Why am I still up at 5 AM?
Who knows...
Well, today was eventful. I woke up around 11 AM, so I got to sleep in, which was absolutely wonderful and much needed. Ate breakfast (which is the only thing I ate today! Restricting for the win), cleaned my room from top to bottom, did some laundry and even helped my mom out with hers, took a nice long shower and got ready, then I hung out with that boy again, and then I just relaxed all night. I even lit candles all around my room, so the aroma was lovely and calming.
Now, the only thing bothering me is my current status with that boy... I know he likes me, and he knows I like him... However, I feel like he sticks around because he knows I'll always be intimately involved with him, which bothers me quite some bit. The other day we got in a small argument because I asked him if anyone has ever made him happy and I told him how he makes me happier than I've ever been, and then he went on this whole rant about how he's seemingly incapable of showing emotions other than depression and anger. Which I know isn't true. I know he's been screwed over several times by girls he's "fallen in love with", so I guess his past just has him paranoid and cautious. I don't blame him though. I think after a while, and after a bunch more times hanging out and proving to him that I really do genuinely like him more than he could imagine, he'll start to open up to me, then maybe we can finally make things official. To be blunt, I never really cared this much about a guy before, nor have I ever felt such deep feelings and emotions for one either... I always thought I was heartless, cold as stone, self-centered, etc... Because I never let myself get this involved and attached to a guy before. He's different than any other guy I've ever had a "thing" with before, he's caring, sweet, funny, hard working, smart, interesting, extremely attractive, he also has a naughty-no-regrets side to him, and so much more than I can't even begin to put into words. I honestly think I'm falling for this guy, and normally I'd be horrified and wouldn't let myself fall any further... But not this time, yeah I won't lie, I am scared because this whole deep feeling thing is so new to me and I really don't think I could handle loosing him, but I'm letting myself keep falling this time because I don't want to put walls up and push him away when there could be something really amazing between us. I try not to let myself worry to much because I know that always ruins things. I guess we will just see how things go, and whatever happens will happen I spose.
Hmm... Well, I guess I should attempt to get ready for bed and try and get some sleep. I don't want to waste my Saturday and sleep until evening!
Xoxo
Well, today was eventful. I woke up around 11 AM, so I got to sleep in, which was absolutely wonderful and much needed. Ate breakfast (which is the only thing I ate today! Restricting for the win), cleaned my room from top to bottom, did some laundry and even helped my mom out with hers, took a nice long shower and got ready, then I hung out with that boy again, and then I just relaxed all night. I even lit candles all around my room, so the aroma was lovely and calming.
Now, the only thing bothering me is my current status with that boy... I know he likes me, and he knows I like him... However, I feel like he sticks around because he knows I'll always be intimately involved with him, which bothers me quite some bit. The other day we got in a small argument because I asked him if anyone has ever made him happy and I told him how he makes me happier than I've ever been, and then he went on this whole rant about how he's seemingly incapable of showing emotions other than depression and anger. Which I know isn't true. I know he's been screwed over several times by girls he's "fallen in love with", so I guess his past just has him paranoid and cautious. I don't blame him though. I think after a while, and after a bunch more times hanging out and proving to him that I really do genuinely like him more than he could imagine, he'll start to open up to me, then maybe we can finally make things official. To be blunt, I never really cared this much about a guy before, nor have I ever felt such deep feelings and emotions for one either... I always thought I was heartless, cold as stone, self-centered, etc... Because I never let myself get this involved and attached to a guy before. He's different than any other guy I've ever had a "thing" with before, he's caring, sweet, funny, hard working, smart, interesting, extremely attractive, he also has a naughty-no-regrets side to him, and so much more than I can't even begin to put into words. I honestly think I'm falling for this guy, and normally I'd be horrified and wouldn't let myself fall any further... But not this time, yeah I won't lie, I am scared because this whole deep feeling thing is so new to me and I really don't think I could handle loosing him, but I'm letting myself keep falling this time because I don't want to put walls up and push him away when there could be something really amazing between us. I try not to let myself worry to much because I know that always ruins things. I guess we will just see how things go, and whatever happens will happen I spose.
Hmm... Well, I guess I should attempt to get ready for bed and try and get some sleep. I don't want to waste my Saturday and sleep until evening!
Xoxo