(no subject)
on the morning of my bridal shower, while levi and i were at our apartment getting ready, we got a phone call from his sister crying. she said "we can't have gina's shower, dad's dead." what? are you serious? how? when? really? it was a phone call that we, and so so so many others thought would not happen for a long, long time. levi called him buddy because technically he was his stepdad so he didn't call him dad but he was more than just a stepdad, his mom and him were married since levi was like, 2 years old. buddy (leon) was only 40 years old and passed away in his sleep at his cabin, where he and a couple friends stayed the night. when his friend tried to wake him on sunday morning, he was dead. autopsy results revealed nothing so we have to wait another month or so for results of blood work and toxicology. he had no health problems or signs of anything wrong. levi and i left our aparment right away to head up to be with his family and friends. i have never witnessed something so heartbreaking in my life. he was outlived by his mom, stepdad, all of his aunts, uncles, almost everyone he knew. robin, levi's mom, has amazing family and friends, i was amazed by the help, support, and love that i saw. food was brought, hugs were given, and there was never less than 10 people at the house at once, the days before the funeral. i called to arrange the whole funeral. everyone helped with all they could. the funeral was last wednesday, it was surreal. i never really understood what a shock and how unreal a death like this is but it really is. really and truly unbelievable. there were over 200 people at the funeral and a 90 car precession to the cemetary, the longest the funeral director had seen. things are still hard, i haven't seen his mom since the funeral but i think that she is getting by, she has such strong faith, i don't worry about her too much but i can't even imagine what she feels, same with levi's sister who just lost her father at 16. this whole situation has put things in perspective which i am grateful for. you really have no idea if tomorrow will come so try your damndest to live every day like it was your last.
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we have decided to keep going with the wedding. i wasn't sure and if his family or levi felt we should wait, i would have, i didn't want to interrupt their grieving process but we have all decided that buddy would have wanted life to go on. we are going to do something in rememberance of him at the wedding. which is . . . 15 days away. by this time in three weeks, i will be a married woman back from her honeymoon. mtv filmed us all of yesterday, it was so awkward. it was our casting shoot for engaged and underage so we won't know if we are actually on the show for a few more days. i still don't know how i feel about it. it was weird and it is somewhat scary to think of the whole day being shot + a week before the wedding and them cutting it down to 22 minutes, i just don't know but if they pick us, it will be meant to be i suppose and a neat experience. still soo weird.
. . . .
we have decided to keep going with the wedding. i wasn't sure and if his family or levi felt we should wait, i would have, i didn't want to interrupt their grieving process but we have all decided that buddy would have wanted life to go on. we are going to do something in rememberance of him at the wedding. which is . . . 15 days away. by this time in three weeks, i will be a married woman back from her honeymoon. mtv filmed us all of yesterday, it was so awkward. it was our casting shoot for engaged and underage so we won't know if we are actually on the show for a few more days. i still don't know how i feel about it. it was weird and it is somewhat scary to think of the whole day being shot + a week before the wedding and them cutting it down to 22 minutes, i just don't know but if they pick us, it will be meant to be i suppose and a neat experience. still soo weird.