(no subject)
like in spring or late spring or summer or late summer or early fall, and you think you'll be warm enough and wear shorts and
maybe a tank top and a light cardigan
and you end up freezing
and have to hug your knees
and try not to feel like a fool
-that was begun seventeen weeks ago
where was i then?
mentally
spatially.
who was i then
and never expected to
want to remember?
an ongoing description:
midnight blue predecessor of
morning light, just over the rise
just around the bend just
a little further yet. eyes strain to focus
to keep open to keep time with suddenly
at ninety miles per hour i'm coasting i've
gone blind or hit black ice. one can only hope.
i curse you because it seems the natural
thing to do but scares us both because this
time i mean it and this time you're scared
where i can hear you but can just as easily
tune you out, turn my back. scare myself at times but can
rest in knowing that it will all be fine in the
end, chapped hands squeeze rocks dry.
i am in midair. don't know where will land
or who will catch me, only vaguely familiar
with where or who i've jumped from.
avalanche upon myself i breathe in a small
hollowed space a red string fifteen yards
away marks my position i am buried in or flying
like or coasting over and surrounded by the
silence of, stillness of, the chill of snow.
you are a seashell.
the echoes of emptiness within you make me
hold you close.
_
you can come back
then the room can stop spinning
then i can stop losing myself
under layers
under blankets
under eyelids
to dull the sharp pain, now it throbs
like a bruise, like a surface wound
i wrap what reminds me of you
around me, i fall and push myself
further in.
until no one that's not you is not seeing me anymore
until your ghost escapes the room
until then i'm deaf to the silence
until then i'm numb to jagged empty spaces
until the half-blind eyes pretend to see by mind,
until then, i'm fine
_
to you i always explain my passions
the conversations in my head are excited,
breathless, heated.
i guess you did that to everyone
even then, it's true.
they bring you back for me to glimpse
your name a breathless, invisible you
you hush me in my mind, and push me
to live in dream- that everything
is possible,
----------------as if everything were true.
falling / in flight
subtle, shy, death-defy
into the sea see me greet great gravity
catch me who can catch me who can
catch me and catch up to me
darling. for weeks, i've been saying it-
"...darling...", slowly, an intercession,
a sigh. the first breath i've taken
since the air froze in my mouth,
ice in my throat.
a hand tentatively placed on your back,
for support, to catch me
in the (however unlikely) event that i fall-
still, a net for every
trapeze artist, for every stunt a trampoline.
"darling", like i'm admitting to something,
as if i need to admit one thing.
and as i say it i squeeze
the inside of your elbow,
allow my heavy head to fall on your shoulder-
and everything that hurts me
suddenly hugs me,
gives me wings-
a ship in calm waters with finally a breeze.
and these breezes are breaths of a storm
panting to keep up
with currents, and sending lightning and birds
flown flying thrown soaring blue sky above
blue sky ahead. "darling."
a finite, whole sentence
said with a slow smile
or soft look of concern.
and after these comes the sun that breaks us
to pieces, squeezes us
and bends us backwards, ecstatic,
"darling" we are light bounced backwards
that covers the earth,
the dust of stars in our wake
tsunami roars from beneath ocean,
thunderbolt turns atmosphere
inside out. "darling", here we can be.
LIFE
life life life life life life life life
live.
-
i won't ask
where you've been
just come back
in peace or in pieces.
i write this in scrawled handwriting going 80 down an unknown highway, to remind myself:
LOVE
ALWAYS REMAINS
maybe a tank top and a light cardigan
and you end up freezing
and have to hug your knees
and try not to feel like a fool
-that was begun seventeen weeks ago
where was i then?
mentally
spatially.
who was i then
and never expected to
want to remember?
an ongoing description:
midnight blue predecessor of
morning light, just over the rise
just around the bend just
a little further yet. eyes strain to focus
to keep open to keep time with suddenly
at ninety miles per hour i'm coasting i've
gone blind or hit black ice. one can only hope.
i curse you because it seems the natural
thing to do but scares us both because this
time i mean it and this time you're scared
where i can hear you but can just as easily
tune you out, turn my back. scare myself at times but can
rest in knowing that it will all be fine in the
end, chapped hands squeeze rocks dry.
i am in midair. don't know where will land
or who will catch me, only vaguely familiar
with where or who i've jumped from.
avalanche upon myself i breathe in a small
hollowed space a red string fifteen yards
away marks my position i am buried in or flying
like or coasting over and surrounded by the
silence of, stillness of, the chill of snow.
you are a seashell.
the echoes of emptiness within you make me
hold you close.
_
you can come back
then the room can stop spinning
then i can stop losing myself
under layers
under blankets
under eyelids
to dull the sharp pain, now it throbs
like a bruise, like a surface wound
i wrap what reminds me of you
around me, i fall and push myself
further in.
until no one that's not you is not seeing me anymore
until your ghost escapes the room
until then i'm deaf to the silence
until then i'm numb to jagged empty spaces
until the half-blind eyes pretend to see by mind,
until then, i'm fine
_
to you i always explain my passions
the conversations in my head are excited,
breathless, heated.
i guess you did that to everyone
even then, it's true.
they bring you back for me to glimpse
your name a breathless, invisible you
you hush me in my mind, and push me
to live in dream- that everything
is possible,
----------------as if everything were true.
falling / in flight
subtle, shy, death-defy
into the sea see me greet great gravity
catch me who can catch me who can
catch me and catch up to me
darling. for weeks, i've been saying it-
"...darling...", slowly, an intercession,
a sigh. the first breath i've taken
since the air froze in my mouth,
ice in my throat.
a hand tentatively placed on your back,
for support, to catch me
in the (however unlikely) event that i fall-
still, a net for every
trapeze artist, for every stunt a trampoline.
"darling", like i'm admitting to something,
as if i need to admit one thing.
and as i say it i squeeze
the inside of your elbow,
allow my heavy head to fall on your shoulder-
and everything that hurts me
suddenly hugs me,
gives me wings-
a ship in calm waters with finally a breeze.
and these breezes are breaths of a storm
panting to keep up
with currents, and sending lightning and birds
flown flying thrown soaring blue sky above
blue sky ahead. "darling."
a finite, whole sentence
said with a slow smile
or soft look of concern.
and after these comes the sun that breaks us
to pieces, squeezes us
and bends us backwards, ecstatic,
"darling" we are light bounced backwards
that covers the earth,
the dust of stars in our wake
tsunami roars from beneath ocean,
thunderbolt turns atmosphere
inside out. "darling", here we can be.
LIFE
life life life life life life life life
live.
-
i won't ask
where you've been
just come back
in peace or in pieces.
i write this in scrawled handwriting going 80 down an unknown highway, to remind myself:
LOVE
ALWAYS REMAINS