life
Saturday and Sunday it snowed. It was windy, and cold. Sunday I ran 5 miles in the biting.freezing.breezy.icy.chillingtothebone.cold. Okay, I think it was 34 degrees when I left at 3pm. But when I was a block away the snow began to fall. Luckily, that lasted for only five minutes because I really don't have any wet-proof running clothes yet. It was so cold. The wind was so cold, I honestly thought about turning around about 5 minutes in - to get a cap; but I thought that I'd chicken out and just sit down by the fire with a blanket and not go back out. About 8 minutes into my run it wasn't cold anymore anyway.
I wore gloves this time, so my fingers stayed warm instead of turning to icicles. I really don't mind running in the cold. It is much easier than running in the heat. I just have no tolerance for heat. It exhausts me entirely too much. In fact, I went to the gym last week and was planning on running 4 miles and stopped at 2.17 because I was entirely too hot and thirsty. And unmotivated I suppose, since I couldn't bring myself to finish the run. I used to really enjoy treadmill running, but now when I get tired I am like "what is the point? I just want to stop!". But ohhh, the gym was so hot!! I wanted to open the window! It is so much easier to run in the cold when my body doesn't have to work so hard at cooling itself down. Tonight I have to go to the gym because it gets too dark here and I am too scared to run in the dark. The roads are so black and the cars drive too fast on some of the country roads that I run on. Plus with the rain, mud, and ice (no ice right now though), it just seems a dangerous idea. Once I had a funny-guy aim his car directly at me until I chickened out and got off the road. He didn't swerve back to correct himself until he was very near me, and then he only straightened out enough so that he wouldn't fly off the road (and he had a huge evil grin on his face as he passed). Nice, eh. People amaze me. (Update: Went to the gym this night, and hid my mileage on the treadmill with my towel so as not to peek and want to quit way too early. Finally, I peaked and I had only run 2.28 miles! I wanted to quit! What? Not 4 yet? How could this be??! I paused and got off and got a drink. It is too hot in this gym! How did I ever run in the heat?? I wanted to quit every quarter of a mile. I wanted to quit so bad. I just kept looking for some sign that I needed to quit, but I know I can run more than 2 miles of course, and I couldn't walk away from the treadmill having only run 2 miles!!! So I stuck it out until the 4, but let me tell you I stopped right when that counter turned to 4.00!!!!! Actually, I walked for a quarter of a mile or so. But I didn't run more than I had to, that is for sure. Some days I can get to my goal and then say "okay, now I am going to run another half mile" - not last night. Done, done, doubly done. I went and stretched and did situps, and got the heck outta there.)
But I am not perfect either. Just recently I was reminded how imperfect I am when someone mentioned some gossip that had gone on about me. Wow, I forget that other people can talk about me too. Certainly, it has reminded me to love others more, judge their ways less, be a good example and not partake in gossip myself. How hurtful, especially when those things are untrue, words can be to our ears. And especially when you trust and love the people who say such awful things. They are only human too, as imperfect as I am. I forgive them, without them even knowing I know, but still I sit here amazed that people can be so two-faced. Gossip is a horrible act. Do I believe the person that told me? Is that person misguided and trying to win me over? How can I believe someone said something so horrible about me when I would never and have never said and done such things, and they never came to me with their woes?? Do I now go to them and try to clear all of this up? You think you know someone.... you think you know. But people are private within themselves to the core. I think that is why I tend to be such a bold person. I say what I feel and I say how I see it and I don't hide it. If someone doesn't like it, jeesh, they needn't go behind my back and say so! For goodness sake, there I was being bold and out there with my opinions in the first place. I just really don't have time for fake relationships in my life. I am not like that, and I never have been. I enjoy deep conversations about meaningful ideas and actions, and I don't need lip service. Tell me how you really feel because then we can truly connect, or disconnect. What is the point of being fake? We have one life to live. And you never know when that life will be gone. Why spend it keeping your mouth shut and talking behind the back of someone you pretend to care about? What a waste. I wonder if I am gossiping now, that I have said that someone told me that someone else said something about something that I have no way of ever really figuring out!
Speaking of not wasting time. The word around deployment is that it may be much sooner than late summer. They are supposed to go to NTC (National Training Center, Ft. Irwin, CA) in April. Before deployment they go to Ft. Irwin for 30 days for training. They pack up every supply that they would take during deployment, put it on the train and ship it out to CA. Then they go practice, then pack it all up, and come home. Then within 4 months they deploy. But they might be going to NTC now earlier. Who knows. Josh just got word today that he is supposed to be going to an FTX (field training exercise) 08 Dec - 18 Dec. What!! He just got that info today. This is our real life. It doesn't matter that this is our Christmas time. It doesn't matter that we didn't spend this season together last year. It doesn't matter that we won't spend it together next year because he'll be deployed. It doesn't matter that we might ever spend it together again if he doesn't come home from that deployment. All that matters is the mission. Sometimes I wish the mission were different... but this was our choice, Josh and I chose this way together, and so here we are living it. It is definitely hard at times. But so it goes for anyone who chooses to be dedicated to any career or job. Sometimes my heart isn't in it. I chose today though to be the point of contact caller person. That is not the official title, I just do not even remember what it is called. When/if something happens when the guys are deployed, the Family Group Readiness leader calls the point of contact caller person up and then that person calls all of those people and passes the news on: they're coming home, they're not coming home, they're deployed for 18 million more years... (ha). Choices, choices.
I got an email yesterday letting me know that the SkirtChaser dates are ready and set to go. I would love to do it in Tempe again. It is on February 14th. I am thinking that if by some chance Josh is in Ranger school over that time, then I should just drive out to Phoenix with the kids and do it. It would be fun to stick to a yearly competition. And he won't be here in 2010 in February so I could drive out for that one too. It was a really fun race and I was glad to be part of it. There are Ranger classes beginning January 1, February 1 and March 1 & 22. I think the only ones he would be able to do really anyway are the February 1 class because right now his NTC is set up for April (Ranger school is 8 weeks). I don't know how that would work.
Jenna is brushing Adam's hair with an electric Dora toothbrush right now, saying "Sir? Did you say to cut your sons hair?", to Luke. And then "Honey, honey! Sit still, let me cut your hair", and Adam is squealing because it tickles. And "honey! sit still, we have to get you ready for church", then Adam says in a baby voice "no! I don't want to go to church!", and then Jenna: "come on, they will tell you a story about Jesus!", and then Adam in baby voice, "no! I wanna go in yow choorch!". It goes on and on. And now Luke just picked up the toothbrush-hairshaver and is brushing his teeth with it. Not even joking. This is what happens when we don't do school I guess. Next year, I am planning to take off the entire month of December to get ready for Christmas. I have way too many projects on my list of "to do", and it doesn't seem like enough time to get it all done!
I wore gloves this time, so my fingers stayed warm instead of turning to icicles. I really don't mind running in the cold. It is much easier than running in the heat. I just have no tolerance for heat. It exhausts me entirely too much. In fact, I went to the gym last week and was planning on running 4 miles and stopped at 2.17 because I was entirely too hot and thirsty. And unmotivated I suppose, since I couldn't bring myself to finish the run. I used to really enjoy treadmill running, but now when I get tired I am like "what is the point? I just want to stop!". But ohhh, the gym was so hot!! I wanted to open the window! It is so much easier to run in the cold when my body doesn't have to work so hard at cooling itself down. Tonight I have to go to the gym because it gets too dark here and I am too scared to run in the dark. The roads are so black and the cars drive too fast on some of the country roads that I run on. Plus with the rain, mud, and ice (no ice right now though), it just seems a dangerous idea. Once I had a funny-guy aim his car directly at me until I chickened out and got off the road. He didn't swerve back to correct himself until he was very near me, and then he only straightened out enough so that he wouldn't fly off the road (and he had a huge evil grin on his face as he passed). Nice, eh. People amaze me. (Update: Went to the gym this night, and hid my mileage on the treadmill with my towel so as not to peek and want to quit way too early. Finally, I peaked and I had only run 2.28 miles! I wanted to quit! What? Not 4 yet? How could this be??! I paused and got off and got a drink. It is too hot in this gym! How did I ever run in the heat?? I wanted to quit every quarter of a mile. I wanted to quit so bad. I just kept looking for some sign that I needed to quit, but I know I can run more than 2 miles of course, and I couldn't walk away from the treadmill having only run 2 miles!!! So I stuck it out until the 4, but let me tell you I stopped right when that counter turned to 4.00!!!!! Actually, I walked for a quarter of a mile or so. But I didn't run more than I had to, that is for sure. Some days I can get to my goal and then say "okay, now I am going to run another half mile" - not last night. Done, done, doubly done. I went and stretched and did situps, and got the heck outta there.)
But I am not perfect either. Just recently I was reminded how imperfect I am when someone mentioned some gossip that had gone on about me. Wow, I forget that other people can talk about me too. Certainly, it has reminded me to love others more, judge their ways less, be a good example and not partake in gossip myself. How hurtful, especially when those things are untrue, words can be to our ears. And especially when you trust and love the people who say such awful things. They are only human too, as imperfect as I am. I forgive them, without them even knowing I know, but still I sit here amazed that people can be so two-faced. Gossip is a horrible act. Do I believe the person that told me? Is that person misguided and trying to win me over? How can I believe someone said something so horrible about me when I would never and have never said and done such things, and they never came to me with their woes?? Do I now go to them and try to clear all of this up? You think you know someone.... you think you know. But people are private within themselves to the core. I think that is why I tend to be such a bold person. I say what I feel and I say how I see it and I don't hide it. If someone doesn't like it, jeesh, they needn't go behind my back and say so! For goodness sake, there I was being bold and out there with my opinions in the first place. I just really don't have time for fake relationships in my life. I am not like that, and I never have been. I enjoy deep conversations about meaningful ideas and actions, and I don't need lip service. Tell me how you really feel because then we can truly connect, or disconnect. What is the point of being fake? We have one life to live. And you never know when that life will be gone. Why spend it keeping your mouth shut and talking behind the back of someone you pretend to care about? What a waste. I wonder if I am gossiping now, that I have said that someone told me that someone else said something about something that I have no way of ever really figuring out!
Speaking of not wasting time. The word around deployment is that it may be much sooner than late summer. They are supposed to go to NTC (National Training Center, Ft. Irwin, CA) in April. Before deployment they go to Ft. Irwin for 30 days for training. They pack up every supply that they would take during deployment, put it on the train and ship it out to CA. Then they go practice, then pack it all up, and come home. Then within 4 months they deploy. But they might be going to NTC now earlier. Who knows. Josh just got word today that he is supposed to be going to an FTX (field training exercise) 08 Dec - 18 Dec. What!! He just got that info today. This is our real life. It doesn't matter that this is our Christmas time. It doesn't matter that we didn't spend this season together last year. It doesn't matter that we won't spend it together next year because he'll be deployed. It doesn't matter that we might ever spend it together again if he doesn't come home from that deployment. All that matters is the mission. Sometimes I wish the mission were different... but this was our choice, Josh and I chose this way together, and so here we are living it. It is definitely hard at times. But so it goes for anyone who chooses to be dedicated to any career or job. Sometimes my heart isn't in it. I chose today though to be the point of contact caller person. That is not the official title, I just do not even remember what it is called. When/if something happens when the guys are deployed, the Family Group Readiness leader calls the point of contact caller person up and then that person calls all of those people and passes the news on: they're coming home, they're not coming home, they're deployed for 18 million more years... (ha). Choices, choices.
I got an email yesterday letting me know that the SkirtChaser dates are ready and set to go. I would love to do it in Tempe again. It is on February 14th. I am thinking that if by some chance Josh is in Ranger school over that time, then I should just drive out to Phoenix with the kids and do it. It would be fun to stick to a yearly competition. And he won't be here in 2010 in February so I could drive out for that one too. It was a really fun race and I was glad to be part of it. There are Ranger classes beginning January 1, February 1 and March 1 & 22. I think the only ones he would be able to do really anyway are the February 1 class because right now his NTC is set up for April (Ranger school is 8 weeks). I don't know how that would work.
Jenna is brushing Adam's hair with an electric Dora toothbrush right now, saying "Sir? Did you say to cut your sons hair?", to Luke. And then "Honey, honey! Sit still, let me cut your hair", and Adam is squealing because it tickles. And "honey! sit still, we have to get you ready for church", then Adam says in a baby voice "no! I don't want to go to church!", and then Jenna: "come on, they will tell you a story about Jesus!", and then Adam in baby voice, "no! I wanna go in yow choorch!". It goes on and on. And now Luke just picked up the toothbrush-hairshaver and is brushing his teeth with it. Not even joking. This is what happens when we don't do school I guess. Next year, I am planning to take off the entire month of December to get ready for Christmas. I have way too many projects on my list of "to do", and it doesn't seem like enough time to get it all done!