...Love... - Part 6
-Two weeks later-
-3:50 AM-
Looking out at the view from the balcony, I felt as alive as the city surrounding me. Even from the top floor of the hotel, the lights, sounds and smells of Tokyo were so vibrant and clear that it felt like I was actually down in the streets in the midst of it all-a feeling that I’ve grown to miss terribly over the years. Dreams always come at a cost, and this particular dream cost me privacy and freedom. To go out into that concrete jungle alone and unguarded could be completely unsafe, and I’m not just saying that to sound like some famous, egotistical douche bag; I’m saying it because it’s true. Heavens knows how badly I’d love to walk around Tokyo by myself, visiting the different areas, side streets, shops, restaurants and stores by myself. There have been so many areas of Japan that I haven’t gotten to visit because it would be “unsavory to our image”. For example, I’ve always wanted to explore Kabukicho. I hear it was Japan’s red-light district, marked by the infamous red gates at the crosswalk and accented with the neon red archway at night, but when I had looked at it during the day it looked so timid. Littered with arcades, a McDonalds, a movie theater and other random stores, it really didn’t seem like anything provocative…that is until we passed by it at night. It was a different crowd, bars, or izakayas, were open, guards were standing by closed doors that were marked with signs screaming “No Foreigners Allowed”. It was so alluring! The mystery and adventure of it all! And that was only Kabukicho! Who knew what other worlds there were in Osaka, Nagoya or Kyoto.
But I suppose not all adventures are ones worth going on. I vividly remember a time, before Dong Bang Shin Ki’s debut where we were all trying to get familiar with Japan since we would be doing some heavy promoting there, after we had established ourselves in Korea, and we were to get to know our surroundings. We all took the trains, since no one really recognized us at the time, and we all took turns calling out a stop to get out at. Well, Junsu called out “next” at this one stop called Shinjuku Ni-chōme and I was wondering why everyone was looking at us funny when Junsu called it out. I didn’t give it a second thought as I followed my brothers outside the train station and onto the bustling streets. It looked normal enough; some trendy shops, a Starbucks on the corner, a curry house on the next, tons of salary men and…
…gay people.
Shit you not. There were gay people. Gay people! And Lesbians! It was amazing because here they were, only a few couples but they were still out in the open, holding hands and kissing. And sure, I was used to friends kissing each other as good friends, but I never kissed my friends with tongue. I was mostly…amazed because there just weren’t any gay people in Korea; they just didn’t exist, and if they did, I was sure that they weren’t gay for long.
I don’t believe that you are born to be a natural gay or lesbian. I believe that it’s more like a hormone imbalance. When a woman has too much testosterone, or a man too much estrogen, their feelings are altered by the imbalance, causing them to think irrationally or in a different way than what is normal. Not only does the chemical imbalance come into play, but also your surroundings. If you surround yourself with homosexual activity, the likelihood of you, yourself, becoming gay is very high, considering the fact that it’s all you really ‘know’ to be ‘normal’. Given this knowledge, I firmly believe that you can cure being gay or lesbian…it’s just that some choose not to and I don’t really understand why when being gay is such an unnatural part of life. It’s funny to joke around about, but when it comes down to actually being that way, I’d have to say that it’s not a joke anymore, especially in Asia--and especially if you’re famous.
Anyway, as I was saying, Junsu led us to Homotown, Japan and we were all sort of looking at each other in fear, trying to figure out if we should stick around or not. Yunho was the one who piped up first, saying we should just walk around for a bit and maybe we could find some nice shops or some good food, since it was around lunch and I was about to shrivel up at how fucking hungry I was. I remember us all stepping forward tentatively, unsure if someone would recognize us and report it in the news or if we were about to get kidnapped and gang-raped by some gay mafia. It ended up not being so bad, despite the cloud rigid nervousness and tension that loomed over us as we walked around the area.
Needless to say, we didn’t spend much time there. However, it would be about a year and a half later when Yunho and Yoochun went back to that very same neighborhood to fetch sweet little Junsu’s birthday gift: a t-shirt proudly displaying a print that read, “Sorry Girls, I’m Gay!”
To this day, he still hasn’t lived it down. And it’s usually Yoochun and myself making sure that he remembers that day for the rest of his life. Oh, and that he’s got a gigantic ass, because it’s always fun to see him get flustered over that.
“Changmin? What are you doing?” A sleepy voice grumbled behind me suddenly. I smiled and turned around to see the owner of the monumental ass I was just thinking of. I smiled wider, thinking about how strangely innocent he looked clad in a tank top, flannel sleeping pants and his eyeglasses with his hair sticking up in every direction.
“Junsu-ah,” I smiled and waved my hand, signaling him to come closer. He paused at the door, slipped on a pair of slippers and then stood next to me. “I’m just enjoying the view.”
“At almost four in the morning? We have a flight to catch tomorrow, remember? You should be sleeping.” He shivered when the breeze hit us unexpectedly and I watched him rub his hands over his bare arms before wrapping an arm around him.
“Ah, I was just thinking about a few things,” He looked up at me with concern. “Nothing bad, I assure you. Just about our pre-debut days and the day we got lost in Japan.” He chuckled softly, pushing the bridge of his glasses up with his index finger before looking out at the city before us. “I’m sure you remember it-especially since you took us to gay-topia.”
“I swear I didn’t mean it!” He squealed quietly, not wanting to wake the other members. I just laughed, squeezing his shoulder and holding him tighter. “You’re just mad that I almost discovered your secret of being gay.”
“I think you’re confusing me with someone else. Besides, even if, and that’s a huge if, I was gay, I’d have been cured by now.”
“Cured? What do you mean?”
“There’s a cure for it. You just need to re-balance the hormones, that’s all.”
“You really believe that, Changmin?” He seemed almost sad when he said it.
“There’s a cure for everything, Junsu. Just that some take longer to find than others.” He stayed quiet for moment, thinking about something. It seemed that he had wanted protest what I said about gays being curable, but instead he looked up at me completely innocent.
“You think there’s a cure for snarky brats?”
“Sure. It’s called a kick in the ass.” Without missing a beat, he lifted his leg up behind him and, of course, kicked me in the ass, which earned him a couple of pinches on his sides and one on his own butt, just for good measure.
“Man, what is it with you and my butt?”
“What can I say? It’s probably the fattest ass in all of Asia.”
“Asshole,” He laughed before giving me a swift, firm punch in the stomach. I laughed louder only because Junsu hardly cursed and it was quite amusing when he did. Junsu had grown up with a classy mother who never allowed ‘such language’ in the house. Even after being in DBSK for a while, he still wouldn’t curse and it was quite a rare occasion when he did. We stayed quiet again, captivated by the lights of the city once more.
“I can’t believe we got nominated in Korea. It’s been so long that I didn’t think they’d welcome us back so fast.” I turned to Junsu who was already looking at me and smiling.
“We’re lucky; we have such faithful, devoted fans. I’m sure they won’t let anyone forget about us. Even if we don’t win anything, the fact that we were nominated after being in Japan for so long is still amazing.”
“I know. I guess I’m just being a little paranoid I guess.”
“Well stop it. This is a good thing! You should be as happy as everyone else was when they heard the news!”
“I know, I am! Sheesh!” I smiled and ruffled his hair. Junsu just laughed and reached up to mirror my action.
“Come on, we’ve spent enough time out here. We should really be getting some sleep.” Junsu yawned loudly and walked towards the door to go inside…but not before giving me a firm, reassuring hug. It was exactly what I needed.
-Three days later-
-Mnet KM Music Festival Award Show-
-8:45 PM-
I shivered violently in my seat and brought my hands up to my mouth, breathing hot air onto them and covering my very bare chest. At that moment, I had instantly regretted making fun Yoochun’s wardrobe. It was only a little over an hour ago that I called the black fur around his neck every horrific animal in the book that had black fur. However, at this moment, gaudy accessory was now looking pretty damn stylish…and warm. I didn’t want to but I looked to my right to see Yoochun looking at me with the cheesiest smile on his face as he nuzzled the black fur that was wrapped tightly around his neck.
“So warm.” He cooed and chuckled quietly, stroking the fur and deliberately mocking me.
“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, asshole.” I grumbled, folding my arms close to me tightly. I found it completely annoying and thoroughly unnecessary that the people working the venue we were in felt the need to blast the air conditioner. It wasn’t even hot outside! What were they thinking? Oh, silly me, they obviously weren’t. However, I was starting to believe that maybe it was only me who was cold because when I looked over at Junsu (who was sitting in the row in front of me), he was just looking at the stage with anticipation; listening to the nominees for some category we weren’t nominated in. I looked to my left to see Yunho whispering something to Jaejoong. Jaejoong grinned and whispered something back before biting his lip gently. They were always doing shit like that, though. Especially when I was right smack in the middle of it. It’s like they enjoyed tossing the gay vibe around me, knowing full well that it wasn’t something I was very comfortable with. But it was different tonight. Jaejoong had asked me to switch seats with him and I completely obliged and I was glad I did because I just hated to be caught in the middle of their teasing. After few more minutes, it was the moment I had been waiting for: Album of the Year. My throat tightened and my heartbeat slowed down so much I could barely breathe. I noticed that I kept clapping to myself like an idiot the entire time after I had tried to warm up my hands. I looked over to my left again and Jaejoong and Yunho weren’t teasing each other anymore; they were dead silent, staring at the stage like it was going to bite their heads off. To my right, Yoochun was just biting his lip and Junsu was fidgeting like he had to pee.
And then I suddenly felt the urge to throw up. Oh my God, I was going to be sick. I hadn’t been so nervous in so long and the urge to vomit was just increasing with every minute that went by. I think I seriously almost barfed when I suddenly heard “Mirotic” blasting through the speakers in the auditorium. I stood up, still clapping while Yunho slung an arm over me and gave me a small hug before scooting out of the aisle.
Everything after that moment was a blur; I remember walking up to the podium where we received the award and I remember hearing Yunho’s voice booming throughout the venue. I don’t remember anything at all what was saying because I was so happy we won…
…that I started crying. Like a baby. Like a newborn baby. I couldn’t believe I started crying, but I was so fucking happy that I just couldn’t hold it in anymore. I felt that we were finally at the place that we had worked so hard to be. All our work and dedication finally paid off. I felt on top of world…unstoppable. It was an incredible feeling and the feeling of throwing up dissolved and was replaced with the strong urge to scream out in victory and complete happiness. I looked over to my right to see Jaejoong nodding towards me and Yoochun smiling, his eyes glazed over with tears that he was holding in surprisingly well, given how sensitive that guy is. He wrapped an arm around my waist and squeezed it before hugging me completely. Now I don’t remember much in those couple of minutes, but I’ll always remember the kind, comforting words he whispered in my ear as he hugged me:
“Dude, you’re such a bitch,” said the man who cries rivers for hungry kittens.
Once upon a time, I swore I’d never cry in front of our fans and now my fellow hyungs were now reminding me of that promise and how I had completely shattered it.
I wasn’t living this one down any time soon.
-11:07 PM-
The award show was finally over… and we were being dragged to an after party with the record executives. I was personally exhausted, especially after crying and performing that very intense dance number, but the executives weren’t taking no for an answer. As we were leaving and saying our ‘good-byes’ and formalities to fellow artists, producers, managers and event coordinators, my eyes somehow found Yunho and Jaejoong whispering to each other in the corner. I had just finished thanking and congratulating the Wondergirls as I walked over to Junsu, my eyes still locked on Yunho and Jaejoong.
“Look-you see what I see?” I pointed over to the corner to our two members whispering and smiling at each other. Jaejoong looked at Yunho with admiration as he leaned forward and put one hand on Yunho’s neck as he said something against his ear again. Yunho grabbed Jaejoong’s hand, kissed his palm and squeezed it tightly before walking back towards us with Jaejoong close behind.
“Hey, you guys. Ready to go?” Yunho asked, smiling from ear to ear-literally.
“Yeah. You guys done making out over there? You guys are so gay sometimes.”
It was the first time that everyone remained quiet after one of my sarcastic remarks. Yunho’s smile faltered as he looked over at Yoochun. Yoochun looked at Jaejoong. Jaejoong just shot a confused look at Junsu. Junsu gave me a look like my head was replaced with a horse head. I looked around at them, my eyes narrowing and then I suddenly laughed.
“It was a joke, you guys.” I grinned, a bit uncertain. A couple of beats later, everyone laughed and Yunho looked like he was about to pass out from laughing so much. It was seriously the strangest reaction I had ever gotten from them and as we were walking towards the awaiting limo, I suddenly had this weird feeling that I was missing out on something…
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Thank you everyone for being so patient with me!!!!!! <3 <3 I hope you enjoy this part!! It's funny because this whole week I was trying to write this part right and then it just suddenly clicked today!!! Oooh, now that we knew the views for the remaining members, things should be getting interesting now, ne?!!
Please enjoy!!!!!! ^___^ <3