'cause i don't even wanna play, you win. i hate this stuff.
sorry for the friends page flooding.
So, the fact is that I suck at life. My report card for this last MP was horrendus, and I just got chewed out about it. Understandable. I need to get straight A's pretty much to keep not only the computer in my room (understandable, too, as I'm sure it keeps me from studying and other things) but my job. If I get a bad report card this time around (the standards have changed, too...anything more than like 2 B's and i'm done) I can't go out to the farm anymore, at all. Until Summer. That I don't get, but whatever. Basically I need to pull up my Chem, Algebra and Photo grades.
Photo. What the hell? I just can't do ANYTHING right in that class this year. Last year I never had less than a 95 of ANYTHING, except maybe one shoot I got a B on because I cropped it to 4x6 instead of 5x7. It's almost as if I have no interest in it anymore...which isn't true, my camera is my life. But adhering to the assignments that are so specific and dealing with Haney being an incredibly tough grader is just not working out. It doesn't help that everyone all the time is like "ZOMG PHOTOGRAPHER" so getting a B in that class is pretty much equivalent to failing anything else in their minds.
Chem...whatever. I hate to say it, but I've honestly given up on trying in that class. It isn't a science class, it's a math class, and I should've taken Advanced Bio. I was going to, but my teacher said you HAD to dissect a pig and they district wouldn't excuse it (so it'd be a zero on a HUGE assignment) but then first week of school this year, they send out a letter saying NO class has forced dissection. Oh well, what am I gonna do, cry about it? (yes). I liked Bio, because it was facts. I can memorize and understand facts. I can't understand math.
Algebra 2 is just horrible. I study and I study and I work and I stay after and I get people to teach me and I think I understand and then I get to the tests and it just all falls apart. I spent most of monday and tuesday last week studying for a quiz on Wendsday, and I was so sure I was going to ace it. I got a 15 out of 30.
And basically I'm wondering if I'm actually cut out for all this school stuff...a little late for that I think. I've always been a pretty good student, able to keep up with everyone and I always do well on standardized tests so everyone thinks I'm smart, but now the people around me in these classes are just understanding everything like it's elementary and I just can't grasp it. Maybe my mind stops at 10th grade. Why am I screwing up so much this year? I feel like a failure at everything, but especially Photo. I don't think I'm going to take Photo III next year...Haney teaches it and I learned more in Photo I from Townsend than I'll ever learn in the higher levels with Haney. And if I don't take Photo III, I'm not going to go on with it in college or as a career or anything. That was just a pipe dream I think because just because you like doing something doesn't mean you're good at it.
Maybe I just need to stop all of this. I wish I could start this year over.
I'd give up but I can't lose the horses. They are everything to me.
So, the fact is that I suck at life. My report card for this last MP was horrendus, and I just got chewed out about it. Understandable. I need to get straight A's pretty much to keep not only the computer in my room (understandable, too, as I'm sure it keeps me from studying and other things) but my job. If I get a bad report card this time around (the standards have changed, too...anything more than like 2 B's and i'm done) I can't go out to the farm anymore, at all. Until Summer. That I don't get, but whatever. Basically I need to pull up my Chem, Algebra and Photo grades.
Photo. What the hell? I just can't do ANYTHING right in that class this year. Last year I never had less than a 95 of ANYTHING, except maybe one shoot I got a B on because I cropped it to 4x6 instead of 5x7. It's almost as if I have no interest in it anymore...which isn't true, my camera is my life. But adhering to the assignments that are so specific and dealing with Haney being an incredibly tough grader is just not working out. It doesn't help that everyone all the time is like "ZOMG PHOTOGRAPHER" so getting a B in that class is pretty much equivalent to failing anything else in their minds.
Chem...whatever. I hate to say it, but I've honestly given up on trying in that class. It isn't a science class, it's a math class, and I should've taken Advanced Bio. I was going to, but my teacher said you HAD to dissect a pig and they district wouldn't excuse it (so it'd be a zero on a HUGE assignment) but then first week of school this year, they send out a letter saying NO class has forced dissection. Oh well, what am I gonna do, cry about it? (yes). I liked Bio, because it was facts. I can memorize and understand facts. I can't understand math.
Algebra 2 is just horrible. I study and I study and I work and I stay after and I get people to teach me and I think I understand and then I get to the tests and it just all falls apart. I spent most of monday and tuesday last week studying for a quiz on Wendsday, and I was so sure I was going to ace it. I got a 15 out of 30.
And basically I'm wondering if I'm actually cut out for all this school stuff...a little late for that I think. I've always been a pretty good student, able to keep up with everyone and I always do well on standardized tests so everyone thinks I'm smart, but now the people around me in these classes are just understanding everything like it's elementary and I just can't grasp it. Maybe my mind stops at 10th grade. Why am I screwing up so much this year? I feel like a failure at everything, but especially Photo. I don't think I'm going to take Photo III next year...Haney teaches it and I learned more in Photo I from Townsend than I'll ever learn in the higher levels with Haney. And if I don't take Photo III, I'm not going to go on with it in college or as a career or anything. That was just a pipe dream I think because just because you like doing something doesn't mean you're good at it.
Maybe I just need to stop all of this. I wish I could start this year over.
I'd give up but I can't lose the horses. They are everything to me.