"The Talk"
My friend and I had a nice long talk over the course of about five hours last night, which was awesome. We got things straightened out between us. She'd misunderstood what I said in my text yesterday morning, although to be fair, when I reread what I wrote I could see why. It seemed pretty straightforward, which means I'm seriously going to have to put more thought into how I phrase things from now on. :-)
We definitely have a better and deeper understanding of each other now, and amazingly enough (although she's assured me that she's not going anywhere), none of what I told her about how I am and my personality scared her.
She did suggest that I see a therapist or a psychiatrist about my feelings for Adam, if only to reassure myself that I'm not crazy. (With a family history of mental illness on both sides and at least two direct family members having been in and out of institutions, coupled with my own diagnosis, sometimes I wonder.) The fact that my entire life at this point revolves around meeting Adam -- my favorite hobby at the moment is fantasizing about how such a meeting could take place :-) -- is concerning to both of us. I need to learn how to deal with my dad's abuse and with my own emotional upheavals -- the mood swings, see-sawing between euphoria over loving him and deep depression at the thought of not seeing/meeting him. I used the word frantic to describe my feeling to my friend, and that's the perfect way to describe it. (He told one fan during his last Twitter chat that he hopes to take a break after the Queen tour, and I know he's going to be working on a new album -- who knows if he'll have time to do a fall tour?)
I'm thinking of what Adam says in his speech during his concerts, about how, despite all the things that make each person different from another, we all have hearts and those hearts, generally speaking, feel a lot of the same things. That's one of the reasons I'm writing this blog -- not only to get my feelings out, but maybe I can help someone else. A writer loves knowing that his or her words have had an impact on someone; have touched a person's heart or soul, and that's an amazing feeling. Even if I don't get any followers or comments on what I write, the possibility that I've impacted another person... (That's not to say I wouldn't love a large readership or some comments! lol) On the other hand, even if I don't get any of that, I myself can come here later and read over what I've written and see how much (if any) I've grown and changed. That's also important.
My theme song for this entry (and really, for this entire blog)is "Trespassing" because I've heard Adam say in interviews that that album was allowing fans to sort of trespass into his life, and at the same time he felt he was trespassing into theirs. That's how I feel about this blog. I'm allowing everyone who reads it entre into my personal life; ny thoughts and emotions, the things that make me, me.
We definitely have a better and deeper understanding of each other now, and amazingly enough (although she's assured me that she's not going anywhere), none of what I told her about how I am and my personality scared her.
She did suggest that I see a therapist or a psychiatrist about my feelings for Adam, if only to reassure myself that I'm not crazy. (With a family history of mental illness on both sides and at least two direct family members having been in and out of institutions, coupled with my own diagnosis, sometimes I wonder.) The fact that my entire life at this point revolves around meeting Adam -- my favorite hobby at the moment is fantasizing about how such a meeting could take place :-) -- is concerning to both of us. I need to learn how to deal with my dad's abuse and with my own emotional upheavals -- the mood swings, see-sawing between euphoria over loving him and deep depression at the thought of not seeing/meeting him. I used the word frantic to describe my feeling to my friend, and that's the perfect way to describe it. (He told one fan during his last Twitter chat that he hopes to take a break after the Queen tour, and I know he's going to be working on a new album -- who knows if he'll have time to do a fall tour?)
I'm thinking of what Adam says in his speech during his concerts, about how, despite all the things that make each person different from another, we all have hearts and those hearts, generally speaking, feel a lot of the same things. That's one of the reasons I'm writing this blog -- not only to get my feelings out, but maybe I can help someone else. A writer loves knowing that his or her words have had an impact on someone; have touched a person's heart or soul, and that's an amazing feeling. Even if I don't get any followers or comments on what I write, the possibility that I've impacted another person... (That's not to say I wouldn't love a large readership or some comments! lol) On the other hand, even if I don't get any of that, I myself can come here later and read over what I've written and see how much (if any) I've grown and changed. That's also important.
My theme song for this entry (and really, for this entire blog)is "Trespassing" because I've heard Adam say in interviews that that album was allowing fans to sort of trespass into his life, and at the same time he felt he was trespassing into theirs. That's how I feel about this blog. I'm allowing everyone who reads it entre into my personal life; ny thoughts and emotions, the things that make me, me.