Finally!!!
David Brent
Some people are intimidated when talking to large numbers of people in an entertaining way. Not me.
I love David Brent because he is the original Michael Scott. Because he is horrifically un-PC, horribly conceited, and wonderfully self-centered. Because he quotes Des'ree. Because his dance for charity will make me laugh even on the worst day of my life. I love him because of Freelove Freeway. Because he's an entertainer first, a friend second, and a boss third. Because even after all the horrible things he says to people, at the end of the day, you still kind of want to give him a hug. And because he finally told Finchy to fuck off.
Gareth Keenan
We go there every Wednesday night, and it's a fun place, but it's full of loose women. My own problem with that is venereal disease, which is disabilitating right, especially for a soldier. And it's irresponsible to the rest of your unit as well, right. You've been under attack for days, there's a soldier down, he's wounded, gangrene's setting in, 'who's used all the penicillin?' 'Oh, Mark Paxon sir, he's got knobrot off some tart.'
I love Gareth because he takes himself more seriously than any person in the history of the world. Because he carries his cell phone in a gun holster. And because when he talks to his friends it involves oinking. And because he has the worst pick-ups lines I've ever heard. And because he answers Tim and Dawn's many questions about taking men from behind with great aplomb.
George Michael Bluth
What a fun, sexy time for you.
I am convinced Michael Cera is the next Woody Allen. He was able to play the most neurotic 13-year old on TV, and it was so perfect. Between his Star Wars video, his overwhelming urge to work a full time job while in junior high, his excitement at getting Quicken for Christmas...he is so ridiciulously adorable. And the whole crush on Maeby just wins. And that girlfriend of his...what was her name again? And of course the relationship he has with his father is perfect. The fact that he would cornball with him instead of hanging out with Anne? Aw.
GOB Bluth
Illusion, Michael. A trick is something a whore does for money...or cocaine.
GOB Bluth is deliciously self-obsessed and smarmy in the most idiotic way possible. He is selfish, moronic, and yet ridiculously sentimental. TASTE MY SAD, MICHAEL. I always love that GOB is the eldest brother because Michael is always in charge. I love that he refuses to walk anywhere. I love that GOB is such a leech, and admittedly so. I love that he slept with every fugly woman on the show. I love "I've made a huge mistake." And most of all, I love "The Final Countdown."
Dwight Scrute
Physicians' Desk Reference…hollowed out. Inside: Waterproof matches, iodine tables, beet seeds, protein bars, NASA blanket and, in case I get bored, Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone. No - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. Question, did my shoes come off in the plane crash?
Dwight K. Schrute. His middle name is Kurt. NOT FART. I was leary of Dwight at first because I had loved Gareth so much, but Rainn Wilson may just be a comic genius. He is bizarre, a little creepy, ferociously loyal, sweet to his girlfriend, and probably an excellent marksman. Dwight is definitely a jackass, but he is a much more loveable jackass than Gareth ever was. His feelings are so easily hurt, which is endearing. When he had to turn in his Volunteer Sheriff's Deputy costume uniform? Aw. And I love that he only wears vomit-colored clothing and lives on a beet farm. Love him.
Jim Halpert &hearts
Jim: You look cute today, Dwight.
Dwight: Thanks, girl.
Does this one really need any kind of explanation? Jim is witty, caring, smart, fun, and ridiculously good looking. He is exactly the guy you'd want to get stuck working with. He's exactly the guy you'd want to marry. He just is. As much as I'd love to have a torrid love affair with Sawyer, I'd want to end up with Jim. Because he is perfect. As was Tim, his British counterpart. But Tim was a little more self-deprecating and unsure of himself. That's why I love Jim even more. Because Jim has a confidence about him that's not arrogant, but it's definitely there. *swoon* I want to have a million of his babies. This isn't news to anyone.
Ron Weasley
Weasley is our King,
Weasley is our King,
He didn't let the Quaffle in,
Weasley is our King.
I adore Ron Weasley. He is the ultimate best friend. And I always, always, always have a thing for the slightly stupid best friend character. He's not the smartest kid in school, or the funniest, or the cutest, but you know he will always be there when you need him. And that is why I love him so much. He's the guy you'd want covering you back in a fight. Not because he'd actually be able to kick anyone's ass, but because you know he wouldn't run away. Not to mention Ron & Hermione are my OTP. Seriously. They slay me. honestly, Ronald.
Hermione Granger
"Ron," said Hermione in a dignified voice, dipping the point of her quill into her ink pot, "you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet."
I think it's pretty safe to say that Hermione is my literary equivalent for the most part. She is always worried about her friends, always wanting to do the right thing, always correcting people and not realizing that it might make them feel bad. I love Hermione because smart girls kick all kinds of ass. And because she punched Malfoy in the face. And she shot birds at Ron when he was making out with Lavender Brown. And because she is ballsy and quirky and awesome. And I love how her relationship with Harry has never waivered throughout the series. There has never been romantic tension between them (despite what the movies may lead us to believe) and it's good to see that a girl and a boy can be just friends. It happens all the time in real life and yet in the world of fiction it is a rare and wonderful thing to behold.
Luna Lovegood
"Oh, yes," said Luna, "I've been able to see them ever since my first day here. They've always pulled the carriages. Don't worry. You're just as sane as I am."
I had a friend in high school kind of like Luna Lovegood. She was always off in her own world, and almost nothing she ever said made sense. She would start laughing for apparently no reason, but you knew whatever was going on inside her head was hilarious. I love Luna because she doesn't get caught up in the drama with the other kids. It's as if she is oblivious to it. I wish I could have been more like that in school. Her commentary at the Quidditch match is amazing, and her reactions to people (especially Harry) are always entertaining. Luna Loony Lovegood, you're okay in my book.
Remus Lupin
"I see," said Lupin thoughtfully. "Well, well . . . I'm impressed. That suggests what you fear most of all is -- fear. Very wise, Harry."
Remus Lupin is totally that hot English professor you have a giant crush on freshman year. He's the one that wears corduroy blazers with suede elbow patches and quotes Joyce in passing. I really do love Lupin. He's noble and quietly brave without being insane about it the way Sirius (and I imagine James) was. He is mellow and introverted, which I love. But then he's also a werewolf, which is this amazing juxtaposition of characteristics. One one hand he is mild and introspective and on the other hand he is completely wild and unihibited. Tonks really knew what she was doing with that one.
Fred and George Weasley
'I don't believe it! I don't believe it! Oh, Ron, how wonderful! A prefect! That's everyone in the family!'
'What are Fred and I, next-door neighbours?' said George indignantly…
Okay seriously how can you not love Fred and George? They are witty and cool and don't take shit from anyone, including Umbridge. Even Peeves listens to them for Chrissakes. And while they're obviously cooler than those surrounding them, they never really act like pricks. Unless it's to someone who deserves it. And I also love the fact that their whole family consists of these overachievers and then you have them - they didn't even finish school and they are the most successful of the bunch.
Desmond David Hume
I have to get my honor back. And that's what I'm running to.
Crazy pirate. Prisoner. Lab rat. It's amazing how much I love Desmond considering he's been in about 3 episodes of Lost. What I love about Desmond is his nobility and his kindness. We were introduced to him as this raving lunatic, only to find out that he is just a kind man who got stuck in a shitty situation. He's never been anything but helpful to everyone on the island. He gave up the love of his life to win his honor back!? *swoon* He's kind of like an Aragorn-ish character, I think. And why landed him in prison in the first place? Who knows. All I know is that I love him - Flashback Desmond and Island Desmond. See ya in another life Brothah, yeah?
Mistah Eko
Don't mistake coincidence for fate.
Mr. Eko pwns in pretty much every way a person can pwn. He is bigger, badder, smarter, and weirder than anyone else on that island. His backstory fascinates me - for someone's life to be such a stark contrast between good and evil - white and black. His character is so complex and twisty and turny that I always love to watch him. He seems so gentle and spiritual - until he doesn't get his way. And then he's all muscle and crazy eyes. I love that Mr. Eko never blinks. And the fact that his fucking name is Mr. Eko. From now on you guys can call me Miss Rachel. Okay maybe not. Then I sound like a nursery school teacher lol.
The Artist Formerly Known as Henry Gale
We're the good guys, Michael.
Henry Gale is up there with some of the most sinister, evil mofos in the fictional world. I love him because because he is SO nerfarious and SO wickedly two-faced. At first you really did want to believe him. But then he'd give ONE look that just blew you away and told you he was definitely not telling the truth. And I love that he (as are all the Others) is obsessed with goodness. They are so intent upon finding "good" people that they are willing to injure, kidnap, and even kill people. WHAT!? Talk about black and white. And Henry Gale is their leader - and who knows how or why he went and got himself kidnapped. There is so much more to him than we could ever know about, and I love it. He is the evil Piglet.
James "Sawyer" Ford &hearts
Probably Bear Village. How the hell do I know?
Where do I even begin? Sawyer is viciously witty, ridiculously attractive, and has that bad-ass with issues thing going on. To be honest, I don't usually like the "Bad Boys." But something about him just gets me. His first episode in the first season when he had Kate read that letter out loud to him was what started everything. "Don't you feel sorry for me." ;lskjf;lskdjflaksdjf I love it. Sawyer has about 600 layers, and each one is more juicy than the last. He's an asshole, but only because he wants people to hate him. He acts like he's tough, but you can always tell when someone hurts his feelings. And the nicknames. Oh, the nicknames. I love him. A lot. You all know this already.
Sayid Jarrah
My name is Sayid Jarrah...and I am a torturer.
Sayid basically PWNS everyone. He is the smartest guy on that island, but he's never come off as conceited. He is resourceful, passionate, noble, and will kick your ass if he feels the need. I love him because he is a hero. And he is also totally sexay. Let's not forget that. I love the way he says things - "UNFORTUNATELY FOR US BOTH YOU AH RRRRONG." I love that he is fearless, but not in the way that Kate is blindly fearless. He thinks about things before he does them. He doesn't exactly have much of a sense of humor, but once in a while he'll crack a smile. And once in a while he puts on his torturing scrunchie and kicks ass. But that is why he pwns.
ATTN INDY!!!! Duncan Kane
So did they give you a jet to take me back home? Or am I supposed to click my heels?
I do kind of love Duncan. Not because he's the funniest guy ever, or the coolest, but he is a good guy. And good guys are rare - in real life or (especially) in the world of fiction. I like that when Logan started acting like an even bigger ass than usual Duncan called him out on it. I like that he (on occasion) stands up against his parents. But mostly why I love Duncan is because Veronica loves him. Granted, I feel like his character never really gets deep enough for us to really understand why she loves him so much, but he makes her happy. Most of the time. They were cute together, and so I can't hate him the way a lot of people do. Sure he's boring, but that's kind of his appeal.
Logan Echolls
My day is complete! Veronica Mars has accused me of evil!
Logan has a lot of the same appeal as Sawyer. He's witty, most of the time he's a total bastard, and he's got this huge inner turmoil that makes you go AWWWW when it finally shows itself. I honestly didn't like Logan at all until the episode when you see his father beat the crap out of him. Then all of the sudden, I was like, "Ooohhh, I see." Even though he has his ultimate asshole moments, he has some really sweet moments too. And I think the chemistry between Logan and Veronica is fantastic. They are super sassy. And I hate the word sassy. But that's exactly what they are. Maybe Logan will finally get to live a somewhat more normal life after everything that happened at the end of Season 2. Maybe not. Who knows. But I do love him. Because he is witty. And witty always gets me.
Eli "Weevil" Navarro
Lamb:Look up Eli Navarro. There's got to be something outstanding we can book him on.
Weevil: Oh, if I did it, it was outstanding.
Weevil is like the Fonz. A much more dangerous Fonzie, but basically the same thing. He is this tough biker who seemingly has a heart of gold. He cares about his family. He doesn't take shit from anyone, but he's also not a total asshole. That's why I like him so much. He's the huggable gang leader, which is both ridiculous and awesome. I like that he and Veronica get along so well. And that he has his honor. Weevil is a cool guy.
Brian
A swing and a miss.
How could you not love a martini-drinking, talking dog? What it really comes down to is that Brian is awesomely sarcastic and always funny. I love that he always has the right idea about things. I love when he hangs out with Stewie. I love that even though he is the dog he has to tell Peter when he's being stupid. And most of all I love it when he randomly has dog moments - like being afraid of the vaccuum cleaner LOL. Yes.
Butters
Well, thanks for offering to let me in your clique, guys, but, to be honest, I'd rather be a crying little pussy than a faggy Goth kid.
Butters is that nice kid that every group of friends had. They get shit on constantly, but they still want to hang out. He is so adorable!! I really do love Butters. His tap-dancing disaster story? The time he tried to rebuild the world after nuclear fallout? He is always so cute and naive, but somehow the other kids end up feeling bad for him. And I also love that he replaced Tweak because Tweak was annoying and could only last so long lol.
Eric Cartman
Excuse me, but I do believe that sucks ass.
Hahahahaha. Cartman. He is one of the best characters of all time. He is so over the top. I love that he started out as just a fat kid that gets pissed off to what he is now: a criminal mastermind, a completely evil Jew-hating, maniacal villain. He never feels remorse. He is always looking out for himself. Cartman is freaking awesome. And since he is so ridiculous, the situations they've been able to put him in have been fantastic. He's a little Hitler. He's giving Ben Affleck a handjob. He's an evangelist. Oh my god and his mom! And the way he talks! I do love Cartman, the little bastard.
Dr. Perry Cox
Lady, people aren't chocolates. Do you know what they are mostly? Bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard fillings.
Perry, Perry, Perry. You are such a dick. You scream and yell at people until the veins pop out of your neck. You've called JD every single girl's name ever invented. You hate your ex/girlfriend. You hate your boss. You hate everyone. Except Carla. You listen to her. But the reason you hate everyone so much is because you are convinced they are bad people. You want them to be better people. If everyone was as noble and humane as you, you wouldn't have to hate anyone. And that is why I love you. Because you are a bastard coated bastard, but with a sweet creamy center.
Turk & JD
JD (to Turk over watchie-talkies): Are you nude, brown bear?
Turk (to JD over watchie-talkies): Yeah! How did you know?
JD (to Turk over watchie-talkies): Your voice is always higher when you're nude.
Dr. Cox (in background): It's not weird you know that.
JD and Turk define the term OTP. Seriously. They are in my Top 5 best friend pairs with Ron and Harry, Merry and Pippin, and Michael and Dwight. They can read each other's minds. They are the closest you can get to being totally gay for each other while remaining heterosexual. I love their stupid inside jokes, their stupid games, their hugs, their flashbacks to college - everything. If everyone could have a friendship in their lives like the one JD and Turk have, people would be a hell of a lot happier.
Meriadoc Brandybuck
I think we might have made a mistake leaving the Shire, Pippin.
Merry is awesome because he is the one with the good head on his shoulders. He's got this best friend who is a lot of fun but a total moron, and Merry is the one who has to keep him in line. I love him because he is noble and brave and silly and cute. He stands up for what he believes in. He refuses to be told that he's not allowed to do things just because he's small. Merry is the punk rock hobbit, so of course I would love him. He doesn't give up and he remains a true and loyal friend.
Raleigh St. Clair & Dudley
Dudley: I'm colorblind?
Raleigh: I'm afraid so.
Ohhhh, Raleigh St. Clair. He is such a ridiculous character. He's married to this woman who has no interest in him whatsoever. And he's got this weird kid that he hangs out with every day. To me, Raleigh is the definition of a Wes Anderson character. His clothes, his mannerisms, his career - all perfect. He is so miserable and so understated. And Dudley is just brilliant. "Can the boy tell time?" "Oh Lord, no." LMAO!!!
Captain Mal Reynolds
I swear by my pretty floral bonnet I will end you.
Mal is the ultimate hero. He's got such pride in himself and his crew that you can't help but love him. He's a tough guy, but never really an asshole. Unless it's someone he has good reason to abuse in some way. And even then he's this witty cool guy. I just love Mal because he loves his his friends so much. And he wears tight pants. And he has a crush on Inara but he can't come out and say it. And he's fiercely loyal. GO BROWNCOATS!!
Dr. Simon Tam
This is what going mad must feel like.
Simon is kind of a little bitch, but in an endearing way. I have to love him because he sacrificed his own life for River's. He stands up for himself against the crew of Serenity, which is also admirable. He has to learn little by little that being a snob about everything won't get him very far. And him and Kaylee are pretty much the cutest thing ever. You wouldn't think that some rich doctor would be very brave, but when he has to he really pulls through.
Carl Brutananadilewski (Smith)
Frylock: Carl, we need to get rid of that wig.
Carl: No! It gave me confidence and almost sex.
Ooooh, Carl. I love Carl. A lot. He is exactly like half of my friends' fathers. Seriously. He's supposed to be that guy from Jersey, and he SO IS that guy. The way he talks is ridiculous. I do a pretty good Carl impression - mostly because he talks like every guy in South Philly. His car is 2 Wicked for words. He is digusting, vulgar, and an abominable person altogether. But that is his appeal.
Meatwad
I don't have any real dolls, I prefer to use my infinite imagination... cause I ain't got no damn money.
Meatwad is freaking adorable. I love that he's like a little kid. His dolls effing rule - Vanessa and Boxy Brown. I love that while Shake is constantly trying to ruin his life, he thinks Shake is the coolest guy around. I love that he sleeps on a grill. I love that once in a while his ego gets completely out of control. I love that he can turn himself into a hot dog and an igloo and if he's feeling saucy, Abraham Lincoln.
Master Shake
Hey, stay away from my buddy! He's *my* good friend! But if you tell anyone I said that, I will deny it up and down.
Master Shake is the biggest dickhead ever. And I love it. He is so arrogant and pompous, and yet utterly clueless. He is a total moron, and that is why he needs that ridiculous bravado. I love that half the time he's plotting schemes with Carl and then the other half of the time he is trying to screw him over. Shake is that kid who wished he could hang out with the bad kids, but probably wasn't allowed to be part of the group. I feel like he should be best friends with Bender from Futurama. They have the same appeal.
That literally took me a week to finish. Check it out! :D
I just watched the Damon & Carlton podcast and it was pretty much the best thing ever. THEY ARE SUCH OTP!!!
So, did Michael Muhney talk to YOU today?? ;lksdjf;lskjdfl;kjsdlfk;jdslkjf