In the end
I recently was feeling down about some old memories that were brought back to my attention.
I in the last year have gotten a wake up call of what someone who i thought was my friend would say to my "friends" and my "friends" never told me or believed. Until recently that the smart ones atleast come up to me and ask straight up what really went down. I never lie and I give me truth to the best of memorie can serve.
Looking back a lot of what went on seems a blurr because not to sound like a victim but when you trust someone fully and they take advantage of you and manipulate you and your life there is no other word for it. I recall making choices that I would have never done today and even if I would have I never understood why my life was under a microscope.
I will never be able to explain why I kept going back. So though its in the past and though I deal with real life shit Its a weight I've carried it feels like I lived in bubble of lies that someone created for me and I may never know what was real and what wasn't. I thought of writting the truth for all to see I thought many things that might help me and then I read something and I felt better and once again I feel free because I know I am Beautiful on the inside. I could die right now without any regret or fear because I know and believe with my very core that I've tried to always be kind and good. Misunderstood. bitchy at times but never with ill intent.
here it goes.
": ::I realized one day that who I am today is not who I was yesterday, and tomorrow is still yet to be revealed. That looking at myself and my life was like looking through a kaleidoscope. With each new turn and twist a new image is revealed. You are invited to turn the lens and get a glimpse of all the various facets of who i am, has been and can be.:: I never want my life to be boring. I want adventure . Life is short and there's so much to see and do, that I don't understand people who are content through their day-to-day in a mundane routine, each morning, noon & night, same as the one before. ::I believe, there must be a balance between the level of sacrifices, the regrets & the wrongs, and the rewards reaped from going for what you want. I am currently searching for that middle ground. And to make peace, with the fact that if other people can't handle you, can't appreciate you for who you are, then it's their problem, not yours. And ultimately, not to feel bad about who you are, because the only thing worth feeling down about, is that, these people are the ones missing out if they're not inclined to share a bit of life with you. I need to be more self-respecting & not to keep morphing myself to fit what will make others happy.:: ::Life is too short to worry about things you have no control over. That is why i live life to the fullest, you can't worry 'bout what people will think, or who is watching... you just gotta do things for you.. no one else will really matter in the end.:: .::Each morning I wake up and say to myself, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or .. you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood...Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or...I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it...Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or...I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life...::