(no subject)
so fucking...after i wrote all my thoughs down, today i listened to a tape... called intemacy...and its about dealing with urself, lol and in relationships....I dont want a bf....i never really have.... and little girls annoy me...i'm acting the way that if i saw someone i would be like wtf. i analize things way to much now, i never have in the past... y am i so inscure all of a sudden? casue i've shared my life with him and i dont want it thrown back in my face. So do i keep telling myself i dont care when i kinda do, but i dont want to? or crawl back in the whole i've been living in for 19 yrs, or wear my emotions on my sleve for everyone to see? hmmm ponder ponder ponder....k i feel better now that i was able to write my thoughs down. The tape was really cool the lady talked about how u have to love u first, and not expect it from others...if u dont like u why would others? and dont "trap" ppl. i need to learn how to be happy in my own skin, i think i have co-dependentcy issues....lol and she said she likes the word co dependent, cause its better than borderline personality. lol when i'm alone i'm depressed cause i think no one likes me.... but i know ppl do and i have friends... and i am happy... i just look for things in the wrong place... and its the same thing over and over again... i need to let go of all my anger towards myself and my family... they have serioulsy fucked me up and instead of taking the high road and changing the negaitve things, i ran to drugs to take care of my pain... i need to keep telling myself their is a time and a place for everything... and i will leave u with the serenidy prayer:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change. courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I can change me and thats what i'm doing... then everthing else will just fall into place...so i'm not going to say all of thoes things to roy, i'll let him know that after being away for the time i was i realize my feelings for him are strong than i had though, and i miss just holding him :) i talked to him on the phone today, and he told me that he really misses me, and he called me his baby. lol, and ahhh god!!! k i've let it go... i've asked my higher power for help, and i know in time...it will come
FiN
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change. courage to change the things i can, and wisdom to know the difference.
I can change me and thats what i'm doing... then everthing else will just fall into place...so i'm not going to say all of thoes things to roy, i'll let him know that after being away for the time i was i realize my feelings for him are strong than i had though, and i miss just holding him :) i talked to him on the phone today, and he told me that he really misses me, and he called me his baby. lol, and ahhh god!!! k i've let it go... i've asked my higher power for help, and i know in time...it will come
FiN