Because I'm always having to be the same
You wanna know what's really fucked up? When I've come to a realization that I'm gonna live my life to the fullest and then being told that no matter how I might feel, that I have to wait.
Wait for what? My heart has been broken and so if it's gonna get broken, it needs to get broken whenever and so I can take whatever time I need to heal. Disappointment? Sadness? If anything I should be saying that. I'm disappointed that I'm being judged. I'm sad that I'm being judged. I'm angry that I'm being judged.
I know my feelings better than anyone does. You know why? Because they're my damn feelings. If you want to question the other person's involvement then do so, but don't cheapen or question my feelings like I did this on the spur of the moment. I NEVER STOP THINKING!
I never stop thinking. The whole time I was driving back from Oxford, I couldn't stop thinking. While we went shopping, I didn't stop thinking. While I drove to Birmingham, I didn't stop thinking. Every word and action I have taken is something I have thought about carefully. It's not just me running my fucking mouth. If I get married in 3 months, who cares so long as I'm happy? If I have a baby in the next year and can afford to take care of the child, who cares so long as I'm happy? Why is my happiness such a problem? Who cares about time? I was with someone for 14 years and he may have made me happy, but I was also crying in misery. A week? What's the difference between 5 days and one week? A whole 48 hours?
I don't even know and I don't even care. I feel beautiful and loved and I have laughed more in the last 5 days than I have in the last 5 months. That's what matters to me the most and that's how I feel. I'm happy. He makes me happy. I see his smile and I smile. I see him smoking a cigarette and I smile. I hear him call my name and I smile. If this is wrong, smiling as much as I do, then I'd rather be wrong on all counts. Every single one of them.
I'm happy. She can be unhappy and unsatisfied if she wants because those are her feelings. I'll continue to have mine. And mine is that I'm incredibly happy. I refuse to be unhappy when I am as happy as I am.
Wait for what? My heart has been broken and so if it's gonna get broken, it needs to get broken whenever and so I can take whatever time I need to heal. Disappointment? Sadness? If anything I should be saying that. I'm disappointed that I'm being judged. I'm sad that I'm being judged. I'm angry that I'm being judged.
I know my feelings better than anyone does. You know why? Because they're my damn feelings. If you want to question the other person's involvement then do so, but don't cheapen or question my feelings like I did this on the spur of the moment. I NEVER STOP THINKING!
I never stop thinking. The whole time I was driving back from Oxford, I couldn't stop thinking. While we went shopping, I didn't stop thinking. While I drove to Birmingham, I didn't stop thinking. Every word and action I have taken is something I have thought about carefully. It's not just me running my fucking mouth. If I get married in 3 months, who cares so long as I'm happy? If I have a baby in the next year and can afford to take care of the child, who cares so long as I'm happy? Why is my happiness such a problem? Who cares about time? I was with someone for 14 years and he may have made me happy, but I was also crying in misery. A week? What's the difference between 5 days and one week? A whole 48 hours?
I don't even know and I don't even care. I feel beautiful and loved and I have laughed more in the last 5 days than I have in the last 5 months. That's what matters to me the most and that's how I feel. I'm happy. He makes me happy. I see his smile and I smile. I see him smoking a cigarette and I smile. I hear him call my name and I smile. If this is wrong, smiling as much as I do, then I'd rather be wrong on all counts. Every single one of them.
I'm happy. She can be unhappy and unsatisfied if she wants because those are her feelings. I'll continue to have mine. And mine is that I'm incredibly happy. I refuse to be unhappy when I am as happy as I am.