(no subject)
so i know im virtually the only one on the planet who still updates this but i dont even care. i have 0 memory and need some type of documentation of my life before it disappears from my brain forever.
one more week of classes of freshman year of college wtffff?? im getting way old. this year went so fast. everythings different now. but progress is good. i feel like everything is somewhat falling into place. i think im gonna go absolutely out of my mind 4 months home this summer, and im gonna miss 241 like no other. this place became my home when i didnt have one, and now im leaving once again. seeing it empty i know is gonna shatter my heart. but atleast we are moving on to bigger and better things (literally-we have the handicapped suited next year) and we still have 3 more years together and its gonna be okay. im just gonna be so bored, i have to make this summer count. i have to lose all this weight i friggin cant believe i gained back. get a job, hopefully get some kind of internship, definitely buy my first car. i think time to recooperate from nonstop college lifestyle will be a good thing for everyone. cuz as lonely as it might be, every time i go home things start getting better. things with my crestwood friends are somewhat almost slightly reverting back to how they were? which i never in my life thought could actually happen and im ecstatic. i was actually just stalking bris old lj like a creep and it made me remember just how amazingly special they all are to me and the impact they had on my life. and last time i went home me anthony joey and matt have been hanging out again, ariel even came to the diner once to meet us. its an incredible feeling that i know i will never find anywhere else in my life. these have been my life long friends and no matter how much time has passed or the shit we all go through, we always find our way back together. well.. most of us. but i love it and im really excited to see what happens this summer because it can only go up from here. <3 love them so much.
im quitting smoking. i started on friday after how emotional relay for life was for me. we'll see how this goes. i'm done wiht it. it eats up all my money, i cant work out at the gym, i smell like cigarettes all the time, its not attractive ,its not cool, i get irritable when i havent had one in too long, and fuck it, im done. 4 years smoking? enough already. im above it. im at 3 a day and it seems to be working out nicely, as opposed to my former oh idk 10 a day. next week i'll try 2 a day. hopefully ill be done for good very soon. i mean, i figure im already getting fat again anyway, i cant use the i dont wanna gain weight excuse any more. but that is something to be tackled n the summer. i wanna go back to weight watchers. it was the only thing that ever worked for me. and i know they are gonna shake their heads atm e whne i walk in there, but the first step bringing myself to accept its gotten to that point again, which it has. i need someone to hit me in the face with my weight gain. and idc if i have to take off every monday at 7 for the whole summer, i need this. and my weight watchers coach. and the motivation i once had.
anyway im def gonna miss my room mates and everyone from my hall this summer. its been definitely such an amazing experience coming here. evne though i might not be 100 percent sure this is the right college for me, for what its worth i learned alot and had alot of fun. hopefully next year i can get my shit together, get a job and an internship and get involved in more clubs and stuff and not just sit around and sleep all day and weekend and maybe ill see things differently. life is only what you make of it. no one hands you anything on a platter, you have to reach for it. so if i want a different experience here, then its not just gonna fall in my lap. i have to get motivated again to make changes and be the productive, driven, positive person i was when i left high school. so heres to starting over again no matter how long it takes. i know i can do it.
one more week of classes of freshman year of college wtffff?? im getting way old. this year went so fast. everythings different now. but progress is good. i feel like everything is somewhat falling into place. i think im gonna go absolutely out of my mind 4 months home this summer, and im gonna miss 241 like no other. this place became my home when i didnt have one, and now im leaving once again. seeing it empty i know is gonna shatter my heart. but atleast we are moving on to bigger and better things (literally-we have the handicapped suited next year) and we still have 3 more years together and its gonna be okay. im just gonna be so bored, i have to make this summer count. i have to lose all this weight i friggin cant believe i gained back. get a job, hopefully get some kind of internship, definitely buy my first car. i think time to recooperate from nonstop college lifestyle will be a good thing for everyone. cuz as lonely as it might be, every time i go home things start getting better. things with my crestwood friends are somewhat almost slightly reverting back to how they were? which i never in my life thought could actually happen and im ecstatic. i was actually just stalking bris old lj like a creep and it made me remember just how amazingly special they all are to me and the impact they had on my life. and last time i went home me anthony joey and matt have been hanging out again, ariel even came to the diner once to meet us. its an incredible feeling that i know i will never find anywhere else in my life. these have been my life long friends and no matter how much time has passed or the shit we all go through, we always find our way back together. well.. most of us. but i love it and im really excited to see what happens this summer because it can only go up from here. <3 love them so much.
im quitting smoking. i started on friday after how emotional relay for life was for me. we'll see how this goes. i'm done wiht it. it eats up all my money, i cant work out at the gym, i smell like cigarettes all the time, its not attractive ,its not cool, i get irritable when i havent had one in too long, and fuck it, im done. 4 years smoking? enough already. im above it. im at 3 a day and it seems to be working out nicely, as opposed to my former oh idk 10 a day. next week i'll try 2 a day. hopefully ill be done for good very soon. i mean, i figure im already getting fat again anyway, i cant use the i dont wanna gain weight excuse any more. but that is something to be tackled n the summer. i wanna go back to weight watchers. it was the only thing that ever worked for me. and i know they are gonna shake their heads atm e whne i walk in there, but the first step bringing myself to accept its gotten to that point again, which it has. i need someone to hit me in the face with my weight gain. and idc if i have to take off every monday at 7 for the whole summer, i need this. and my weight watchers coach. and the motivation i once had.
anyway im def gonna miss my room mates and everyone from my hall this summer. its been definitely such an amazing experience coming here. evne though i might not be 100 percent sure this is the right college for me, for what its worth i learned alot and had alot of fun. hopefully next year i can get my shit together, get a job and an internship and get involved in more clubs and stuff and not just sit around and sleep all day and weekend and maybe ill see things differently. life is only what you make of it. no one hands you anything on a platter, you have to reach for it. so if i want a different experience here, then its not just gonna fall in my lap. i have to get motivated again to make changes and be the productive, driven, positive person i was when i left high school. so heres to starting over again no matter how long it takes. i know i can do it.