(no subject)
Newsflash (Reuters)--foward to all Press Agencies, cathartic informers and reporters: A man of Palestinian origin has been arrested in connection with the recent bombings. At daybreak, Central Eastern Time, the F. B. I. entered the Nazarean Motel in Corpus Christi and siezed the individual. The man, aged 33, has been identified as one I. C. Galileus. He held no passport and his nationality is unknown. It is believed that when questioned he responded with anit-American sentiments. Senator McCarthy and ex-President Nixon have been raised from the dead to question him. Unconfirmed reports, backed by reliable sources, have told us that this man of Semitic bearing answered, in response to a question about the Pentagon, "those who live by the sales of arms, will die by those self-same arms". (Press Warning: while Bin Laden was armed by the Pentagon it would be a mistake to inform the public taxpayer of this fact). An eyewitness to the arrest, Luke Evangelista, a biographer by profession, confirmed to us that the man in custody was of a brown to black skin color. In further news the Unelected President of America, Bird in the Bush, said that future terrorism would have to be analysed in a sophisticated and radically new way. He pointed out that "most external terrorism is coming from outside the United Sates these days", and added that " President Chiraq of Britain and Premier Blare of Saudi Arabia have pledged their full support in combating abroad terrororisms". Meanwhile Congressman I. A. M. White of Georgia said that all Southerners, both whites and niggers, were united (in a segrationalist way) in their grief. He urged all Klansmen to target Arabs in future, and even hinted that Negroes may be allowed a limited role in the persecution of the Oriental races. Truly this is the spirit of the Mississippian Region and of the Greater American Union . Irregardless of color, ethnicity or creed we stand noble.
CNN:
- Yes Ruth you're right, it has been an awful day. Now we go over to Dan in New York City. Dan we understand the lastest report represents a significant breakthough?
- Yes, Ace, it does. The Federal Bureau of Incompetency has drawn up a list of potential bombers. We go over to this LIVE report from our own Lisa Croctear. Lisa?
- Yes, Trent, the F. B. I. have compiled pages of suspects. The most important of these are as follows, as you can see on your screens:
1). The Wind: an unlikey suspect, but those towers didn't fall over by themselves. Nature has been frustrating the U. S. for centuries and only last night Thunder hampered rescue efforts. Coincidental or deliberate?
2). Anti-Captilalist/ Proletarianists/ Third Worlders: the bombing represented the highest concentration, numerically and geographically, of bourgeois fatalities in a day in the modern age. Could the capitalists' programme of unfair, low OVER-SEA wages and labour-camps have led to their deaths? Africans and Asians are just not like us at all. For instance, pay them once and they'll always want more. They look kind of strange too, nefarious I believe is the current word? A valuable lesson has been learned vis a vis wages. Incidentally civilian injuries are near those of Hiroshima. That was when, you'll remember Jake, the Japenese population commited mass hara-kiri.
3). Feminists: it is known that these Lesbians have been attacking what they call the "phallocentric architectural dominence" of the Manhatten skyline for years. They claim that the silhouttes of these towers have been raping them consistenlty for decades. They have previously stated, as we can see in their monthly periodical, "Orgasm", that the angular structure of the Pentagon represents male-eroticism and female circumsion. In the past they have voiced the need for womb and breast-like government and commercial buildings. The Anti-Penis League (APL) has denied it had anything to do with the attack, as does the Monolithic Front of Vulvan and Vaginal Discharges Forum (MFoVaVDF). The latter's spokesman, Mr. M. Ail, in an open letter to the New York Heraldist, furiously rejected any of the suggestions which we have fabricated, and indeed lied about.
4). Fidel Castro: a well known denouncer of equality, justice and the pursuit of greed. His cigars resemble towers, but if you look closely the tabacco-leaf tips are aflame. A coded message? The State Department certainly thinks so.
5). You may recall, Trent, that the towers were designed by a Japanese architect, Mi No Wee, or some name like that. Did he construct it so that it would collapse. This reporter has her suspicions. He was foreign, what proof else is needed?
6). Bizarely enemies of this great country [ barely audible piped music: Amer----i-kkka, Amer----i-kka, land of the free and brave-skin] have asserted that Boeing Aeroplane Manufacturers could be responsible for the attack. The airline industry has recently been in a recession, and they conceivably could benefit from this... tragedy... [she's thinking of her dead-dog Goebells and trying hard to cry].... as could the construction industry, land-speculators and angry former bankrupt Lloyd's Names. But these industries represent an all-white club, so the possibility of their involvement is minimal.
7). Before the bombings a CNN plane was hovering over Manhattan bringing you LIVE aerial pictures of Jennifer Anis and Bradley Spit buying what were believed to be peaches in an open air market (whether they were peaches or not has yet to be confirmed or denied). This plane has not reported for duty today. Where is it? Did it hit a building? On a tragic note, because of its absent, missing-state this will mean that we cannot bring you the promised footage of Michelle Lepstick walking, al fresco, possibly, but not inevitably, to the dentist.
8). The antepenultimate President of the U. S. Obvious really, but most importantly an unfounded and irresponsible conjecture.
9). Catalan Independentists: Trent, Spain may have discoverd America, but does it now seek to destroy us? The 11th of September is celebrated in Iberian Barcelona as the people's national day. Did I point out that the Iberian Penisula is an abroad place? Tantilising. Back to you in the studio Trent.
- thank you, Lisa. I think we can go over LIVE to our token-black reporter at the Pentagon. Virgil, I believe you are standing beside the recently widowed, and double-barreled, Mrs., now Ms. of course, Rifle-Napalm?
- Yes, Bruce, I am. A brave widow, indeed. Could you tell us a little about your now dead husband, what kind of a hero was he?
- well, Virgil, he rang 30 seconds before the plane hit, and he told me [difficult breathing], he told me that he had discovered that I was having an affair with Rudolf...
- and who was Rudolf?
- our house janitor [pain seeps through her plastic face], the shame, o.o.o.o., but worse [close to vomiting] Jaunita, our chino maid, forgot to pay my husband's life insurance this month.
- yes tragic stories here, Cruise, but hopeful ones. Out of the bitter fires of tears come the solidity of airborne prayer. And the good that these dead military heroes did, immeasurable. Back to you, Ross.
- Micheal, I'm on the streets of New York to gauge the public mood. You sir, blackie, could I squander a moment of your time? How do you feel about the events?
- well until two-weeks ago I used to work in the north tower.
- ah, you were a porter or shoe-shine?
- no.
- surely you weren't a captain of industry.
- used to be. They got rid of me, I'm to marry a white woman soon and..
- ah, I see. Quickly over to you Hearst.
- thank you Vermont. As we can see the public all sharing the same homogenous mourning response. What patriotism. In Studio is the Sentator for New York, Mr. I. W. S. Bribed. Senator, you have been an outspoken critic of things non-American. What do you make of the events?
- First of all, let me send out my condolences to all those affected by the bombs, at least those in my constituency who are of the age to vote. I was forewarned of the incidents and was in a bunker when the news broke. I stayed there for some time, but I think I speak for all Caucasian Blonde Americans when I say Heil Hitler, I mean God bless this land.
- Senator, you fleed Nazi Germany after the War, tell us, as a former European, how is this affecting other parts of the world.
- As my former friend Herr Speer, an architect of great importance who would have admired the towers, used to say, " when the Jew cries he does so for a coin". Europeans are crafty in this way. The Irish for example, they have a day of mourning, all shops closed, ya. Well why? Do they fear they could lose their lapdog, fiefdom status if they did otherwise, do they fear what would happen if the U. S. withdrew its financial support from their land? Tellingly a lot of the computer parts made for warheads and military vehicles are made in this so-called peaceloving place. Was it they who bombed New York so they could profit from a World War. You see, ya? This country is also a centre for American pharamaceutical enterprises , if war comes they can charge even more exploitative prices for a scarce and needed wartime commodity, ya? All is suspect.
- Indeed, and as a former government minister in belligerent Europe you know how the European mentality operates.
- Ya, when I was Minister for Extermination of Undesireables (retards, reds, and the like, ya) I saw a lot of Wiemacherstung, how do you say in English... wrongdoing, evil, ya?
- Indeed, Senator, fine-spoken words.
In Harlem an Afro-American will be beaten by the Police today. He will die after hospitals refuse to take his bloodied-body. He had no medical insurance.
In Brooklyn a Low Income White American child will be supplied with medicine by a doctor, paid for by the Cuban government, an official enemy of the United States.
On 7th Street Asian prostitutes will kneel to white Patriarchy in paid reverence.
In Dublin the Stock Exchange will decide to stay open in solidarity with their dead counterparts in New York.
In Washington D.C. costly CNN reporters will get bonus' and over-time for making advertisement space more profitable.
Intelligence stuggled for a voice on this day, 11th September 01.
AU.
CNN:
- Yes Ruth you're right, it has been an awful day. Now we go over to Dan in New York City. Dan we understand the lastest report represents a significant breakthough?
- Yes, Ace, it does. The Federal Bureau of Incompetency has drawn up a list of potential bombers. We go over to this LIVE report from our own Lisa Croctear. Lisa?
- Yes, Trent, the F. B. I. have compiled pages of suspects. The most important of these are as follows, as you can see on your screens:
1). The Wind: an unlikey suspect, but those towers didn't fall over by themselves. Nature has been frustrating the U. S. for centuries and only last night Thunder hampered rescue efforts. Coincidental or deliberate?
2). Anti-Captilalist/ Proletarianists/ Third Worlders: the bombing represented the highest concentration, numerically and geographically, of bourgeois fatalities in a day in the modern age. Could the capitalists' programme of unfair, low OVER-SEA wages and labour-camps have led to their deaths? Africans and Asians are just not like us at all. For instance, pay them once and they'll always want more. They look kind of strange too, nefarious I believe is the current word? A valuable lesson has been learned vis a vis wages. Incidentally civilian injuries are near those of Hiroshima. That was when, you'll remember Jake, the Japenese population commited mass hara-kiri.
3). Feminists: it is known that these Lesbians have been attacking what they call the "phallocentric architectural dominence" of the Manhatten skyline for years. They claim that the silhouttes of these towers have been raping them consistenlty for decades. They have previously stated, as we can see in their monthly periodical, "Orgasm", that the angular structure of the Pentagon represents male-eroticism and female circumsion. In the past they have voiced the need for womb and breast-like government and commercial buildings. The Anti-Penis League (APL) has denied it had anything to do with the attack, as does the Monolithic Front of Vulvan and Vaginal Discharges Forum (MFoVaVDF). The latter's spokesman, Mr. M. Ail, in an open letter to the New York Heraldist, furiously rejected any of the suggestions which we have fabricated, and indeed lied about.
4). Fidel Castro: a well known denouncer of equality, justice and the pursuit of greed. His cigars resemble towers, but if you look closely the tabacco-leaf tips are aflame. A coded message? The State Department certainly thinks so.
5). You may recall, Trent, that the towers were designed by a Japanese architect, Mi No Wee, or some name like that. Did he construct it so that it would collapse. This reporter has her suspicions. He was foreign, what proof else is needed?
6). Bizarely enemies of this great country [ barely audible piped music: Amer----i-kkka, Amer----i-kka, land of the free and brave-skin] have asserted that Boeing Aeroplane Manufacturers could be responsible for the attack. The airline industry has recently been in a recession, and they conceivably could benefit from this... tragedy... [she's thinking of her dead-dog Goebells and trying hard to cry].... as could the construction industry, land-speculators and angry former bankrupt Lloyd's Names. But these industries represent an all-white club, so the possibility of their involvement is minimal.
7). Before the bombings a CNN plane was hovering over Manhattan bringing you LIVE aerial pictures of Jennifer Anis and Bradley Spit buying what were believed to be peaches in an open air market (whether they were peaches or not has yet to be confirmed or denied). This plane has not reported for duty today. Where is it? Did it hit a building? On a tragic note, because of its absent, missing-state this will mean that we cannot bring you the promised footage of Michelle Lepstick walking, al fresco, possibly, but not inevitably, to the dentist.
8). The antepenultimate President of the U. S. Obvious really, but most importantly an unfounded and irresponsible conjecture.
9). Catalan Independentists: Trent, Spain may have discoverd America, but does it now seek to destroy us? The 11th of September is celebrated in Iberian Barcelona as the people's national day. Did I point out that the Iberian Penisula is an abroad place? Tantilising. Back to you in the studio Trent.
- thank you, Lisa. I think we can go over LIVE to our token-black reporter at the Pentagon. Virgil, I believe you are standing beside the recently widowed, and double-barreled, Mrs., now Ms. of course, Rifle-Napalm?
- Yes, Bruce, I am. A brave widow, indeed. Could you tell us a little about your now dead husband, what kind of a hero was he?
- well, Virgil, he rang 30 seconds before the plane hit, and he told me [difficult breathing], he told me that he had discovered that I was having an affair with Rudolf...
- and who was Rudolf?
- our house janitor [pain seeps through her plastic face], the shame, o.o.o.o., but worse [close to vomiting] Jaunita, our chino maid, forgot to pay my husband's life insurance this month.
- yes tragic stories here, Cruise, but hopeful ones. Out of the bitter fires of tears come the solidity of airborne prayer. And the good that these dead military heroes did, immeasurable. Back to you, Ross.
- Micheal, I'm on the streets of New York to gauge the public mood. You sir, blackie, could I squander a moment of your time? How do you feel about the events?
- well until two-weeks ago I used to work in the north tower.
- ah, you were a porter or shoe-shine?
- no.
- surely you weren't a captain of industry.
- used to be. They got rid of me, I'm to marry a white woman soon and..
- ah, I see. Quickly over to you Hearst.
- thank you Vermont. As we can see the public all sharing the same homogenous mourning response. What patriotism. In Studio is the Sentator for New York, Mr. I. W. S. Bribed. Senator, you have been an outspoken critic of things non-American. What do you make of the events?
- First of all, let me send out my condolences to all those affected by the bombs, at least those in my constituency who are of the age to vote. I was forewarned of the incidents and was in a bunker when the news broke. I stayed there for some time, but I think I speak for all Caucasian Blonde Americans when I say Heil Hitler, I mean God bless this land.
- Senator, you fleed Nazi Germany after the War, tell us, as a former European, how is this affecting other parts of the world.
- As my former friend Herr Speer, an architect of great importance who would have admired the towers, used to say, " when the Jew cries he does so for a coin". Europeans are crafty in this way. The Irish for example, they have a day of mourning, all shops closed, ya. Well why? Do they fear they could lose their lapdog, fiefdom status if they did otherwise, do they fear what would happen if the U. S. withdrew its financial support from their land? Tellingly a lot of the computer parts made for warheads and military vehicles are made in this so-called peaceloving place. Was it they who bombed New York so they could profit from a World War. You see, ya? This country is also a centre for American pharamaceutical enterprises , if war comes they can charge even more exploitative prices for a scarce and needed wartime commodity, ya? All is suspect.
- Indeed, and as a former government minister in belligerent Europe you know how the European mentality operates.
- Ya, when I was Minister for Extermination of Undesireables (retards, reds, and the like, ya) I saw a lot of Wiemacherstung, how do you say in English... wrongdoing, evil, ya?
- Indeed, Senator, fine-spoken words.
In Harlem an Afro-American will be beaten by the Police today. He will die after hospitals refuse to take his bloodied-body. He had no medical insurance.
In Brooklyn a Low Income White American child will be supplied with medicine by a doctor, paid for by the Cuban government, an official enemy of the United States.
On 7th Street Asian prostitutes will kneel to white Patriarchy in paid reverence.
In Dublin the Stock Exchange will decide to stay open in solidarity with their dead counterparts in New York.
In Washington D.C. costly CNN reporters will get bonus' and over-time for making advertisement space more profitable.
Intelligence stuggled for a voice on this day, 11th September 01.
AU.