What next?
Another great night at the SunDance where I racked up a medieval bar tab that one would think 3 people were drinking on. I walked through the door, Teri saw me and frowned, then asked “Please do not go to Joe’s Club.” Why would I do such a thing, I love this place and the people in it?…ahhh shit, they are still out of pineapple. Teri pulled out the bartender’s book and we went to work making some of the wildest things I have ever drank. As we were mixing and tasting, one of my ex’s came into the bar and sat down right beside where I was sitting (when I was). Being in a very friendly mood I walked over sat down and said “Hi”, she looked at me and smile and said “hello”. Teri knew she was my ex so stayed very close as she worries about me when I am under the influence. We made small talk with Teri working her way in every now and then to make sure the conversation was still on the right track. It turns out that she now works at the local strip club and was just getting off work. She then proceeded to talk about something that made me want to laugh so hard, she actually admitted that she had only made 20 dollars tonight, and 10 of that went to her stage fee. MUAHAHAHA karma is a bitch, isn’t it, and to think, this girl still has a smile on her face. Wow, can we say zero self esteem, for gods sake get a job at McDonalds where you would make more cash and get to keep your clothes on all at the same time, and at least lose the smile, life is not that great. After two beers she left, but Teri still hung around and asked me if I wanted to get us a pool table, so I challenged the table and had it for us within a short period of time. When Teri and I shoot pool, we also talk about life. She told me something tonight that I heard previously, but was hoping it was just talk. She is thinking of selling the SunDance, she even started naming names of potential buyers. After tossing around some numbers with her I told her not to toss my name out of the hat just yet, until tonight she did not even realize what I do for a living or what kind of credit record I have. After hearing the numbers I do not know what to think about buying, but I love that place. She also said two things to me that will stick with me for some time to come. Start taking care of yourself the way you take care of everyone else in your life, and the second thing…I know a lot of people say this, but at her age, with the problems she is having, I not only respect what she said, but also grasp onto it for hope, she told me I had a big heart and needed to find happiness and someone to share my heart with that would make me happy for the rest of my life. Whether I will act on it is another story, but I do know what she is talking about, and totally respect it, but sometimes I wonder if I will ever find happiness without hurting someone in the process and having the guild linger with me for the rest of my life.
I find myself way to relaxed on the aspect of my own life lately. I have been letting people walk on me, and take advantage of me for the simple reason that I have been worried about others feeling, and problems, to realize my own problems. I feel the time has come to put more bite down and less bark, or as some know it as, less chat, more splat. I feel it is time to do as some say, start looking after number one. One thing that does scare me about this, is that I know how I use to be when I had that out look on life, and I did not like that person….maybe I just need to find a happy medium between the two.
I almost feel bad for saying this, or even thinking it, but sometimes I wish I did not have a heart and could tell people to take care of there own problems, while I work out my own. Everyone has problems, some people do not know how to deal with them and lean on others, then there are the people like me who put so much effort into taking care of everyone else, and their feelings, that they stop seeing, maybe caring about there own problems. I feel that my problems have build up to such an extend that it may be time to take what I feel, say it, and live by it, at least till I take care of my own problems.
To the someone who posted “you typed that while you were drunk?? holy shit...i cant believe that.....very few if any spelling errors....correct grammar.....man...i would hate to see you type sober....”. I do not enjoy much in life, but two things I do enjoy are writing and drinking. After many years of experience on both, I think I may have them almost perfect. Spell check is also a dream. The one way to tell whether I typed something up while sober or drunk, is to look for the typos. When drunk I always use spell check, when sober, being a boss and always typing up proposals (that it is a must to have perfect grammar and spelling on) I get overly cocky and do it without spell check. So for the record, typos normally mean sobriety has set in, how sad.
"Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. "
Adair316
I find myself way to relaxed on the aspect of my own life lately. I have been letting people walk on me, and take advantage of me for the simple reason that I have been worried about others feeling, and problems, to realize my own problems. I feel the time has come to put more bite down and less bark, or as some know it as, less chat, more splat. I feel it is time to do as some say, start looking after number one. One thing that does scare me about this, is that I know how I use to be when I had that out look on life, and I did not like that person….maybe I just need to find a happy medium between the two.
I almost feel bad for saying this, or even thinking it, but sometimes I wish I did not have a heart and could tell people to take care of there own problems, while I work out my own. Everyone has problems, some people do not know how to deal with them and lean on others, then there are the people like me who put so much effort into taking care of everyone else, and their feelings, that they stop seeing, maybe caring about there own problems. I feel that my problems have build up to such an extend that it may be time to take what I feel, say it, and live by it, at least till I take care of my own problems.
To the someone who posted “you typed that while you were drunk?? holy shit...i cant believe that.....very few if any spelling errors....correct grammar.....man...i would hate to see you type sober....”. I do not enjoy much in life, but two things I do enjoy are writing and drinking. After many years of experience on both, I think I may have them almost perfect. Spell check is also a dream. The one way to tell whether I typed something up while sober or drunk, is to look for the typos. When drunk I always use spell check, when sober, being a boss and always typing up proposals (that it is a must to have perfect grammar and spelling on) I get overly cocky and do it without spell check. So for the record, typos normally mean sobriety has set in, how sad.
"Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. "
Adair316