~ All the problems make me wanna go like a bad girl straight to video ~
I swear, I feel like I'm about to have another one of those life changing experiences again. Y'know the ones. The ones where you know you're either going to feel like you're damned if you do and damned if you don't? I just don't even know where to begin, really. I know that this is the sort of thing that will probably piss off my parents...but at the end of the day, isn't it my life?
I don't know. I just know that I love this guy that I'm currently engaged to. I love him to pieces. He's so good to me and he refuses to let me deal with my parents' bullshit anymore - specifically my mother's. I don't know where the lines between being myself and being my mother's daughter blurred and got lost in translation, but I know that I'm tired of crying myself to sleep at night about it. Where did I go so wrong that my mother feels the need to make me feel like a miserable human being every single time we lay eyes on each other? Why? I know that I've disappointed my mom a lot, and I know that I've screwed up, but no one is perfect and I'm trying to fix things in my life.
And, honestly, why does it matter if any guy I date has a tattoo? Why is that even an issue? What people choose to do in their young adult lives is completely up to them and they should be mature and responsible enough to decide what and where the ink goes on their body. Hell, I even considered a tattoo once. I probably won't ever get one now because I just don't think I need anything like that on my body anymore. But will I penalize anyone else for having one? No. It's their choice and I respect that decision. Jerad got his tattoos way before I knew him and when he was younger. Do they define who he is? No. Do I care that he has them? Hell no. So, really, why does that even play a factor on what kind of guy I date? Seriously.
It's just the little things, and even the big things, like that that drive me insane sometimes. I know I have messed up in the past. Hell, no one is perfect. But to lose sight of who I am and who I have become? All because my mother wants me to go back to being the person I was in high school? I just can't do it anymore. I can't and I won't do it.
I'm so strung out these days that I actually almost forgot to eat last night until Jerad made me something to eat. It's getting to where I am losing weight because I am not eating or so stressed out that I can't eat.
I'm just tired of all the drama.
I don't know. I just know that I love this guy that I'm currently engaged to. I love him to pieces. He's so good to me and he refuses to let me deal with my parents' bullshit anymore - specifically my mother's. I don't know where the lines between being myself and being my mother's daughter blurred and got lost in translation, but I know that I'm tired of crying myself to sleep at night about it. Where did I go so wrong that my mother feels the need to make me feel like a miserable human being every single time we lay eyes on each other? Why? I know that I've disappointed my mom a lot, and I know that I've screwed up, but no one is perfect and I'm trying to fix things in my life.
And, honestly, why does it matter if any guy I date has a tattoo? Why is that even an issue? What people choose to do in their young adult lives is completely up to them and they should be mature and responsible enough to decide what and where the ink goes on their body. Hell, I even considered a tattoo once. I probably won't ever get one now because I just don't think I need anything like that on my body anymore. But will I penalize anyone else for having one? No. It's their choice and I respect that decision. Jerad got his tattoos way before I knew him and when he was younger. Do they define who he is? No. Do I care that he has them? Hell no. So, really, why does that even play a factor on what kind of guy I date? Seriously.
It's just the little things, and even the big things, like that that drive me insane sometimes. I know I have messed up in the past. Hell, no one is perfect. But to lose sight of who I am and who I have become? All because my mother wants me to go back to being the person I was in high school? I just can't do it anymore. I can't and I won't do it.
I'm so strung out these days that I actually almost forgot to eat last night until Jerad made me something to eat. It's getting to where I am losing weight because I am not eating or so stressed out that I can't eat.
I'm just tired of all the drama.