i'm the dinosaur
My brain flip-flops worse than John Kerry on a bad day.
I need summer to start. I need freedom. I hate being confined by schedules - class schedules, train schedules, weekly schedules, exam schedules. I'm sick of it. Most of the time I could care less...but today it's bothering me. Duane went to UMass Darthmouth last night and hung out with his friends until 4 in the morning and then watched the sunset on the beach. I was so jealous, more so than I think I let on, because I just can't do that, much as I would love to. Contrary to misguided stereotype, college often does not afford the liberty to be spontaneous. But whatever. I'm the one who wanted to go to an academically rigorous school, right? Psh. Senior year, I thought going to a "good" school would be my reward for working so hard in high school. In fact, I was so pissed that I had to settle for BU when I didn't get into Tufts. Actually going to college changed that perspective pretty quick. My reward for hard work is more hard work. Oh, plus a large student loan. Sometimes I wish I had thought more about money and gone to a state school. Oh well. I can't really change it now. Plus hard work's good for me or something, right?
Honestly, I'd rather be happy.
Not that I'm not happy. I've been a lot happier the past few weeks. I've been hanging out with friends here more often. Counseling - eh, it was ok. The doctor was kind of a fruitcake, but it felt nice to talk to somebody. I think over the summer I'm going to find somebody real. This guy seemed like a professional listener - any time I mentioned "fixing" a problem or asked if he thought he might know the reason WHY i was reacting to things, he was like, "Oooh, have you taken a psych class?" Like...because I know what co-dependency and subconsciousness are, I must have taken a psych class?
Mikala comes home Saturday. I cannot wait to hang out with everyone again. I miss the big shindigs outside from last summer. I miss everything from last summer. But i have to try really hard not to compare this summer to last summer. I know it's gonna be different. It already has such a different feel to it. By the way, can anyone believe prom, graduation, all that stuff...it was almost a year ago? I still feel like it all just happened. Ridic.
I can't stop listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeah Song by the Flaming Lips.
I realized today I am really glad that I don't drink. I know it's weird because the majority of my friends drink, and I obviously don't care, but I'm proud of my decision not to. I thought about it, and i realized that the only reason I have ever felt compelled to drink is because it's expected of me. I don't think it's particularly attractive and I have plenty of fun without alcohol, so why add it into the mix? The only reason I could possibly think of would be peer pressure. Haha I even feel it from my relatives...my aunt gave me a booze-related card for my birthday, my cousin invites me over to drink at his dorm sometimes, but seriously. I feel no need to drink, or smoke, or any of it. I'm not writing this to try to be condescending to anyone, because I seriously don't care what other people do and I don't judge my friends for their choices because I know they have their individual reasons for drinking/smoking/whatever. I'm just happy with my choices and why I've made them.
Also, I've realized it's really fucking easy to take things for granted. I do it all the time, even with the most important things. My advice: APPRECIATE everyone and everything! And STOP FUCKING THINKING!
I don't take my roommate for granted, however. I am nicer to her than she deserves.
Awww Popsicle box.
I need summer to start. I need freedom. I hate being confined by schedules - class schedules, train schedules, weekly schedules, exam schedules. I'm sick of it. Most of the time I could care less...but today it's bothering me. Duane went to UMass Darthmouth last night and hung out with his friends until 4 in the morning and then watched the sunset on the beach. I was so jealous, more so than I think I let on, because I just can't do that, much as I would love to. Contrary to misguided stereotype, college often does not afford the liberty to be spontaneous. But whatever. I'm the one who wanted to go to an academically rigorous school, right? Psh. Senior year, I thought going to a "good" school would be my reward for working so hard in high school. In fact, I was so pissed that I had to settle for BU when I didn't get into Tufts. Actually going to college changed that perspective pretty quick. My reward for hard work is more hard work. Oh, plus a large student loan. Sometimes I wish I had thought more about money and gone to a state school. Oh well. I can't really change it now. Plus hard work's good for me or something, right?
Honestly, I'd rather be happy.
Not that I'm not happy. I've been a lot happier the past few weeks. I've been hanging out with friends here more often. Counseling - eh, it was ok. The doctor was kind of a fruitcake, but it felt nice to talk to somebody. I think over the summer I'm going to find somebody real. This guy seemed like a professional listener - any time I mentioned "fixing" a problem or asked if he thought he might know the reason WHY i was reacting to things, he was like, "Oooh, have you taken a psych class?" Like...because I know what co-dependency and subconsciousness are, I must have taken a psych class?
Mikala comes home Saturday. I cannot wait to hang out with everyone again. I miss the big shindigs outside from last summer. I miss everything from last summer. But i have to try really hard not to compare this summer to last summer. I know it's gonna be different. It already has such a different feel to it. By the way, can anyone believe prom, graduation, all that stuff...it was almost a year ago? I still feel like it all just happened. Ridic.
I can't stop listening to the Yeah Yeah Yeah Song by the Flaming Lips.
I realized today I am really glad that I don't drink. I know it's weird because the majority of my friends drink, and I obviously don't care, but I'm proud of my decision not to. I thought about it, and i realized that the only reason I have ever felt compelled to drink is because it's expected of me. I don't think it's particularly attractive and I have plenty of fun without alcohol, so why add it into the mix? The only reason I could possibly think of would be peer pressure. Haha I even feel it from my relatives...my aunt gave me a booze-related card for my birthday, my cousin invites me over to drink at his dorm sometimes, but seriously. I feel no need to drink, or smoke, or any of it. I'm not writing this to try to be condescending to anyone, because I seriously don't care what other people do and I don't judge my friends for their choices because I know they have their individual reasons for drinking/smoking/whatever. I'm just happy with my choices and why I've made them.
Also, I've realized it's really fucking easy to take things for granted. I do it all the time, even with the most important things. My advice: APPRECIATE everyone and everything! And STOP FUCKING THINKING!
I don't take my roommate for granted, however. I am nicer to her than she deserves.
Awww Popsicle box.