yip.
I haven't wrote lately because I've had alot on my mind; I don't know how I'm going to pull off this Vegas trip, but I know seeing Utada would be a once-in-a-lifetime kind of opportunity. If I do it, I'll have to sacrifice how much money I put into Xmas and thus the guilt would set in.
I also didn't get the position at work. The girl I thought was going to get it did, but my boss told me in a follow-up that it was my performance in my interview that lost me the job. Maybe it did. I did freak out when I learned about that girl applying for the job and I know it affected my interview but I still think I did alright. It bugs me because even if I had been spot-on, I think it still would have gone to this girl because she's been here longer... but then my boss has to go and say this stuff about my interview and how her and HR were both rooting for me.. like.. really? So i've been kind of down because I've been blaming myself. Next time it'll be different. And if it's not.. I'll probably leave here.
My work ethic today has slumped; I've been working on the same insurance ad for the last hour. I wish I could pull out of this funk. Oh well.
I've also been kind of feeling like I've been losing people. How cryptic, he says, 'I'm losing people' but it's a lonely feeling. I have Chris and he's great but logically I can still only see him on weekends. I can't park at his apartment without sacrificing a limb and my definitely non-existant firstborn to pay for parking and driving downtown on week nights is a ridiculous idea. I don't see Kels and Jenn that often anymore... I know it's my own fault, I end up spending most weekends with Chris but I wish just once in awhile they would call *me* to ask if I wanted to do something.. it's always me. I always put in alll the effort into seeing people. Even Chris doesn't ask me --- I waited on Saturday to see if he would ask me and he seemed perplexed and almost surprised when I didn't. Is there something that turns people away from me? Maybe I don't see it.
ahh.. emo bitch rant will stop here. I shouldn't be writing today in this kind of mood.
I also didn't get the position at work. The girl I thought was going to get it did, but my boss told me in a follow-up that it was my performance in my interview that lost me the job. Maybe it did. I did freak out when I learned about that girl applying for the job and I know it affected my interview but I still think I did alright. It bugs me because even if I had been spot-on, I think it still would have gone to this girl because she's been here longer... but then my boss has to go and say this stuff about my interview and how her and HR were both rooting for me.. like.. really? So i've been kind of down because I've been blaming myself. Next time it'll be different. And if it's not.. I'll probably leave here.
My work ethic today has slumped; I've been working on the same insurance ad for the last hour. I wish I could pull out of this funk. Oh well.
I've also been kind of feeling like I've been losing people. How cryptic, he says, 'I'm losing people' but it's a lonely feeling. I have Chris and he's great but logically I can still only see him on weekends. I can't park at his apartment without sacrificing a limb and my definitely non-existant firstborn to pay for parking and driving downtown on week nights is a ridiculous idea. I don't see Kels and Jenn that often anymore... I know it's my own fault, I end up spending most weekends with Chris but I wish just once in awhile they would call *me* to ask if I wanted to do something.. it's always me. I always put in alll the effort into seeing people. Even Chris doesn't ask me --- I waited on Saturday to see if he would ask me and he seemed perplexed and almost surprised when I didn't. Is there something that turns people away from me? Maybe I don't see it.
ahh.. emo bitch rant will stop here. I shouldn't be writing today in this kind of mood.