**private thoughts**
Yesterday was...interesting.
After holing myself up in my office all weekend and the start of this week, I finally made human contact (other than with McCoy who...well....doesn't really count as "human") with Brian, who stopped by my office. He asked for my advice on the subject of Megan Wheeler. I was blunt, and we argued a bit about it--right when we came to a truce of sorts, an even bigger argument exploded. It ended with me telling him to leave my office and him storming out. I was pissed-I still am--but at the time, I made myself forget about it and get back to my work. I didn't have a chance to really think about it again till way later, when I finally got home in the evening. Thinking about it again when I got home--and again now, makes my blood boil all over again. So much for good friends.
Danny Messer came by later in the day, when it was about time to go home. I was debating whether to stay late or take work with me, when he asked me if I wanted to go to dinner. I...accepted, and we went.
I keep telling myself that I can't jump into anything so quickly again and so soon--but it doesn't feel like I'm jumping into something--that is, it just feels like I'm hanging out with a friend...whose company I enjoy...and who maybe...I could like...as more than a friend... He said he'd like to go out some time, I assume as in a date...we discussed some things and he told me that he didn't want to pressure me. I told him I'd tell him if I was feeling pressured--so far I haven't felt that way.
Why am I trying to justify this? As if someone's going to read my thoughts...as if people care what I do in my spare time. It's like my mom is in my brain, telling me to be a proper young lady. "Sit straight, don't complain, you barely ended your last relationship, what are you doing seeing some guy?"
It's not like that..it's just not.
I don't think I'll ever be the kind of person who can do something without wondering even for a moment what it'll look like, or what others think. Thanks, Mom.