this. “What do you want? I’m not going to invite you over to my house ever again, you know.”
“I know.” Jun replied softly. “At least, not until everything is settled, right?”
Ohno didn’t answer that, because really, he didn’t know what Jun meant with that - he didn’t dare to hope. Jun seemed to be understood though, because then the man put a hand on Ohno’s shoulder, patting it softly. “I just want to tell you that I don’t regret anything I did last night.” He said, gaze meeting Ohno’s boldly. “I don’t regret anything - I don’t regret kissing you or maybe doing more than that…”
“You should.” Ohno mumbled, but his voice held no anger or whatsoever; the warmth that was radiating from Jun’s hand was seeping through his skin, making all the memories from last night came back to Ohno with full force. “You should.”
“Do you?” Jun asked, and Ohno found himself shaking his head at the question.
“I don’t regret it either.”
Jun hugged him then, pulling him into his embrace, and Ohno let him; he relished on the warmth, the warmth that he had unconsciously craving since last night, and even though they both were sweaty from all the hard work they did throughout the day, Ohno pulled closer, hands circling on Jun’s back, clutching on him tightly. “I’m glad.” Jun mumbled to his hair. “I was afraid that you do.”
Ohno said nothing, but he hugged a little bit tighter, showing Jun that he really didn’t regret it. Jun let out a small chuckle, and then he lifted Ohno’s face up so their eyes would meet. “Satoshi.” He whispered, making shiver running through Ohno’s body. “I’ll do something, I promise. I promise you that this time, I’ll set everything right. This might take some time, but I want you to know that I really am going to do something.” The younger man said sincerely, eyes held determination that made Ohno speechless. “That’s why…please believe in me.”
That was stupid for Jun to ask, because Ohno already did; he believed in him, always been, and this time, it wouldn’t be any different. The smaller man nodded with a smile anyway, just to reassure him, and the smile that Jun gave him took his breath away.
And he - they should’ve stopped at that, but Ohno couldn’t resist when Jun pulled their lips together, kissing his lips tenderly, touching him like he was fragile. He couldn’t resist, couldn’t help but kissed back and letting himself drown in the kiss.
He wanted to believe in this.
Their kiss ended soon, and Jun went first because, unlike the rest, he still was going to meet up with some staffs. Ohno left after him then, feeling his steps getting a little bit lighter as he walked out of the rehearsal room, though it was short-lived as he heard a voice that he was so familiar with greeted him.
“Is he a good kisser?”
Ohno quickly turned around, chest thumped loudly as he saw Nino standing in front of him with his hands crossed over his chest, eyebrows furrowed and lips set into a tight line as he stared - no, glared, at Ohno. “I… I can explain.”
“You better be.” Nino replied curtly; he looked annoyed as he walked past Ohno, and, even though the younger man didn’t said anything, Ohno knew that he should follow him, which he did. They walked in silence, only stopping once in a while to greet the staff or other celebrities that they met on their way, and Nino led him to the parking lot, right to his car. Ohno climbed in dutifully on the passenger side, right beside Nino who was still frowning, and as he started his car, the younger man said, “Talk.”
And Ohno did. He knew that Nino probably had sensed that something had happened between him and Jun, and so Ohno told him everything. He told him about what happened last night, about their confessions - if it could be count as confessions - about their little ‘activity’ in bed, and also about the kiss they had just now; he told Nino everything, and when he was done, Ohno looked down at his fingers instead because he was afraid. Nino’d probably get angry at him; he’d probably call him stupid or idiot or whatever for even letting Jun touch him, and maybe, Nino was right.
But instead of snarky, sarcastic comments, Nino only said, “I see.”
Ohno looked up in a daze; he stared at Nino, whose eyes were focusing on the road before him, but there was no anger at those brown orbs anymore. If anything, he looked more relaxed now. “Nino, did you hear me?” Ohno asked in disbelief.
“Of course, old man. My ears are perfectly fine, unlike yours.” Ohno pouted a bit as he touched his ears slightly - they still worked perfectly fine, mind you. “So you heard me.” He mumbled then.
“Yes, I did.”
“And you’re okay with it?”
“Yeah.”
“…why?”
“Because.” Nino replied nonchalantly, and Ohno was about to protest when he finally continued. “Well, because it was about time for him to make a move.” The smaller man said with a grin. “I’ve been wondering when he would realize that everything he did was a mistake - heck, he wasn’t even sure of himself, let alone on who was it that he really loves.”
“He loves her, you know.” Ohno mumbled. “I mean, he really loves her, because if not, how could they’ve stayed together for a long time?”
“J is just confused.” Nino said as he made a turn that’d led them to Ohno’s house. “Well, I’m not going to say that he didn’t have any feelings for her - she made him comfortable, I guess? Because yeah, no one was going to stay that long if there wasn’t any feeling going down.” The younger man glanced at him then. “But look at you, Oh-chan. It just took you a…what, a few months? Just a few months to make Jun realize that you’re the one he loves. After all this time…” Nino shook his head slowly. “You should’ve done it sooner.”
Ohno didn’t know what to say to that, and he stared at the road instead. “But then… what about Inoue-san?”
“Don’t bother yourself with that thought.” Nino scolded him playfully as the car slowly being pulled into a stop, right in front of Ohno’s apartment. “That was for J to think about.”
“But -“
“Go home and sleep.” Nino told him with a small smile. “We’ve got tons of things to do tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Ohno climbed off the car and he walked around it until he was on Nino’s side; the younger man pulled the window down, despite the fact that someone might see, and he waved his hand lazily at Ohno. “Bye bye.”
“Bye bye.” Ohno said with a smile. “Thank you, Kazu.”
“You’re welcome.”
Nino drove away, and Ohno walked back into his heart, feeling much more relieved, the first time after the last few months.
Somehow, his instinct told him that something good was going to happen.
***
“Don’t go too far, Satoshi-kun. We’re gonna start in one hour.”
After mumbling an incoherent reply to the mother hen Sho, Ohno walked out from the green room; leaving the room gave him some sort of a relief, because even if they didn’t want to admit it, they were all tense, afraid, and worried.
Because today was the concert day, and today, Jun was going to announce his marriage.
And Ohno - he has been waiting, really. Jun had promised him after all, and he believed him; he believed that Jun’d do something. He waited, though he didn’t know for what, while Jun was just being his…old self; his normal self, for the lack of better words, but even then, Ohno believed.
But a week passed anyway, and in less than an hour they were going to start the concert, and Ohno saw no way out from this pain he was in anymore. And so, he gave in. He told himself that it was, well, it was okay; it shouldn’t matter anymore, it shouldn’t disturb him anymore. But even after he convinced himself that much, his chest still clenched painfully when he saw Jun, because Jun had promised him, so why didn’t he said anything yet?
Why didn’t he do something yet?
Sighing, Ohno found himself standing right in front of a vending machine, and he didn’t realized that his feet has took him there; he didn’t even know how long he has been there. He had no plan to buy anything since they have lots of drinks in the green room, but Ohno put in some coins and chose the lemon tea anyway. The can dropped with a loud ‘clank’, and Ohno crouched down to get it -
“Ohno-san?”
Ohno froze.
God, don’t let it be her.
“Ah, its Ohno-san!” There were hurried footsteps approaching him, the sound of heels clinking against the floor resounded in the hallway, way too loud for Ohno’s liking, and he was panicking, a bit. “I’ve been searching for you!”
Ohno took a deep breath before he finally grabbed on his lemon can and stood; immediately he saw her, Mao, walking towards him with a bright smile on her face, looking really cute in his soft pink coat and a white skirt to match. Ohno smiled at her as she was getting close, hoping that the smile was genuine enough, and then he nodded to her. “Inoue-san.” He said politely. “Long time no see.”
“Yes, long time no see!” She replied with a slightly low bow to Ohno. “You’ve changed your hairstyles again!”
“I did that a lot.” Ohno replied with a chuckle as he ran his hand through his dark brown hair. “Well…you’re here to see Ju - Matsujun?”
“That too, but I want to see the others.” She then lifted up the plastic bag she had on her hands, showing it proudly to Ohno. “I made some food for you guys, as my way to say thank you!”
“Aah, thanks.” Ohno took the plastic bag from her, and then he could smell a delicious scent wafting from it, though he didn’t really have the appetite to eat for now. “Well then, this way.”
She followed him gleefully; her steps was bouncing a bit and along the way Ohno could see that she was clearly happy, and he couldn’t help but feeling jealous towards her. She’s everything that Ohno wasn’t - she was bright, cheerful, beautiful, kind, nice, and most importantly, she’s a woman. She could give Jun children; with her, Jun could build a family and become a father just like how he wanted it.
She was perfect for him, and Ohno knew it, and that only saddened him more.
“You’re going to watch our concert, aren’t you?” Ohno asked after a while; the silence was way too awkward to bear after all.
“Of course!” She replied quickly, almost as if she was relieved that Ohno even bother to ask. “I mean, well, I’m pretty excited about it. I hope everything will go well though.”
“Me too.”
“I really want to thank you, Ohno-san.” Mao suddenly said softly as they were about to arrive at the green room. “If it wasn’t for you, Jun maybe wouldn’t even think about it. But since you said you were okay with it, this happened!” She smiled brightly at Ohno then, head tilting a bit as she then continued, “Jun respected you so much.”
Ohno wasn’t sure how to react to that - he wasn’t sure whether it should make him happy, or sad, and he didn’t even knew he should smile or not to her. All that he managed to do was a simple nod, and then he hurried to the door, opening it for her to walk in. Aiba and Nino were stretching together in the floor, Sho was reading a newspaper, and Jun was scribbling something on his notes. The moment he walked in, Aiba immediately looked up and said, “Leader, where have you been? You should help me -” but then he turned quiet as he saw who was standing behind Ohno, and Nino, who was stretching along with Aiba, stopped whatever he was doing and he immediately frowned.
“Well.” Ohno said out loud then. “We have a guest.”
Both Sho and Jun finally looked up from whatever they were doing - Sho gaped, while Jun, well, he looked surprised, and the younger man immediately stood. “Mao?” He asked confusedly. “Why are you here?”
“I thought I should stop by to greet Arashi before the concert started.” She said before then she really bowed to them, saying ‘yoroshiku’ and all, and Ohno placed the food she brought on the table, announcing that she brought it for them, in which Aiba immediately dig through the plastic bag while Jun and Sho was talking to Mao. Quietly, Ohno made his way to where Nino at; the younger man hasn’t moved an inch from his sitting position on the floor, but when he saw Ohno walking towards him, he moved to the sofa, which Ohno soon immediately followed. They snuggled there; not that close, since ‘someone else’ was here, but they were pretty close after all, close enough to have Nino whispered, “My offer to kill him is still valid, you know” to his ears, making Ohno giggled quietly - it eased his heart, even just for a bit.
Mao stayed for a long while in their green room; her bento box was being passed around the room, and Ohno took one onigiri just to make her happy, while Nino refused, saying that he didn’t like to eat before the concert because it’d make his stomach hurt - that was the case too with Ohno, but he’d feel bad if he didn’t eat at least one, and so he munched it in quietly, praising her and receiving a gleeful giggle in return. She finally left when Arashi needed to get ready, and Jun escorted her outside.
When Jun was back to their room to get his costume changed, he passed Ohno, and Ohno quietly said, “She’s really nice.”
Jun stared at him for a while, and he looked like he was about to say something, but he settled with, “She is”, and then he left to change into their costumes.
And Ohno took another deep breath as he felt the usual pang in his heart.
‘I should stop thinking about it’, he told himself as the staff was calling them because the concert was about to start. I should stop thinking about it; I should focus on the concert. I shouldn’t let them down.
But of course, he couldn’t help but feeling disappointed.
***
The concert was a blast.
Ohno felt his adrenaline rushing as they hurried off to the backstage to change their clothes and preparing for the encore. The concert has made him forgot about all of his trouble, even if it was just for a while; the songs, the lights, the fans - they all brought him into a blissful moment, and Ohno wished that he could stay in the stage for forever, no matter how tired he was.
But eventually, the concert was nearing the end, and soon they’d have their encore.
And that was when they’d announce the marriage.
Ohno wore his t-shirt with the help of a staff, and once he was done, Nino suddenly grabbed his hand, dragging him all the way to the corner, well hidden from everyone as they both face each other - Ohno staring with confusion while Nino was looking extremely aggravated. “It’s about time.” The younger man hissed.
Ohno blinked; somehow those words were being processed so slowly inside his head, before the older man finally nodded. “It is.”
“What are you going to do?” Nino asked hurriedly, hands clutching on Ohno’s strongly, and Ohno believed that it was going to leave a mark on him. “What are we going to do?”
“Nothing.” Ohno replied blankly; because really, what was Nino expecting? Was he expecting Ohno to cut Jun’s off in the middle of his announcement and declared his love in front of the fans and his soon-to-be-wife? Or what, was he expecting Ohno to go ahead now and begged Jun to not get married to Mao, to give him a chance?
Was Nino expecting him to do all that, even after both he and Ohno saw how lovely the pair looked together?
‘Nino must be insane’, Ohno thought as he stared at Nino, and knowing that Nino did expect him to do all those crazy things. He shook his head firmly at Nino. “I won’t do anything.”
Nino clutched on him harder, and Ohno writhed quietly as he tried to pull his hands away. “Satoshi.” Nino hissed angrily. “This is your fuckin’ last chance.”
“I know.” Ohno mumbled.
“Then we have to do something!” Nino yelled in frustration. “And what was that bastard doing anyway - didn’t you said that he had promised you that he’d do something? The concert is going to end soon and he’s not doing anything yet!”
“Maybe he changed his mind.” The older man replied slowly, feeling the words cut through his heart, leaving a dull pain behind for him to deal with. “Maybe he decided that she’s better for him anyway.”
Nino gaped, and Ohno could see how the younger man clenched his fist as he turned around. “I’m going to give him a lesson right now.”
Ohno stared at Nino, at how the younger man was now leaving him alone, clearly frustrated with how everything turned out to be, and Ohno couldn’t help but smile at that - at how kind Nino was, at the irony of everything was. He caught up with Nino then, hand squeezing Nino’s shoulder softly as he mumbled a small ‘Thank you.’
Nino stopped dead on his tracks, and he looked at Ohno in disbelief, but Ohno walked away, not willing to listen to Nino anymore in fear that his determination would shatter into pieces, in fear that he’d done those crazy things that Nino wanted him to do. Right now, he couldn’t be bothered with that; he had his fans that were screaming their names again and again, he had a group that he should lead, and he have no place for such thought anymore. “Alright, everyone! Gather around!” He said loudly as he returned back to the place where the other members have been waiting, ready and eager to go back to the stage. They all gathered around, making a small circle, and Ohno put his hands forward first, which soon followed by everyone else, though Nino was still sulking. “Okay…” He started, taking a deep breath as he told himself to pull his shit together. “Is everyone ready?”
There were various murmurs of answers, not that Ohno really minded anyway. He looked forward then, to the Jun that was staring straightly at him, and he asked, “Are you ready?”
“I am.” Jun replied with no trace of doubts; he was so determined, and while it was endearing for Ohno, it broke his heart too. “I’m ready.”
Ohno smiled at him. “Good.” He whispered then. “Good - just remember, we’ll be there for you. No matter what happen, no matter what people might say, we’ll still be there for you.” Without waiting for Jun’s answer, Ohno then said loudly, “Let’s go!”
He received energetic yells from the other members, and then they were off to their positions. Ohno waited for his turn to appear on the stage again, and that was when Jun patted his back.
“I didn’t forget my promise.”
And then Jun left, into the stage, into the spotlights, into the endless screaming of their fans, and Ohno watched him from the backstage.
There goes all my determination.
Ohno hopped back into the stage as the melody of their song started playing, and soon, they were singing again. Ohno walked to where he was supposed to be, he sang just like he usually did, but his mind, his heart, especially, was a mess. He couldn’t help but hope, couldn’t help but cling on Jun’s words, and that made his heart clenched so hard because with every lyrics that he sang, he got closer to the end of the concert, and the anticipation, the fear, was eating him out to the point that words got stuck in his throat and he was unable to sing anymore. He looked down at his own feet, overwhelmed, afraid and felt so small on the stage, while the song goes on without his voice in it.
“Leader!”
Aiba was suddenly on his side, hands circling on his waist before then he was hauled up to his shoulder like a sack of potato; Ohno yelped as he clutched hard to Aiba, confused because this was clearly out of script; the fans were screaming like crazy on his ears and -
“This way you don’t have to sing.” Aiba whispered when it wasn’t his turn to sing; his voice was breathy, and Ohno knew, despite how he looked so thin, he still weighed a lot so of course it’d be a hard work for Aiba. But the younger man carried him all over the stage, bringing him back to the main stage just like how the choreography should be. “Don’t force yourself, Leader.”
Ohno bit his lips as he ducked down to hide his face from the flashing light, from the fans, and he willed himself not to cry, at least not on this stage, not when so many people were supporting him.
And so, when Aiba finally put him down in the main stage where all the members were waiting, he was smiling already, and Aiba mimicked his smile. Sho scolded Aiba playfully from doing so out of nowhere and making Ohno couldn’t able to sing properly, which elicited laughter from the crowds; but really, even Ohno could see that Sho was thankful for what he did.
Ah, I really love them.
They sang a few songs before, finally, they had to say their goodbye, or, for Jun, he had to announce his plan to marry Mao - which was why he was put on the last. To be honest, Ohno couldn’t really remember what it was that he said; he remembered saying that it was fun, that he was grateful, all the usual things before finally it was Jun’s turn. Ohno glanced at the man; he looked calm and collected, but Ohno could see how his fist was clenching around the mic.
Jun’s eyes suddenly shifted to meet him, and they stared at each other.
‘I believe in you’, Ohno didn’t say that out loud, of course, but that was all that he could think about as they stared at each other even just for a few second, before Jun was looking away again.
‘I believe in you’.
And so, Ohno closed his eyes as Jun started to speak.
“I have an announcement to make.”
Chapter 5 | Chapter 7