It's funny...
It really, really is funny: I'm trying so hard to be more outgoing for my vet school career. I suppose I'm doing well. A handful of people have described me in various terms ammounting to "outgoing" or "friendly." The thing is, none of them know me from undergrad or high school, so they have no idea the strain this effort puts on me. And none of my friends from high school or undergrad get to see me, so they don't appreciate the scope of the change. The fact that two of them laughed when I tried to describe it speaks volumes (not that I hold it against you guys). In a way it's probably good; if other vet students had an appreciation for my natural social skills or my old friends were around, I'd probably have trouble keeping up the facade...which is what it is, really.
Ok, maybe that's not true. Maybe I am a social person who has simply never had the opportunity I currently do. Maybe it's just today that has me doubting myself.
I have two rather pathetic themes in my life...well, probably more, but none that directly apply to the extent as the following: I hate, HATE, calling people on the phone. I have this utterly irrational fear that, regardless of when I call them, it will be the wrong time. They will be in the middle of something, busy, not in a talkative mood, whatever. Then I always feel like, regardless of the depth or length of our friendship, they'll never want to talk to me again as a result of that inconvenience. Listen, I described the fear as irrational to begin with.
My other trend has to do with my relationships with attractive, intelligent young women. So there was Beth, who I eventually dated, got dumped by and then pretty much lost contact with. Then there was Lia, a near miss of sorts who met a great guy she is very happy with and who has remained my close friend. Heather, another near miss, is very happy with her current boyfriend of over a year and is probably my best friend at the moment. So you see, the crux of the problem is that with beautiful, intelligent women, my best case scenario is to not date them. And what the fuck, precisely, is the good in that?
So yeah, clearly I've met someone new who has stirred up all this crap. And she is very attractive, very smart (and more than a bit nerdy, which is cute), and fun beyond words to be around with, to name a few of her virtues. I'm extremely interested in her and we've spent a fair bit of time together, but she frustrates me to no end. She's a very affectionate person, so that completely screws my baseline for gauging interest. Plus, she keeps throwing out hints that she's not interested WHILE we're doing things together. So, it looks like I've become the guy-friend once more. It's probably a good thing for her...she'll no doubt meet the love of her life within the next few months...and as long as it isn't Micheal, I can deal with it. Meanwhile, what do I get out of it? One more amazing, wonderful girl...friend. And to add insult to injury, there seems to be a notion spreading around that we ARE an item, so whatever chances I have with other ladies in my class are all the more diminished.
And if I could just expand the scope of my bitching for a moment, I'd like to note the insanity of a notion many of the class of 2009 seem to share. Namely that members of the same class should not date. Okay, what is more convenient than a guy who obviously shares some interests with you and fully understands the schedule that you keep. How many guys will understand, "Honey, I'd like to do something tonight, but I have to review the abdominal viscera..."? Plus, there are THREE single guys in the class. So how absurd is it to single out three guys and say, "Out of the entire city, these are the ones that I definitely WON'T date."
And whenever I broach these points, the same counterpoint comes up: "Well, if he cheats on me, it would just make things akward." Where the hell does this expectation of infidelity come from? Can women not get to know a man well enough to judge his character? Plus, there are 107 people in the class, so even if a guy were to cheat on a woman (which still seems like an idiotic thing to do, in my opinion), she'd have 105 people with whom she could associate akwardness-free.
I'm just bothered that even with a single man to single woman ratio close to 1:20, my romantic outlook is still as bleak as ever.
Ok, maybe that's not true. Maybe I am a social person who has simply never had the opportunity I currently do. Maybe it's just today that has me doubting myself.
I have two rather pathetic themes in my life...well, probably more, but none that directly apply to the extent as the following: I hate, HATE, calling people on the phone. I have this utterly irrational fear that, regardless of when I call them, it will be the wrong time. They will be in the middle of something, busy, not in a talkative mood, whatever. Then I always feel like, regardless of the depth or length of our friendship, they'll never want to talk to me again as a result of that inconvenience. Listen, I described the fear as irrational to begin with.
My other trend has to do with my relationships with attractive, intelligent young women. So there was Beth, who I eventually dated, got dumped by and then pretty much lost contact with. Then there was Lia, a near miss of sorts who met a great guy she is very happy with and who has remained my close friend. Heather, another near miss, is very happy with her current boyfriend of over a year and is probably my best friend at the moment. So you see, the crux of the problem is that with beautiful, intelligent women, my best case scenario is to not date them. And what the fuck, precisely, is the good in that?
So yeah, clearly I've met someone new who has stirred up all this crap. And she is very attractive, very smart (and more than a bit nerdy, which is cute), and fun beyond words to be around with, to name a few of her virtues. I'm extremely interested in her and we've spent a fair bit of time together, but she frustrates me to no end. She's a very affectionate person, so that completely screws my baseline for gauging interest. Plus, she keeps throwing out hints that she's not interested WHILE we're doing things together. So, it looks like I've become the guy-friend once more. It's probably a good thing for her...she'll no doubt meet the love of her life within the next few months...and as long as it isn't Micheal, I can deal with it. Meanwhile, what do I get out of it? One more amazing, wonderful girl...friend. And to add insult to injury, there seems to be a notion spreading around that we ARE an item, so whatever chances I have with other ladies in my class are all the more diminished.
And if I could just expand the scope of my bitching for a moment, I'd like to note the insanity of a notion many of the class of 2009 seem to share. Namely that members of the same class should not date. Okay, what is more convenient than a guy who obviously shares some interests with you and fully understands the schedule that you keep. How many guys will understand, "Honey, I'd like to do something tonight, but I have to review the abdominal viscera..."? Plus, there are THREE single guys in the class. So how absurd is it to single out three guys and say, "Out of the entire city, these are the ones that I definitely WON'T date."
And whenever I broach these points, the same counterpoint comes up: "Well, if he cheats on me, it would just make things akward." Where the hell does this expectation of infidelity come from? Can women not get to know a man well enough to judge his character? Plus, there are 107 people in the class, so even if a guy were to cheat on a woman (which still seems like an idiotic thing to do, in my opinion), she'd have 105 people with whom she could associate akwardness-free.
I'm just bothered that even with a single man to single woman ratio close to 1:20, my romantic outlook is still as bleak as ever.