Fic: "Better Man"
FicMix Title: The Tears Fall Down
Title: Better Man
Character(s)/Pairing: Rayne, post-ish
Rating: PG
Word Count: 376
Disclaimer: Not mine!
-Author Notes: Fic #3 for this ficmix. Er... I'm not quite sure yet just how this fits in. It needs some for serious editing, because right now I'm just not happy with it. Catching you up: River and Jayne are in a sexual relationship, but neither really wants to admit they care about the other. River basically told him that she feels safe with him, so she's using him to calm herself down. She made it clear that she didn't actually care about him. Jayne thinks "Okay, will just stop bothering with her" and he sleeps with a prostitute the next time they're planetside. River, despite her best efforts not to care, is very, very, very hurt by this when she finds out. Jayne realizes that she was lying to him and regrets his actions. Er... Now that I think about it, did I make Jayne too sorry? I'll need to think this out a bit more. But this is the chapter for now.
Better Man
Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him,
Can't find a better man
She dreams in color, she dreams in red,
Can't find a better man
"Please... River, please look at me. I didn't... I didn't mean it. I was drunk, an' I thought you didn't want me no more. Y'were... yellin' at me, and..."
"It is fine," she says, still turned away from him, staring at the lumpy blanket that covered all his guns - the guns, the girls, she thought bitterly, that he loved so much more than her. "I forgive you."
He sits down beside her, and she can feel his big, warm hand hovering over her body, trying to decide if it would be all right to touch her. She curls further into herself and he moves his hand away.
"I am sorry," he whispers.
She sniffs. "I had a dream," she tells him quietly. "We were standing on an island and there was swirling water all around. You fell in and your chest burst open. Blood... there was blood everywhere." She feels his discomfort and it calms her. Her voice is laced with acid when she says, "You do look better in red."
"You sayin' you want to hurt me? Would that make you feel better?"
It is very tempting. "No," she replies honestly. "Will undo nothing."
"If I could go back an' do it - "
"But you cannot." She feels tears welling at the corner of her eyes.
"I told you already, baby girl, it didn't mean a thing. You told me that you... that you didn't care. That you were just usin' me."
She blinks back tears and feels suddenly small. He was right; that's exactly what she wanted him to think, that's exactly what she wanted to believe. "That does not make it okay."
"I know." He lays down alongside her, curving the front of his body to her back. He slides her hair away and his lips brush against her neck. She wants to scream because his sorrow and regret are invading her head - and she is so hurt there is no room. "Are you ever goin' t'forgive me?" he whispers.
No, she thinks. She does not want to; she is not sure she can. She is as angry at herself as she is at him. But she swallows the word and all that comes out is a faint, trembling "Eventually."
~~~
Feedback always appreciated.
Title: Better Man
Character(s)/Pairing: Rayne, post-ish
Rating: PG
Word Count: 376
Disclaimer: Not mine!
-Author Notes: Fic #3 for this ficmix. Er... I'm not quite sure yet just how this fits in. It needs some for serious editing, because right now I'm just not happy with it. Catching you up: River and Jayne are in a sexual relationship, but neither really wants to admit they care about the other. River basically told him that she feels safe with him, so she's using him to calm herself down. She made it clear that she didn't actually care about him. Jayne thinks "Okay, will just stop bothering with her" and he sleeps with a prostitute the next time they're planetside. River, despite her best efforts not to care, is very, very, very hurt by this when she finds out. Jayne realizes that she was lying to him and regrets his actions. Er... Now that I think about it, did I make Jayne too sorry? I'll need to think this out a bit more. But this is the chapter for now.
Better Man
Waitin', watchin' the clock, it's four o'clock, it's got to stop
Tell him, take no more, she practices her speech
As he opens the door, she rolls over
Pretends to sleep as he looks her over
She lies and says she's in love with him,
Can't find a better man
She dreams in color, she dreams in red,
Can't find a better man
"Please... River, please look at me. I didn't... I didn't mean it. I was drunk, an' I thought you didn't want me no more. Y'were... yellin' at me, and..."
"It is fine," she says, still turned away from him, staring at the lumpy blanket that covered all his guns - the guns, the girls, she thought bitterly, that he loved so much more than her. "I forgive you."
He sits down beside her, and she can feel his big, warm hand hovering over her body, trying to decide if it would be all right to touch her. She curls further into herself and he moves his hand away.
"I am sorry," he whispers.
She sniffs. "I had a dream," she tells him quietly. "We were standing on an island and there was swirling water all around. You fell in and your chest burst open. Blood... there was blood everywhere." She feels his discomfort and it calms her. Her voice is laced with acid when she says, "You do look better in red."
"You sayin' you want to hurt me? Would that make you feel better?"
It is very tempting. "No," she replies honestly. "Will undo nothing."
"If I could go back an' do it - "
"But you cannot." She feels tears welling at the corner of her eyes.
"I told you already, baby girl, it didn't mean a thing. You told me that you... that you didn't care. That you were just usin' me."
She blinks back tears and feels suddenly small. He was right; that's exactly what she wanted him to think, that's exactly what she wanted to believe. "That does not make it okay."
"I know." He lays down alongside her, curving the front of his body to her back. He slides her hair away and his lips brush against her neck. She wants to scream because his sorrow and regret are invading her head - and she is so hurt there is no room. "Are you ever goin' t'forgive me?" he whispers.
No, she thinks. She does not want to; she is not sure she can. She is as angry at herself as she is at him. But she swallows the word and all that comes out is a faint, trembling "Eventually."
~~~
Feedback always appreciated.