Touch The Breath [Chapter 7]
Title : Touch The Breath
Pairing : Juntoshi, Sakuraiba, Maotsujun, Ohmiya (friendship)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Angst, Drama, Romance
Disclaimer : Arashi...please be mine!
Sumarry : All this time, Ohno has been holding back his feelings, and before he knew it, he was already too late. Jun had made a decision, and there was nothing Ohno could do to change his mind, or so he thought. But was it really too late?
A/N : I'M BACK FROM THE PIT OF HELL PEOPLEEE~ Gosh the big event for this year is finally over and now im free! (not completely, there's still reports to do and also midterms but whatever, im free for now at least). And sooo I quickly wrote this because I feel bad for making you guys waiting as if someone really waiting LOL. But well, as you might have guessed, it was going to end soon, very soon :3 maybe in next chapter, I guess. After that I'll continue with my other series or maybe writing a new one ORZ. but anyway, enjoy! Pls forgive for any mistakes! Comments will be loved! <3
The concert was over.
Ohno was running, trying to make his way through all the staffs on the backstage as he tried to catch up with Jun - after making his announcement, the man left, leaving the stage and the crowd; leaving Ohno flabbergasted.
Because the announcement that he made was about his role for a movie next year.
It wasn’t about the marriage.
And it made him - Ohno knew that he was supposed to be glad, maybe, but he couldn’t really feel anything but anger right now. He was so angry, to the point that he clenched his fist so tight, nails digging on his palm as he was making his way to their green room, where he believed Jun’d be there -Ohno’s head was spinning with anger, and he just wanted -
He just wanted to see Jun.
The younger man was right there, in the green room, hurriedly changing his costume with a simple t-shirt when Ohno barged into the room. He looked up, and Ohno knew that he should’ve hold himself back, but he found himself grabbing on Jun’s collar and slamming him against the wall, hands clenching on his front shirt as he yelled, “Stop playing around with me!”
Jun winced in pain, and then he blinked slowly at him, as if Ohno was speaking with a foreign language. “What?”
“I don’t understand you! I don’t understand - you promised me that you’d do something, and yet you acted like you didn’t promise anything. And just when I was ready to give up, you…You canceled everything!” He yelled. “You didn’t announce your marriage - you just…” Ohno closed his eyes - why was it so hard to get his point through? He was struggling for words as his breaths quickened; all words were failing him, really, and when Ohno opened his eyes, it was already blurry with tears that he didn’t want to shed. “Was it fun playing around with me?!”
Ohno let go of Jun as he then ran his hands on his hair in frustration; he walked away from the younger man, slightly regretting his choices of words, cursing himself for never being able to talk everything through like Sho could always did. Some more tears fell, wetting his cheeks, but he made no effort anymore to keep it hidden; he was far too tired for it. “I’m tired, Jun.” He whispered then. “I’m so tired.”
“I know.” Jun finally replied; the younger man has been silent before, but now when he talked, Ohno couldn’t help but let his attention drawn to him, to the man that he really loved. “I know, and I kept my promise, didn’t I?”
Ohno nodded meekly. “You did.”
“Then why are you crying?”
Ohno shook his head; he didn’t understand why either - no, he actually did, but he didn’t know how to explain it. He didn’t know how to explain the relief that was washing his body the moment Jun announced about his role in a movie instead; he didn’t know how to explain the anger that was replacing the relief once it washed away because Jun was taking so long; he didn’t know how to make Jun understand that, even though Jun had made it clear with his action and despite the fact that Jun has kept his promise, deep inside, a part of him was still doubting him.
He didn’t know how to explain all those.
Jun approached him, gentle hands reaching out to wipe the tears on his cheeks with his thumbs. “I kept my promise.” Jun repeated slowly. “I’m sorry for making you wait so long though.”
Again, Ohno shook his head. “That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
Ohno opened his mouth, close it again, and he stared at Jun from behind his long, wet eyelashes.
“I was so afraid, Jun.”
He sounded pathetic - no, he was pathetic. He tried to calm himself down, trying to control his tears so it wouldn’t overflow, but he was failing anyway. “I was so afraid.” He repeated with a trembling voice. “I don’t know what to think anymore… I was so afraid that you…that you will…”
Jun was silent - not that Ohno kind of expected him to say anything. But then he felt Jun’s hands on his own, unclenching his fists and held it softly as he bent down a bit to rest their foreheads against each other. “That night…” Jun started softly, warm breath tickling Ohno’s face, making him close his eyes. “That night, do you remember what I told you?”
“Yes.”
“What did I say?”
“That you think…you’re in love with me.”
Jun hummed. “That was true…but it’s not true anymore.” The younger man said softly, but he didn’t explain further.
But even then, Ohno thought he understood. Maybe that was why he didn’t pulled away when Jun’s lips found his; it wasn’t a passionate kiss, but just lips moving against lips slowly, soft sighs being exchanged with each other as Ohno could felt all his tension and anger wore off, and a pleasant shiver was replacing it. He could feel his rapid heartbeat was being calmed down; his stomach wasn’t in knot anymore.
All in all, he felt…fine.
Jun pulled away with a nip on his lower lips, but he wasn’t moving away just yet. He rested his forehead against Ohno as he was trying to catch his breath, and Ohno let him be. He opened his eyes, and everything was blurry, but at the very least he could see Jun’s brown orbs staring back at him lovingly, and it only made him want to cry more, or maybe to kiss him again, he wasn’t sure. “Jun…”
“Give me some time.” Jun whispered. “I need time to take care of everything; I’ve ruined everything tonight, and people wouldn’t be happy with it. So give me some time, okay?”
“Okay.” Ohno mumbled the response out, and, with a smile, Jun finally pulled away; the younger man was staring at the door then, and so, Ohno turned his head towards the door too.
Mao was staring at them.
Unconsciously, Ohno squeezed Jun’s hands as he felt fear settled on his stomach; how long has she been there anyway? Jun, however, was looking fairly calm, and he squeezed Ohno’s hand back softly before letting it go. “Don’t worry.” He whispered. “I’ll take care of everything.”
Ohno could only nod, though really, he wasn’t sure of it. He watched as Jun approached Mao, and after exchanging a few words, Jun went back to grab his bag and then he left with her to take care of their…’problems.’ Not even a minute after they left, the rest of the Arashi members peeked into the green room; well, actually it was just Aiba and Sho that were peeking into the room, while Nino immediately walked in. “Oh-chan.” He called out then. “Are you okay?”
Ohno wasn’t sure if he was; he slowly walked to the sofa and he let himself sunk there, arms draping on his eyes as if to cover himself from the curious eyes. “Mmhm.” He mumbled. “I think I am.”
“That’s good.” Nino sat beside him, and without even thinking, Ohno immediately leaned towards the man, resting his head on Nino’s small shoulder. “I’m tired.” Ohno said to no one in particular.
“Then sleep, Satoshi-kun.” Sho’s soft voice could be heard, and soon a gentle hand was ruffling his hair. “We’ll be here when you wake up.”
“And we’ll order some food too; is Chinese food okay?” Aiba chirped in.
“Shouldn’t we order fast food? We need all the fat we could get!”
“Nino! We need to keep in shape!”
Ohno smiled a little as he listened to the others bickering; in their own way, it sounded almost like a lullaby to Ohno. Listening to that made it appeared as if everything was alright.
Or maybe, it really was going to be alright.
***
They stopped in the middle of nowhere; in the heart of Tokyo, right in front of a now-empty park.
They were silent; none of them were willing to start talking, and Jun was really tired anyway - the exhaustion from the concert was eating him out, and besides that, he got a bunch of things to take care of, which only adding to his tiredness. He knew that he should give her an explanation, but Jun decided that he should just wait for the questions; it was always easier to answer after all, because then, Jun’d know what she needed to hear.
But Mao didn’t speak for a long while; the only voice that filled the car was the song on the radio - the sweet voice echoed in the car, and Jun was already on the brink of falling asleep when suddenly, Mao spoke up. “Since when?”
It took him a while to process the question, and even more than that to remember since when he felt that way towards Ohno. “I don’t know.” Jun mumbled out then, because really, all this time, the feeling that he had always dismissed as adoration towards the small Leader could actually be love. “But…if you’re asking since when I was aware with it, then maybe…around 2 months ago?”
“So you’re saying… that you’re only aware of it not so long after we decided to get married?” Mao asked again.
“Yeah.” He answered. Jun didn’t know if she was angry or not though - the car was dark, and with the way Mao looked down with her hair framing his face, he couldn’t see his expression either, though it wouldn’t be weird if she did.
“Took you long enough.” Mao suddenly chuckled, surprising him. The woman smiled at him as she rested her head carefully against the wheel. “Took you long enough.” She repeated, this time with a small sigh.
Jun stared at him, not sure if Mao was even serious or not, but with the way the woman’s eyes glazed over, Jun decided that she was serious about it. “You knew?”
“It wasn’t hard to figure out.” Mao replied, eyes staring past Jun. “You’re always… You’re always so excited whenever you’re talking about him. You might not notice it, but the way you treat him was different with the others; the way you look at him was also different.” Mao pulled away from the wheel then as she sunk back to her seat; her small smile was still there. “But I always brushed it off; I was afraid though, and so I decided that we should just get married already - that’s why I was happy when you told me that he had agreed on it. I thought…I thought that would be it.”
“But to be honest… I have my doubts, Jun-kun.” Her voice turned into a whisper then. “Watching you on the stage today; I was having my doubts. I thought that maybe, everything was a mistake. If you love someone else; if it’s not me that you really wanted, then I don’t think I can stand a marriage like that.”
“It’s not like I don’t want you.” Jun quickly said, because really, he didn’t want her to think that she wasn’t good enough or something like that, because it was wrong; she was perfect, and Jun loves her, though maybe not in the same way he loves Ohno, but he still loves her. “It’s just… I’m just -“
“You just fall in love with someone else.” Mao finished the words for him. “It’s okay; I know.”
Again, heavy silence enveloped them. Jun felt like he needed to explain something, anything to her, but he didn’t know how to do it without hurting her feeling. He didn’t know how to tell her why he preferred a man instead, how he was cruel enough to go all the way and cancelled their wedding like this.
He didn’t know how to make her understand that if it was for Ohno, then he’d be willing to do this over and over again.
“Hey…” Mao called out then, and it was almost inaudible for Jun. “If…if, at that time, Ohno-san told you that you shouldn’t get married with me…would you still do it anyway?”
Ah. Jun looked down as he let out a heavy sigh; just when he was wondering on how to tell her, she fired him that question instead. Jun knew that once he answered, everything would be over then; she’d be hurt, that was for sure, and maybe that was bound to happen.
“No.” He finally answered. “If he told me not to do it…then I wouldn’t.”
Mao was silent for a while, eyes staring at Jun as if she was half-expecting that Jun was just joking. But Jun met her gaze apologetically, asking for forgiveness without words, and then finally, Mao nodded with unshed tears behind her brown eyes. “Okay.” She mumbled then. “Okay, that… That answered everything.”
“Mao -“
“You have to take care of everything.” She cut him off as she was getting ahold on the wheel, fingers tightening around it. “The dresses, the building expenses, and the trip - you have to take care of them.” She said half-heartedly; there’s a hint of laughter despite the sadness that was showing on her face, and Jun admired her for that, for being so strong.
“I will.”
“And you have to talk to my parents and my agency, and I won’t help you with that.”
“I will.”
“And you also have to treat me with the most pricey yakiniku in town.”
Jun smiled at her request, and she was already smiling too, though he knew how hard it must be for her. “I will treat you until you can’t eat anymore.” Jun promised her as his hand went up to ruffle her hair gently. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not loving you like how you should be loved. I’m sorry for giving up everything that we had - all these years, you’ve always been with me, and I was so happy for that.” He pulled his hand away then. “But no matter what, you’re still important to me, and that much wouldn’t change. You can still count on me to be there for you; heck, you can even come over at my place to ask me to open your jar.” They both chuckled, despite how Mao was already crying now. “I’ll still love you, you know.”
“And I’ll still love you too.” Mao replied as she wiped her tears. She was smiling, despite everything, and then she gave Jun a gentle push. “Now go ahead and rest. You have a big day tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” Jun leaned forward and he kissed her forehead softly, letting it linger for a while before he pulled away. “Thanks for everything.”
Without waiting for an answer, Jun climbed off the car, and then he walked away, looking for a taxi to bring him home.
When he looked back, the car had already being driven away, and somehow, he was feeling lonely. Watching the car getting further and further reminded him that he had closed another chapter in his life; it was the longest relationship he has ever been, and even though it wasn’t all flowers and smiles, Jun felt happy with her. Though, the only regret that he had was that he had wasted her time; he had stayed in a relationship with her despite the fact that his heart had always belonged for someone else.
If he was to regret anything, that was it.
But as Jun stopped a taxi and climbed into it, as he was finally relaxed enough to think, a thought finally hit him.
It was over.
All his problem was over - not necessarily, since he still have to deal with lots of things. But at least, all the ‘big’ problems that he had feared the most was over, and now, finally, Jun could leisurely think about Ohno.
And the thought of him bring a smile to his face.
At last, Jun finally knew what he wanted.
***
Matsumoto Jun was forced to ‘rest’ for nearly three weeks.
And although Ohno was expecting that their schedules were going to be delayed that long either, it didn’t. The agency told them to keep working without Jun, and honestly, it felt weird. It felt weird to not having Jun in the same magazine cover with them, and it also felt weird to record their shows without him; but it was a direct order from the higher-ups. It was his punishment for all the trouble he caused, they said. And even though Ohno had nearly begged them to just let him off the hook this time, he got scolded instead and was threatened that he’d received the same treatment if he wouldn’t comply.
And so, with a growing pout, Ohno complied. He knew that Jun wasn’t really ‘resting’ though. He got lots of stuff to do, so many things to take care of, to worry about. Luckily, no words have leaked to the media, so they could be rest assured with that. But Jun has to deal with Mao’s parent, her agency, and also with Mao too.
Ever since the concert night, Jun had never contacted him anymore, and it worried him, but Ohno knew better than to disturb him right now; Jun needed all the time he could get, and Ohno wouldn’t let himself being a distraction.
And so, he waited.
Three weeks finally passed; they weren’t being told on what day Jun’d be back though, but that didn’t stopped Ohno for waking up early and going to their greenroom in a weirdly high spirit - who knows? Jun could be back today after all.
And his prayer was being answered by God. He was walking on the lobby when he heard a voice calling out for him.
“Satoshi!”
He quickly looked back, and his heart nearly stopped at the sight of Matsumoto Jun running towards him with a wide smile on his face. Ohno had wanted to embrace him, or maybe, meeting him halfway with open arms. But they were in a lobby, and people were already staring at them, and so Ohno could only waited for Jun patiently until he caught up with him, and then he stared at him, body nearly trembling with excitement as he smiled back to the breathless Jun. “Hey.” He greeted, unable to contain his growing smile.
“Hey.” Jun greeted back; his cheeks was red, maybe from the little running he did, and for a moment, they were only smiling to each other. No one said anything, and Ohno really thought that they acted like a pair of idiots.
But he didn’t care; he was far too happy for that.
Jun regained his conscience first though, and he tugged Ohno towards the lift; they waited together for the lift to come, shoulder brushing with each other, and so did their fingers, but they’re not necessarily touching, and somehow it kinda drove Ohno crazy.
So really, when they were already inside the lift, away from prying eyes, Ohno didn’t resist at all when Jun pulled them into a tight hug, enveloping him, stealing his breath away from him. He knew that there was camera inside the lift, and people might think that something was going on - there was also a chance of someone stopping the lift, and them hugging like this was a sight that no one might like to see.
But he didn’t care, because he needed this.
He hugged back, fingers clutching on Jun’s back as the younger man buried his face on his neck, lips brushing against it as he said. “I’ve take care of everything.”
Ohno sighed contentedly. “Is that so?”
“I’ve talked to Mao and her parents; and her agency too. They were so angry at me, and Mao’s parent told me to stay away from her, so I’d do just that, at least for now.” Jun talked in a hurry, because they were getting closer to the floor where they have to get off. “And I’ve also canceled everything; the dresses, the honeymoon trip, the building, everything. I have to pay a lot, but Mao helped me pay half of it, despite the fact that she told me to take care of it alone.” The younger man chuckled then. “She’s so nice.”
“She is.” Ohno agreed, brown eyes wandering to the panel that showed on what floor they were now, and when he noticed that they were getting real close, Ohno clutched tighter.
He really didn’t want to let go.
Maybe Jun noticed that, because the man chuckled into his ear as he started to pull away. “I missed you too.” He whispered, making Ohno shivered a bit. “But don’t worry; we got plenty of time now.”
That sounded like a promise, and although a bit reluctantly, Ohno finally let go. Jun stood beside Ohno as the door slide opened, and they walked out together normally, like they haven’t hugged each other in the lift, a hug that was far from a friendly hug. He was glad that both him and Jun was able to conceal it; him with his sleepy face and Jun with his rather stoic-scary face.
But really, their masks slipped away when they entered the green room, because how could they not smile when Aiba launched himself towards Jun? Laughter exploded inside the room as Aiba tackled Jun into the ground and the rest tried to follow; even Nino joined in into the fun, cruelly sitting on top of everyone else despite Jun’s protest that it was so heavy he couldn’t move.
But they were all laughing, and for the first time after months, Ohno genuinely laughed together with them.
Jun drove him home that night; still with a smile on his face, and Ohno decided that he liked smiling Jun a lot, to the point that he couldn’t help but smiling too. It didn’t take long until they reached Ohno’s house, and Jun parked his car in front of his apartment, slowly pulling the car into a stop, before then he finally turned to face Ohno. “Here you go.” He said softly.
“Thanks.” Ohno replied. He hesitated for a bit; well, not really hesitating, but more because he was getting really embarrassed now. “Do you…do you want to come in?”
Jun’s eyes widened, but then a smirk slowly formed on his full lips as he said, “You know what it means if you’re inviting me, right?”
He knew, more or less, but Ohno refused to answer as blush spread on his cheeks. Jun chuckled, though his voice was rather low, and he said, “Not tonight.” The younger man then reached out to the back seat, and he pulled out something like a plastic of suit, before then he gave it to Ohno. “For you.”
Ohno received it with furrowed eyebrows, before then his eyes widened as he noticed what it was. “This is my suit for your wedding…” He mumbled.
“It is.” Jun nodded. “I think it was a pity to throw it away, so I take all of our suits and I’ll just give it to them later.”
“Thank you.” Ohno said happily; he really liked the suits after all, especially the fish symbol in the front pocket. “Thank you so much for giving it to me.”
“I want you to wear it though.”
Ohno blinked. “Where?”
“I want to have a proper dinner with you this weekend.” Jun explained with a smile. “With fancy food, wine, candles - nice things like that. And I want you to wear that.”
“But you know that I don’t like that kind of thing.” Ohno whined half-heartedly. “Can’t we have something simpler - like yakiniku instead?”
“But if we went for yakiniku, then you can’t possibly wear that suit, while I am looking forward to see you in it. Also…” He caressed Ohno’s cheeks, making his heart leaped to his throat. “I’m looking forward to help taking it off from your body.”
“Pervert.” Ohno muttered as Jun’s face was getting closer, and he was about to let him kiss him, the reality dawned on him.
It was real now.
Jun wasn’t in a relationship anymore. He wasn’t going to get married with anyone else; everything was settled, and the younger man has asked him out for dinner, which might lead into something more.
And Jun might be his soon.
Somehow, the thought overwhelmed him, making a blush spreading on his cheeks and his heart hammering his ribcage as Ohno put his hands between them, trying to push Jun’s face away. “Noooo.” He whined as he tried to pull back. “No. No kiss!”
Jun furrowed his eyebrows as his attempt to kiss Ohno was being declined. “Why?” He demanded.
“You said you wanted a proper dinner.” Ohno tried to reason as he pulled the suit closer to his chest, trying to not let Jun know how embarrassed he was at the moment. “And I want a proper… I mean, if…if you wanted it to be proper…”
“Ah. I see.” Jun’s smile almost resembled a Cheshire cat, really, and that kinda scared him off. But at least Jun pulled away, only ruffling Ohno’s hair softly as he unlocked the car’s door. “Okay then. I’m looking forward to our dinner.”
“Me too.” Ohno mumbled as he opened the door. “See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow, Satoshi.”
Ohno waited until Jun drove off before he then finally turned around to enter the building. And as he walked, he could feel a strange, and yet rather warm feeling running through his body - he believed it was happiness.
And the happiness he was feeling stayed for the whole night, with a possibility that it’d last too until tomorrow, and also the day after, and maybe much more than that.
Chapter 6 | Final
Pairing : Juntoshi, Sakuraiba, Maotsujun, Ohmiya (friendship)
Rating : PG-13
Genre : Angst, Drama, Romance
Disclaimer : Arashi...please be mine!
Sumarry : All this time, Ohno has been holding back his feelings, and before he knew it, he was already too late. Jun had made a decision, and there was nothing Ohno could do to change his mind, or so he thought. But was it really too late?
A/N : I'M BACK FROM THE PIT OF HELL PEOPLEEE~ Gosh the big event for this year is finally over and now im free! (not completely, there's still reports to do and also midterms but whatever, im free for now at least). And sooo I quickly wrote this because I feel bad for making you guys waiting as if someone really waiting LOL. But well, as you might have guessed, it was going to end soon, very soon :3 maybe in next chapter, I guess. After that I'll continue with my other series or maybe writing a new one ORZ. but anyway, enjoy! Pls forgive for any mistakes! Comments will be loved! <3
The concert was over.
Ohno was running, trying to make his way through all the staffs on the backstage as he tried to catch up with Jun - after making his announcement, the man left, leaving the stage and the crowd; leaving Ohno flabbergasted.
Because the announcement that he made was about his role for a movie next year.
It wasn’t about the marriage.
And it made him - Ohno knew that he was supposed to be glad, maybe, but he couldn’t really feel anything but anger right now. He was so angry, to the point that he clenched his fist so tight, nails digging on his palm as he was making his way to their green room, where he believed Jun’d be there -Ohno’s head was spinning with anger, and he just wanted -
He just wanted to see Jun.
The younger man was right there, in the green room, hurriedly changing his costume with a simple t-shirt when Ohno barged into the room. He looked up, and Ohno knew that he should’ve hold himself back, but he found himself grabbing on Jun’s collar and slamming him against the wall, hands clenching on his front shirt as he yelled, “Stop playing around with me!”
Jun winced in pain, and then he blinked slowly at him, as if Ohno was speaking with a foreign language. “What?”
“I don’t understand you! I don’t understand - you promised me that you’d do something, and yet you acted like you didn’t promise anything. And just when I was ready to give up, you…You canceled everything!” He yelled. “You didn’t announce your marriage - you just…” Ohno closed his eyes - why was it so hard to get his point through? He was struggling for words as his breaths quickened; all words were failing him, really, and when Ohno opened his eyes, it was already blurry with tears that he didn’t want to shed. “Was it fun playing around with me?!”
Ohno let go of Jun as he then ran his hands on his hair in frustration; he walked away from the younger man, slightly regretting his choices of words, cursing himself for never being able to talk everything through like Sho could always did. Some more tears fell, wetting his cheeks, but he made no effort anymore to keep it hidden; he was far too tired for it. “I’m tired, Jun.” He whispered then. “I’m so tired.”
“I know.” Jun finally replied; the younger man has been silent before, but now when he talked, Ohno couldn’t help but let his attention drawn to him, to the man that he really loved. “I know, and I kept my promise, didn’t I?”
Ohno nodded meekly. “You did.”
“Then why are you crying?”
Ohno shook his head; he didn’t understand why either - no, he actually did, but he didn’t know how to explain it. He didn’t know how to explain the relief that was washing his body the moment Jun announced about his role in a movie instead; he didn’t know how to explain the anger that was replacing the relief once it washed away because Jun was taking so long; he didn’t know how to make Jun understand that, even though Jun had made it clear with his action and despite the fact that Jun has kept his promise, deep inside, a part of him was still doubting him.
He didn’t know how to explain all those.
Jun approached him, gentle hands reaching out to wipe the tears on his cheeks with his thumbs. “I kept my promise.” Jun repeated slowly. “I’m sorry for making you wait so long though.”
Again, Ohno shook his head. “That’s not it.”
“Then what is it?”
Ohno opened his mouth, close it again, and he stared at Jun from behind his long, wet eyelashes.
“I was so afraid, Jun.”
He sounded pathetic - no, he was pathetic. He tried to calm himself down, trying to control his tears so it wouldn’t overflow, but he was failing anyway. “I was so afraid.” He repeated with a trembling voice. “I don’t know what to think anymore… I was so afraid that you…that you will…”
Jun was silent - not that Ohno kind of expected him to say anything. But then he felt Jun’s hands on his own, unclenching his fists and held it softly as he bent down a bit to rest their foreheads against each other. “That night…” Jun started softly, warm breath tickling Ohno’s face, making him close his eyes. “That night, do you remember what I told you?”
“Yes.”
“What did I say?”
“That you think…you’re in love with me.”
Jun hummed. “That was true…but it’s not true anymore.” The younger man said softly, but he didn’t explain further.
But even then, Ohno thought he understood. Maybe that was why he didn’t pulled away when Jun’s lips found his; it wasn’t a passionate kiss, but just lips moving against lips slowly, soft sighs being exchanged with each other as Ohno could felt all his tension and anger wore off, and a pleasant shiver was replacing it. He could feel his rapid heartbeat was being calmed down; his stomach wasn’t in knot anymore.
All in all, he felt…fine.
Jun pulled away with a nip on his lower lips, but he wasn’t moving away just yet. He rested his forehead against Ohno as he was trying to catch his breath, and Ohno let him be. He opened his eyes, and everything was blurry, but at the very least he could see Jun’s brown orbs staring back at him lovingly, and it only made him want to cry more, or maybe to kiss him again, he wasn’t sure. “Jun…”
“Give me some time.” Jun whispered. “I need time to take care of everything; I’ve ruined everything tonight, and people wouldn’t be happy with it. So give me some time, okay?”
“Okay.” Ohno mumbled the response out, and, with a smile, Jun finally pulled away; the younger man was staring at the door then, and so, Ohno turned his head towards the door too.
Mao was staring at them.
Unconsciously, Ohno squeezed Jun’s hands as he felt fear settled on his stomach; how long has she been there anyway? Jun, however, was looking fairly calm, and he squeezed Ohno’s hand back softly before letting it go. “Don’t worry.” He whispered. “I’ll take care of everything.”
Ohno could only nod, though really, he wasn’t sure of it. He watched as Jun approached Mao, and after exchanging a few words, Jun went back to grab his bag and then he left with her to take care of their…’problems.’ Not even a minute after they left, the rest of the Arashi members peeked into the green room; well, actually it was just Aiba and Sho that were peeking into the room, while Nino immediately walked in. “Oh-chan.” He called out then. “Are you okay?”
Ohno wasn’t sure if he was; he slowly walked to the sofa and he let himself sunk there, arms draping on his eyes as if to cover himself from the curious eyes. “Mmhm.” He mumbled. “I think I am.”
“That’s good.” Nino sat beside him, and without even thinking, Ohno immediately leaned towards the man, resting his head on Nino’s small shoulder. “I’m tired.” Ohno said to no one in particular.
“Then sleep, Satoshi-kun.” Sho’s soft voice could be heard, and soon a gentle hand was ruffling his hair. “We’ll be here when you wake up.”
“And we’ll order some food too; is Chinese food okay?” Aiba chirped in.
“Shouldn’t we order fast food? We need all the fat we could get!”
“Nino! We need to keep in shape!”
Ohno smiled a little as he listened to the others bickering; in their own way, it sounded almost like a lullaby to Ohno. Listening to that made it appeared as if everything was alright.
Or maybe, it really was going to be alright.
***
They stopped in the middle of nowhere; in the heart of Tokyo, right in front of a now-empty park.
They were silent; none of them were willing to start talking, and Jun was really tired anyway - the exhaustion from the concert was eating him out, and besides that, he got a bunch of things to take care of, which only adding to his tiredness. He knew that he should give her an explanation, but Jun decided that he should just wait for the questions; it was always easier to answer after all, because then, Jun’d know what she needed to hear.
But Mao didn’t speak for a long while; the only voice that filled the car was the song on the radio - the sweet voice echoed in the car, and Jun was already on the brink of falling asleep when suddenly, Mao spoke up. “Since when?”
It took him a while to process the question, and even more than that to remember since when he felt that way towards Ohno. “I don’t know.” Jun mumbled out then, because really, all this time, the feeling that he had always dismissed as adoration towards the small Leader could actually be love. “But…if you’re asking since when I was aware with it, then maybe…around 2 months ago?”
“So you’re saying… that you’re only aware of it not so long after we decided to get married?” Mao asked again.
“Yeah.” He answered. Jun didn’t know if she was angry or not though - the car was dark, and with the way Mao looked down with her hair framing his face, he couldn’t see his expression either, though it wouldn’t be weird if she did.
“Took you long enough.” Mao suddenly chuckled, surprising him. The woman smiled at him as she rested her head carefully against the wheel. “Took you long enough.” She repeated, this time with a small sigh.
Jun stared at him, not sure if Mao was even serious or not, but with the way the woman’s eyes glazed over, Jun decided that she was serious about it. “You knew?”
“It wasn’t hard to figure out.” Mao replied, eyes staring past Jun. “You’re always… You’re always so excited whenever you’re talking about him. You might not notice it, but the way you treat him was different with the others; the way you look at him was also different.” Mao pulled away from the wheel then as she sunk back to her seat; her small smile was still there. “But I always brushed it off; I was afraid though, and so I decided that we should just get married already - that’s why I was happy when you told me that he had agreed on it. I thought…I thought that would be it.”
“But to be honest… I have my doubts, Jun-kun.” Her voice turned into a whisper then. “Watching you on the stage today; I was having my doubts. I thought that maybe, everything was a mistake. If you love someone else; if it’s not me that you really wanted, then I don’t think I can stand a marriage like that.”
“It’s not like I don’t want you.” Jun quickly said, because really, he didn’t want her to think that she wasn’t good enough or something like that, because it was wrong; she was perfect, and Jun loves her, though maybe not in the same way he loves Ohno, but he still loves her. “It’s just… I’m just -“
“You just fall in love with someone else.” Mao finished the words for him. “It’s okay; I know.”
Again, heavy silence enveloped them. Jun felt like he needed to explain something, anything to her, but he didn’t know how to do it without hurting her feeling. He didn’t know how to tell her why he preferred a man instead, how he was cruel enough to go all the way and cancelled their wedding like this.
He didn’t know how to make her understand that if it was for Ohno, then he’d be willing to do this over and over again.
“Hey…” Mao called out then, and it was almost inaudible for Jun. “If…if, at that time, Ohno-san told you that you shouldn’t get married with me…would you still do it anyway?”
Ah. Jun looked down as he let out a heavy sigh; just when he was wondering on how to tell her, she fired him that question instead. Jun knew that once he answered, everything would be over then; she’d be hurt, that was for sure, and maybe that was bound to happen.
“No.” He finally answered. “If he told me not to do it…then I wouldn’t.”
Mao was silent for a while, eyes staring at Jun as if she was half-expecting that Jun was just joking. But Jun met her gaze apologetically, asking for forgiveness without words, and then finally, Mao nodded with unshed tears behind her brown eyes. “Okay.” She mumbled then. “Okay, that… That answered everything.”
“Mao -“
“You have to take care of everything.” She cut him off as she was getting ahold on the wheel, fingers tightening around it. “The dresses, the building expenses, and the trip - you have to take care of them.” She said half-heartedly; there’s a hint of laughter despite the sadness that was showing on her face, and Jun admired her for that, for being so strong.
“I will.”
“And you have to talk to my parents and my agency, and I won’t help you with that.”
“I will.”
“And you also have to treat me with the most pricey yakiniku in town.”
Jun smiled at her request, and she was already smiling too, though he knew how hard it must be for her. “I will treat you until you can’t eat anymore.” Jun promised her as his hand went up to ruffle her hair gently. “And I’m sorry. I’m sorry for not loving you like how you should be loved. I’m sorry for giving up everything that we had - all these years, you’ve always been with me, and I was so happy for that.” He pulled his hand away then. “But no matter what, you’re still important to me, and that much wouldn’t change. You can still count on me to be there for you; heck, you can even come over at my place to ask me to open your jar.” They both chuckled, despite how Mao was already crying now. “I’ll still love you, you know.”
“And I’ll still love you too.” Mao replied as she wiped her tears. She was smiling, despite everything, and then she gave Jun a gentle push. “Now go ahead and rest. You have a big day tomorrow.”
“Yeah. Thanks.” Jun leaned forward and he kissed her forehead softly, letting it linger for a while before he pulled away. “Thanks for everything.”
Without waiting for an answer, Jun climbed off the car, and then he walked away, looking for a taxi to bring him home.
When he looked back, the car had already being driven away, and somehow, he was feeling lonely. Watching the car getting further and further reminded him that he had closed another chapter in his life; it was the longest relationship he has ever been, and even though it wasn’t all flowers and smiles, Jun felt happy with her. Though, the only regret that he had was that he had wasted her time; he had stayed in a relationship with her despite the fact that his heart had always belonged for someone else.
If he was to regret anything, that was it.
But as Jun stopped a taxi and climbed into it, as he was finally relaxed enough to think, a thought finally hit him.
It was over.
All his problem was over - not necessarily, since he still have to deal with lots of things. But at least, all the ‘big’ problems that he had feared the most was over, and now, finally, Jun could leisurely think about Ohno.
And the thought of him bring a smile to his face.
At last, Jun finally knew what he wanted.
***
Matsumoto Jun was forced to ‘rest’ for nearly three weeks.
And although Ohno was expecting that their schedules were going to be delayed that long either, it didn’t. The agency told them to keep working without Jun, and honestly, it felt weird. It felt weird to not having Jun in the same magazine cover with them, and it also felt weird to record their shows without him; but it was a direct order from the higher-ups. It was his punishment for all the trouble he caused, they said. And even though Ohno had nearly begged them to just let him off the hook this time, he got scolded instead and was threatened that he’d received the same treatment if he wouldn’t comply.
And so, with a growing pout, Ohno complied. He knew that Jun wasn’t really ‘resting’ though. He got lots of stuff to do, so many things to take care of, to worry about. Luckily, no words have leaked to the media, so they could be rest assured with that. But Jun has to deal with Mao’s parent, her agency, and also with Mao too.
Ever since the concert night, Jun had never contacted him anymore, and it worried him, but Ohno knew better than to disturb him right now; Jun needed all the time he could get, and Ohno wouldn’t let himself being a distraction.
And so, he waited.
Three weeks finally passed; they weren’t being told on what day Jun’d be back though, but that didn’t stopped Ohno for waking up early and going to their greenroom in a weirdly high spirit - who knows? Jun could be back today after all.
And his prayer was being answered by God. He was walking on the lobby when he heard a voice calling out for him.
“Satoshi!”
He quickly looked back, and his heart nearly stopped at the sight of Matsumoto Jun running towards him with a wide smile on his face. Ohno had wanted to embrace him, or maybe, meeting him halfway with open arms. But they were in a lobby, and people were already staring at them, and so Ohno could only waited for Jun patiently until he caught up with him, and then he stared at him, body nearly trembling with excitement as he smiled back to the breathless Jun. “Hey.” He greeted, unable to contain his growing smile.
“Hey.” Jun greeted back; his cheeks was red, maybe from the little running he did, and for a moment, they were only smiling to each other. No one said anything, and Ohno really thought that they acted like a pair of idiots.
But he didn’t care; he was far too happy for that.
Jun regained his conscience first though, and he tugged Ohno towards the lift; they waited together for the lift to come, shoulder brushing with each other, and so did their fingers, but they’re not necessarily touching, and somehow it kinda drove Ohno crazy.
So really, when they were already inside the lift, away from prying eyes, Ohno didn’t resist at all when Jun pulled them into a tight hug, enveloping him, stealing his breath away from him. He knew that there was camera inside the lift, and people might think that something was going on - there was also a chance of someone stopping the lift, and them hugging like this was a sight that no one might like to see.
But he didn’t care, because he needed this.
He hugged back, fingers clutching on Jun’s back as the younger man buried his face on his neck, lips brushing against it as he said. “I’ve take care of everything.”
Ohno sighed contentedly. “Is that so?”
“I’ve talked to Mao and her parents; and her agency too. They were so angry at me, and Mao’s parent told me to stay away from her, so I’d do just that, at least for now.” Jun talked in a hurry, because they were getting closer to the floor where they have to get off. “And I’ve also canceled everything; the dresses, the honeymoon trip, the building, everything. I have to pay a lot, but Mao helped me pay half of it, despite the fact that she told me to take care of it alone.” The younger man chuckled then. “She’s so nice.”
“She is.” Ohno agreed, brown eyes wandering to the panel that showed on what floor they were now, and when he noticed that they were getting real close, Ohno clutched tighter.
He really didn’t want to let go.
Maybe Jun noticed that, because the man chuckled into his ear as he started to pull away. “I missed you too.” He whispered, making Ohno shivered a bit. “But don’t worry; we got plenty of time now.”
That sounded like a promise, and although a bit reluctantly, Ohno finally let go. Jun stood beside Ohno as the door slide opened, and they walked out together normally, like they haven’t hugged each other in the lift, a hug that was far from a friendly hug. He was glad that both him and Jun was able to conceal it; him with his sleepy face and Jun with his rather stoic-scary face.
But really, their masks slipped away when they entered the green room, because how could they not smile when Aiba launched himself towards Jun? Laughter exploded inside the room as Aiba tackled Jun into the ground and the rest tried to follow; even Nino joined in into the fun, cruelly sitting on top of everyone else despite Jun’s protest that it was so heavy he couldn’t move.
But they were all laughing, and for the first time after months, Ohno genuinely laughed together with them.
Jun drove him home that night; still with a smile on his face, and Ohno decided that he liked smiling Jun a lot, to the point that he couldn’t help but smiling too. It didn’t take long until they reached Ohno’s house, and Jun parked his car in front of his apartment, slowly pulling the car into a stop, before then he finally turned to face Ohno. “Here you go.” He said softly.
“Thanks.” Ohno replied. He hesitated for a bit; well, not really hesitating, but more because he was getting really embarrassed now. “Do you…do you want to come in?”
Jun’s eyes widened, but then a smirk slowly formed on his full lips as he said, “You know what it means if you’re inviting me, right?”
He knew, more or less, but Ohno refused to answer as blush spread on his cheeks. Jun chuckled, though his voice was rather low, and he said, “Not tonight.” The younger man then reached out to the back seat, and he pulled out something like a plastic of suit, before then he gave it to Ohno. “For you.”
Ohno received it with furrowed eyebrows, before then his eyes widened as he noticed what it was. “This is my suit for your wedding…” He mumbled.
“It is.” Jun nodded. “I think it was a pity to throw it away, so I take all of our suits and I’ll just give it to them later.”
“Thank you.” Ohno said happily; he really liked the suits after all, especially the fish symbol in the front pocket. “Thank you so much for giving it to me.”
“I want you to wear it though.”
Ohno blinked. “Where?”
“I want to have a proper dinner with you this weekend.” Jun explained with a smile. “With fancy food, wine, candles - nice things like that. And I want you to wear that.”
“But you know that I don’t like that kind of thing.” Ohno whined half-heartedly. “Can’t we have something simpler - like yakiniku instead?”
“But if we went for yakiniku, then you can’t possibly wear that suit, while I am looking forward to see you in it. Also…” He caressed Ohno’s cheeks, making his heart leaped to his throat. “I’m looking forward to help taking it off from your body.”
“Pervert.” Ohno muttered as Jun’s face was getting closer, and he was about to let him kiss him, the reality dawned on him.
It was real now.
Jun wasn’t in a relationship anymore. He wasn’t going to get married with anyone else; everything was settled, and the younger man has asked him out for dinner, which might lead into something more.
And Jun might be his soon.
Somehow, the thought overwhelmed him, making a blush spreading on his cheeks and his heart hammering his ribcage as Ohno put his hands between them, trying to push Jun’s face away. “Noooo.” He whined as he tried to pull back. “No. No kiss!”
Jun furrowed his eyebrows as his attempt to kiss Ohno was being declined. “Why?” He demanded.
“You said you wanted a proper dinner.” Ohno tried to reason as he pulled the suit closer to his chest, trying to not let Jun know how embarrassed he was at the moment. “And I want a proper… I mean, if…if you wanted it to be proper…”
“Ah. I see.” Jun’s smile almost resembled a Cheshire cat, really, and that kinda scared him off. But at least Jun pulled away, only ruffling Ohno’s hair softly as he unlocked the car’s door. “Okay then. I’m looking forward to our dinner.”
“Me too.” Ohno mumbled as he opened the door. “See you tomorrow.”
“See you tomorrow, Satoshi.”
Ohno waited until Jun drove off before he then finally turned around to enter the building. And as he walked, he could feel a strange, and yet rather warm feeling running through his body - he believed it was happiness.
And the happiness he was feeling stayed for the whole night, with a possibility that it’d last too until tomorrow, and also the day after, and maybe much more than that.
Chapter 6 | Final